This is based on my own experience alone, and I'm probably gonna sound crazy for this...

I've been assaulted countless times growing up, but never officially experienced rape (aside from one questionable memory??) until 2 years ago. Up until that point, it was my biggest fear. I was literally looking over my shoulder all the time, worried someone would take it too far. I'd have nightmares and panic attacks that caused me to isolate all the time. But once it happened, I was almost relieved. Don't get me wrong, I'm still living in hell because of what she did, and I'd kill for it to have gone any other way. But my worst fear coming true made me realize I could not only make my own bad/dangerous decisions, but I could SURVIVE them. Going through that made me reach out to a community I never new I could have, and feel more in control than I expected. What happened still haunts me, and I doubt I'll ever feel safe with someone like that for a long time ( if ever again). But knowing life can still move on, I can get my dream job, move into my own place, make friends, and keep moving forward makes me feel an odd sense of relief. Now, if it happens again Imma just 💀, but it hasn't and I'm alive so yay 🎉 ig. The anticipation and experience itself was worse than recovery, even when I have bad days. I know I can make it out alive

I feel crazy for feeling this way, but idk. I just had to say it out loud.

22F. I recently moved to NYC and was sexually assaulted by a guy I knew.

I told him no multiple times. He forcefully tried to perform oral sex on me, repeatedly used his fingers on me for a long time even though I was uncomfortable and in pain, and made me feel like I was being difficult when I asked him to stop. He also told me we couldn’t sleep until he finished. Later, I woke up and realized he was masturbating on me without my consent.

He also told me things like “if two people are drunk, it’s consenting” and that I should consider myself lucky to be raped because it meant I was attractive enough.

I went to the ER afterward and have been getting support from social workers and therapy.

I don’t know what to do now. I want to report him because I’m scared he could do this to someone else, but he’s wealthy and “successful,” and I’m scared I won’t be believed or taken seriously. I’m also terrified of everything that comes with reporting and having to relive what happened.

We were laying on the bed together, we kissed once before they started making out with me. Sometimes we have a makeout sesh and thats it. Before they started grinding against me, and i have been raped and sexually assaulted before- they usually ask, but this time they didnt and i froze, not moving. They continued until we both finished. And yes, i went along with it eventually cus i felt i had to. But i thought we qere just cuddlinh.

The other day, they stucj their hand down my pants and tried to finger my butt- even thoigh i have previously mentioned many times that this is a major no, as it happened when i was raped before. Then they touched my vagina throigh my clothes twice when they were truing to sleep...they said that it was an accident- but im not sure anymore. What is this? Is this rape?

I went out to meet a girl I was interested in possibly dating. We had a good time and were talking quite a while. She later got me to partake in smoking weed with her (for context I hate smoking in general hate the way it feels) and after I was too impaired to drive so I stayed over.
She ended up touching me and honestly I don’t remember a lot (I rarely do when I’m high) but we had sex that night. We ended up hooking up a few time after that (every-time I was high) and after a while we started dating. She was usually uninterested in me when I wasn’t high.

I ended up being abused and pressured into a lot of things I wasn’t super sure on. I found out that she was cheating on me and had a fiancé.

I didn’t think it was non consensual at the time, but I’ve been thinking about anyone else in that situation and concluded that I would consider them not able to consent. I don’t remember a lot since we dated for a while. I just don’t understand why it’s hard to put emotions to it or know/feel like I’ve been raped.

I (m22) was raped a few nights ago at a house party off-campus. I'm a senior in college. I don't remember her name, as I was very drunk at the time. I want something to be done, but I don't remember her name. What can/should I do?

Does anyone else have nights that they just hate. It's like too much and too hard to sleep?

I got drunk for the first time last night and woke up with evidence that my stepdad did things to me

I (19f) don't drink. Like ever. I'm the "goody two-shoes" in my friend group. Straight A's, never broke curfew, still a virgin.

But yesterday I got into my dream college and my mom bought champagne to celebrate. She had one glass and went to bed early. I kept drinking because I was happy and stupid and didn't know my limit. I was giggling, spinning, telling my stepdad (married to my mom for 3 years) that he was "the coolest dad ever." I remember him helping me to the couch and bringing me water.

Back in March, I woke up to my ex-boyfriend having sex with me while I was asleep. This was never something we had discussed and was very shortly after I opened up to him about past traumas. We had attempted to remain civil after, and even had a brief (like less than two week) period of being somewhat friends (we had mutual friends and I didn’t want to cause any waves). That ended shortly after he made it clear that he didn’t actually understand what he had done to me. I wanted to start therapy because I could tell it had greatly affected me more than i let on (panic attacks, flashbacks, etc). I’m not in a financial place to do so myself, and I didn’t want to put that burden on my parents. My compromise was to have him pay for it through a legally admissible contract that we drafted and both signed. This was also my way of getting retribution for what he had done, as he and his family are in more than an okay financial state to do so. He then, and his friend that we were coordinating with, both went completely ghost on me. My next semester has started and I’m realizing how much not getting that retribution affected me and how scared I am of simply being on campus and the fear of running into him. My main question is trying to figure out what I should do about this- I can go through my school and have a civil case drawn up, where he may need to pay me back or pay in the future, but i don’t want that to be twisted into me just wanting money. I’m also scared of going to the police in fear of having to relive everything, and the possibility of them not taking me seriously because we were dating and we had attempted to remain friends after. At the same time, I have so much documentation, verbal, written, testimonies, etc that would, theoretically, make this case a walk in the park. I’m just paralyzed at the moment, and feel slightly guilty. Any advice is appreciated :)

I was raped 5 years ago as a virgin and it was midnight and I wanted to go home and a guy saw me we were originally from the same country and he spoke to me in my language

He offered to bring me home and I sat behind him he was riding a scooter, he then went through a dark park I asked why are u here?

He then dragged me off i remember a bench and he forced himself on me I was numb didn't even make a noise or screamed for help, he screamed oh my God you're a virgin I said it hurts he then thank God stopped and said then go on your knees and s××ck it like a lollipop

Then he was finished brought me back to the location and I took the bus home completely 😲 😯 😮 🫨

The weird thing was if he was standing in front of me I would not recognise him

I am a 17F, i have never told anyone about this before because of the fear of what my parents will do to him as my dad is short tempered.When i was 9 i went to my cousin's (19 yr old) house to play with him and we went inside his room.He asked me whether i wanted to do this cool exercise and me being a dumb kid said yes, then he told me to lay on his bed in a plank position everything was fine until now but then suddenly he came on top of me and told me stay still and count till 20 and after i am done counting till 20 to go in like a mountain position. I didn't know or understand why he told me to do it but i did it. Then i felt him moving and his penis rubbing on my butt (basically dry humping) it felt very weird so i went into the mountain pose because he said that after that it will stop but he said no count till 20 first and continued doing it. After going into that pose again it felt so weird because i could feel his penis poking but i didn't know that its wrong.

After this incident i never went into his room again.I never told about this to my parents because i thought they won't believe me and even if they do i don't have any proof.

I was sexually abused as a child for years by a family friend, he would come over, get drunk and assault me and it caused me to be very reluctant to do sexual activities. In any sexual situation I have to be the one in control and the other person mustn't reciprocate anything to me, I should preface this by mentioning that I'm a lesbian so dynamics and positions etc. Clearly differs. It was even difficult to eat people out at first because of the on the knees position etc. It ruining my sex life. I feel like this also leaves questions and a gap of trust in relationships slightly because partners in the past have asked why and I didn't want to give an answer. I find it difficult to trust people and I think I can handle my own problems for the most part but I'm described as closed off. I would like to be able to tell people about the abuse but I hate people pitying me and I hate the idea of partners being scared of triggering me during sex and stuff like that, I also don't know how to bring it up and I'm scared of people seeing me as less of a protector since ig I'm more masc idc for labels and since I worked hard to be respected and seen as powerful, strong and capable as a woman and that will falter that image of me and I also don't want people feeling the need to check up on me especially a future girlfriend.

(I feel like the title misleads a little, I have sex but I don't let anyone do anything to me and I didn't have a specific word to describe that.)

I'll just preface this by saying i don't know If this was rape , so free feel to point out if it wasn't. I know people have had way worse experiences and i sort of feel guilty for getting myself into this situation in the first place.

I just needed to get this off my chest, i told my friends but no authority figure in my life about this, because i feel guilty and i don't even know if it was assault because i still had cared for this person. I was trying out for a new job, it was i think my third day of practicing on the job site, and someone else was showing me around. The person who was doing this job prior to me coming there, to be precise. And he did make some out of pocket comments but i didn't think much of it because he had worked there for a year and i honestly sort of looked up to him. So up to this point i trusted him.

I do blame myself for trusting him.

He did mention that the job was very demanding for him, and that it kind of messed him up. He also made a joke about my grip strength. Which i found amusing at the time but i still didn't know that's where it was going.

At the end of the shift, he asked where i was. And i said i was going home. Now i know this was very stupid of me, but he asks to take me. I guess i should've asked for more details. I ended up getting in his car, he locked the doors, and everything seemed fine for a while before he started pinching my arm. Then pinching my thigh. And afterwards asking if i liked it amidst him driving at the same time. I didn't say much then. I remember saying something like i don't know. He asks it again and i sort of nod. He doesn't mention a word about what he's doing. And we end up getting to a secluded place. Obviously the doors are locked, I'm in the middle of nowhere, with a coworker that i never really thought would do this even with all of these signs. I should've said something sooner maybe. Because i was too scared to not comply with him later when he started to undress me. He did ask "are you okay" to which i said yes. But i never explicitly said yes to wanting to have sex. I'm a virgin, and in my mind honestly this wasn't even a possibility, so i just felt shocked. I know it sounds weird. But i just end up following along because i don't know what else to do. I literally had to remind him to wear a condom after he put it in anyways. I hoped he would stop, i just wasn't all there. He knew i was scared because he pointed it out, and i was shaking a little and by that point sweating. He still did it. He told me not to tell anyone at work and afterwards said "i bet you regret getting in this car with me now." To which i said "yeah, i don't know why i trust you." I didn't say this confidently and i don't even know why i said it, i was just scared and wanted to cling onto anyone. The next day i had to buy birth control because I'm well aware any contact without a condom even for a short duration could end terribly. Throughout it all, i kept it to myself, i didn't tell anyone anything, and i quit the job practice the next day.

I don't know what to do, or what this was, or how to feel.

He was 25, i was 18.

the office told me i would be starting therapy today but instead they paired me with a crisis counselor who had an airpod in and forgot my name mid session. she was also pressuring me to press charges and i really didn’t appreciate it, walked out. i feel fucking hopeless, i don’t have the money to find another therapist. i took a week off of work because i keep crying in front of my coworkers and i know everyone thinks i’m crazy. even my best friend got really cold with me last night. everyone is expecting me to get over it when it only happened two weeks ago. i’m so tired of this, i’ll never be taken seriously i can’t fucking take it anymore

I'm 17F and I've been having lessons with an equestrian coach for a few years now.

In the last few months it was sexual comments that made me uncomfortable. Over time the behaviour became more physical and eventually it has progressed to sex.

I didn't want the sex. I felt pressured into it and I'm struggling to understand what happened because the situation developed gradually over quite a long period of time.

I'm also confused because he was someone I trusted in a position where physical contact can sometimes be normal which made it harder for me to know when things had crossed a line.

when i was 12, i was raped by my bf 17. I just started 7th grade and some of my classmates introduced me to discord and group chats where i met my bf. He was older, but my friends persuaded me that age is just a number and it's very rare for an older guy to like me. in the philippines i was considered as the weird kid in class since i only play with my phone and chatted with my online bf, let's call him Uno. I thought hes just gonna be an online friend forever but when we talked about the topic of where we lived, he was just actually near my school. After a few months of hanging out afterclass, he asked me to come to his house, since nobody was home and he said he was only going to rest for a while and eventually we will go to the mall. We finally went to his house and as i sat in their couch, he was pushing me that he wants to go upstairs since the air conditioner in his bedroom was good than the living room. As i walk into his room, i heard the door locked behind me and everything goes dark. I was scared since he was taller and much stronger than me. I was afraid to go to the police, since i was a minor and didn't have the courage to tell my mom about what happened to me... After what he did, he bought me plushies and gifts, maybe out of guilt for what he did? But as i grew, it doesnt matter how much money he has. It will never remove the feeling that i kept till to this day.

After what happened i was scared to go to school and i skipped classes because of the paranoia of him looking for me and finding where i live. Ever since that day, i swore to myself that i will never trust online boyfriends and because of him alone, he ruined my view of dating ever again...

It's been three years and I'm in 10th grade now 15(f). I still have the paranoia back when he assaulted me and i changed so much because of that. It was an unfortunate event in my life and i wish i could erase it all.

I was raped multiple times by someone I was close to. We were friends, but he had romantic feelings for me that I didn’t reciprocate.

For a while I couldn’t fully accept that it was rape. I kept giving him every possible explanation: maybe I wasn’t firm enough, maybe he misunderstood my no, maybe I should have fought harder, maybe because I didn’t scream or hit him he didn’t understand.

The last time changed that. I tried everything I could to get him to stop, and he didn’t. Eventually there weren’t any “maybes” left.

I never intended to report him; police became involved unexpectedly through an unrelated welfare concern, and what I disclosed eventually became a sexual-assault investigation.

At first I wanted nothing to come of it. I didn’t want him arrested or charged. I just wanted him to understand what he had done, take accountability, and never do it again. We even remained in contact afterward.

As time went on, more happened between us that destroyed my trust in him, and I continued cooperating with investigators. He doesn’t know the full extent of that cooperation yet.

Now I’m struggling because I know reporting was the right thing to do, but I still feel horrible imagining what may happen to him.

I don’t hate him. Some days he’s kind to me, and suddenly I’m thinking about his kids, whether he could go to jail, how scared he’ll be, and how betrayed he may feel when he realizes I’ve been cooperating with police.

I think my empathy for him is actually part of why I excused the assaults for so long in the first place.

I’m not questioning anymore whether what happened was rape. I’m questioning how to live with knowing accountability may be necessary while still feeling compassion for the person who hurt me.

Has anyone else experienced this? Especially after reporting someone you still cared about or remained in contact with?

Hii everyone, if you haven’t seen my first post.. check that out on my page

I have a small camera set up in my room now.. unfortunately majority of the time that he rapes me it’s in his room or the basement (which he has cameras set up in—I’m too scared to do anything sneaky on camera)
So now I’m just waiting for video evidence before this is hopefully over.

I’ve talked to several different shelters and 1 specifically said they’d help me get emancipated once I’m living with the shelter!! My biggest concern was having to go into foster care.. I at least know what to expect when my dad and his friends rape me.. just didn’t want to endure more trauma if I was in a foster home.

—

Dad has been extra mean and needy lately.. I’m soooo tired and he won’t leave me alone.
I need this to work

Sorry for the repost (again), the last post I made caused me to get a flood of hurtful messages telling me to off myself and other unsavory things... Like telling me men can't be raped. I just want help, I don't want death threats.

I (M22) went to a party a few nights ago. I was chatting with a girl, and had a few too many drinks. She made advances, which I initially was okay with but eventually got uncomfortable with how fast it was happening. I said I had to go, but she grabbed my arm and she had her friends pressured me into more shots. I eventually got damn-near blackout drunk, but I do know we had sex even though I didn't want to.

I don't know what to do, because I feel my university won't take this seriously because it "didn't happen on campus" and because I'm a male. I already got tested today, and I'm waiting for the results. I'd appreciate any advice on what to do.

My ex boyfriend raped me after a week of being together and left a week after that, after a month (2 days ago) i decided to confide in my boss what he did, and it made my mind wander back to a past ex he raped me, and how i did nothing, and how he went on to rape my friend, so i thought "what if im not the first" and i messaged his ex girlfriendand asked about her experience, he was incredibly predatory towards her and often time she was only saved from hin by chance, luck, and circumstance, i wasnt so lucky, were going to talk with eachother and possibly a lawyer and come forward to make sure ik his last victim, im scared, ive never been more scared, but it needs to be done, i cant let a serial abuser live a free life where he gets to victimize more people, i dont know whwt the next step is and im going to cry the whole way, but it needs to be done.