r/AskReddit • u/GoPhillies5200 • 3h ago
What is something small that instantly tells you someone is a bad person?
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u/Significant-Bit-1938 3h ago
How they treat people who can do absolutely nothing for them
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u/WaffleWavelength 2h ago
Definitely! I always look out for this sign like how they talk about other people, because it also says a lot about who they are.
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u/FlyGuys1125 2h ago
I wouldn't call that a small thing. Most of the comments I see are pretty notable things
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u/TemperatureOk2460 7m ago
Yea it’s not small but ig they mean it’s very overlooked on what it shows about what they think about (which is who someone is.) Like when someone makes fun of someone who has nothing to do with them or one they’ve never conversed with. Bc it’s so normal in everyday life and especially w social media and posting or talking abt “funny” or “weird” shit on someone as soon as they find out or see it bc it usually does get attention
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u/Moist_Yak_7832 3h ago
Mean to animals
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u/cheapaffinity05 2h ago
It’s such a red flag when someone treats a pet like furniture instead of a living thing, my cat Phoebe would probably hiss at them on sight
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u/Plane-Tie6392 2h ago
Is Phoebe a smelly cat? But what do you mean? You can't exactly sit on most pets.
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u/EmotionalTowel1 2h ago
I went on date date where she purposely stepped on a harmless caterpillar and she never got a call from me again.
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u/hoPamela 2h ago
Went out with a guy who did the whole gentle voice in front of my friends, then shoulder-checked a cat off a porch because it was “in the way.” Smiled after, like I’d be impressed he doesn’t take attitude from something that weighs nine pounds. I didn’t argue. I just watched him explain it. The explanation was the creepy part. Men who need to win against a cat will eventually need to win against you. I blocked him before the Uber dropped me off. The cat was fine. He was the small one.
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u/TailRudder 2h ago
That's not small, that's a huge red flag
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u/Many-Disaster-3823 1h ago
That’s the quiet truth that no one talks about (ai response to ai response to ai response)
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u/Sanchastayswoke 36m ago
You know that people taught AI how to talk, right? Meaning people have been saying the same things that AI says for maaaaany years before AI was saying it.
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u/TemperatureOk2460 1m ago
Yes it’s so eye opening especially with it’s a puppy or baby pet and they just toss them around like a toy. Like damn u really don’t care how scared that creature is. I’ve seen adults do this.
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u/popspecks 3h ago
Throwing rubbish on the floor/ground Maybe they are not a bad oerson but that makes me not want to go near them
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u/one_charisma_point 3h ago edited 2h ago
acting aggressive towards another person for literally no reason or trying to bully or get their way
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u/foxy-mama420 3h ago edited 3h ago
The way people talk about others they deem “less than” such as the unhoused, mentally ill, addicts, low income, etc. that tells me a lot about a person. If you don’t think all humans deserve equal rights and respect and access to life necessities, that says more about you than others
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u/AnnabethDaring 2h ago
Yes!! And children!! 😩😭 so many parents think children are “too stupid still,” or “too young to deserve respect and privacy”. But children are very observant, and even if they don’t yet understand complex relationships or emotions or what the economy is, they feel tension, they feel fear, they feel disrespect.
And children, no matter how old, deserve to be treated like humans. Not like property, or slaves, or annoying, wild animals. :(
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u/elena_zenith 2h ago
How do I upvote this more than once. All humans deserve equal rights, even animals should be treated well
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u/reasimoes 2h ago
You can tell straight away when someone is a bad person when "it's never their fault"
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u/J1raiyaSama 3h ago
All their jokes are mean-spirited, and they don't apologize when they're called out for crossing lines
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u/Miss-Braganza-Nana 2h ago
Ugh u can’t take a joke. Don’t be such a party pooper. It’s really not that deep. Smh
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u/richard-d40 20m ago
A joke can miss; the tell is whether they care once they see it hurt someone, or make your reaction the punchline too.
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u/Motor_Patience5186 2h ago
Talking trash about someone who isn't in the room. Littering, however small. Leaving a mess. Disrespecting those that can't do anything for them materially.
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u/Actual_Banana4833 3h ago
Talking so much about themselves and never asking questions.
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u/sunbleach_happypants 2h ago
Some aren't "bad" per se, just... idk. Eager? ADHD? Nervous, socially awkward, inexperienced...
"Bad"=malicious and blabby people are often something else
It's not great. Let's not normalize it. But if you've ever met a bad person it's another level
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u/GalaxyPowderedCat 1h ago
I'm socially awkward but I learnt when to speak and when to listen. I actually dislike people who never ask questions or inquire.
My mom is unfortunately like this. She cannot keep quiet and listen to another person but her. For example, one of my cousins was mugged and stabbed after a night party and she couldn't listen to the mom for one second, she went on a rant while my cousin's mom stood there silently for 20 minutes and looked so uncomfortable.
I don't say she's a bad person, but extremely egocentric
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u/sunbleach_happypants 1h ago
Honestly, now that I think about it, it's true... Some people I know are in their 50s or something and they cannot read a room!! They center themselves always. So I get it. but, still, when I think "bad person" I think of wild eyed killers who will stick anyone in their path
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u/Sensitive_Syrup1296 6m ago
Hmmm I have ADHD and feel like I meet a lot of people who love to talk about themselves to me
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u/PenguinJoker 2h ago
Laughs at others misfortune.
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u/Firegh0st 2h ago
In Germany we have a word for that, bit it's actually not a sign of being a bad person in germy, unless you want to call ones best friend to be a nad person.
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u/PenguinJoker 2h ago
I don't really mean a silly misfortune like tripping over or being clumsy or whatever. I mean like someone's parent dies and the kid gets laughed at.
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u/DrmTm20 2h ago
Completely inconsiderate of others and lives in their own self-centered bubble.
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u/Own_Reply6495 2h ago
Explain bubble theory when everyone goes away bc they don't like it when you call them on their shit.
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u/RealKenny 2h ago
Litering
I know that recycling is mostly BS, but that doesn't mean you should throw your straw wrapper out of a car window
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u/AquafinaRaeGina 2h ago
Sticks to a lie when both you and they know that they’re lying. My Granny told me to steer clear of these people. It’s crazy how many people will try and do it too.
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u/Vegetable_Sky5850 2h ago
People who claim to be very godly often exhibit contradictory behavior. For instance, they might own a business unrelated to religion but make religion and Christianity the central focus of their business. For example, a plastic surgeon who claims to use his faith to guide his surgical procedures and make statements that reflect this belief. I’ve witnessed such instances. In one case, the surgeon was found to be botching women’s surgeries and blocking them when they complained. I wasn’t surprised by this revelation.
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u/Lazy_Top_4042 3h ago
lack of empathy
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u/someanalogy 2h ago
Not necessarily a bad person, but “I’m an empath” is a red flag for me. More often than not I’ve found out that person has done some heinous shit. And, empathy doesn’t equal accountability or conscientiousness
Edit: not disagreeing, more expanding
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u/AnnabethDaring 2h ago
Definitely.
One caveat—sometimes people struggling with empathy is a mental disorder thing. For example, Autism! :)
I know many autistic people, including my best friend of 20 years. She cares, but if you didn’t know she’s autistic, you’d think she only cares about herself, because she doesn’t ask you questions in return, keeps to herself, never reaches out to people first. When people cry, she’s uncomfortable, not knowing what to do. In emergencies, she’s not helpful, too busy frozen with fear/analysis paralysis. She’ll say “no” as a knee-jerk reaction to anything you offer (a ride, hang out after work, free food). She doesn’t emote much, and she cuts people off a lot mid-sentence.
But it’s not from malice, it’s from that social disability, and Alexithymia, the condition where you don’t easily know what you’re feeling. Is it hunger? Tired? Pain? Grumpy? Period? 🤔 she doesn’t know. 🤷♀️ so, same thing—if you’re crying from joy or from pain, she can’t really put context clues together. She’d probably instinctively leave the room 😄😂 because to her, “you’re crying = let me give you a moment”, where the person crying may interpret it as “omg, she left me in my time of need and said nothing!! So heartless!” 🥲
I know that’s probably not what you meant, but i hope it helps someone out there! 🙏🏼
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u/swampopawaho 2h ago
If they are unkind towards animals. If they disparage their partner in front of others
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u/StinkyyPiss 3h ago
not caring about an issue unless it directly affects them.
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u/Only-Finish-3497 2h ago
Extension to this: people who only “care” but don’t actually DO anything aren’t morally any better to me.
Great. You say you care. But if you don’t act on it at all you’re not actually morally superior in my mind.
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u/StinkyyPiss 2h ago
you can’t help with every single issue you care about. how do you expect that to happen? any genuine suggestions? i’ve donated before but i live paycheck to paycheck and work taking care of people all day long.
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u/Sanchastayswoke 28m ago
I can barely maintain my own life man…I’m literally barely hanging on. I just don’t have the resources (financial or otherwise) to DO anything about -for example, Donald Trump- except vote, or whatever it is that I can do about whatever problem and still keep my life afloat. I DO care, deeply…I just can only do what I’m able to do.
I can’t go protest & risk being arrested, I have no one to bail me out, no one to take care of my dog, no one to pay for my rent & car when I lose my job.
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u/Only-Finish-3497 16m ago
I don’t judge you harshly AT ALL. I think you do what you can with the resources available to you, and that’s enough.
My point isn’t that you are LESS moral because you are less able to act. It’s that the person who states a position but does nothing isn’t necessarily more moral than the person who simply says “I can’t/don’t/won’t care.”
And in fact, the act of voting (ostensibly for candidates that advance your moral agenda) in my mind makes you significantly more morally weighty than someone who just states they care and does not act. Statements of position are not necessarily moral or ethical acts (even in a Kantian view.) They are merely ideals. So no, I do not judge you harshly. I think the person with limited resources is no less moral by mere dint of circumstance. But the person with limited resources with “opinions” is not necessarily MORE moral, either. Caring, in and of itself, does not change my moral view of you. It can make you more interesting, but not necessarily more ethical.
In other words: lack of action CAN make you less ethical (when circumstances are considered), but caring in and of itself does not make you more ethical without action following.
(Now, does the person who performs ethical acts become less ethical if their intentions suck (Kant, where are you, buddy?) Well, that’s different. And complicated.)
But no, you, the random person with limited resources are not less moral on account of resource limitations. That’d be silly!
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u/Kaeffka 2h ago
There's gotta be a limit to this. Like, should I be concerned about all the world events happening in bumfuck nowhere? Absolutely not.
Yeah, I'm not gonna support Israel but I'm also not going to fucking scream about it on social media and shame anyone who feels differently.
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u/Only-Finish-3497 2h ago
This is interesting, and gets to Singer's expanding circle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Expanding_Circle
I frankly have never quite figured out how to really settle on my own framework here despite broadly agreeing with Singer's intuition in that work.
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u/Sanchastayswoke 32m ago
I agree w you, but there’s a difference between not being informed and not caring once you know about it
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u/Only-Finish-3497 4m ago
The problem is that we’re all finite beings with finite resources and finite ability to act.
I’m sad that malaria still kills kids. I’m sad that tuberculosis is still ravaging people globally. I’m sad that there are kids living in abject poverty in many places. I’m sad that women cannot continue seeking gainful employment in Afghanistan since the return of the Taliban. I’m sad about a lot of these things. I feel a twinge.
But I don’t invest meaningful energy into most of them because I’ve decided to act on one issue that I feel I can actually impact. I don’t believe, however, that my feeling feelings about the loss of women’s rights in Afghanistan makes me necessarily MORE MORAL than someone who says, “I just can’t care, I don’t have the energy” because ultimately the outcome is the same: neither of us impacts it meaningfully.
Feeling feelings makes us individually feel better about ourselves, and we love to all judge ourselves by our intentions (and others by their actions), but I don’t for a minute think I’m necessarily a more moral person for thinking good thoughts. I’m ONLY more ethical and more moral if I act in a meaningful way on those thoughts.
To borrow from Singer’s Expanding Circle, If I stand at a pond and watch a kid drown and think “that’s sad” I’m no more moral than the person who is unmoved by it. In end,we both let a kid drown.”
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u/StinkyyPiss 2h ago
of course there’s a limit, you’re talking about extremes. there’s plenty of issues happening around us that people don’t care about because it doesn’t affect them.
or wars we’re part of that people act like is some small deal.
not saying you have to cry on social media but have some empathy lol
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u/DevilsAdvokit144 2h ago
Wow. Not caring about an issue that doesn’t affect them makes someone “bad”? Woooooooow this is insane.
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u/Only-Finish-3497 1h ago edited 1h ago
The best part about it is that actual action weighs less for their ethical framework in terms of their measure of moral outcomes.
It’s like the opposite of any form of consequentialism. Sentimentalism, perhaps?
Regardless, it strikes me as a profoundly self-centered ethics. It puts the individual’s feelings above the actual outcomes. When morality can be determined so readily by our inner worlds then we divorce outcomes far too much from actual well-being.
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u/Requiem-Lodestar 2h ago
How they treat people who work in the service industry.
People who make something a bigger deal than it needs to be.
And most importantly:
People who have to put up an act that they’re a good person or very caring or friendly.
Not talking about genuine people.
People who put on a mask and have bad intentions.
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u/AnnabethDaring 2h ago
Real question! How do you tell the difference between a genuine person and a fake? 🤔
It’s something I am still always figuring out. Many years ago, I was a “people pleaser”, and i came to understand that people pleasing is actually a very selfish thing to do. It means I’ll harbor growing, unspoken resentments towards you that I’m too afraid to tell you, but then complain about how i wish things/you were different behind your back, while never doing anything about it! All while pretending to be happy and caring to your face, but in reality, it’s just doing Good Deeds so you continue to think of me as kind and helpful and keep me around.
A fake person in other situations may be so to gain something as well. Such as reputation, notoriety, money, pity, popularity.
Anyway, how do you tell the difference? Or is it something you can’t notice until it’s too late?
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u/whywhenwherewhat9 1h ago
Honestly you can never know for sure, but trust your gut feeling.
I’ll say this… I’ve been wrong about people based on a first impression and didn’t always vibe with them at first, then got to know them and learned I was wrong.
But when someone is truly genuine, kind and good hearted, I think you feel it right away and know that from the get.
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u/NotAndrehyu 3h ago
Leaving an empty shopping cart in the middle of the store or the parking lot
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u/Rough_Category_746 2h ago
There are exceptions to this I have learned over time, like being alone with a kid having a major meltdown or tantrum in a store or in the lot, sometimes you just have to bail.
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u/jayyy_0113 2h ago
They actively hate children. Not disliking children, not "I don't want kids" or "kids are annoying", but "Kids are the devil's spawn" or "I love making kids cry" or straight up "I despise children."
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u/AnnabethDaring 2h ago
This one is specific to those who get it, but i think many people can understand
How a person will speak to you when they still think you’re “on the same side”. As in, they assume you’re one thing, and you’re actually not that same race/gender/sexual orientation/political affiliation/economic bracket.
For example, I’m a Chilean person living in the USA, and many people assume I’m white because I have no “Mexican accent” and have features that “don’t look Hispanic” too often, I’ve had people here try to act as if I’m On Their Side about things, until they hear me speak Spanish, and do a double take, and suddenly their brain can’t compute that I’m educated, have no accent, AND not a maid or gardener.
It’s just too hard for them to accept that I can be Hispanic and also not a maid 🤦♀️
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u/InfoSecPeezy 1h ago
This 100%! I’m a big white guy with tattoos. I can’t tell you how many times a white racist has nudged me or said something about a Black, Hispanic. Asian, Indian person to me while waiting in line, at a concert, bowling, etc… until I ask them not to include me in their color commentary and that I’m not with them on their comments. They are always shocked and immediately clam up.
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u/Sanchastayswoke 23m ago
Yeah I’m a liberal white person and live in a red state. And I really fucking hate when other white people talk to me about racist shit or Trump stuff…like just because I’m white doesn’t mean I’m for any of that BS at all.
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u/EmotionalSouth 2h ago
I don’t think small bad habits necessarily indicate someone is a “bad person”. But they are indications of character flaws.
There are many!
Littering, gossiping with malice, not using manners, being wasteful, being consistently late, not keeping their word, lying about unimportant things, not listening to other people, not working hard, not taking care with other people’s belongings, being condescending or interrupting others, not being grateful for what they receive.
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u/finallymakingareddit 2h ago
lol “gossiping WITH malice.” Because we all like some hot tea every once in a while
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u/EmotionalSouth 2h ago
Agree! I don’t think gossip is inherently bad - when it’s basically just sharing news about other people I think it’s pretty harmless. You can also have some valuable conversations about how you might do something different in somebody else’s circumstances.
But I really don’t like when it’s mean-spirited. There’s a point when it tips into being nasty and I think enjoying that is a bad trait. I wouldn’t necessarily write someone off as a bad person entirely because of it but I’d be a bit wary.
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u/Nigel_is_my_dog 2h ago
Anyone who punches down. If you have more/are better at something and you downgrade people who do have what you have, you are in fact the garbage in the equation.
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u/marcianitorandom27 2h ago
Cuando veo que le está faltando el respeto a alguien que todos sabemos que es inocente
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u/Emotional_Lawyer340 3h ago
If a dog doesn’t like them, take their “word” for it.
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u/artemis_vibe 2h ago
But just cause someone brings their dog in public and it has a reaction to someone doesn't necessarily mean that people are bad either. I think this one is a context thing. Like if ALL dogs hate someone ok sure but if one dog is triggered by a random person in public that doesn't mean everyone should assume that person is bad. People do be bringing questionably behaved dogs all over the place.
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u/Significant-Berry-95 2h ago
Nah, my roommate's dog hates everyone, I don't trust a dog's judgement. Hitler and his officers all had loving dogs too.
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u/Slow_Gas_9601 2h ago
My dog doesn't like anyone lol
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u/Emotional_Lawyer340 2h ago
Ok let me rephrase being more specific. When a well socialized otherwise loving animal doesn’t like someone it’s a red flag.
Also , someone who treats petsccccf like they are disposable. Lastly , if someone is mean to or abusive towards animals .2
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u/RegularConcern 2h ago
They say something with absolutely authority with a smug grin on their face. Maybe not bad. But unwell. It screams "reddit" to me
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u/jijijojijijijio 2h ago
The dead eyes/stare. Also, they just have this uncanny inauthentic vibe, like the emotions expressed are not what they are really feeling. Maybe a bright smile that drops too fast when they turn around or crying/ displaying sadness and then feeling fine too fast.
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u/holdthecouchdown1 2h ago
Being rude to servers and clerks and anyone else. Rudeness is a big red flag.
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u/badmiddling113 1h ago
Eh, slight push back on that. I've worked in service where servers complained about tips and mocked customers as soon as they got behind closed doors. Not saying customers aren't rude, but some staff aren't saints either.
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u/Correct-Earth-7148 3h ago
If my cat, who rarely hisses, hisses at them.
And… they never tip.
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u/Substantial_Whole416 3h ago
How they talk shit and laugh at people they barely know. It’s like how did you notice the smallest flaw out of this person and just focus in on it and say terrible things? People that do this without lack of hesitation lack so much self awareness and empathy.
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u/TinaLives 2h ago
Oh. there are so many things. Deception. General dishonesty. Lying. Dating you and his baby momma at the same time. You know. All that
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u/Chaparral2E 2h ago
The way they treat waitstaff. Perceive anyone in service industries or retail as beneath them.
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u/qwerty4007 2h ago
One of the first things out of their mouth after meeting them is, "I don't give a fuck!"
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u/hoPamela 2h ago
They “forget” a boundary once the room changes. Memory isn’t the problem. Audience was.
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u/Generic_Midwesterner 2h ago
Separating people into a "good people/bad people" binary. We've all had better and worse times in our lives. Very, very, very few people are 100% good or 100% bad.
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u/Jajaja_777 2h ago
They tell you about a situation and then say "I lied..." Unless they lied to save a life, I am skeptical of them.
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u/shit_brickhouse119 1h ago
I've been seeing this a lot lately. Being rude/mean/abusive to people who are extremely shy, anxious, or passive. Just stop being a piece of shit. Be polite. If you can't do that, leave them the fuck alone.
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u/jadyyy- 1h ago
how they talk to the person who can’t do anything for them. waiter, cashier, the kid at the counter. nice to you, rude to them. that’s not a bad day. that’s the real version.
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u/cine-rouje 32m ago
I had a friend who was like this who turned out to be a narcissist before I really knew what that meant. I started to notice she was really cold and rude to cashiers when we would be out in public but really loving and kind toward me. It was confusing at the time, but after I saw her true colors come out, it made sense.
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u/DisastrousNotice9260 2h ago
They think the answer to this question has something to do with shopping carts.
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u/SteakandTrach 2h ago
When someone you've just met acts overly-familiar. My limbic system just immediately goes to DefCon 5 with full klaxons.
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u/Banshee_013 2h ago
Not returning a shopping cart to the cart return and leaving it in the parking lot.
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u/otaylor-7544 2h ago
How they react when a small mistake inconveniences someone else. A quick “sorry, let me fix that” tells you more than a polished speech about being a good person.
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u/Emotional_Lawyer340 2h ago
My biggest is how they treat or speak about their mom or the person who raised them
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u/Cold-Illustrator-288 2h ago
Shushing away an animal, or being mean to a server or anyone that's giving them a service
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u/Makachai 1h ago
It's been said elsewhere in the thread but my father used to say "You can tell everything you need to know about a person by how they treat animals and wait staff".
I'm sure it's not his quote... But it fits
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u/ChartNext7137 1h ago
Not using turn signals
Saying, "they’re a good/nice person." When any negative behavior of their’s is pointed out.
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u/Legitimate_Cable_811 55m ago
I had a hostess yanked the menus out of my hands when I was trying to help her. The bitches in this sub who said how they treat the waitress are the reason for the terrible service we're getting lol.
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u/helen-walker79 32m ago
How they react when you gently point out a small mistake. A simple “oh, my bad” is easy; turning a wrong order or small mix-up into your fault tells you a lot.
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u/Smooth_Balance7715 30m ago
when people grab butterflies by their wings instead of letting them crawl on their hand. all that tells me is you'll take advantage of something pretty without a voice it can use to tell you to stop (p.s. don't grab butterflies by their wings. they have super sensitive scales that help them fly and picking them up by their wings will make them have a hard time flying due to damage of their scales or potentially having a ripped wing.
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u/StraightPercentage74 22m ago
When people just lose respect for other for very trivial things like small disagreements or not understanding different perspectives can exist (Tribalism is a bitch). Another example I dislike it being covert is trying to act playfully smug consistently and continue acting like it was all a joke very similar to schrodingers douchebag if you dare react to it. Just easy ways for me to decide to block people so I never have the displeasure to potentially interact with them .
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u/BorfDorfin 2h ago
Treating massive red flags as subtle red flags.
"Watch out for people who are mean to waiters. If they treat poor people like that, there's a good chance they'd treat a real person like that if they thought they could get away with it."
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u/SomeDumbMentat 2h ago
Mine is people who divide people based on flags.
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u/sunbleach_happypants 2h ago
Mine is people who divide people in to people who divide people based on flags
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u/Justcoffeeforme 2h ago
When they have contempt for another group of people without any true reasons.
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u/Exotic_Football_2251 3h ago
Ignores any accountability