Iām F23 and, just broken up. (CAUSE I FINALLY HAD IT) ATP I just gonna K/word myself.. with the amount of burn out Iām feeling. I genuinely need an outside perspective because Iām starting to question my own judgment.
The latest incident was honestly so stupid that I donāt even know how it became this big.
Everything was normal until, I didnāt realise a vital point of a picture shared by my Ex in his story. It was a Muslim cemetery of his grandma. His friend pointed it out, and she also said she didnāt remember him ever telling us that part of his family was Muslim. ( I had his ig.. so i Just saw the messages)
So I called him and said, āI genuinely donāt remember you telling me this. Did you?ā
I wasnāt accusing him. I was genuinely confused and honestly felt bad, how come I didnāt notice? I actually write down important things he tells me because I have a terrible memory, and I even had a note saying his father was Christian. So I was wondering how I could have completely missed something this important.
He got extremely angry.
He said Iām always like this, always pinpointing his actions and accusing him, and that Iām always the problem for forgetting shits I say. He called me names again, despite previously promising he wouldnāt do that anymore.
Then he said I provoke him and make him behave that way.
What hurts is that Iāve always been understanding with him. He has forgotten things Iāve told him before too, and I never attacked him over it. I laughed it off.
But I admit Iāve become reactive over time. I wasnāt always like this. I became this way after seeing things I shouldnāt have seen and finding out things that made me question him. He has cheated before, and Iāve forgiven him. Iāve given him chances, tried to understand him, and repeatedly tried to repair things.
There have also been arguments where he told me he would ārevengeā me and do the same things back to me. Another time he told me, āYou wait and see. Iāll be more successful than you, then youāll regret it.ā
But the above he said after I asked break up then too.. because I called him out for joking about smtg that was not funny to me.
Whenever I react to something now, somehow the conversation ends up being about how my reaction is the real problem, rather than what caused me to react in the first place.
After this latest argument, he ignored me the entire day. He told me I was insensitive, that Iām always a problem, and that he wouldnāt bother about me anymore.
The next morning, he texted me like nothing happened:
āDid you finish my CV?ā
I honestly felt like⦠are you serious?
You just told me Iām a horrible person and that youāre done bothering about me, and now youāre casually asking me to do something for you?
Iām tired. Iāve forgiven him for things I never thought I would forgive. I know Iām not perfect and I know Iāve become more reactive. But I also feel like I wasnāt this person before the relationship gave me reasons to constantly question things.
So Reddit, please be honest with me.
Am I actually the toxic/problematic one here? Am I overreacting? Or have I been manipulated into constantly questioning myself?
Iām not looking for people to blindly take my side. I genuinely want to know if Iām the asshole?