I love my boyfriend of seven months. He's handsome, kind, funny, and sweet. He can also be volatile, immature, unmotivated, and overly dramatic.

We met in a rehab facility (I know, I know), and the chemistry between us is undeniable. Since we left treatment, I've had several slip-ups in my recovery, and he's been patient and loyal through all of them.

Our backgrounds are very different. I'm lucky to have a loving, supportive family and a large group of wonderful friends. He doesn't have that. He grew up in a single-parent home with a lot of addiction, neglect, and abuse. I'm well educated and financially secure; he's broke and never earned his GED.

Since we started dating, I've covered all the bills, and I've reached the point where I can't keep doing it. Honestly, the way he seems unable or unwilling to stand on his own two feet has become a turn-off. I want a family and a true, equal partnership.

We recently broke up. I ended it, and he's devastated. I feel terrible, and part of me wonders if I gave up too soon. But I also question whether there's a real long-term future for us.

Should I try to work it out, or was ending it the right call?

TL;DR: I ended a 7-month relationship with a sweet but unmotivated boyfriend I met in rehab because I've been paying for everything and want an equal partner. He's heartbroken and I feel guilty. Should I go back and try to make it work, or let it go?

So I got off work to go to my girlfriend’s apartment after overtime was cancelled. I hear her and another man moaning through the door, I immediately blacked out and was banging on the door telling her to open it or I would kick it in, so she opens it as I’m trying to get to the guy she’s cheating on me with and defending she gets in the way so I pushed her causing her to hit the wall and put a crack in it. I’ve never put my hands on a woman until this moment I snapped out of what I was feeling and immediately apologized and left. I feel so bad about me putting my hands on her but I am also feeling so much anger because I was so loyal and would do anything for her, and right now I’m spiraling and don’t know what to do, I don’t know why I came to Reddit but I just need to hear something.

I think I was groomed? Idk entirely I (19F) at the time was 14, he was (18M)
I never really felt weird about it until recently, when i noticed that it feels like im growing up and he is not. Please give me some advice as I am at a lost and am very confused…

Edit: I currently live with him and idk what to do but I think I need to leave

I (21F) matched with this guy (20M) on tinder back in may, we talked for only about a day then he ended up leaving me on read. I didn’t mind because it happens, but we continued being friends on insta. Fast forward to about 6 weeks ago, i posted a song to my notes and he dmed me saying he also liked the band and asked me how i was doing. We’ve been talking everyday since then and have called a few times as well. I realized around 2 weeks ago when we called that I really would rather not date when he became incredibly adamant on us getting together at some point. I was fine with the idea of a date and seeing where things went but one thing i am realizing about myself is i am extremely stingy with my alone time, or I just genuinely don’t want that with him.

I broke up with my ex of 3 years back in december of 2025, and some of the red flags I had ignored from her are now things i’m seeing in him. Love bombing and acting like i’m above him somehow? like im on a pedestal in his mind. He has also mentioned being asked to participate in a 3-person “activity” at least 3 times in the past week. He talks poorly about himself but will turn on his camera and flex in the mirror for a solid 10 minutes, as if to see what all I will say.

The first couple times we called were fine but they got increasingly more uncomfortable for me. I had asked if we could take things slow but almost any time we talk on the phone, he makes the conversation sexual in some manner. I normally just laugh it off and reject any attempt at him getting me to say something similar.
Not only that but he has already said the L word and acted kind of dejected when i didn’t want to say it back. We still haven’t even met and i don’t even get enough words in before it turns sexual for him to know anything about me as a person. I think i realized im also just not all that into him. Rather than feeling giddy i feel anxious and i know i need to tell him i dont want a future relationship with him.

How do I tell him I don’t want any kind of relationship at the moment without it sounding like Im saying “it’s me, not you.” and hurting his feelings? Judging by how he has reacted to other things, I feel like i may have to brace myself.

So since we started dating bro has been tripping. 1st example we visited her home town which he stays and visited his mother who my gf is still close with which is cool wasn’t tripping. Bro found out and called her job which still don’t know how he found out where she worked and threatened her not to come back to her home town.2nd example bro told his mother he hoped I died. He did some other things as well but u get the picture. So after he did all that he sent an apology letter in the mail to her mother’s house. She said she felt at peace I Said cool Ig so a lil later he calls her phone no caller id and says Im sorry over and over again then she said she heard a gunshot then the phone hung up. All this happened while I was at work. I walked in she crying like I never seen her cry before. Turns out he was fine his mom told her that day.I tell her I think u should change ur number she says nah I don’t want it to seem like I don’t care.I tell her if it happens again u either change ur number or I can’t be with u. Apart of me does feel bad but I can’t live like this. What should I do feel like I might have to let her go

I was debating weather or not to post about this but I truly don’t know what to do. [sorry for the long post] Me (21)F and my bf(21)M have been together for about 6 months now. For context, this relationship has truly brought so much joy into my life and not once did I ever have complaints about our relationship. He truly treats me like a princess and I felt that we were so perfect for each other in every way. Both our families love us together and have expressed how they hope for us to get married. ( not that that influences my decision on weather I will or not, but just context on how others view him) I truly believed that I was so lucky to find such a great guy for me.

He is the first person I trusted to do anything sexual with. We are both each other’s first serious relationship so we both are pretty new to doing sexual things with one another. The farthest we’ve gone with it is oral(he’s religious) so penetration was out of the question. All this to say that I truly trusted this man like no other, and I felt that he trusted me in the same way.
I truly believed that what we were doing was out of love for one another, but a couple nights ago he did something that completely shook me. While I was giving him oral, I glanced up for a second and realized his arm was raised in a weird position. When I looked to my left, my heart sank as I saw his phone pointed at me. I immediately stopped and asked what he was doing. He then said that he was texting his mom back and proceeded to text on his phone. He seemed frantic and kind of panicked. I then said, “oh my god I thought you were taking a picture of me.” He responded with “oh my god no I would never do that” and then said that he felt that we needed to stop. I was annoyed when he said this because this was something he would say often after something sexual. Again, with him being religious, he expresses how he feels that this isn’t good for us and that he doesn’t want to express love to me in that way until marriage. He would go on to say that he wants to love me rightly and not make our relationship only founded on lust. I had no issue with the way he viewed things and I understood his perspective ( I was previously religious when we first dated) but either way I didn’t care much about what we did sexually because for me, it felt like a true connection we had together.
We sat in silence for a little and then he admitted that he was indeed trying to take a picture. He began to be very apologetic and said he didn’t know why he did that. He explained that ever since we started doing things with each other his “struggle with lust” had started back up again and that this has been the worst it’s ever gotten. He explained that with me being the first girl he’s done things with, his desire for me in that way only grew more and more to the point that when I wasn’t with him, all that would consume his mind was the thought of us doing things. He said at night was when it would get worse and he’d watch videos. He said the reason why he wanted to take a picture was so he could have something of me instead of watching other women online to jerk off to. He kept repeating how sorry he was and that he didn’t know why he did that. He kept saying that it was a something in the heat of the moment and that it wasn’t intended to harm me in anyway. He was visibly shaken and crying.
I didn’t really care how sorry he was, I just couldn’t believe he would do something like that. I couldn’t believe the person I trusted the most in the world actually tried to violate and betray me like that. I kept questioning weather I truly knew him. When I asked to see his phone, it was in his recently deleted and when I looked at it, I broke down because it was a video, not a picture. He then completely deleted it from his phone

I still don’t know what to do because I’m not sure that I want to break up with him. I truly love this man and have built such a great relationship with him. He truly is my best friend and I’ve felt that no one understood me like he did. If I were to leave him, I wouldn’t want to be in another relationship. Should I stay with him try to resolve this between the two of us, or should I leave and try to move on?

I have a friend that has been dating a guy for almost seven years. During the relationship she always felt like she was giving her all, but her partner was not putting as much effort. She confronted him about this for years, but nothing changed until a couple months ago when he started trying. A fee years back he came to visit her, but kept sidelining her to hangout with his brother, even though many times the brother stood him up. After some time, when he went back to his country he realized that he should’ve spent more time her. The feeling that she was chasing this person kept growing and growing, and she was getting tired of constantly asking for her needs to be met. But at last, he was trying to be better and finally show her he indeed cared. But during that transition he met another woman, a woman he described as liking him from their first interaction. Somehow this woman ended up living in his house. When he told her about his girlfriend abroad she referred to that relationship as “not worth it.” The boyfriend started cooking with her, going out shopping, doing her hair and spending up to four to five hours together.

One time after spending the whole afternoon with the new woman his girlfriend called him, and he told her that he was going downstairs (they live in two floor house) to hangout with her. The girlfriend was taken a back because you were just together playing video games and doing her hair. Another time while the boyfriend was talking to the new woman she told him, “I had a friend once that was in a long distance relationship, but when he finally saw the girl he didn’t really like her. I ended up hooking up with him and eventually dating. I don’t see this as cheating because I never knew her.” The girlfriend took this information as an insinuation from the new woman to the boyfriend. However, the boyfriend told the new woman that he saw it as cheating. Fast forward a few more days the new woman called him “babe” on a text message. He told his girlfriend that it made him feel uncomfortable, but he didn’t tell her not to do it, instead he would tell her not to do it if it happens again. The girlfriend expressed her discomfort with them spending time together and how it make it her uncomfortable because the new woman was acting disrespectfully towards their relationship.

There was a family event and the new woman was invited. When he got on the phone with his girlfriend after the event, an hour passed and he told her “the woman wants to talk to me, she’s not feeling well. Are you comfortable with that?” However, after he revealed that he was the one who asked her if she wanted to talk about her feelings. After talking to his girlfriend, he decided to reschedule their talk out of “guilt, and pressure” because he realized wanted to spend time with his girlfriend. The next day comes, and they talked about her feelings of sadness and they spent most of the day together. Then at night time he watched two movies with her on her phone. He was there with her until one thirty a.m. His girlfriend tried to reached him, but he was watching the movie with the new woman. He called his girlfriend back to tell her he was tired and ready for bed. What do you think? What’s your advice? My friend doesn’t think he’s cheating, but she feels disrespected and pushed aside.

i am 24F, my bf (24M) will turn 25 in a month. We have been dating for about 10 months now and it’s been great. He is absolutely clear about his intentions, he prioritises me, and he treats me wonderfully. This is my first relationship, and I found myself “testing” him in my head at times (like quietly assessing his views on feminism, patriarchy, politics etc), and he has turned out to be a wonderful human being in all those areas. We are both into spirituality, and it’s normal for us to discuss it and our progress.

A while ago, he told me that he fears turning out into [his certain family member who did not take care of their health] and wants to become his healthiest vers physically and mentally. He mentioned Brian Johnson and how some of his ways are very effective. I did not think much of it back then, but I looked it up now and I don’t think I like this Brian guy (yes, the one who is trying live long) and his ways. But i can’t decide if I am just being sceptical or is it actually concerning? (My bf also reads a lot about art and spirituality in non fiction books, and at first i had a hard time accepting that because i don’t like nonfiction and read a lot of fiction)

We broke up about three weeks ago. He told me that he would be leaving the country soon, although I don’t know for sure if that’s actually true. Because of that, I really want to see him again before he potentially leaves.
I’m leaving out some details, but about two weeks ago, a friend of mine went to his house, demanded money from him, and caused a scene that ended up involving people around him. He was extremely angry about what happened.
After that, he told me not to go near his house again and not to contact him. I tried to explain the situation, but he eventually left my message on read. He also sent me some money, which I returned because I hadn’t asked for it.
I really want to see him again. I also want to apologize to him in person and talk to him face-to-face. A lot has happened since we broke up, and I’ve been going through a lot emotionally, so seeing him again feels very important to me.
I have an idea of how I could potentially run into him “by coincidence” I’m thinking about trying to run into him by coincidence in a part of the city that we both go to often.
rather than anywhere near his home. I wouldn’t go to his house or approach him there. The idea would simply be to be somewhere in the city where we might naturally cross paths. I know it would still be intentional on my part, though.
I’m thinking about doing it sometime after November starts, giving things some time first.
I’m not looking for advice on how to make it happen. I already have an idea. I just want to hear what people think about the situation itself.
If you were in my position and really wanted to see someone one more time, would you consider it worth trying after giving things some time? Or is there something else you would do in this situation?

Hey guys i wanted to know if everytime i have to tell my GF that her obviously abusive behavior like insulting me even if i say stop, belittling me being hot an cold every other day, insulting me when i cant bend over backwards cause of school or work and comparing my success to other guys and telling me she accidentally messaged her ex instead of me and he wont stop texting. I want to know in a health relationship shouldnt they see that their behavior is toxic and why is it when i bring it up she magically starts apolagizing and saying she will change and that change only lasts for 2 days then she defaults back to the same behavior we spoke about i have tried speaking slow. Using her language of reels , spending more money to be more available, being patient but then she does the same behavior again if i dont react she will keep doing it and smirk when i call it out, but everytime i pull away she changes for a couple of days then says change tales time just to do it again. I want to know what does real accountability look like?

I’m 23M in Vancouver Canada and she’s 27F in the New York area. We met earlier this year in June on a language learning app called hellotalk. On the app you can have voice rooms and I was hosting one day randomly and was inviting random people up (8 people can talk on stage and rest are in the audience) and she happened to be one of those randoms and I noticed she was muted for quite awhile so I asked her to unmute and introduce herself. I found her interesting so I followed her and she would host rooms frequently so I would join hers and she started joining mine.

We moved to Instagram, Discord and eventually WhatsApp. We’ve video called a lot for hours and hours, voice called, watched things together, spent hours talking, and there were nights where we literally fell asleep while still on the phone together and would stay on call in the morning while getting ready and heading to work.

we’ve never met in person but she became one of the people I talked to the most. I literally know where she lives , works , and her daily routine and she knows mine. We both have feelings for each other but she's been very inconsistent about what she's wanted. Early on she would tell me to come to New York showed me wall Street on video call even showed me her neighbourhood and workplace and where she grabs coffee every morning from dunkins. She even said she would cook for me if I come.

Later she became much more resistant to it as we got closer. I would talk to other women on the app or just get their socials and she would become very possessive/jealous but also wanted to be just friends and didn't want a relationship.

Eventually I was flirting with one of her online friend from Australia and she found out and it causes a whole mess to the point she literally cussed me out. At that point I was like , I'm going to be in New York on Saturday come meet me at Central park I'll be there for 7 days and if you don't want to meet or if we don't vibe in person I'll leave you alone. She told me not to come for her and even told me to get over her and meet me later as a friend. I told her I'm going to be in New York regardless and meet me at Central park I'll be waiting for her and don't let me down(I asked advice from my friend he said emotionally pressure her a bit).

Well I book a flight and book an airbnb and I got denied entry to the USA but was never told why. I had some issues in highschool with police but I was never charged or a convicted of a crime I was just given a court order which does not make me inadmissible to the United States but I also didn't tell Customs and border protection about her because it seemed embarrassing and it was a grey area. I also didn't trust what she would tell them if I gave them her number.

After this she became more distant for the past month but for the last week she's been reaching out again, she says she wants the same closeness again but never wants to meet and even said she's not putting herself infront of me but yet wants closeness online. She did tell me she was hurt by me trying to go over there last month and pressuring her but I also said I was hurt by her wanting to keep me close yet never meet me. She even said while trying to get me to come back to her saying it's sad how she would've hung out with me before but now she never will.

Her reasoning seems to be that because we both have feelings, she doesn’t want either of us to be tempted or have the feelings get stronger when she believes we cannot date.

This is where I completely lose understanding of her.

She says she doesn’t want to meet me in real life, but at the same time she wants us to be extremely close online.

After this conversation she was talking about going back to how close we used to be, including sleeping on the phone together again.

I told her I don’t understand how I’m supposed to be okay with that.

For me, talking through a screen indefinitely while knowing we will never even sit in the same room together is painful. I’m not saying an online friendship is fake, but I personally cannot handle this level of emotional intimacy if it is permanently confined to a screen.

I decided that maybe I needed to cut contact entirely, left her a message and blocking her everywhere but I couldn't bring myself to block her on discord and WhatsApp and she saw the message almost instantly and called me crying calling me an a-hole for blocking her and told me to unblock her. I ended up unblocking her , but I don't understand what she wants and why she wants to stay close online.

She literally wants to stay close online , but denied me a meeting even platonically and I will never know what would've happened if I actually made it to New York last month. My plan was if she didn't meet or if it didn't workout I would just leave, check the city out and remove her everywhere but i couldn't do that and still can't because it feels so unfinished rn. I've spoken to a us immigration lawyer and trying to get my issues entering the states figured out so one day I can be in New York and see if she would be willing to meet but at this point I just want closure I don't expect anything for her. All I always wanted was one real memory with her that's it but she is unwilling to give me that but also not letting me leave her.

At this point I don’t know whether she genuinely believes we can have an extremely emotionally intimate online friendship indefinitely, or whether we’re both keeping each other stuck because neither of us wants to lose the connection.

I don’t want to pressure her to meet me. If she doesn’t want to meet, I accept that. But I also don’t think I can keep having this level of intimacy with someone I may never see in person.

The relationship has started affecting other areas of my life, and when I try talking to other women I still find myself thinking about her.

Do I need to cut contact completely? Is there any realistic way to turn this into a healthy friendship, or are we just prolonging something that has nowhere to go? And what do you think she is actually looking for from me?

Hey, I am in a relationship with my girlfriend, I am 28M and she is 41F. She’s been in one longterm relationship and the rest have been casual ones. Recently she told me that she had one casual sexual relationship but that was around the time of the pandemic. After that she didnt have anyone so I asked her if that meant she hadnt had sex for five years. She said she gave another guy a chance because he had been pursuing her.

Unfortunately I know that she had sex with two other men within the last two years, and she never mentioned either of them and avoided the subject altogether. It makes me feel weird. Why didnt she tell me about them? I don’t think she was ashamed of it since she had no problem telling me that she had previously been seeing someone casually for sex.

Guys, what should I do? We've been friends for two years, and eventually, we confessed our feelings and found out they were mutual. He told me he would pursue me, but eventually decided to end things because he realized he shouldn't pursue me, saying that God told him it wasn't the right time. I gave it my all and prayed for him before, and now that I finally had him, I ended up losing both a friend and a potential relationship.

This is a long one, so please bear with me. Any advice is greatly appreciated :)

My bf (27M) and I (27F) have been together going on 10 years. I found out about two years ago that he was watching trans porn because I went through his phone while we were on vacation and confronted him about some messages that I found. He had been talking to trans escorts online just sexting with them and receiving nudes. When I confronted him about this, he swore that he had no intention of actually meeting up with them and that he didn’t pay anyone, and that the only reason he did this was to discover more of himself because he admitted that he discovered he likes anal penetration and had been using a toy on himself. I asked him if he was attracted to trans women or penises, and he said he wasn’t attracted to men but he was attracted to penises and needed to see one in porn to get off, but that the rest of the male anatomy didn’t turn him on. He told me that he even tried to fantasize about men to see if he would get a reaction, and he didn’t get turned on. He told me that the only reason he went behind my back was because he was worried about what I would think and that I wouldn’t accept him, or would be turned off. We took some time apart, and I ultimately chose to forgive him because I love him deeply, he’s my best friend, and I felt compassion for his fears. he has always been a great partner to me and has supported me through everything and our relationship is really good other than him going behind my back to do this instead of coming to me. I decided to do my own research and watch some videos to understand what pegging is because I had never done it before, but for some reason, I was curious. I stumbled upon one video and my body responded in a way that I would have never expected. It actually turned me on (I like being dominant) surprisingly, and I decided that I needed to investigate this for myself as well. I decided I wanted to try it with him, to see if this could be a new thing for us that could potentially scratch this itch of his. We both really enjoyed it, we incorporated it into our sex life, and he stayed loyal. He gave me a lot of reassurance because he said he felt a lot safer in the relationship since I now knew his secret and since we incorporated it into our sex life, he had no reason to go behind my back anymore so our relationship was really good from that point on.

Fast forward to now— for the past couple of months, I had this weird feeling to check his phone again. We have each other‘s passwords and we are allowed access to each other‘s phones whenever we want, but we just never do, especially since I had felt by now that he had gained my trust back, so I never felt the need to nor did I want to because I wanted to trust him. I know that it’s a violation of privacy, and I know it was wrong of me to, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t get my answer from just asking him to admit something, and I had to know for my own sanity. I didn’t find anything until I decided to open X and I saw this little icon i didn’t recognize—when I tapped it, I was redirected to a whole other page on X and found direct messages with other men and another woman. I looked through the conversations and they were sending each other porn posts and sexting…also sending links to request video chats. These people were obviously sex workers. I confronted him about this and he admitted it right away, he calmly confessed and said he will tell me everything. Unlike last time this happened—where he was getting defensive, yelling and crying—this was a totally different reaction so I decided to hear him out because I wanted closure, I needed to know everything and why this is still happening. He told me that it has been happening for the last 4 months, that he is fulfilled in our relationship and this has nothing to do with his love or attraction for me, but that he still fantasizes about penises and he doesn’t understand why, he admitted that he is afraid that he’s bisexual (conservative upbringing/inner circle), and that he wanted to try to get to the bottom of this because he wants a future with me, but he is afraid that one day he will wake up and want to be with men, which is a huge concern for me as well. He apologized profusely, saying that he knows what he did is wrong, that he feels disgusting because he knows he went about it in such a cowardly way instead of just coming to me about it despite me giving him so many chances to talk to me about this more because I told him that if he was bisexual, this wouldn’t change how I felt about him. He bawled his eyes out saying I deserve better and that he hates that he hurt me, that he can’t forgive himself etc. and that he is only upset because of how it made me feel, and that he should’ve considered my feelings first instead of doing it. He told me that he is willing to do anything to fix this, but that he respects me and that I need to do what is best for me. He says that he wants to marry me and will do whatever it takes to make sure this never happens again and to do whatever I need, that he wants to prove it to me through actions and tangible steps. I suggested therapy for his porn addiction, and he agreed.

I also need to mention that he admitted that he has had a porn addiction long before I came into the picture and it started when he was very young, maybe around the age of 12. He also confessed to me that when he was a kid him and another male family member (another kid) did something inappropriate in bed together (rubbed swords if you will) in which he told me he felt weird about afterwards and throughout his whole life. He told me that he has only ever been attracted to women. This is why I suggested therapy, and why we are not certain that he could be bi.

Despite him hurting me by going behind my back, I still love him deeply and feel empathy for him because other than this issue, he is such an amazing, supportive, and loving partner. He’s truly my best friend and we have an incredible relationship in general, but this shattered our trust once again. The fact that I felt the urge to go through his phone in the first place doesn’t sit right with me. I’m so heartbroken because I love him so much and I really don’t want to lose him, and I’m really in a tough position because I know that I don’t deserve betrayal, but I also feel for him because he’s questioning his sexuality at this point and feels a lot of pain around it. I also know that he didn’t get a lot of warmth from his parents growing up, and that he has been emotionally neglected his entire life by his family in which I deeply sympathize with because I went through the same with my family. He also doesn’t open up emotionally to his friends because they are guys and that’s just how it is for them, so he has no one to talk to about personal things other than me, because he feels no one will understand. I’m not sure if this is relevant, but I thought I would provide more context into his emotional life and lack of support that he has.

At the moment, I’m not sure what to do. I really love him and I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to abandon myself either. I truly can’t imagine being with anyone else nor do I want to. I’m straight and always been an ally, and I would have never imagined being with a partner who wasn’t fully straight like me—however, my love for him overrides that, and him being bi wouldn’t change how I felt about him and our relationship. Although i will admit, it would always be a concern in the back of my head (if he wanted a man). I did some research on this, and I read that with a porn addiction, the brain will push for more taboo content because it’s more desensitized.

Has anyone been in a situation like this before, and what course of action did you take? Do you think this can be fixed, or will it just get worse? Is he bisexual, or is this just a progressed porn addiction? This is my last resort, and I want to see if there is any way to save this relationship before I end it. Thank you in advance for any advice or kind words!

Me (25F) and my BF (24M) have been dating for two years now (one year of living together) Since few months I’ve been struggling with some mental issues, around that time i realised I don’t feel the same for my boyfriend.
I started blaming it on my mental health, didn’t talk l to anyone about this and thought if i work on it, it would get better. But it just got worse and being with him and not feeling the same consumed me slowly.
He however is so in love which makes it harder for me.
Yesterday, with a lot of courage i opened up to him. He is still very sure that it’s not our relationship and it’s in my head and I’m just overthinking. But I’ve actually stopped seeing a future with him. As brutal as it sounds, I can’t lie and lead him on anymore.
He told me he can’t lose me and losing me would leave a big hole in his heart.
I feel very guilty doing this but I can’t pretend like everything is okay too.
We haven’t officially broken up, we decided to see if there is any hope and decided to go for counselling or something. He’s still very supportive and wants me to only do well as I’ve been suffering from depression and suicidal tendencies.
I feel so shitty for doing this to a sweet guy. And he seems so lost now.
I don’t know how to go about it

My girlfriend came back after nine months. She and I have broken up more than three time and got back together. I didn’t date anyone during these nine months but she has been with two people. And it still seems unbelievable to me that she still had feelings for me after dating two other people. My love for her was there all this time. But I didn’t try to reach out to her because she was the one that felt distant. And I felt like there is no place for me in her life. So I kept my feelings for myself. Now that she is back she hasn’t changed. She has this view that “people only come to go one day” and every time we get back together, she says this to me. It’s a warning. Just to remind me I should not rely on her too much.(which I have already done from the very beginning). I’m totally obsessed with her. And every time we get back together it intensifies and turns into the fear of losing her. We planned that she and I will study together and go to another city for uni. And we will choose only one city so that we will be together .( she is 20 and took the exams this year and she knew that she can’t go to the uni she wants this year bc of low scores. So the plan was to go to a private one in our own city for a year and study french. Then again take the exam next year.) And now she is thinking about another plan. To go to another city this year to study french in one of unis that doesn’t need high scores. We will be apart at least for a year if she does this. Then it’s not certain after a year What will happen either. And I don’t know if I have the right to become upset with her…because we had planned something else together and now she has her own plans. I get that it’s really hard for her to study for the next year. She tries but she just can’t for now. But there is still the option of studying in a private college this year in our own city which will make her far more ready for the exams next year. And well deep down I wanted her to choose us being together…even if the road is harder this way. Because this is how I am. I was willing to go to whatever city she wants to next year. I wanted to do anything so that we can be next to each other. But she didn’t ask what is my opinion and doesn’t bring up what will happen to our relationship…because she has said before that she can’t do long distance and I already know it will be the end of our relationship if she moves to another city this year. I haven’t said any of these to her. Partly because it feels desperate and also I don’t know if I have the right to tell these…if I’m being selfish or not. I need help.

my bf and i were in a weird place like we were on a break + no contact and then one night i broke no contact and he wouldn’t call me and when i asked why he said we weren’t actually together and a “break is a break”

and ig out of spite or idrk i unsent a text saying i have a bf to a guy that hit on me two months ago but like didn’t do anything like i didn’t follow him or text him like lowkey just kept him blocked but is that weird of me i feel like i cheated

I’m in my 30s, we’ve been together 7 years and live together. I’ve decided I’m leaving and I’ve started looking at flats.

But keep freaking out and convincing myself I’m making a massive mistake, because the difficult thing is he's actually has got better.

He hasn’t put his hands on me for about four years. Earlier in the relationship there was a small shove in public, and another time he grabbed both my wrists and held them because we were arguing about how I was cleaning something. He’s thrown water at me and punched a door. I spoke to a domestic abuse charity last year and they called some of that physical abuse.

But it was years ago, and now it stopped.

He also used to call me an idiot, moron, “borderline retarded”, ungrateful bitch, etc. That’s mostly stopped too. The last really horrible one was the C word about five months ago when he was drunk, and he apologised properly afterwards and was genuinely lovely about it.

So my brain keeps going well… isn’t this what you wanted? He improved. Things are objectively better. Why are you leaving now?

What’s left is smaller, but it’s constant.

When he gets angry he’ll still throw things not at me, but things like a metal bar across the room, a bin, a hoover, or slam doors and drawers. If I tell him to stop, I’ve been told to fuck off.

If I raise something that’s upset me, somehow we end up arguing about whether I’m allowed to be upset by it. “You weren’t insulted, you were just insulted.” “It’s just a fact.” “It’s just a joke, don’t you know what a joke is?”

He’ll make jokes about me in front of his friends. Once he joked that I was basically “a shell of a person” before I met him. But I made one dry joke about him not doing chores at dinner and got a conversation the next day about how ungrateful I was.

I also do a ridiculous amount for him. Most of the cooking, food shopping, laundry, breakfasts, dinners, random errands, remembering his plans and all the little things he needs.

The night I found out my grandmother was in palliative care I was crying in bed in front of him. He basically said “well what can you actually do for them?” About twenty minutes later he put my hand on his dick and asked if I was okay to give him a handjob. I did, because at the time it genuinely felt easier than saying no and dealing with him being disappointed.

That one still makes me feel sick when I think about it.

But I think the thing that’s really made me realise something is wrong is how much I police myself now.

Last week there was a gig I wanted to go to and I just didn’t go because I knew what the mood would probably be like when I came home even though nobody told me I couldn’t go.

Same with a poetry night recently. I was supposed to perform and I left before my slot because I’d said I’d be home by a certain time and didn’t want him annoyed.

Again, he didn’t text me demanding I come home. He didn’t stop me. I just did it myself.

I think I’ve got so good at anticipating what might cause an argument or a mood that sometimes things genuinely are better, because I’ve already edited myself before anything happens.

Then we have a nice weekend. He’s funny and sweet and affectionate and we have a laugh and suddenly I feel like an absolute monster for planning to leave someone who has “got better”.

I don’t think he’s some cartoon villain. There are loads of things I love about him. That’s part of why this is so fucking hard.

So I’d really like to hear from people who left after their partner genuinely improved.

How did you deal with the guilt of thinking, but they changed, isn’t that what I was asking for?

Did “better” eventually become good enough for you?

If you still left, did you regret it?

Because right now I keep feeling like I need someone to give me permission, even though logically I know I shouldn’t need permission to leave a relationship I don’t want to be in anymore.

my bf and i were in a weird place like we were on a break + no contact and then one night my bf said we weren’t actually together and a “break is a break” and ig out of spite or idrk i unsent a text saying i have a bf to a guy that hit on me two months ago but like didn’t do anything like i didn’t follow him or text him like lowkey just kept him blocked but is that weird of me i feel like i cheated

​

Soy un chico tranquilo de 22 años , aún estoy en la universidad y a punto de acabar, aún no tengo novia y nunca he tenido pero hace algunos meses me surgió una inseguridad que pues tengo un pene pequeño y ustedes se preguntaran ¿porque? , bueno pues como hace algunos días no tenía nada que hacer y tenía un día aburrido y hasta con eso era sábado y de repente como cualquier chico sin nada que hacer pues me autocomplací y de repente me acordé que tenía un condón en mi mochila (ese me lo dieron en el hospital) y tuve la curiosidad de probarlo a ver qué se sentía y a la hora de ponermelo me percaté que me quedaba flojo y me puse a buscar en internet el porque y me encontré que el rango normal del tamaño de un pene es de 13 cm hacia arriba y tuve que comprobarlo y obtuve las siguientes medidas: largo 11cm y grosor 10.5 cm , prácticamente mis medidas son bajas y regresando al principio pues tengo miedo que cuando sea mi primera vez la chica con la que esté se burle de mi , además ¿Donde podría encontrar condones de mi talla?. Ya se que diran que soy exagerado y así pero son inseguridades que a más de uno de nosotros nos a pasado, además ya se que me estoy preocupando de algo que aún no pasa , pero para cuando pase quiero estar preparado.

Firstly, this all started literally a year ago now. I was 17, a senior in high school, and she was 16, a sophomre in high school. I started a year earlier so I technically should be a senior this year, but I am 18 and a freshman in college. She turns 17 in november and she is a junior now. We talked a lot irl for the times Ive seen her, and I pretty much always make her laugh. For the past year we've been snapping very consistently, and her mood on snap like shifted overnight like a month ago now. She always snapped me with high energy, and ofc I would too back, and even her sister would always include my crush in her snaps to me. Now it's been like just a bland stare, like idgaf kinda stare lmaooo. However, she does send like energetic tongue out winky face snaps like how she used to every now and then. Over the year, there have been very clear, but also not clear signs she's liked me. From conversations, to small things ive noticed, it did, but at the same time, Im not sure. Especially with how we know each other, it would be a pretty big deal if anyone did find out i have a crush on her, and lowk vice versa. It's just that I feel something changed, but idk what. Is it the snaps? irl conversations? Idk. This isnt a school crush either btw. Also about the age gap stuff. I knew her when we were similar ages, and both in high school. But now im in college while she has this year, and the next in high school. Does that have something to do with it? I understand not being able to really "date" right now, but I really kinda want that acknowledgement in a way, like, I like you, you like me (if it is the case), we dont have to take anything too serious, but to just know the other side of it. She sent me actually a very sweet voice memo on my bday which was like 1 month ago now, and it was very very nice. Definitely made my bday. After last summer where we didnt see eachother at all, she was very excited to see me, and hugged me, to where the day before I thought it'd be awkward. it feels like something changed within this last month or month and a half, and idk what. I want to make a move, but idk if should with the age, and different parts of life we are on.

Ill take anything, and will be happy to answer any questions

Me (23M) and my ex and I broke up at the end of December. It’s been around nine months since the breakup and about eight months since the only time I tried reaching out afterward. I’ve thought about her every single day since.
I know everyone says that after a breakup, but I mean literally every day.
I’ve dated people before her. I’ve had serious feelings before. This was just different, and that’s part of why I’m struggling so much with whether I should reach out now.
I had actually known of her for about two years before we ever properly met. We grew up in the same area, went to rival high schools, and later went to different colleges in LA. I followed her on Instagram and was basically a loyal story liker for two years. I’d reply to stories and flirt here and there. She never really rejected it, but nothing happened either.
Then completely by coincidence, my roommate started seeing her roommate.
One night they all came to a party at my fraternity. My roommate was actually trying to set her up with another guy, but I finally went over and introduced myself. There was just something immediate about it.
Throughout the night we kept making eye contact from across the party. At one point she was sitting with the other guy and I jokingly told her she didn’t look like she was having fun and should come with me.
Later everyone ended up back at our place. I drove her and a few friends to Taco Bell, then we drove around downtown LA blasting music and talking. Eventually everyone went to sleep except us.
We stayed up talking until around 6am.
She slept in my room for a couple hours afterward, and I didn’t even kiss her. Nothing happened. I just liked being around her.
That’s probably my strongest memory of the beginning because I remember having this immediate feeling of, “holy shit, you get me.”
I’ve never experienced that before. Not even with most of my closest friends.
We started seeing each other and officially started dating a couple weeks later.
The relationship was only around three months, which probably makes this whole post sound insane, but it was incredibly intense. We fell in love very quickly. We talked about our future. We talked about marriage. She told me things like she didn’t know what she’d do if we ever ended and asked me never to break up with her.
And I felt exactly the same way.
She was also unbelievably sweet to me in ways I don’t think I fully appreciated at the time.
Around the time I met her, I developed guttate psoriasis for the first time in my life. My skin was covered in spots and I was extremely insecure about it. I would wear jeans and long sleeves constantly because I didn’t want anyone seeing my body.
She never cared.
She started calling them “her spots.”
It sounds stupid written out, but it affected me more than I ever told her. At a time when I felt probably the least comfortable I’d ever felt in my own body, she somehow made me feel normal and attractive.
There were a million little things like that.
She was always there to listen to me. She had this specific way of answering the phone that I still remember. We watched King of the Hill together all the time.
On days when we were both commuting to work, we sometimes drove through the same canyon going opposite directions. We’d literally pass each other for a few seconds. Sometimes we’d stop or get close enough to reach our hands out and squeeze each other’s hand three times.
Three squeezes meant “I love you.”
Those few seconds could make my whole morning.
The problem is that while she was genuinely a really good girlfriend to me, I wasn’t always as good of a boyfriend to her.
I’m not going to make myself sound like some monster because I wasn’t. There was no cheating, violence, anything like that.
But I was insecure.
There was a guy she had hooked up with before me who she remained friends with. He wasn’t even realistically a threat to our relationship. He was away in the military. But I hated the fact that they were still friends.
I tried to set a boundary that I didn’t want her being friends with somebody she had previously slept with.
The problem is she repeatedly tried to find compromises and meet me somewhere in the middle, and I wouldn’t accept them.
Looking back, I can admit something I’m not proud of: sometimes I knew I was making her feel guilty about it. I knew how much she cared about me, and I used that emotionally because I was insecure.
At the time I thought I was protecting the relationship.
Now I realize I was so scared of losing her that I was helping create the exact situation I was afraid of.
There were other moments where I didn’t make her feel as valued, secure, or heard as I should have. I could become so focused on how something made me feel that I didn’t properly consider how the situation felt from her perspective.
Another problem was her family.
The first time I met them was at a Shabbat dinner. I was nervous and ended up drinking way too much wine. I have a high alcohol tolerance, but obviously that doesn’t matter. It was a terrible first impression.
Her family basically disliked me from that point forward.
Eventually our problems reached a breaking point and we broke up.
Except our first breakup lasted something like eight hours because neither of us could really let go.
We talked through everything. I wrote out this stupid little “game plan” because we were both football fans, basically laying out what I thought I needed to change and how I wanted to be better.
She loved it.
She told me she saw three possibilities: we never speak again, which she said she would hate and didn’t think she could do; we somehow become friends, which she also thought would be extremely difficult; or we take some time and eventually try again.
We decided not to rush anything.
For the next month, we talked almost every day.
I’d call her while driving to work and she’d call me. I stopped trying to control everything and focused on listening to her and being someone she could rely on again.
Eventually one day she told me she wanted to get back together.
She basically said she already knew in her head that we were eventually going to end up together again and she didn’t want to keep putting me through the uncertainty.
So we got back together.
We went to Build-A-Bear together. It was stupid and cute and felt like we were starting over.
Then her mom found out.
Her mom made her come home, and from what I understand, her family had basically an intervention with her about our relationship. They believed I was contributing to her depression and anxiety and that getting back together with me was a mistake.
Her sister had a similar conversation with her about a week later.
The last time I saw my ex, nothing felt like it was ending.
We spent the night together. She made me breakfast the next morning. We said I love you.
Three days later she broke up with me over text.
She told me she’d thought deeply about it, couldn’t get past her family’s concerns, needed to listen to her gut, and thought we needed to break up and stop talking.
A lot of my friends have told me over the last nine months that she ended things “wrong” because she did it over text.
I genuinely don’t feel that way.
I understand why she did it.
We had already gone through this incredibly emotional breakup in person once. I know how hard it was for both of us. I think the text was her ripping the Band-Aid off because she knew another five-hour conversation in person could end with neither of us actually being able to walk away.
I have never been angry with her for it.
I didn’t call her after the breakup. I didn’t immediately send a giant paragraph. I respected what she asked for.
About a month later I sent her one dumb/lighthearted message basically saying I’d love to catch up sometime.
She didn’t respond.
That was the last time I contacted her.
Eight months ago.
A few months after the breakup she blocked both my personal Instagram and a separate media/work account I have. At some point since then the media account became unblocked, while the personal account is still blocked.
I genuinely don’t read into that. I’m not sitting here thinking an unblock means she secretly wants me back. She could have blocked me because seeing me hurt, because she wanted to stop herself from looking, because she wanted distance, or for a hundred other reasons. It doesn’t really matter to me.
What matters is that I haven’t contacted her.
During these months I’ve gone to therapy. I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time thinking about our relationship and, more importantly, trying to look at it from her perspective rather than mine.
I’m actually happy with myself now. My life has moved forward. I have a new job, new opportunities, friends, things I’m excited about.
This isn’t me sitting in my room nine months later unable to function.
But I still love her.
And I still want her back.
That’s the part I’m struggling to say without sounding unhealthy or obsessive.
I’m not looking for “closure.” I don’t want to send her some goodbye letter so I can finally move on.
If there were ever an opportunity to build something with her again, I would take it.
But I also understand that she has to want that too.
I don’t want to chase someone who is telling me no. I don’t want to circumvent blocks, contact her friends, show up somewhere, or do anything creepy. If I reach out and she doesn’t respond, I’m prepared for that to be the last message I ever send her.
I just don’t want the last version of me she remembers to be the boyfriend who was insecure, jealous, and caused her anxiety.
Because I understand it now.
I understand that a lot of my behavior wasn’t because she was doing something horrible to me. I was terrified of losing someone who meant more to me than anybody I had met before.
And ironically, my fear of losing her made me behave in ways that helped me lose her.
I also don’t want her to think I’ve spent the last nine months blaming her or her family.
I don’t.
I understand why she left.
I understand why her family was worried.
I just wish I had understood those things while I still had her instead of understanding them after she was gone.
I’ve been debating sending her something short like this:
“hey ___. ive wanted to say this for a while. ive had a lot of time to reflect and go to therapy, and i understand my mistakes and the ways i could have loved you better. im really sorry for the hurt and anxiety i caused you. i know a text probably cant put into words the apology i wish i could give you, but i hope you know how genuinely i mean it. i understand why you ended things, and i wish i had been able to see your perspective then the way i can now.
i still think about the little things sometimes, like you calling my spots your spots and us squeezing each others hands three times in the canyon. you were really patient and loving with me, and looking back i think i was so insecure about losing you that sometimes i made things harder instead of just trusting what we had. im sorry i put that on you.
i still care about you a lot. im not asking anything from you, but if you ever want to talk id really love to hear from you.”
My real hope is that she responds and eventually we have a phone call.
And yes, if I’m being completely transparent, the long-term hope is that maybe there’s still a possibility for us someday.
I’m not pretending I only want friendship.
But I also don’t think putting “I want you back” into the first text is fair. She shouldn’t have to make some giant decision about whether she wants to restart our relationship just because I appeared on her phone after eight months.
I mostly want to open the door.
If she doesn’t want to walk through it, I’ll leave it alone.
So I guess my question is for people who have either been in her position or gone through something similar:
Is eight months of no contact enough that sending one message like this is reasonable?
And if you received this from an ex who had genuinely hurt you through insecurity/jealousy but had otherwise treated you with love, would this feel meaningful, or would you rather they leave you alone?
Most importantly: if reconciliation is what I ultimately hope for, does this message create a healthy opening for that, or am I just reopening something she already chose to close?
I’m prepared for the answer to be “don’t send it.”
I just don’t want fear of rejection to be the reason I never tell somebody I loved that I finally understand what I wish I had understood when we were together.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for around a month, and something has started bothering me a lot.
He had a serious previous relationship, and she was his first for many things. I knew about his past and initially I was okay with it. But he brings her up in conversations quite often.
For example:
If I get dressed up, he’ll say things like, “My ex never used to get ready like this.”
If we have an argument, he’ll say, “My ex and I used to have fights like this too.”
If I say or do something new/different, he sometimes says, “My ex never used to say/do that.”
Basically, a lot of situations with me somehow get compared to something about her.
I also recently found out that he still had old photos of them kissing in his cupboard. I know keeping old photos doesn’t necessarily mean someone still has feelings for their ex, but combined with the constant comparisons, it made me uncomfortable.
I have already told him that the comparisons bother me, but I still find myself wondering whether he is actually over her emotionally.
Another thing that confuses me is that he seems completely non-jealous. I told him about a crush I had, and his response was very neutral. If I talk to another guy or do something involving other guys, he doesn’t seem jealous at all or question me about it.
I don’t expect a boyfriend to be possessive or jealous, but the contrast makes me wonder whether he is simply very secure and trusting, naturally emotionally detached, or just not that emotionally invested in me.
I’m not asking whether jealousy = love. I’m more confused about the overall pattern.
**Do you think his behaviour suggests he still has feelings for his ex, or is this more likely him processing his first serious relationship / having a habit of comparing relationships? And how concerning would you find the constant comparisons if he knows they bother me?**