I saw a meme that said "every one should ask the women in their lives how old they were, the first time they felt objectified or uncomfortable around a man, but no one is prepared for the answer".
I also had the public park experience at 11, ridiculous how common this crap is. Now they can do it from the privacy of their own homes because of the internet.
I was young enough to be playing in mud in front of my house. That’s when my neighbor walked by and stuck his hand down my shirt because he wanted to ‘see what’s down there.’ I was maybe 7 or 8.
Assaulted twice before 2nd grade, 5x before hitting high school age, countless harassment and unsafe situations, r*ped twice (14 and 25). I remember first and last name for every assault. I remember my friend who dropped out of school and basically life at age 13 after impregnation by a 35 year-old. I remember my friend at age 12 showing a bruise on her breast from a grown man who worked at the main store in our tiny town. And another classmate who seemed weirdly sexual at a young age but surprise surprise, was being raped by her stepfather. My own mother crying when she found her old elementary school photos and seeing her face covered in herpes from abuse that happened earlier in her childhood.
Sometimes I wonder why I freeze up around men I don't know, why I'm so "dysfunctional"...then I un-disassociate from my own damn memories and realize that it's a valid reaction, honestly.
I'm a dad to a 7yo girl and really struggle to imagine letting her be put into these conditions and situations to have any of those outcomes. We've got a classmates dad who gives a pretty off vibe (very overly friendly, very pushy) who we keep her away from.
Sorry you experienced all that awful traumatic shit.
A lot of the time you can think you are not letting her be put into those situations but most of the time abuse comes from inside your own family. Or with people you trust wholeheartedly. Ask me how I know 😇 my mother cried and cried thinking she had protected me as a young girl from dangerous situations when I told her that they had found me anyways.
What situations? Going to the store, going to school? There's a lot you can do to protect her, but good and cautious parents still have bad things happen to their kids.
Letting her be put into what conditions? No offence, but this is just regular life for a sickeningly large amount of women and girls worldwide. The problem isn’t “situations” — it’s men.
You can keep her away from one man, but you can’t keep her away from all of them. Are you going to focus on having her avoid individual men or will you admit that this is a problem with men in general?
What a dumb reply. We can only do what we can do. Educate your children about situations and honestly discuss these things with your family. But you can go ahead and try to change men writ large.
It’s not really ’situations’, it’s just life for women. My abuser was a trusted adult that was around all the time, and no one was the wiser. The way you can help is by calling out men’s shitty behaviour, and do it loudly and publicly. Embarrass them. But it will take other men standing up to them to listen.
I have a 3 year old, I also worry about my son. My sister was r*&ed in the next room when I was 8 and I could do nothing. That won't happen with my kids, the world would shudder to my reaction and evil would go back into their shadows for that single moment. It would be just a single lesson
Thanks. I still remember clearly it was two 80+ year old men being extremely lewd towards me (I'll spare the details) in front of the video store and my mom yanked me close to her and yelled, "Not on your fucking life".
I can't even count how many times men would seek me out to give me money as a child (~$1, sometimes a quarter; this was the 80s) just to try to touch me.
Anyway, it's just terrible how it starts at such a young age for most women.
I was 11, I was playing with my little brother while waiting for my dad to come out of the bank. A man came up to me and grabbed my chest. I was completely innocent and had no idea what he was doing, I wasn't even really aware of my boobs until that day, and I distinctly remember not understanding what he wanted. My dad chased him off.
11 years old I was a cheerleader at a football game and the 70 something yo grandfather of one of the “popular” boys in my small hometown came up behind me, put his chin on my shoulder, and whispered in my ear “Ya know what reallyyyy gets a man going? Warm titties against his back.” Then he walked off and gave me a wink.
Ask me how 26 years later I lie in bed at night angry at MYSELF for being so stupid in the moment. I remember it being the first time I didn’t want to be in my body anymore. Fkn pervert.
Please don't be angry at yourself. What smart thing could you have done? What stupid thing did you do? As an 11 year old shocked by an old man the answer to both questions is "nothing."
You don't deserve any bit of the blame for that interaction.
I'm very confident that she knows that, logically. Unfortunately, the mind and body tend not to work entirely logically and the logical part is generally slower to catch up. That's why we can continue to have reactions later on in life and, immediately after, feel depressed and self-hateful that we still do, even though we know full well that we were blameless.
How much happier would so many lives be if that trauma-learned instinct could be switched off forever?
10-11 years old by myself on a crowded subway, packed in like sardines. A man behind me kept “accidentally” bumping his crotch into my back. Even as a little girl I knew that was no coincidence. I looked back at him and I’ll never forget the smug grin he had on his face.
I remember waiting for the subway (as a 7 yr old) with just my sister (who was 9yrs- it was the 90s when kids had more freedom and we’d have to catch a bus and subway to school) and this older man just pulled his pants down and stared at us in the eyes, with his erection , and just stood there, knowing he was terrifying us and we were frozen.
There is this subsection of men who turn into open pervs as soon as they hit middle age, openly takling aloud about who around them they wanna have sex with, who has the biggest boobs, and all that creepy shit. It is so weird. Do they become that or do they just not grow out of their puberty phase?
Was also about 11. Me and my friend hanging out after school, in our school uniforms. Van driver honks and jeers at us as he drives past. Can't remember exactly what he said, but I remember feeling disgusted and terrified. He pulled over just past us, and as his door started to open me and my friend just booked it as fast as we could in the opposite direction.
3 and it was my father :(, sadly younger for my sister due to her father (and we have different fathers!). It’s also sexist af that some people would say we probably have daddy issues when it’s our fathers who sucked as people, not us.
didnt realize it until i got older but my first semi sexual encounter was with an old man in a public pool when i was like 4-5 years old. feels weird to even type out. he was a family friend too
Shuddering over here. My teenage cousin “helped me” out of my bath when I was around 4 or 5 ish
Later as a teen at a sleepover one of her older brother’s friends snuck into the room while we were sleeping. His creepy beer breath whispering “kiss me” in my ear as he held my chin forcing my face towards his. Bleh
Then there was all the ass grabbing, cat calls and the never ending so ons ..
I've been doing that for years. Specifically, my question is "how old were you the first time you received sexual attention from an adult?" I've asked women of all ages, 20s to 90s. I've never gotten an answer that was older than 12, and the ratio of women who have given a number under 5 is... disheartening.
My answer is 13. And I am not physically attractive. Which is probably why it took to 13 for a strange trucker at a truck stop to come up to me and tell me that I was a real woman, and that men in his country like their women round, and that he doesn't understand why men in America like their women skinny.
I’m an oddity…I don’t remember getting sexual attention from adults until about 18/19. I was very sexual early on too…maybe because my dad and older brothers were around a lot or because I was an introvert but I never really noticed adults being that way with me
I’m enjoying that after the trend of asking women on the street Man or Bear a lot of those guys switched to, “if all the men disappeared who would protect you.”
Yup. I don't recall my age the first time, but I was in elementary school when grown adult men started making incredibly gross comments about my long legs. 🤮 I was tall for my age, but definitely still an obvious child. It made me uncomfortsble because they always seemed to have a certain tone that was gross. So much so that I refused to wear shorts or skirts until I was in my 30s and decided I could handle making men regret their unwanted "compliments".
Did this with a group of women and a lot of us said like 2-3rd grade because thats when we were old enough to walk a short distance to school without adults (usually not alone but with other kids)
Yeah my mom had to wait for the school bus in Queens, New York in the 1970s and 80s and there were so many pedophiles driving past the bus stops and saying vile shit to kids.
Im more disturbed that it became significantly less common after I turned 18. Great that I dont have to deal with that anymore but why did I have to deal with it as a kid :/ more then as an adult?...
Mine was at 9years old my gymnastics coach saw me eating a bagel before practice and made sure to sit next to me and give me this big lecture that bagels will make me fat and nobody likes someone fat. I’ve had disordered eating since that time.
I was maybe in 4th or 5th grade and I was getting taller and thinner and there is a very distinct memory that I felt really uncomfortable about what happened but didn’t process it until I understood what these Senior basketball players who were helping couch meant by what they said.
I played sports: baseball since I was 5 and they didn’t have a girls softball team til later. I was in the middle of two brothers we were all close in age May of 77 to September of 80. Three of us all competitive. My Dad coached I was decent but I was typically lumped in with the older team (again bc my Dad coached..
I also played basketball, so did my brothers we had a hoop in the driveway. Games would get heated. And I was also a cheerleader.
Anyways that’s the background.
The incident:
During a basketball practice these seniors were making comments directed toward me. I was on a co-ed team, again with my older brother (only 15 months apart so it just always happened I was with the older kids.
During on of the drills I hear these seniors tell the coach, if she’s this feisty now imagine her in a few years and they just started laughing and the one said “I would be interested in finding out”
I am 10 or 11 and had not gone through puberty yet. My height jump was in no way related I was taken by my Nana to get a training bra even though I was flat chested.
Anyways, I felt uncomfortable and didn’t understand the implications because I was sheltered and premarital sex is a sin!
Anyways, when that click I had already been objectified enough times to understand when that memory came back.
It’s a core memory and I now can a lot this shit a mile away.
This drunk guy is a fucking creep and is trying to touch her and invading her personal space. There a part where he gets so close and does try to touch her with his hip but she moves away because she is now on guard and has to watch this loser instead of being a child.
Someone here said oh he was drunk and he just wondered off.
Get a grip people he was targeting her his body language is clear. If you watch his neck you can see he is definitely aware of her.
Once the Dad stepped in yes he realized he had been caught and then miraculously he keeps his distance and then leaves to find his next victim.
And don’t say any bullshit like he was trying to get space. He was clearly aware he almost bumped her and made no movement to give space and look to dance elsewhere.
I was 9 the first time, but it was actually a woman. We had placed an ad in the paper to sell puppies (totally aging myself) and a woman called to ask about them. She asked if they liked to give kisses, then describe to a child where she would like them to kiss her. I totally froze, then screamed for my mom. She filed a police report (we did have caller ID), but nothing came of it. The second time was my grandma’s husband, when I was 11ish? We always just walked into the house, until one day he screamed at me that you should never just walk into someone’s house because what if he and grandma were having sex on the counters? Many more, but that and an assistant manager at McDonalds asking if I wanted to play “Bill and Monica” when I was 16 are the ones that stand out.
I threw up regularly and had gastrointestinal problems. The man carried me to bed regularly when I fell asleep watching the TV and he's creeping in all my childhood photos in the background.
The daughter of my ex-girlfriend's cousin will only use the trampoline or the swimming pool in the family's backyard if the older man living next door isn't at home... and whenever he is home, she never goes into the backyard unless her mom or dad go outside with her. Too many inappropriate comments from the neighbor after he's had too much to drink.
I think old mates inebriated in this video not that it excuses anything but girl uncomfortable yes man predator i think is a big stretch based on this video and id go as far as to suggest both the guy would’ve otherwise been cognisant that the father was there dancing with her and dad himself would’ve wrecked his shit if there was anything truly happening.
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u/Scottish-Fox 6d ago
You can actually see the moment the little girls heart is no longer in it. Madness