Went on a coffee date this past weekend. The guy was the one who initiated meeting for coffee. I'm not opposed to them so that was cool with me.

I arrive at Starbucks (his idea of Starbucks of all coffee shops) and the guy tells me he is running late. He shows up about 20 minutes late.

He arrives apologies and comments on my mocha latte.

Well throughout the date/meet he never ordered a drink or snack nor asked if I wanted a pastry or mention- oh I would have bought that drink for you or can I get you a pastry?

I would have declined but the gesture would have been appreciated especially since he was the one who invited me.

I didn't ask him if he was going to get anything because if he wanted to he would have. It's like he had no intention of ordering something even just to patronize the shop. But I also wonder if he didn't order since I already ordered therefore "paid" for our seats.

I normally don't mind coffee dates, But I'm just kinda put off by it and thinking more about it. He also referenced expenses a couple times but he has a job that pays very well. So idk what gives.

His initial first date idea was to go for a walk at a park. I was busy that day so he suggested coffee on Saturday. I honestly would have rather done that.

I guess I'm a bit turned off that he didn't even by himself a drink. Is this how typical coffee dates are now? Just show up late and not buy anything for yourself or your date?

Was that his plan all along? Let me arrive early pay for my drink (which I was capable of and willing to do) then he just sits there and chats.

I was even more dressed up than he was, not that coffee needs to be formal attire. I just felt like it was low effort and almost too casual.

I told myself I'm not riding off future coffee dates but I felt like we might as well have met up at a park if he was going to sit there and watch me drink.

Has anyone had a similar coffee date experience? Is this the norm for coffee dates?

I (29 F) will be 30 next year. I did not imagine my life would be like this. I really thought I would be settled down with someone right now and building my own life with them.

I have been in a string of relationships with men who weren’t ready to take the next step. Who didn’t want to commit. Who wouldn’t put in the effort or the work to build a life with me. Who couldn’t figure out their own lives and needed me to do everything for them. I never thought it would be this hard to find a stable person.

I am independent with a good paying job and I’ve saved up a lot. I have friends, I do a lot of activities, and I travel. But I desire and crave an intimate relationship with a man. I want to build a life with someone. I want to share experiences and find a home together. Friends can’t fulfil all of your needs.

I have been in so much pain thinking about how my life turned out this way. I feel so depressed and hopeless. I feel like I have outgrown my current life. But I don’t know what to do.

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I know dating multiple people early on is normal and I have no issue with that. But I don’t think you need to tell the people you’re dating how your other dates are going.

This guy told me his other date went badly because the woman wasn’t interested in him. Right after that, he told me “you’re the only one on my radar now” and suddenly wanted to see me sooner.

Then while explaining himself, he said:

“I’m lucky because if other dates fail, I still have you to date.”

He later said he didn’t mean I was a backup and that the other woman was actually the backup.

I don’t care that he’s dating other people. It’s the way he talks to me about them. Why would you tell someone you’re dating that other dates failed and then say you “still have” them? It just sounds disrespectful to me.

Edit: He also told me he suddenly wanted to see me sooner because he wanted to “get the bad date out of his head.” That honestly made the whole thing sound even worse to me.

I'm curious to hear the female perspective on this topic. If you meet a guy in person at an event or something and it progresses to the point where he asks for your number, how quickly do you want him to ask you out? Are you expecting a right off the bat ask out in the initial message? A soft opener then ask out? Or would you want to talk to him for a bit via text before meeting up with him? For added context, you spent a few minutes at minimum talking to him before he asked for your number.

It is not an easy thing to contend with. Spending over a decade putting myself out there in trying to date only to be rejected by women 100% of the time - which is their right to do and responded with respect.

I have my solitary hobbies and interests but the feelings of being unloved will probably linger within me until the day I die. Never being wanted is a feeling that brings despair but there's nothing that can numb the pain - no one to blame but myself for failing to be seen as a dating option. Just a man not seen as good or attractive enough to women.

Therapy sessions over the years have done little to help. The same for antidepressants. The only solace I have as a man is at least I won't be a disappointment to others. A life of lonely solitude and reclusiveness in the real world awaits - at least the pain will stop for several hours whenever I go to sleep.

I 23M still live with my parents and I’ve been single for over a year. I’m curious to if you guys find it a red flag in dating when someone lives with their parents. I also want to know how it affects you guys dating lives. I’m sure this is probably going to be dependent on age.

I (m) am going to a university that is 60+% male and in a field that is even more majority men. Meaning that in most of my classes there are only 1-4 women for around 20-30 people in the class. I'm worried that if I ask someone out it will just be another along with the dozens of others who ask her out since the ratio of men to women is so low. Any advice for someone in this kind of area?

Advice is fine but really I'm just screaming into the universe at this point because my friends are sick of hearing about it. 31F, bisexual. I haven't had so much as a fleeting crush on someone since the person I was dating last year, and at this point it's killing me. Every date feels the same and I'm so profoundly underwhelmed.

I'm by no means a model, but I'm conventionally attractive. Law degree, great job, hobbies, friends, emotionally stable, etc. etc.. I don't have a hard time getting first dates, but the dating pool here seems so incredibly homogenous and at this point it feels like I've been on the same first date 50 times.

Last night was one such date. Honestly, the guy was nice enough, we just had absolutely nothing in common and the whole conversation felt a little forced. I suggested we meet at my favorite dive bar and as soon as he got there he told me he doesn't enjoy dive bars. He works as an e-sports commentator and I don't even own a TV. Whenever I tried to make a joke or lightly tease it seemed to either fly over his head or rub him the wrong way. When I asked about hobbies or interests he seemed to struggle to think about what he did with his time. He also got pretty drunk by the end of the date, and while I was a little on the tipsy side he was definitely drunker than me.

We kept chatting for a while so he could sober up and safely drive home, and at some point he went to the bathroom. The woman in the booth behind us turned around, asked me if I was on a first date, and I said yes. She admitted she'd been eavesdropping and told me, "Look, you're hot and this guy sucks, you should come sit with me when he's gone." She wasn't my type but the audacity alone was amusing enough that I figured, why not. I walked the guy out, said goodnight, and offered to walk him to his car. He said that was alright and then told me that he got the impression that I didn't particularly enjoy spending time with him. I said I just take a while to warm up to new people and can come off kind of aloof (which is true), but he wasn't wrong. I went back to the bar and ended up debriefing the date with the girl in the booth, which was fun, though we also didn't click romantically.

This would be fine as a one-off but this has been the situation a couple of times now where I'm getting feedback from people that they sense I'm disinterested or even disappointed and I hate it because they're right. I ask questions, plan dates, remember what people tell me about themselves, put genuine effort in. I just don't feel connected to anyone romantically anymore, though I have made a couple of friends through dating.

I put this in another post but I feel romantically impotent at this point. I'd give anything for even a little crush just so I know I can feel that way again. It's making me ruminate on my situationship from last year again as well, which I'm trying to shut down because I know it'll only make things worse. But I feel broken at this point and it's crushing me. I used to love first dates but now it's like this groundhogs day of bland personalities who can't hold a conversation.

I (24F) have been talking to a guy (25M) for 2-3 months. I had several doubts through our talking stage but I chalked it up to my anxiety and past traumas and dealt with it on my own. I had even asked him why he hadn’t committed to me and he told me that he had a few more questions to ask for our compatibility like kids and long term goals he didn’t think were appropriate quite yet.

I am not a religious person. I made that very clear early on and stated I’m more spiritual and interested in the concept of religion but not following it. I have tried it and it’s not for me. He had asked me if I would ever get married in a church and I of course said no bc why would I want religion to be a part of my life on my big day when it never has been. He obviously wants to get married in a church which is fine and I’m not saying he’s not valid for wanting this, BUT I had already discussed my ideal wedding scenario early on in the relationship as well bc it some how got brought up.

He also didn’t come across as a super religious person but I knew he was Christian and went to church growing up. Another thing I didn’t necessarily agree with was that he wanted to force his kids to go to church until they were in junior high. I don’t have a problem with someone wanting their kids to be able to explore religion however I think that’s where a lot of people who don’t fuck with religion or have trauma come from—from parents who force their kids to go rather than let them have a choice. I think once the kid is old enough to make educated decisions that they shouldn’t be forced to go to church but that’s a whole other topic.

I’m just pissed off and obviously upset because at this point we had both expressed how liked each other and we were getting pretty comfortable with each other. I just don’t understand how you can have such a big compatibility dealbreaker in a relationship and not make that clear early on in order to not string me along for 2 months while we both catch feelings for each other. Very easy to just say that you’re looking for someone religious. We’re adults at this point. Why can’t men know what they fucking want.

Maybe I would’ve compromised later in the relationship regarding the church thing but I don’t believe I’ll ever find someone I’m 100% compatible on everything with. Compromise exists.

for me, when I like someone I want to be with them all the time. I don’t think that’s unhealthy and I’m sick of hearing about “dating without attachment“ no, I want my person to be my PARTNER through everything. I want to do my housework with them sitting on the couch. I want to always have someone to go grocery shopping with and to go on dog walks with. I don’t think I could ever spend too much time with someone I like. this doesn’t mean I’m incapable of being without them, life obviously forces us to be apart sometimes but time is better spent with them versus without.

so, how many of you *genuinely* don’t feel this way and prefer to live a bit of a separate life from them and need significant space? to me, this just feels like you don’t really like them that much if you wouldn’t prefer to have them by your side any chance you can get. obviously I know we are all different so it would be interesting to hear from the people who feel differently than me

im tired of being the gf

cooking, cleaning, being the dependable person when needed

i want to be lusted after, i want to be seen as sexy and wanted for it

im tired of being the ‘cute’ girlfriend, it feels so patronizing especially when most women my age are seen as sexy, cuteness sucks

i want him to look at me and catch on fire with desire, instead of his heart warming

lizard brain rant over, needed to get it out of my head bc its making me reallll saddddd lol

I'm taking a social confidence therapy course, and one thing the facilitator said that really stuck with me was "action over outcome." Meaning, for example, if my goal is to introduce myself to one person in a social setting, and even if that person acts lukewarm or dismissive, I still won, because I accomplished my goal of introducing myself. The outcome was less important. And if I feel sad, or have negative thoughts, or feel a physiological response in my body, I can get curious about that still and figure out how to reframe.

To be fair, I went to a run club for the first time, and introduced myself to well over one person, more like 5 people, and 2 responded positively, and I think those are good odds.

Now how do you all feel about the concept of action over outcome in dating, or asking someone out? Does it make sense to make a goal and say "I'm going to ask this person out, and if they say no, it's ok because I still accomplished my goal and can try again with someone else down the road"?

I (40F) have a crush on a guy to whom I've grown in attraction over months. I've never been the most outgoing person in recent times for various reasons, but now I feel a little more emboldened to ask him out, even if he may say no.

I'm a mid 40s straight woman who is a little weird admittedly. Very curvy, midsize goth vibes and blind in one eye. I've been single a while and honestly quite aware that I'm your cult vibes kinda gal. The ones who like me LOVE me and the ones who don't, really don't.

Lately though, all the attention...and really really big attention..has come from women.

I am not upset.. the ladies are awesome ones and very liberal with compliments but I worry that I will never find a guy that appreciates me. Like I've just got a look that a man just can't live for whatever reason.

Maybe it's dumb but I just worry I'm just past the point of being caught up in passion and doomed to settling with someone that just deals with my weird because they're afraid to die alone

I debated whether or not I should make this post but here we are. This year has been very hard on me dating wise. I can't explain what's been going on and why it's happening but since March things have completely dried up for me and it's really hitting me hard at times. I started dating a few years ago and really struggled getting dates. It was on me. I was too shy and timid when it came to talking to girls. I changed my mentality completely in the fall of 2024 when it came to dating and boy did that do wonders.

All of a sudden, I went from struggling to get dates to basically always talking to or seeing someone throughout the entirety of last year. Had two great connections that I thought could go somewhere serious but neither did for their own separate reasons. Anyways, going into this year I was really excited because I thought I figured things out dating wise. Before my problem was trying to meet people and now my current issue is meeting the right person. 2026 started off a little slower than 2025 did but hey I still went out with three different people in the first quarter. None really went anywhere which is fine not every connection is going to.

But since then... I just don't know man. I've realized that dating apps aren't really working for me anymore. Just less people on there and in turn less matches. So, I've really been putting myself out there. Don't get me wrong, I'm still on the apps but I'm not solely relying on them. Anyways, every single connection lately just dies at the planning the date phase. I don't know what's happening. Like, I'll meet girls in person, we vibe for a bit, exchange numbers and talk about going out for lunch or dinner later. Then the texting part comes and they either A. Don't respond B. give a soft rejection C. start planning the date but disappear mid planning. This has been happening on the apps too lately. I would say over the past month, I've had about three dates that we were literally at the point where we were confirming the time and then I never hear from them again. And these weren't one sided interactions, if you look at the messages, they were putting good effort into things too. Reaching out on their own at times etc.

Anyways, I went to an event last night and got three numbers. The conversation with one of them made things extremely clear as to what the intentions were here. It naturally came up in the conversation that she was single and I told her I am too. We talked for a while and eventually I asked to exchange numbers. She gave me her number and I told her we can grab some food together sometime and she said she'd like that. When I left, I went out of my way to find her and say bye to her again. She was with four friends of hers and was mid conversation with them, left them to give me a hug and said it was nice to meet me. I told her it was great meeting her too and she said make sure you text me. I texted her this morning and she was enthusiastic and then I asked her out and she said she's busy this week but maybe she'll see me around.

I just don't understand why this keeps happening lately. Like this is really messing with me mentally right now. Our interaction could not have gone better last night, we were showing interest in each other and even floated the idea of a date out their. Then overnight that turns into I'm not interested in you. I'm just kind of done at this point man. I was with my friend and his gf earlier when the rejection text came in and his gf was saying it's really hard out there right now and her friends are dealing with the same thing. I've heard others say the same so I know it's not just me right now but that doesn't make things better. I just don't understand what has happened to the dating scene since March. I have never in my life dealt with such inconsistency and wishy-washiness. Idk it's really hard man and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Smart phones especially have messed up dating . People are glued to their phones don’t even know what’s going on around them. No one wants to approach someone who is glued to their phone . What happened to enjoying the ambiance of the location without needing a 24/7 dopamine fix from whatever is playing on Instagram or whatever. Phone addiction is out of control .
Not to mention people are so addicted to their phone more and more people are refusing to even meet in real life because they can essentially “ date” someone from their phone . Constant texting because everybody wants to use texting as their dating method
I

28F Asian in Los Angeles, actively dating on Hinge.

I've been going on 2-4 dates a month since January. I'm not sure what it is, but there are so many Asian men that either (1) will complain about Oxford study and say that they were once, but no longer, attracted to white women. Or (2) say that their ex was "crazy," and it is alway, a latina woman.

Both will say that an Asian woman is just more peaceful, feminine, and just easier.

I'm not a fan of being reduced to race. And it often feels like these men have resentment to White and Latina woman for harming then. It also makes me feel like I am their last resort, because we are both Asian.

Edit: A lot of you are missing the point. It's not about race. It's about projection, reduction of women to a label, and the bigger issue... that personal, internal trauma should be actively worked on towards resolve, instead of expecting the next person to save you.

I’ve been dating a guy (28M) for a couple of months and things were genuinely going really well until the last week or so.

We met somewhat randomly and clicked pretty quickly. Since then, we’ve been seeing each other regularly, talking basically every day, having long phone/FaceTime calls, going on dates, being physically intimate, and slowly getting more involved in each other’s lives.

The relationship isn’t just sexual. We can talk for hours about absolutely nothing. We’ve fallen asleep on FaceTime, had spontaneous lunches together, run errands, gone to the beach, talked about work and finances, and discussed more serious things like marriage, family dynamics, religion, children, and what we would want our lives to look like in the future.

He’s also very affectionate and consistently makes an effort. He remembers small things I like, brings me food/snacks sometimes, checks that I got home safely, makes time to see me even briefly, and keeps in contact when he travels. His effort hasn’t decreased since we became physically intimate.

I’ve realized over the last month that I’m getting pretty attached to him. I miss him when I don’t see him. I genuinely enjoy his personality and care about what’s happening in his life. I’m attracted to him like crazy, but I also really admire his character and enjoy doing completely mundane things with him.

The issue is that we aren’t officially boyfriend/girlfriend yet.

He told me fairly early on that he likes to date someone for a few months before committing because he wants to see how they handle stress, disagreements, etc. His behavior toward me has been consistent with someone seriously dating me, so the lack of a label didn’t bother me much at first.

Recently, though, I realized that I actually want him to be my boyfriend.

And then almost simultaneously, my mental health absolutely tanked.

I have a history of depression and was previously on antidepressants for a couple of years. I stopped taking them a few months ago and have been inconsistent with them at different points this year.

I also have a difficult family/home situation. I’m an adult with a full-time career and financial independence, but I still live at home and my parents are extremely restrictive about things like curfews, spending the night elsewhere, etc. There are cultural/family reasons behind it, but lately I’ve been feeling increasingly trapped.

A few days ago I basically hit a breaking point. I cried for a long time, called a family member because I was so overwhelmed, and had a big emotional conversation with one of my parents about how unhappy and trapped I feel. I didn’t really feel understood afterward.

Since then, I feel like somebody turned the lights off inside me.

I’m exhausted. I don’t want to go anywhere. Things I normally enjoy don’t sound appealing. I feel unattractive and bloated and keep criticizing my appearance. I feel like I’ve lost my “spark.” I’ve been crying and feeling hopeless.

I’ve also had thoughts like wishing I could die or wishing people could choose when they stop living. To be clear, I do not currently have a plan or intention to hurt myself and I believe I’m safe. I recognize that these thoughts are serious and I’m planning to get professional help for the depression.

The depression has also suddenly made me extremely insecure about the guy I’m dating.

I started worrying that seeing me like this would make him stop liking me. At one point he didn’t immediately answer a vulnerable text and my brain basically went:

“He’s avoiding the question → his feelings changed → he’s going to leave me → maybe I should just stop dating him first.”

Eventually I directly asked him whether seeing me struggle like this had changed how he felt about me or about us.

He said no.

He basically told me that everyone goes through difficult periods and expresses things differently, and that in a way it was good for him to see/know this side of me.

He hasn’t withdrawn since then either. He still talks to me normally, uses pet names, jokes with me, checks in, and makes plans to see me.

He’s supportive, although his emotional style is definitely more practical/playful than mine. When I’m upset, he tends to offer solutions, perspective, or humor rather than deeply talking through the emotion. Sometimes that helps me and sometimes I wish he would emotionally meet me a little more.

I’ve also noticed myself craving little signs that he wants to take care of me. For example, I recently found myself wishing he would spontaneously offer to pay for something like getting my nails done. I can easily afford my own nails, so it’s not actually about the money. I think I want the feeling of “this is my guy and he wants to take care of me.”

Then I start wondering whether that makes me needy or toxic.

I’ve even started wondering whether I should stop dating him altogether because I’m scared that my depression and attachment are going to turn me into an unhealthy partner.

But that’s what’s confusing me: nothing particularly bad happened between us.

A week ago I was excited about him, enjoying dating him, seeing my friends, working, exercising, making plans, etc.

Then I had this huge emotional crash surrounding my family/home situation, and suddenly everything feels wrong, my body, my life, my relationship, my future.

Part of me wonders whether I’m looking at a relationship that was actually making me happy through the lens of a depressive episode and convincing myself I need to destroy it before he has the opportunity to reject me.

I’m planning to seek professional help for the depression regardless of what happens with him.

But relationship-wise, I’m struggling to tell the difference between legitimate concerns and depression/anxiety making me question something that was going well.

For people who have dealt with depression while dating someone new: How do you keep yourself from making major relationship decisions while your mental health is crashing? And how do you distinguish “this relationship is unhealthy for me” from “I feel unhealthy right now, so everything in my life suddenly feels wrong”?

I’ve (22F) been dating my boyfriend (23M) for around 6 and generally our relationship is good. He’s affectionate and caring, but he’s very emotionally reserved. He keeps his cards close to his chest and doesn’t naturally talk about his feelings, what’s bothering him, his past, or what he wants for the future.

I’m much more emotionally open, and I’ve realised I’ve started holding back too because I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or feel like I’m pushing him. It’s making it difficult for me to feel like I’m getting to know him on a deeper level.

I recently had a very honest conversation with him about it. He agreed that he’s not emotionally open and actually said that emotional intimacy makes him uncomfortable. He said he wants to change but doesn’t know how or how long it would take, and that it would be unfair for me to wait around for him to completely change.

I told him I’m not asking him to become a different person, I just want to see genuine effort and gradual progress. If months go by and nothing changes, I’d have to reconsider the relationship.

There’s also a sexual component. Sex is important to me, but he told me he sometimes experiences sex as somewhat transactional. He does enjoy it, but gets very much in his head and struggles to be fully present. He specifically said it wasn’t about me. Now that I know this, I think I can understand it better and take it less personally, but I’m still worried because sexual intimacy is important to me.

We’ve paused the conversation while he thinks about whether he’s genuinely willing to work on these things. I’m extremely anxious waiting for his answer

I’m torn because I don’t want to leave someone just because they struggle with something they’re willing to work on. But I also don’t want to stay in a relationship hoping someone will eventually become capable of giving me the emotional and sexual intimacy I need.

I've (27F) been chatting with this guy (30M) from a dating app the past couple weeks. We haven't met yet but I'd say we chat a good bit. During one of our convos yesterday, we were talking about people taking accountability. During this convo, he said a girl cussed him out because she thought he was the one and they wanted different things and he apologized to her. I asked more about what happened and he said it was an ex and that she was "sometimes abusive with her words".

We moved past that convo naturally, it's been a few days and it's been normal. Well last night, during another convo, he brought up another girl and how she "yelled at him" or something when he suggested she do this one thing that'd be good for her career and "he was appalled and just looking out for their success". From what it sounded like, I guess she stopped talking to him over it (not sure if it's the same as the first girl/ex, because he mentioned the first one was long distance and this girl seemed to only live 45 minutes from him).

Is it just me or does there seem to be a pattern here about girls yelling at him and stuff?? It could be honest, considering that there were generally a couple other comments he made that essentially sounded like it's "girly" to not take accountability and be abusive with your words lmao. I was going to respond to him saying "not gonna lie, kinda picking up on a pattern here" and see what he says.. thoughts?

Honest question..because in my years of dating I have never understood the “too nice” line. Yes, I get that it’s a polite way to let someone down. But then you also hear about the “bare minimum”, how women don’t like it if a guy is emotionally unavailable or doesn’t listen, etc.

So is it that they want a man who’s violent or rude or what?

I organized a random meet-up group session 2 weeks ago for a bunch of strangers to socialize and play board games. One of the girls just moved to the area; she was attractive (cute, bubbly, sociable, cultured, smart/educated) and we ended up messaging privately and then met up a few days later. Not for a date. Just a casual meetup.

Day 1: We played sports casually (she's a beginner and she initiated) so I ended up teaching her and she liked it. The random night led to unplanned dinner/beer where we ended up talking about previous relationships, broken family, death, abandonment, and bad childhoods. Trauma bonding and trauma sharing... the deep, heavy, vulnerable stuff yup, right off the bat 🤷‍♂️. Split bill.

Day 2: Few days later, we met up again and did the same thing. Sports. I taught, she listened. But PLANNED dinner/drinks at a more romantic (but still casual) spot. Drinks got heavier (liquor) but the convos got lighter / more fun! We both agreed we went to the deep end too fast on Day 1 😂 but who says there are any rules to begin with 🤷‍♂️. There are guys/girls who don't talk about "stuff" until 3-6 months later but I think I'd rather know all the deets early on! Oh yeah, during sports she called me "babe" 🙀 by accident on one play and was profusely embarrassed for 10 mins. Idk if it's her jedi mind trick but I brushed it off like nothing had happened and didn't bring it up at dinner. I paid.

Day 3: We both waitlisted for an event we wanted to check out together, but it was still full so we went to play sports/dinner/drinks again. At a similar romantic but casual spot. This time we had even more liquor and stayed out til 1am on a work night ☺️ despite her claims to be in bed by 11pm lol. We both noticed her improvement in sports and she made sure to credit me in front of people at the venue and then later on at dinner. Mix of fun and deep convos, some flirting/banter, and lots and lots of talk about prev dating experiences, personality types, dealbreakers. She noted i was stiff at first (pre-day 1) but now she enjoys my company and the convos a lot. I told her im an extroverted introvert but once I warm up to people I'm good. I paid.

‐-----this all happened within 2 weeks!--------

Thought 1...

So I keep bringing up who paid because I made the conscious decision to do so without hesitation. She eats 1/3 to my 2/3 and I always like to order a 3rd dish for curiosity and variety so it's always going to be rigged against women. BUT what surprised me was after paying for Day 3, she told me she wanted to take me "somewhere nice" when I'm back from vacation. I thought it was so sweet and that she DOES CARE!

Thought 2 (this is what I came here to officially ask advice for)...

I want to officially ask her out on a date (despite already getting to know her on 3 unofficial dates), and that was going to be my next move, but she already superseded me by telling me she's going to "take me somewhere nice." What do i do? I don't want to steal her show, but i also don't want her to think this is purely platonic. There's a chance I already messed up by not bringing it up earlier, and now it's on my mind everyday... she wants to do something nice for me and I want to give her that moment (acts of reciprocation) - I'd feel bad stealing her moment and making it into my own. Do i just wait until the end of the next dinner to reveal???

I'm a 40F and have never been in an LTR. I've dated short-term on and off for 15 years either online or IRL and most of the time the guys I liked didn't like me back. It was very rare that a guy would like me.

And I am now convinced I'm going to wind up without a partner. Just today I had coffee with a good friend who's around my age. And she told me she's pregnant (she and her husband have been trying for some time). And while I'm very happy for her, I came home and for some reason started balling. Like wow, everyone I know is married or has hit a major milestone in their life or in their career. And I'm 40 and wtf do I have to show for it?

My other friend who married someone 12 years younger than her, told me anything's possible and that there's someone for everyone. I don't feel convinced. I'm back in school getting a PhD in music and am busy writing a dissertation. Most of my peers in their 40s have already released several albums, and I'm only just starting to release my debut one now. Also most of my peers are partnered or married.

Funny part I've noticed in dating, is that hardly any men I see online are intrigued by me, or my niche interests (e.g. birding, drawing). They also probably think "musician = slacker" but I'm writing a dissertation and already teach higher ed at the university level. They want high powered, highly paid women like lawyers, doctors, etc.. Not me. I get zero matches.

I do see a therapist and talk to her about this stuff. She has also told me essentially "there's a lid for every pot." But no one ever tells you how hard it is to find that damn lid. This year I'm trying something different in that I'm joining more social outlets like a run club and next week will start taking an adult beginning drawing class. At the very least I hope to meet some acquaintances and maybe make a friend or two.

So I wonder, does it get any better after 40? Or am I going to just be left in the dust?

I'm 25M and have been seeing a girl (25F) for about 3 weeks. I'm sure I want to ask her to be my girlfriend, but I don't know if it's too soon.

Some background: my last relationship started when I was 19 and lasted 6 years, so I've never really dated as an adult. I've been single for about 10 months and went on a lot of dates, and she's the first person I've actually wanted something serious with.

We've been on 5 real dates and text pretty much all day. We've both said we're looking for a relationship and hope it turns into one with each other. She's met my 3 best friends and they love her. We're spending this weekend together and I'm cooking her dinner Saturday.

Yesterday I dropped off a gift just because and ran into her roommate. She told me she’s had some bad dates lately and that she's really happy I'm around now. This morning she sent a full heart in her good morning text for the first time. Maybe I'm reading into that, but it felt like a step.

Her birthday is in a few weeks. I thought about asking her then, but I don't want to make her day about me, so I'm not doing that. It'll probably come up on its own before or after.
Is 4 to 6 weeks too fast when we're both clearly into it, or am I overthinking this?

Edit:
I didn’t expect the majority to agree I should just ask, but I’m glad:) I plan to ask Saturday and will update here🙂

Edit 2:
I’m no longer a single man:) It may be early for some but we both agreed that when you know you know. Thanks everyone for the support!