r/AskReddit • u/AuthorConfident9386 • 13h ago

Men, what’s one small, seemingly insignificant thing you’ve noticed that can be a telltale sign of the difference between a genuinely good man and a bad one?

3.1k Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

88% Upvoted

1.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

324

u/Jonseroo 11h ago

I'm not sure about this one. My wife is a supremely kind, fair, ethical person, but she went to bed without talking to me last week after I beat her high score at Yahtzee.

236

u/LeaneGenova 11h ago

I'm banned from playing competitive games with my husband because he always wins and it makes me salty. I've switched to buying only co-op games for the sake of my marriage.

My husband is the most graceful winner and loser, which makes it all the more insulting that I'm such a brat lol.

42

u/Rommel79 11h ago

Look for a card game called Ito. It’s a cooperative card game where the more people you have, the harder it becomes, but it’s still really fun. It encourages cooperation and discussions about why you ranked your item where you ranked it.

I played with my wife, another couple, and all of our kids and every single one of us had a blast.

1

u/LeaneGenova 10h ago

Oooh, this looks interesting! I love the type of games like this with tons of replayability. Thanks!

5

u/Rommel79 10h ago

We bought it after playing with some friends and I walked in to my 13 year old playing with his friends too. Hopefully you enjoy it.

•

u/Qyro 14m ago

Not a great game if it's just her and her husband though. I've tried it at 2 and it really doesn't work!

49

u/SnappySausage 11h ago

Hahaha, I have a friend like that. She'd always get so upset if she lost. Even if she won like 9 times (if I let that happen) in a row and I'd get the 10th, she'd be upset by it. Needless to say, letting her win was also not a solution since she'd notice that, which led to a fun lose-lose scenario, as I seem to be a bit better at games generally. So in the end it was a better idea to play co-op games since I didn't want her to get frustrated every time we'd play.

29

u/LeaneGenova 11h ago

I never win against my husband, love him to death but he is way too good at games. I've gotten better at it over the years, but my competitive side is a little brat and cannot be trusted and thus, she remains in time out while I focus on marital harmony.

2

u/janosslyntsjowls 3h ago

Not to rock that boat haha but did you play any sports he didn't as kids? My husband is way better at pretty much all video games than me but I played soccer all throughout high school and beat the crap out of him at FIFA till I felt bad and started explaining basic strategy!

3

u/LeaneGenova 3h ago

Haha, I was a certified girly-girl, so I did ballet and horseback riding. And he is so incredibly happy when I kick his ass and loves to brag about me beating him. Honestly, it's unfair he's such a good sport. I've never seen him even remotely offended, except when someone else is a bad sportsman.

12

u/UpperApe 11h ago

I love that "salty" has become the soft way to say "shithead".

It's exactly what salty gamers would come up with lol

13

u/LeaneGenova 11h ago

Oh, I absolutely became a shithead. I sulked and was a sore loser. I can lose with grace to anyone but my husband, but the salt comes out with him.

Thus, co-op board and video games. Much better for sanity and not every time I play games needs to be an opportunity for emotional growth.

9

u/UpperApe 11h ago

Oh I know. As a former shithead and sore-loser, I'm well aware how illogical our salty hulk-modes can be.

And it only gets worse when the person is trying to be nice about it. How dare you babysit my baby tantrum >:(

Much better for sanity and not every time I play games needs to be an opportunity for emotional growth.

Hahahaha!

Well check out Slay the Spire 2 on your travels! Amazing co-op game. Not so great if you're on blood pressure meds.

6

u/LeaneGenova 11h ago

And it only gets worse when the person is trying to be nice about it. How dare you babysit my baby tantrum >:(

This genuinely made me laugh out loud, because you are so right. He's so graceful and tries SO HARD to make me feel better, and I'm like, just let me sulk in peace, please.

3

u/_corwin 6h ago

Credit to you where credit is due, at least you're self-aware of it. People who throw a temper tantrum and don't have enough introspection to realize what they're doing, are the real problem.

3

u/LeaneGenova 5h ago

Thankfully, I never temper tantrumed, just got incredibly butthurt and sulky. Still not a great look, but thank goodness it wasn't that bad. Now I still sulk for a few minutes, but I can move on.

3

u/matryanie 6h ago

"Salty" used to be a step short of being a shithead and it still is.

2

u/WigglestonTheFourth 11h ago

Not everyone can take the obverse win.

18

u/aCynicalMind 11h ago

This is a genuinely good-faith question here, without any ill-intent:

Have you tried addressing the issue within yourself, or is pivoting to co-op games a way of avoiding that process?

That being asked, co-op gaming seems like a very suitable band-aid solution.

29

u/LeaneGenova 11h ago

Oh, I work on it. I'm much better than I was in my early 20s, but I also give myself grace as I grew up poorly socialized and with a lot of toxic coping mechanisms. So it's going to be a work in progress for quite a while. Part of it is that I was attacked as a child for not being the best, and losing was made fun of ruthlessly, so I built up a sense of indignation to protect my sense of self.

Co-op games are genuinely fun for me, and it's a way we can enjoy without every gaming session becoming part of my therapy of working on myself. Sometimes a girl just wants to turn her brain off, you know?

6

u/BookyNZ 10h ago

I have a similar issue with competitive games. I love being cooperative with people, because there is a distinct difference (in my mind) playing with people and winning and losing, vs being against everyone. I'm not a great winner, but I have made efforts to be less of a sore winner or loser.

That was ironically something me and my friend talked about the other day, but I was told that I do at least tend to catch myself being an asshole and try to be nice once I catch myself. And that I have gotten better over time. It's hard to break habits that your childhood and sometimes your personality encouraged.

Congratulations on the learning better habits, and may the journey continue as smoothly as it can.

1

u/Sanity_in_Moderation 4h ago

On the off chance that you missed it. "It Takes Two" is so goddamn fun.

1

u/Xytriuss 10h ago

Turn the excuses into reasons, that’s my motivation

1

u/MattieShoes 10h ago

Not parent poster, but "friendly competition" is hard for me. It's like the peak of a mountain, and it's very easy to roll down either side, either cutthroat or not caring at all.

These days, I make the decision which side to err on before the game starts, and it's almost always on the "not caring at all" side because I'm a much better person on that side of the mountain.

1

u/majinspy 4h ago

I'm a sore loser. I'm better than I used to be which was full on breakdown. I'm 41 - now I just get a little salty about it and there's a sort of "limit" of how much I'm gonna take. My friends know this and tease me a bit, and that's ok. I'm just...not able to 100% gracefully take a harsh L.

4

u/DiligentCorvid 10h ago

I genuinely love your self awareness, and how your graceful husband just makes it all sting worse.

You should tell him, so he can gently kiss you on the forehead and say "GG babe, you nearly had me there!" and you can seethe for hours afterwards 😅😅😅

5

u/LeaneGenova 10h ago

Haha, he almost played a winning card on me in Munchkin ON MY BIRTHDAY and I was like, "dude, c'mon I literally never win and you're going to kick my ass on my birthday?" He didn't play the card, but he and I both knew he'd really won the game. Bastard. I love him so much.

1

u/_learned_foot_ 9h ago

you think he was playing Munchkin with that move?

1

u/DiligentCorvid 9h ago

I am chuckling so hard right now 😅😅

Absolutely adorkable.

1

u/tedivm 11h ago

My wife is way more competitive than me, and we're primarily a co-op game house as a result.

1

u/munkisquisher 8h ago

Love Letter is great for tempering that.

It's a short card based game, each round is a min or two. It's so heavily based on luck of the card draw, and it's fairly easy to learn to play optimally. So you loose a ton of hands without doing anything wrong.

If it doesn't help you be gracious in winning or loosing then nothing will.

1

u/Progressivecavity 7h ago

My wife and I had this problem with gin rummy. Once we stopped keeping long term score and lost track of how poorly she was doing in the aggregate we started having fun again

1

u/DiscoKittie 7h ago

Same. I'm not as bad as I used to be because I've been around people worse than I was, but I still don't do competitive games if I can help it because I never know what that little bitch is going to come out, lol!

9

u/squired 6h ago

I agree with you. I think the better answer is "How they win". Bad winners are far worse than sulking losers. One is emotional control. The other portends far more about how they view others.

8

u/Jonseroo 5h ago

Ah, well this is awkward. Now I think about it, I did point at her and laugh when I won.

1

u/squired 5h ago

Hah!! It was you all along!!!

10

u/Ciserus 10h ago

I'm not going to say your wife is a bad person, but that is an enormous character flaw.

5

u/Jonseroo 7h ago

It is but one, to my many.

12

u/mrinfinitepp 10h ago

Genuinely pathetic behaviour

6

u/Jonseroo 7h ago

Nobody's perfect.

2

u/nmezib 6h ago

You beat your wife? You monster!

4

u/Correct-Plenty1673 11h ago

Maybe your wife is not as good as your dick thinks she is.

1

u/Jonseroo 7h ago

My Mr Wobbly is an excellent judge of character, thank you very much. It was his idea to throw away my sofa and buy two chairs, so I wasn't tempted to have any more sex with my ex, Michelle, when she came over.

And he turned down Sharon when she got touchy feely over nibbles that time we watched Father Ted together, because the year before when I was dating her she'd said she didn't want commitment but then was upset I went with Michelle, so Mr Wobbly said, "No way, Hose", because Sharon was now seeing someone else and he didn't want this other person to be upset like she had been.

Unperceptive dick, my ass.

1

u/Nevermind_I_Guess 7h ago

That’s not a loss, that’s a betrayal

1

u/ThrowingShaed 1h ago

i dont know if its definitive. i dont know if we dont all have occasional stumbles. is it a point of pride thing? her thing? you dont need to answer, im just wondering. im assuming you didnt go... overboard on celebrations and get a flag thrown for taunting, but i guess i would wonder if.. was the framing you vs her? collaborative? neither? im just... thinking maybe times retroactively i should have thanked people around me for even small successes.. maybe... not sure... thinking more in theory because my brain too blank on specifics

-2

u/ashleton 10h ago

Bruh

She was right to go to bed without talking to you. For shame.

1

u/Jonseroo 7h ago

Quite right. I did kind of goad her with my good dice rolls. I only suggested a game of Yahtzee (which I hate by the way, since it is almost entirely just guesswork and doing tedious admin for dice) because she was in a mood because she lost against the chess computer in Duolingo and I wanted to cheer her up. She LOVES Yahtzee. And then I got two Yahtzees and rolled every combination I tried for.

-8

u/more_magic_mike 11h ago

Are you married to a man?

7

u/PlacatedPlatypus 11h ago

If you think that men are, writ large, more sore losers than women, I have many bridges to sell you.

-4

u/more_magic_mike 10h ago

No but being a good loser does not make a woman a good man

2

u/Jonseroo 7h ago

Ah, I see the source of our miscommunication. I read, 'good man', and focused on the good part as being an ethical indicator, leading me to offer in evidence my sore losing yet angelic wife, whereas perhaps you read 'good man' as being someone who is good at his gender role or manliness, which, as you point out, excludes my wife.

How ambiguous our shared language is! Such amphiboly.