r/AskReddit • u/AuthorConfident9386 • 13h ago

Men, what’s one small, seemingly insignificant thing you’ve noticed that can be a telltale sign of the difference between a genuinely good man and a bad one?

3.1k Upvotes
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3.1k

u/bleYleng21 12h ago

How they lose

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u/Particular-Beat-6645 11h ago edited 10h ago

I'll do one better: their interpretation of why they lost.

If a leader is always demanding someone else take responsibility and keeps praise for themselves, they're not an effective leader. 

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u/aeschenkarnos 9h ago

“If you succeed it’s because of me. If you fail it’s because of you.”

Shitty bosses, parents, teachers, coaches, etc etc have run that one for millennia.

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u/ValBravora048 3h ago edited 3h ago

I was a grown ass man teaching kids when I realised this

If I wasn’t working, I would have found somewhere to cry

Really did think it was always up to me. Honestly still do a lot of the time…

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u/Particular-Beat-6645 2h ago

As a second career teacher, the internalized sense of "it's up to me!" definitely seems like the root of most teacher burnout.

I think we've overcorrected in a lot of ways that insinuate that working miracles is the expectation.

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u/LaGrrrande 1h ago

The ol' "My bad, your fault". I've usually seen it hit as "Sure I forgot about X, but you should have reminded me".

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u/Puterman 1h ago

Religions too

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u/UpperApe 11h ago

A better example today is comedians.

A good comedian makes a bad joke and blames themselves. A bad comedian makes a bad joke and blames the audience. For being too dumb or "sensitive" or whatever. Ego overtakes their intellect.

It's relevant today because good comedians continue to flourish in their craft; touring, writing, etc. Bad comedians all become podcasters. Because you no longer have to read rooms and evolve. You can sit and stagnate and let your audience come to you and build around you.

Bad comedians don't grow. Which is why comedian podcasters tend to be such insufferable dimwits obsessed with a discourse and discussion they aren't equipped to navigate. And why their audiences seem to be the terminally incompetent.

And it's why they've become so especially dangerous.

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u/Impossible_Bid6172 10h ago

Every time a director, whether game or movie, came forward and blame the audience for being too dumb/too shallow/unaware/etc to enjoy the work thus the work flopped, this is the issue. They can't accept that either the work is shit, or they pitch it to the wrong crowd (do you have phone?). It's always the audience is wrong to not enjoy it/not play it how they intended. Well, wallets speak and their flop is well deserved. The few ones that apologize for their work or for their part in the failures, now i have hope for them next time.

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u/UpperApe 10h ago

Yeah, it's the same across all fields.

Those who blame themselves are the ones who change themselves. Those who blame the people around them, change the people around them.

It's just the mark of a bad person who throws away every opportunity for growth and reflection, in order to stagnate and harden.

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u/gogojack 7h ago

I did stand up for a bit. One of the worst things you can do is turn against the audience. You will never win that fight.

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u/Eayauapa 4h ago

You can make fun of the audience as much as you want, as long as you're laughing with, not at them. If you're laughing at them, you'd better be really fucking funny.

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u/MajesticOrange1 6h ago

unless youre near philadelphia and youre bill burr, and that is only ever gonna happen the one time haha

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u/Eayauapa 4h ago

"You people are a goddamn acid"

Such a good set.

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u/matt_minderbinder 11h ago

I don't know if I agree completely on the podcaster thing as it seems to be an almost necessary part of building a built in fan base for tours. Take someone like Stavvy, he podcasts and does that circuit but he's also not problematic in the ways you're thinking. He's more of a dirtbag leftist (that's not a knock) who's pro therapy, equal rights, trans and lgbtq+, women, etc..

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u/Hartastic 3h ago

I assumed they were mostly going at Rogan, arguably one of the most successful podcasters of all time and one of the worst stand-up comedians of all time.

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u/EddieDantes22 10h ago

I'm with you. The key to being successful is people knowing you, and people know you from podcast appearances. I think you could go to a guy like Stavvy's standup show and ask "how many of you have seen his standup before?" and the answer will be like half.

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u/UpperApe 11h ago

I disagree.

Because some of the biggest comedians today are doing it grassroots and simple. The trick to evolving comedy today is crowd-work and evolving sets and social marketing. But that's a lot of work. Which people who love comedy do and people who are trying to get rich off comedy hate.

Podcasting isn't even remotely necessary, social media engagement is. Podcasting is just a shortcut. And it's fine if you're always punching up (reading/learning/educating yourself, interviewing experts and specialists, broadening/challenging yourself). But again, that's a lot of work. Which people who love learning do and people who want to get rich off podcasts hate.

People who love what they do and are good at it do it. People who hate it and want shortcuts are the ones fucking everything up.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Talk787 10h ago

A lot of comedians use podcasts to get their name out there. What comedians do you consider dimwits?

10

u/daehoidar 8h ago

A lot of the Austin scene and the Rogan circle has gotten weird in a bad way. They prop themselves up as being "the last defenders of free speech" or modern day philosophers, but all they really want is to be able to use words that the "wokes" have taken away from them. A lot of it is straight up hack.

I've heard that Joe Rogan is genuinely a pretty good guy overall, with helping up and coming comedians in a lot of ways. But that man is simply not funny, his special is so bad. Then I also hate how he has platformed these weirdo billionaires and politicians and never pushes back. He likes to think of himself in the same vein of like George Carlin or Bill Hicks, but those people would have never bowed to power like he does. If they had the opportunity to have a one on one with the president, they would have asked hard questions and pushed back on important shit. Rogan is like trump in that their opinion on something really depends on the last person they talked to about it.

To name some: hinchcliffe, Brendan schaub, Tom segura, etc etc. A lot of them are more focused on being edgelordy than they are on being funny. And I think really good comedy punches up, but these guys are very often punching down. I'm glad we're seeing them start to get called out.

5

u/SadFishTacos 6h ago

They prop themselves up as being "the last defenders of free speech" or modern day philosophers, but all they really want is to be able to use words that the "wokes" have taken away from them. A lot of it is straight up hack.

Any comedian making the claim that they're "defending free speech" is lying at best. It is, and always will be, entirely self-serving.

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u/Eayauapa 3h ago edited 3h ago

You can really see it when you see any of them trying to keep up with Burr, CK, Mullen, Norm while he was alive, and it's like watching me taking a bunch of toddlers into the octagon

Edit: I will genuinely put Nick Mullen in there with some of the greatest comedians alive. That man is effortlessly hilarious and weirdly charismatic while saying some of the most off-putting shit you could ever imagine, it's absurd.

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u/Chairboy 9h ago

Locked profile history, expect conservative Sea Lioning from this user.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Talk787 9h ago

What is sea lioning? And how does anything I said make me a conservative?

I watch a lot of stand up and listen to a lot of podcasts and I think this is incorrect. But I’m willing to be proven wrong

3

u/SuperFLEB 7h ago edited 7h ago

What is sea lioning?

It's similar to "Just asking questions"/"JAQ-ing off", if you've heard that. (It might even be synonymous, though I'm not deep enough into the theory to know the nuance-- if someone knows different, correct me.) It's the idea of trying to win an argument by asking a barrage of questions that aren't necessarily rhetorical, but are tenuously relevant or have well-settled answers, making the other person spend time and energy fielding them even though the questioner doesn't actually need the answer. (I think there might also be an element of "backing someone into the corner of a less-relevant question they can't answer to try and win the whole argument".)

The term comes from a comic where a sealion insisted on incessantly arguing another character's dislike of sealions.

Free bonus opinion section:

IMHO, "sealioning" claims are often weak and overused. The claim involves knowing the accusee's intentions-- which usually just means assuming the accusee's intentions.

They also fit in the dubious "That's not worth asking" class of objections-- alongside "It's obvious" or "I shouldn't have to explain something so simple"-- ones that could be answered by "If it's so obvious, then answer it." I'll grant that heaping on needless questions can be a distraction or tactical attack, but unless it's an outright pile-on, it's a cheap dodge to answer a question with "That's obvious" or other forms of "You shouldn't be asking that" meta-context dismissal.

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u/Chairboy 9h ago

What is sea lioning? And how does anything I said make me a conservative?

lol

But I’m willing to be proven wrong

, he lied.

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u/Fading_Redeemer 8h ago

I don't know if that was satire or not.

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u/SuperFLEB 7h ago

That just means it's even better satire.

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u/Fading_Redeemer 7h ago

I DID think it could next-level satire, putting Swift to shame.

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u/Chairboy 8h ago

What's wild is that these profile locking conservative trolls trick so many people into assuming good faith. and they depend on it.

You know that guy has an impassioned defense of the genius of Joe Rogan comedy loaded and ready to fire.

3

u/SuperFLEB 7h ago

What's wild is that these profile locking conservative trolls trick so many people into assuming good faith. and they depend on it.

They haven't said anything to shake that assumption of good faith yet. Meanwhile you're over here torpedoing any good faith you came in with by calling names, making assumptions, and arguing with puppets in response. You're not really winning hearts and minds here.

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u/Fading_Redeemer 8h ago

I haven't the foggiest idea how Rogan got so big

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u/PyrexPicasso85 9h ago

That one about comedian podcasters is reminding me of the Pete Davidson discussion about OF creators making millions when it was far different to get a job in the old days or navigating the industry like everyone else would instead of finding shortcuts etc.

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u/Lost-Calligrapher375 7h ago

Anthony, is this you?

•

u/momjeanseverywhere 2m ago

Stavros Halkias, Bull Burr, and Shane Gillis are all pretty solid comedians who podcast. I think it’s that there are just more bad comedians than good, and they also have podcasts.

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u/Anothernamelesacount 6h ago

A bad comedian makes a bad joke and blames the audience. For being too dumb or "sensitive" or whatever.

Mileage. Being provocative is also part of being a comedian. It mostly depends on your type of humor, but good comedy should challenge your beliefs. Good comedy is the greatest weapon of the iconoclast: audiences, whether we like it or not, can easily become the idiot king who wishes to be eternally praised, and then, the jester should be the one who reminds them.

Some people will just cry about politics and current year and the like, but George Carlin was talking about political correctness and the unwillingness to fix certain issues because people were more worried about how words feel before most of the "politically engaged people" of today were born.

Nobody wants to admit they're part of the sacred cow.

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u/BLT_Trade_r 8h ago

No, but they will be successful, and that is all that matters to them. If they are successful, they will have money, and if they have money, women will go for them. The real question that most of this thread doesn't address is how everyone seems to explain that all these obvious things are red flags, but no one is talking about why people systematically and constantly go for the people who have the red flags and choose to ignore them.

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u/Dismal_Coat_1784 4h ago

"I'll do one better?" Jfc the sheer arrogance. You could've made your point without being a massive douche about it. All hail this amazing redditor

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u/Particular-Beat-6645 2h ago

"To take it a step further" would've been a better choice of words. But given all the responses that comment generated, with only this one being concerned about that wording, I think we've both thought too much about it.

I was just joining a conversation. Not trying to put anyone down.

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u/cheese_puff_diva 2h ago

Wait… low key reminds me of God a bit 😬

•

u/Ardal 43m ago

If a leader is always demanding someone else take responsibility and keeps praise for themselves, they're not an effective leader. 

If this is the case they're not a leader at all.

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u/Jonseroo 12h ago

I'm not sure about this one. My wife is a supremely kind, fair, ethical person, but she went to bed without talking to me last week after I beat her high score at Yahtzee.

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u/LeaneGenova 11h ago

I'm banned from playing competitive games with my husband because he always wins and it makes me salty. I've switched to buying only co-op games for the sake of my marriage.

My husband is the most graceful winner and loser, which makes it all the more insulting that I'm such a brat lol.

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u/Rommel79 11h ago

Look for a card game called Ito. It’s a cooperative card game where the more people you have, the harder it becomes, but it’s still really fun. It encourages cooperation and discussions about why you ranked your item where you ranked it.

I played with my wife, another couple, and all of our kids and every single one of us had a blast.

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u/LeaneGenova 10h ago

Oooh, this looks interesting! I love the type of games like this with tons of replayability. Thanks!

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u/Rommel79 10h ago

We bought it after playing with some friends and I walked in to my 13 year old playing with his friends too. Hopefully you enjoy it.

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u/Qyro 15m ago

Not a great game if it's just her and her husband though. I've tried it at 2 and it really doesn't work!

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u/SnappySausage 11h ago

Hahaha, I have a friend like that. She'd always get so upset if she lost. Even if she won like 9 times (if I let that happen) in a row and I'd get the 10th, she'd be upset by it. Needless to say, letting her win was also not a solution since she'd notice that, which led to a fun lose-lose scenario, as I seem to be a bit better at games generally. So in the end it was a better idea to play co-op games since I didn't want her to get frustrated every time we'd play.

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u/LeaneGenova 11h ago

I never win against my husband, love him to death but he is way too good at games. I've gotten better at it over the years, but my competitive side is a little brat and cannot be trusted and thus, she remains in time out while I focus on marital harmony.

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u/janosslyntsjowls 3h ago

Not to rock that boat haha but did you play any sports he didn't as kids? My husband is way better at pretty much all video games than me but I played soccer all throughout high school and beat the crap out of him at FIFA till I felt bad and started explaining basic strategy!

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u/LeaneGenova 3h ago

Haha, I was a certified girly-girl, so I did ballet and horseback riding. And he is so incredibly happy when I kick his ass and loves to brag about me beating him. Honestly, it's unfair he's such a good sport. I've never seen him even remotely offended, except when someone else is a bad sportsman.

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u/UpperApe 11h ago

I love that "salty" has become the soft way to say "shithead".

It's exactly what salty gamers would come up with lol

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u/LeaneGenova 11h ago

Oh, I absolutely became a shithead. I sulked and was a sore loser. I can lose with grace to anyone but my husband, but the salt comes out with him.

Thus, co-op board and video games. Much better for sanity and not every time I play games needs to be an opportunity for emotional growth.

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u/UpperApe 11h ago

Oh I know. As a former shithead and sore-loser, I'm well aware how illogical our salty hulk-modes can be.

And it only gets worse when the person is trying to be nice about it. How dare you babysit my baby tantrum >:(

Much better for sanity and not every time I play games needs to be an opportunity for emotional growth.

Hahahaha!

Well check out Slay the Spire 2 on your travels! Amazing co-op game. Not so great if you're on blood pressure meds.

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u/LeaneGenova 11h ago

And it only gets worse when the person is trying to be nice about it. How dare you babysit my baby tantrum >:(

This genuinely made me laugh out loud, because you are so right. He's so graceful and tries SO HARD to make me feel better, and I'm like, just let me sulk in peace, please.

3

u/_corwin 6h ago

Credit to you where credit is due, at least you're self-aware of it. People who throw a temper tantrum and don't have enough introspection to realize what they're doing, are the real problem.

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u/LeaneGenova 5h ago

Thankfully, I never temper tantrumed, just got incredibly butthurt and sulky. Still not a great look, but thank goodness it wasn't that bad. Now I still sulk for a few minutes, but I can move on.

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u/matryanie 6h ago

"Salty" used to be a step short of being a shithead and it still is.

2

u/WigglestonTheFourth 11h ago

Not everyone can take the obverse win.

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u/aCynicalMind 11h ago

This is a genuinely good-faith question here, without any ill-intent:

Have you tried addressing the issue within yourself, or is pivoting to co-op games a way of avoiding that process?

That being asked, co-op gaming seems like a very suitable band-aid solution.

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u/LeaneGenova 11h ago

Oh, I work on it. I'm much better than I was in my early 20s, but I also give myself grace as I grew up poorly socialized and with a lot of toxic coping mechanisms. So it's going to be a work in progress for quite a while. Part of it is that I was attacked as a child for not being the best, and losing was made fun of ruthlessly, so I built up a sense of indignation to protect my sense of self.

Co-op games are genuinely fun for me, and it's a way we can enjoy without every gaming session becoming part of my therapy of working on myself. Sometimes a girl just wants to turn her brain off, you know?

7

u/BookyNZ 10h ago

I have a similar issue with competitive games. I love being cooperative with people, because there is a distinct difference (in my mind) playing with people and winning and losing, vs being against everyone. I'm not a great winner, but I have made efforts to be less of a sore winner or loser.

That was ironically something me and my friend talked about the other day, but I was told that I do at least tend to catch myself being an asshole and try to be nice once I catch myself. And that I have gotten better over time. It's hard to break habits that your childhood and sometimes your personality encouraged.

Congratulations on the learning better habits, and may the journey continue as smoothly as it can.

1

u/Sanity_in_Moderation 4h ago

On the off chance that you missed it. "It Takes Two" is so goddamn fun.

1

u/Xytriuss 10h ago

Turn the excuses into reasons, that’s my motivation

1

u/MattieShoes 10h ago

Not parent poster, but "friendly competition" is hard for me. It's like the peak of a mountain, and it's very easy to roll down either side, either cutthroat or not caring at all.

These days, I make the decision which side to err on before the game starts, and it's almost always on the "not caring at all" side because I'm a much better person on that side of the mountain.

1

u/majinspy 4h ago

I'm a sore loser. I'm better than I used to be which was full on breakdown. I'm 41 - now I just get a little salty about it and there's a sort of "limit" of how much I'm gonna take. My friends know this and tease me a bit, and that's ok. I'm just...not able to 100% gracefully take a harsh L.

6

u/DiligentCorvid 10h ago

I genuinely love your self awareness, and how your graceful husband just makes it all sting worse.

You should tell him, so he can gently kiss you on the forehead and say "GG babe, you nearly had me there!" and you can seethe for hours afterwards 😅😅😅

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u/LeaneGenova 10h ago

Haha, he almost played a winning card on me in Munchkin ON MY BIRTHDAY and I was like, "dude, c'mon I literally never win and you're going to kick my ass on my birthday?" He didn't play the card, but he and I both knew he'd really won the game. Bastard. I love him so much.

1

u/_learned_foot_ 9h ago

you think he was playing Munchkin with that move?

1

u/DiligentCorvid 9h ago

I am chuckling so hard right now 😅😅

Absolutely adorkable.

1

u/tedivm 11h ago

My wife is way more competitive than me, and we're primarily a co-op game house as a result.

1

u/munkisquisher 8h ago

Love Letter is great for tempering that.

It's a short card based game, each round is a min or two. It's so heavily based on luck of the card draw, and it's fairly easy to learn to play optimally. So you loose a ton of hands without doing anything wrong.

If it doesn't help you be gracious in winning or loosing then nothing will.

1

u/Progressivecavity 7h ago

My wife and I had this problem with gin rummy. Once we stopped keeping long term score and lost track of how poorly she was doing in the aggregate we started having fun again

1

u/DiscoKittie 7h ago

Same. I'm not as bad as I used to be because I've been around people worse than I was, but I still don't do competitive games if I can help it because I never know what that little bitch is going to come out, lol!

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u/squired 6h ago

I agree with you. I think the better answer is "How they win". Bad winners are far worse than sulking losers. One is emotional control. The other portends far more about how they view others.

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u/Jonseroo 5h ago

Ah, well this is awkward. Now I think about it, I did point at her and laugh when I won.

1

u/squired 5h ago

Hah!! It was you all along!!!

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u/Ciserus 10h ago

I'm not going to say your wife is a bad person, but that is an enormous character flaw.

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u/Jonseroo 7h ago

It is but one, to my many.

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u/mrinfinitepp 10h ago

Genuinely pathetic behaviour

5

u/Jonseroo 7h ago

Nobody's perfect.

2

u/nmezib 6h ago

You beat your wife? You monster!

6

u/Correct-Plenty1673 11h ago

Maybe your wife is not as good as your dick thinks she is.

1

u/Jonseroo 7h ago

My Mr Wobbly is an excellent judge of character, thank you very much. It was his idea to throw away my sofa and buy two chairs, so I wasn't tempted to have any more sex with my ex, Michelle, when she came over.

And he turned down Sharon when she got touchy feely over nibbles that time we watched Father Ted together, because the year before when I was dating her she'd said she didn't want commitment but then was upset I went with Michelle, so Mr Wobbly said, "No way, Hose", because Sharon was now seeing someone else and he didn't want this other person to be upset like she had been.

Unperceptive dick, my ass.

1

u/Nevermind_I_Guess 7h ago

That’s not a loss, that’s a betrayal

1

u/ThrowingShaed 1h ago

i dont know if its definitive. i dont know if we dont all have occasional stumbles. is it a point of pride thing? her thing? you dont need to answer, im just wondering. im assuming you didnt go... overboard on celebrations and get a flag thrown for taunting, but i guess i would wonder if.. was the framing you vs her? collaborative? neither? im just... thinking maybe times retroactively i should have thanked people around me for even small successes.. maybe... not sure... thinking more in theory because my brain too blank on specifics

0

u/ashleton 10h ago

Bruh

She was right to go to bed without talking to you. For shame.

1

u/Jonseroo 7h ago

Quite right. I did kind of goad her with my good dice rolls. I only suggested a game of Yahtzee (which I hate by the way, since it is almost entirely just guesswork and doing tedious admin for dice) because she was in a mood because she lost against the chess computer in Duolingo and I wanted to cheer her up. She LOVES Yahtzee. And then I got two Yahtzees and rolled every combination I tried for.

-10

u/more_magic_mike 11h ago

Are you married to a man?

7

u/PlacatedPlatypus 11h ago

If you think that men are, writ large, more sore losers than women, I have many bridges to sell you.

-5

u/more_magic_mike 10h ago

No but being a good loser does not make a woman a good man

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u/Jonseroo 7h ago

Ah, I see the source of our miscommunication. I read, 'good man', and focused on the good part as being an ethical indicator, leading me to offer in evidence my sore losing yet angelic wife, whereas perhaps you read 'good man' as being someone who is good at his gender role or manliness, which, as you point out, excludes my wife.

How ambiguous our shared language is! Such amphiboly.

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u/MLA1092K3 12h ago

Could you elaborate please?

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u/MeesterPepper 12h ago

Sportsmanship. When they lose, do they take it with dignity? Do they compliment the person who beat them, and learn from the loss? If it makes them upset or frustrated, can they keep it reigned in in the moment and deal with it in a healthy way later?

Or do they throw a tantrum, flip the table, cuss out/blame other people, insist the game wasn't fair or that someone cheated? Particularly egregious if we're talking about someone behaving this way over, say, their sports team of choice taking an L

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u/n3rdfighte7 11h ago

You mean like the guys that blame lag/disconnects or accuse me of cheating every time they lose a game , because its impossible that they would lose any other way?

15

u/NotMyPrerogative 11h ago

No no no, my entire team sucked, everyone but me!

2

u/TripleUltraMini 11h ago

That's only true in college where you have to do all of the work for the entire group project. /s

2

u/_learned_foot_ 9h ago

I absolutely love judges because the vast majority go ballistic when attorneys try this. Plenty allow it, but more will rip the attorney to shreds. Mainly cause the rules make the attorney responsible for it all, the glory and the shit.

2

u/Born-Entrepreneur 2h ago edited 2h ago

Hah, back in middle school our group used to say "I got my half!" when losing a game, if indeed as an individual, one of us did score half of the points needed to win. For 4v4 games like good old Halo 2 Slayer, is it too much to expect the other 3 to collectively get half the needed score?

1

u/CompleteNumpty 6h ago

If I'm at the top of the table in an online game my lack of skill suggests that I'm in a truly terrible team.

1

u/st0nedeye 3h ago

Blame the healer!

2

u/Certain_Month_8178 11h ago

The guy who complains the sun got in his eyes during a night game of basketball

2

u/RivenRise 10h ago

And here I am feeling bad cause my team managed to win in spite of me lmao.

1

u/ReturnOfBane 9h ago

i didn't know you played against DSP

1

u/DelusionalZ 7h ago

Don't blame yourself, that's selfish.

Blame your team. That's the selfless act.

-1

u/PopMundane4974 9h ago

To be fair, losing due to lag because you can't afford high speed super ultra mega nerd internet while some 12 year old blasts you because he has like 0 ping that his parents pay for is a valid reason to be mad.

4

u/Draw-on-the-walls 10h ago

The way people treat their team mates on multiplayer games, safe to say most men under 30 who bother to speak in those games are bad people lol

2

u/Certain_Month_8178 11h ago

Nate from Ted Lasso (seasons 1 &2) are a good case study for this

2

u/nodnodwinkwink 6h ago

Same goes for how they act when they win. If someone is a sore loser but also obnoxious when they win it shows poor character.

2

u/MeesterPepper 5h ago

One of the worst people I ever had the misfortune to play board games with was not only a sore loser and an overly gloaty winner, but just winning wasn't enough. They had to be in the lead the whole game and also win by an overwhelming landslide, or else they'd pout and complain the whole time about how stupid the game was and how other players must have an unfair advantage.

I'm not kidding, he'd do shit like be in first place with 25 points, someone would pull ahead to 26, and start literally crying because "I never get to win anything!". Everyone would calm him down, he'd take a turn and get up to 30 points, and then suddenly it'd be "you guys freaking SUCK ASS at this game! Like playing against toddlers, it's not even fair how much better I am!" Grown ass man pushing 30, having an emotional breakdown because he was in second place for two whole rounds.

We don't hang out anymore

1

u/cmmedit 11h ago

do they throw a tantrum, flip the table, cuss out/blame other people, insist the game wasn't fair or that someone cheated

Huh. Sounds like you're talking about when my bro and I play video games against each other. We're both mid 40s.

4

u/Jacob-0506 12h ago

Losing the competition, losing a pet, losing family, losing anything at all.

2

u/PlutusAbyss 11h ago

Competition I understand, but I don't understand how losing a pet or family member can reveal negative character traits unless it's a repeated behavior over a long period of time. Is that what you mean?

6

u/Jacob-0506 11h ago

How people accept loss may reflect the resilience of their character and their level of maturity i think.

2

u/Whitworth_73 11h ago

Do these things affect them in a way where they take it out on other people.

0

u/Jacob-0506 11h ago

I think so; some people gradually become decadent and depraved, or even worse.

0

u/Jacob-0506 11h ago

This might be happening subtly and gradually.

0

u/Jacob-0506 11h ago

But this seems to go beyond the realm of whether or not they are "kind"; perhaps they have simply lost themselves.

4

u/LinguisticallyInept 11h ago

idk... my partner is a really sore loser and outside of that hes thoughtful and caring

because he was raised doing competitive swimming he ties so much of his personal value into whether he wins; that losing dredges up a ton of self hate baggage that gets externally expressed

i love him but god damn sometimes i just dont want to play games with him because he gets so grumpy when i beat him

3

u/interesseret 11h ago

I don't think that's seemingly insignificant. I think how they WIN fits the bill a lot more.

You're absolutely allowed to celebrate and be happy, but some people act as if god's holy light shines out of their asshole if they win literally anything. It quite often translates to extreme expectations of their children, and other people around them. Much more subtle than just being a sore loser.

2

u/hoPamela 10h ago

A win can be faked. A loss has worse lighting.

2

u/Sawses 5h ago

I think a big one is being able to be mad about it and recognize that it's just you being mad rather than being mad at the winner or allowing it to impact one's actions.

Really, that one applies for pretty much anybody. I don't want a partner, friend, coworker, etc. who makes their emotions somebody else's problem. Man or woman, that's a very common trait that basically convinces me I don't want that person in my life at all.

3

u/Knuck1edragger77 11h ago

Damn, you got it. Humility.

1

u/No_Emotion1084 11h ago

Seemingly insignificant?

1

u/almeida_luiz-70 10h ago

How they lose is a good one. In a dumb game, can he say “nice shot” and keep playing, or does he need to litigate why the loss doesn’t count?

1

u/ProductANDdesignGUY 10h ago

Three powerful words.

1

u/JamieBeeeee 10h ago

How they act when feeling embarrassed

1

u/quick_flayer 9h ago

i like this. is it grace in losing or something more like how they treat others when they dont win?

1

u/joanzen 9h ago

Lose? What's this? It's a foreign concept to the greatest man ever, get out of here with your fake news. /s

Paying attention to losing a match can help you win (for real). Ha.

1

u/rocketwrench 8h ago

seriously. you want to find a good dude, go to a local game shop. the guys who can play and have a good time winning or losing are generally the chillest dudes around.

1

u/Klatelbat 6h ago

I wonder what this says about me. Whenever I play like an online game and lose, if I felt like I did poorly, I will get very mad and my mental will be broken for like hours. If I felt like I lost because my team sucked, I will complain during the match but not actually get angry and still just try to have fun. However, if I feel like the game made me lose, like putting me against players that are just very clearly significantly better than me, I am just as likely to get frustrated.

1

u/shaard 5h ago

And also how they win.

1

u/dlsisnumerouno 5h ago

I'm the most graceful loser, but don't let me win. It's not pretty. I hope it only goes one way lol.

•

u/NessieReddit 58m ago

100% this. My ex was toxic AF and was hyper competitive. He was paranoid and an absolute asshole about losing things like board games. Red flag.

•

u/Talksiq 32m ago

I would also add "How they win." The men I know that I genuinely respect and seem like good people are the ones that can win without making it about some kind of validation of their superiority.

-12

u/Jacob-0506 12h ago

lose what？

38

u/XanatosXIII 12h ago

Anything. Bowling, cards, Mario kart. Doesn't matter. Losing with class is a sign of good character.

-2

u/skcuf2 12h ago

This only applies if they prescribe any value to what they are losing. Any person can be a good loser when they lose at something they don't care about. You must beat someone at their own game, probably multiple times, for this rule to apply.

14

u/DukeRedWulf 12h ago

I see you've never met any over-competitive bad losers who can't stand to lose at anything.. Lucky you! XD

-7

u/skcuf2 12h ago

This type of person just prescribes value to winning at what they are competing in. Even this type of person has some things they don't care about. Like someone who gets mad at losing flag football might not get mad at losing a fighting game or trivia game, because they have no expectation of winning.

I have never met a person who has been a sore loser about everything they have lost. I don't think a person like that could exist because eventually everyone they know would stop competing with them.

7

u/Landashlo 12h ago

Oh man they exist. I’ve seen people throw tantrums playing a Christmas gift game where everyone still gets a gift for a maximum price of 10 dollars

2

u/DukeRedWulf 11h ago

".. I have never met a person who has been a sore loser about everything they have lost.."

Then you've lived a charmed life.. They are so common that people have done running comedy sketches about them, like the "Over-Competitive Dad" sketches:

https://youtu.be/h2x_DI7tzNQ

-8

u/Jacob-0506 12h ago

An interesting perspective

5

u/uhhhhhhhhh_okay 12h ago

Not really. A lot of men are so insecure they can't handle not being the best, even when it doesn't matter like a board game or Mario Kart

I've seen grown men throw tantrums because they lost at chess

5

u/thatguy89x 12h ago

Maybe the reaction of the individual when they lose?

0

u/Commercial-Air1335 11h ago

HA! Sucker i'd have you convinced, i'm a great loser but a horrible winner  /s