Hi all, as the title states, I’m wondering how I can best manage the differences in libido types between me (29F) and my husband (34M)?

We’ve been married for 4 years, together for 8. Early in our relationship I’d say we both had pretty similar libidos and I found myself a bit more spontaneously in the mood, but of course life has continued with natural life stressors and relationship stressors and we’ve found ourselves trying to figure out how to manage our libido styles.

He has a very spontaneous libido and will often want sex or oral most evenings unless he’s really exhausted. Over the years, I’ve discovered that unfortunately my libido is very heavily dependent on external factors, primarily our relationship (like if we’ve been arguing) and my energy level.

I told him this maybe a couple years ago, but maybe it came across too pointed because he got defensive and said it’s not fair that my libido is dependent on him and said that if I’m truly sexually attracted to him, us arguing throughout the day shouldn’t impact my sexual desire. I thought he was right and have spent a while trying to figure out why my libido is “low”.

But honestly I don’t think it is. I think of sex often, think of doing something sexual often; and when he’s out of town I masturbate most evenings. But we’ve been arguing a lot (work and moving stress mainly, among other things) and at the end of the day I’m so pissed at him that I don’t even want him close to me in bed, let alone sex. When he does try to initiate I actually do tend to be receptive and we have mutually enthusiastic sex. But it’s really tough for me to initiate when I’m running on fumes or when we’ve been pissy with each other all day.

I’ve heard about a book called Come As You Are but haven’t read it yet. I read some snippets of others experiencing something similar online and someone described stop lights - some experiences are red lights (long work day, arguments) while others are green (good energy, him doing something nice for me). I’ve told him that when he talks to me very kind and sweet, my libido is through the roof. But he said that’s not fair for me to place that effort on him.

We argued about it today. Yesterday throughout the day I made a few sexual innuendos and intended to initiate later in the evening (I tried to initiate before we left for dinner but he hadn’t showered and we were also running late). When we got home we both passed out on the couch and didn’t get into bed til 2am, half asleep. He initiated and I accepted. This morning, he rolled over and told me “your libido is low. I want to tell you.” And this evening I mentioned that book and about the stoplights. He said it’s ridiculous and places unfair pressure on him to manage my libido. He said I’m responsible for my own libido, which makes sense.

Tl;dr: Any tips on managing responsive desire? I’ve been doing what I can for my own body (sleeping, drinking water, working out) but I’m heavily impacted by our arguments which are frequent and make me not want to initiate sex.

My boyfriend's birthday was this past Wednesday, and our 5 year anniversary on the Saturday following. He has a busy job and he's very close with his family. His sister called me and asked to celebrate his birthday in nyc for the day with my bf, me, bfs sister and bfs dad and added that they would book us a hotel for our anniversary. I agreed mostly because I know my bf loves spending time with his family, and figured we would have the day alone together Sunday to celebrate us.

For his gift, I put together a thoughtful gift for him of 5 wine bottles that I decorated for each year we have been together. Not only did we not get any alone time during the weekend (sister invited his brother as well, as a surprise, brother stayed overnight too so we spent Sunday with him as well) but my bf didn't do a thing for me for our anniversary. No flowers no card nothing

Im not sure how to approach it. I know he originally had a dinner reservation booked for us before we planned nyc for his birthday celebration and had we done this I would have appreciated that as his "gift". I'm more just disappointed that I spend weeks leading up to birthdays and anniversaries planning what I can do to make him happy and it feels as though such little effort is put on his end. I know he loves me, and gift giving isn't his thing, and it doesn't bother me so much. But I certainly wish he would do something! I don't know how to bring this up, or if I should be more upset and I'm downplaying it because I love him so much. TL;DR

I ( 21F) have a boyfriend (21M). It's been 1.5 years together. We've had a good relationship so far, few fights here and there, nothing major. But one thing that bothers me is that, ever since we got together, I've been telling him how much I like flowers and would like him to get me sometimes. I have gotten him flowers a good amount of times after that too. But it'll be almost 2 years soon and he has never once gotten me flowers. Should that be a reasonable reason to break up ? It's like he has done everything except what I've asked for.

Tl;DR : not getting me flowers even after asking for 1.5 years be legible reason for a break up ?

17F me and 18M bf ik it sounds so weird and gross but we are both in college and he’s been working at an internship and comes over to my dorm pretty often and of course after a long day yk you sweat but his sweat smells..good? Of course sweat doesn’t smell good it’s a musty smell but I can’t help but like the smell I don’t know how to explain it or describe it and I’m literally disgusted with myself because I said I could do his laundry (for internship he wears nice clothes) because my floor has nicer washing machines and why do I like the smell of his DIRTY MUSTY clothes 😭😭😭?!

TL;DR
I like the natural smell of my boyfriend

TL;DR: I (24F) had a threesome with my boyfriend of 4 years (25M) and my best friend (24F) while extremely drunk. I initiated it, but I kept getting uncomfortable and stopping things, then restarting because I was too drunk and felt guilty about ruining the experience for everyone. My boyfriend also tried to stop it when he noticed I was uncomfortable. Toward the end I was completely out of it, told them to go ahead without me, and eventually even told them to attempt to have sex. They tried for about a minute but my boyfriend was too soft for it to really work. I then got upset, got up, told them to stop, and they stopped immediately.
I don’t think my boyfriend secretly wanted her or intentionally betrayed me, and their stories about what happened seem consistent. My issue now is that I cannot emotionally get past the fact that they did anything sexual together at all. I know I was involved and I regret the decision, but thinking about my boyfriend kissing/touching/being sexual with my best friend makes me feel sick. I was starting to feel better after a couple weeks, but a sexual conversation where her name came up triggered everything again and now I feel like I’m back at square one. I still love my boyfriend and want to be with him, but I’m struggling with whether this is something I can actually move past. How do I get over this, and how do I know whether to keep working through it or accept that this changed my relationship permanently?

I originally posted about this a couple weeks ago, but I’ve had a lot of time to think about it since then and I think I understand my feelings better now. I’m looking for advice on how to actually move forward from this, because I’m really struggling.
A few weeks ago, I (24F) had a threesome with my boyfriend (25M) of 4 years and my best friend (24F), who we’ve both known since we were kids.
I was extremely drunk that night and was much more out of it than I realized. I was the one who originally pushed for the threesome and initiated it that night, so I know this wasn’t something that was forced on me or something my boyfriend randomly suggested.
However, during the actual threesome, I kept getting uncomfortable. I probably stopped things around 7-10 times. Every time I stopped, they stopped. But then I would restart things myself.
Looking back, I think I was restarting because I was too drunk and uncomfortable with being the person who kept stopping everything. I felt guilty and didn’t want everyone to have a bad experience because of me, so I would convince myself to continue. It wasn’t really that I would suddenly become genuinely comfortable again. If I had been sober, I think I would’ve recognized that I was uncomfortable and just ended the whole thing.
My boyfriend actually tried to stop things twice because he could tell I was uncomfortable, but because I kept restarting, he thought I ultimately wanted to continue.
Toward the very end, I was basically completely out of it. I stopped participating and told them to go ahead without me. I don’t even understand why I said that now because sober me absolutely did not want to watch my boyfriend and my best friend be sexual with each other.
At the very end, I was so drunk that I told them to attempt to have sex. They did, but my boyfriend was too soft for it to really work, and it was probably around a minute of them attempting. I was just sitting there completely out of it. Then I suddenly got really upset, got up, and told them to stop. As soon as they realized I was up and wanted them to stop, they stopped immediately.
The thing I’ve realized since my original post is that I’m not really struggling with whether my boyfriend secretly wanted her or whether they had some hidden connection.
I’ve talked to both of them separately about what happened, and their stories line up. My boyfriend has also been very reassuring about everything. I don’t think there was some secret affair or that either of them had feelings for each other.
My problem is much simpler and, honestly, harder for me to explain:
I cannot emotionally get past the fact that they did anything sexual together.
I know I was there. I know I participated. I know I initiated it. I know I restarted things multiple times. I know I literally told them to go ahead at the end.
I’m not trying to erase any of that.
But now that I’m sober and looking at the situation completely differently, the thought of my boyfriend kissing, touching, and being sexual with my best friend makes me feel horrible. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that they were physically intimate with each other and that they presumably enjoyed it in the moment.
And because I don’t remember a lot of the night, there’s also this uncomfortable feeling of not knowing exactly what happened between them when I wasn’t paying attention. I’ve talked through what I remember and what they remember, and I don’t think they’re hiding something from me, but I still hate having that gap in my memory.
For about two weeks, I actually started doing better. I was thinking about it less and felt like I was slowly accepting that this was a really stupid, drunken decision that I deeply regret.
Then I had a really bad setback.
My boyfriend and I were having a sexual/jealousy conversation where I asked him to say other women’s names, and my best friend’s name came up. Hearing him say her name in that context immediately brought everything back. He also found the Reddit post I had made about the situation, which made me feel exposed and brought a lot of the emotions back up.
Now I feel like I’m back at square one.
I still love my boyfriend. I still want to be with him. I don’t believe he intentionally betrayed me, and I’m not sitting here thinking he secretly wanted my best friend.
I just don’t know how to make peace with the fact that this happened.

At the same time, I don’t want to spend years in a relationship where this one night is always sitting in the back of my mind.
So I’m trying to figure out what I’m actually supposed to do from here.
For people who have experienced something similar, how did you actually get past it?
Did the disgust/jealousy/mental images eventually fade with time, or did you eventually realize that you couldn’t accept what happened?
And how do you know whether something is something you should work through versus something that fundamentally changed your relationship for you?
I’m not looking for people to tell me whether I was right or wrong for agreeing to the threesome. I already know I made a decision that I deeply regret. I’m trying to figure out how to live with the consequences of that decision and whether my relationship can recover from it.
Any genuine advice on how to move forward would be appreciated.

i am 14 years old [14F] and have been taking dance classes for a few years. It used to be fun when my cousins were in the class, but they recently quit. Now I'm alone with new people, and I have completely lost interest. To make things worse, I just found out my mother [33F] expects me to continue until I am 18. Four more years feels impossible because it makes me so unhappy.

My mother told me that I can start an additional hobby if I want to, but I am absolutely not allowed to quit dancing. When I tried to talk to her, she told me that this dance is our culture, so I have to keep doing it, and that I should stop annoying her about it.

I respect my culture, but being forced into this is making me miserable. I don't want to do two hobbies at once. I just want to stop dancing and take some time to find a new hobby that I actually enjoy.

How can I approach my mother when she completely blocks and views this as a cultural obligation? How can I convince her to let me stop

TL;DR: I am 14F and want to quit dance classes because it is no longer fun since my cousins left. My mother [33F] wants me to continue until I am 18 because of our culture and refuses to let me stop. How can I convince her?

My sister is thinking about buying a new phone; she wants a relatively modern model with a good camera and a stylus, and she needs it to be easy to find nice cases for it, since she’s an influencer and her phone is a work tool.

Naturally, the phone she wants is expensive (around $650 USD), whereas her current one is worth about $520 USD.

Anyway, she mentioned this to our brother, and he started going on about how his phone only cost $200, asking why she’d want to spend that much on a phone, and telling her she needs to grow up, that she isn't 12 anymore and needs to "take the next step."

My sister got angry because she was just talking about a phone she wanted to buy, and he started lecturing her about how immature she is.

That happened in the morning; now it’s night, and our brother sent her a message with a screenshot of a Facebook post where someone was asking if anyone was selling a motorcycle for $325 USD. He followed it up with a message saying, "And here you are, wanting to spend the price of two motorcycles on a phone."

My sister is considering blocking him for a few days.

Just for context: my brother always looks for the downsides of any plan or idea you have. For instance, when I told him about the degree I wanted to pursue, he started saying I’d never find a job in that field. I switched to a different major (though not because of what he said). I started publishing a comic (something I’d been planning for a long time) and set up a Patreon to see if I could monetize it; he just said, "Oh, so you were actually serious about making money from that?"

He claims he’s just "talking to us like an adult," even though our other older brother (38M) never spoke to any of us that way. I don't know; my sister and I are just getting tired of his pessimistic attitude.

He got married at 24 and bought a house at 30. Sometimes I think he clings to those achievements to rub it in our faces to show how much of an adult he is because he’s "settled down". while my sisters and I are still working and studying. what can we answer to him when he starts to "talking us like an adult"?

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**TL;DR;** : Our older brother keeps insisting that we grow up and mature. We no longer know what to say to him, other than blocking him for a couple of days.

I (22 F) have been kind of hanging out/semi dating with a guy (20 M) since june of this year

We hit it off so well, we have great chemistry, great sex, we have fun and it's great over all.

We aren't officially dating since we didn't ask each other but we have serious intentions and we want to make it official.

Since the beginning the guy started showing signs of possessiveness, overthinking about dumb things (e.g. i don't answer quickly so he starts thinking i'm with another guy) i give him no reason to think any of that.

He is overly anxious that i would hypothetically leave him. He doesn't pay attention to the things i tell him (me going places, exams that i have) but he is attentive in other aspects like he always pays the motel and even 2 months after meeting each other he gifted me headphones for my birthday (thing that i wanted to).

We spent a lot of time with each other and text each other all the time. Recently, i met his mom. Things were going so great, he was a bit awkward and silent but i thought it was because he was tired (he is usually very hyper active and goofy). After we left he was still awkward but i let it be, told him i live him and that he should text me if he needed anything.

Hours later he texts me telling him that me meeting his mum was a lot for him mentally/emotionally (it was his idea btw) and that he has been thinking about us and we should take a few days off because he needed to figure out what was happening to him because he felt bad and anxious and he wants to talk about it with therapist so we should stop texting each other till then (so i'm waiting until he has his therapy session so we can talk).

Now, about me, my friends really like this guy but recognize that he is very unstable mentally, that he doesn't have things figured out, gets angry/insecure with me about things that are silly and a waste of time to get mad at. I want to say that i also get mad at him but only when (of course) he gets insecure about things and i can't stand that because it's just so silly to me to feel bad about things that aren't real.

Thinking deeply about this, i'm not even sure if i love him, or if i ever lived anyone. i think i just wanna be with someone just to show people that someone loves/desires me so i get to show that i'm not alone, so my decision was that if he wants to leave me i will accept that but if he doesn't want to leave me i will stay nonetheless.

i'm honestly not that pretty in comparison with my friends i'm mid/kind of ugly so it's not like i have other choices and i can't just move to another person because it's just so difficult for anyone to love me. it doesn't help that i'm not funny, smart and i'm just so fucking off putting it pisses me off i just wanna be normal like everyone else and i can't, that's why i'm willing to stay with a person that apparently loves me (idk now lol)

(i have no one to talk to because my friends will tell me what i already know that is that i'm dumb and should immediately break up and therapy is expensive and i can't afford it)

TL;DR: basically i'm a selfish insecure person (about my personality/appearance) who wants to show everybody that someone loves me and wants to be with me but i chose to be with someone who is mentally unstable and drives me nuts sometimes but we have great time together and i'm kind of inclined to lower myself with someone rather than be alone and prove to everyone that indeed nobody will ever ever desire me or love me for who i truly am. what should i do?

I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend (31M) for four months. I really, really like him. We have insane chemistry, enjoy each other’s company, and I love having him in my life.

However, I’m increasingly aware that we are fundamentally incompatible. He is a devout Christian and wants me to become Christian - I am an atheist . He wants no sex until marriage, is anti-vax, wants his future children homeschooled, and expects his wife to become a stay-at-home mother. He is extremely frugal and dislikes travelling, while I value my career, travelling and enjoying the money I work hard for.

I’m not looking for advice on how to compromise, I already know these differences are too significant and that this relationship will probably end soon. I also know that delaying it will only make us more attached and make the eventual breakup harder.

The problem is that nothing feels bad when we’re together. I really like him, the chemistry feels rare, and I also love the comfort of having a boyfriend. It’s incredibly difficult to voluntarily end something that currently makes me happy because I know it won’t work in the future.

For those who have ended a relationship with someone you still genuinely liked because you knew you were incompatible, how did you bring yourself to do it instead of continually postponing the inevitable?

TL;DR: I really like my boyfriend and we have amazing chemistry, but our values and visions for the future are fundamentally incompatible. I know I need to end the relationship before we become more attached, but I’m struggling to walk away from someone I still genuinely want.

Me (22F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been in each other’s lives since we were 15. We have a really strong bond and he knows me like the back of his hand.. over the years we have been together he’s cheated many times and sometimes I’ve left and sometimes i haven’t but i always came back.

Most recently last month someone told me “it’s never too late to say ts was unacceptable and walk away”. he’s done other things that i shouldn’t have forgiven him for (like left marks on me) but cheating was the worst. Every time id think it couldn’t get worse it did. I left him last month while I was in a RTC (like rehab for depression) after going over all the stuff he’s done to me. I ended up taking him back less than a week later. He definitely talked me into it but i didn’t disagree with him at the time. He said I was better with him and I knew it and I was just pushing him away due to my depression ect.

With the amount of times I’ve left and come back it feels impossible to really leave and whenever I bring up that I think I want to be single for a while he says my idea of single is just drinking and partying all the time (it’s not). I just don’t know what to do anymore or how I even feel about him. And if I do decide to leave how am I supposed to do that at this point? I feel like im starting to hold resentment that I can’t seem to get past anymore and it doesn’t feel healthy even though I love him.

TL;DR- my boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and I love him but don’t know if the relationship is sustainable anymore due to cheating in the past and my behavior of always coming back.

Hi, this is my first time posting on Reddit so idk how this will be received but I hope it reaches the right people and I can learn from my lack of experiences.

Story:
I (23M) and Jane Doe (28F) met through bouldering some time around this year May. We chatted, worked on some boulder problems and exchanged Instagram, the usual I’ve done that with plenty of people because bouldering is a social sport. The day after, I messaged her to thank her for chatting and bouldering with me and I asked her if she wanted to climb to climb again to which she said yes and asked her if she wanted to watch a movie tgt and she also said yes to that but that never happened because of both of our time constraints. I’m an engineering student and she’s a nurse going through her placements. (This was in May)

A month gone by, I thought to myself “ohh she’s just gonna be another climbing acquaintance that’s gonna be added to my list that I’ve met once, exchanged contact but will never meet again”. To my surprised, she reached out asking how I was doing, how I’ve been and we organised another climbing together. We climbed for nearly 5-6 hours, got dinner, got desserts, she drove me home and we yapped in her car in front of my place till 1 am. After that outing, I realized that I really enjoyed having her around and I feel really like myself, not having to hide any aspects of myself (I’m straight but I’m somewhat androgynous presenting, I paint my nails etc) and she made me feel seen and didn’t judge me for that. For someone you’ve just met twice, we talked abt a lot of personal things that you typically don’t talk with someone, like relationships, religion, personal values, future goals (we’re both international students in Australia) etc. (this was in June)

Another month or two go by, I was busy with uni, she was busy with her placement plus she went back home to her family for a month and there were minimal interactions between us for that period. Late August arrives, she invited me to climb again but this time was with her climbing friends, we haven’t seen each other for nearly 2 months so I felt really elated to meet her again. We did the usual again but just this time with her friends. Climbed, got dinner, got desserts, everyone part ways and I was with her and another friend and she dropped me off. The following day after, she texted me saying “sorry that we didn’t get to talk much yesterday, I’m not good with group outings” to which I told her it was fine and I don’t mind. (This was late August)

Now we’ve reached a period where our meeting frequencies increased and each gap shortened. We start meeting each other or with her friends once to twice a week. We met the following week to climb again with her friends, did the usual again (surprise surprise). At this point in time, I’ve learned that she’s currently looking for a serious relationship, she broke up with her partner some time around March this year, she knows that I’m single and I’m not dating anybody. The next week, we climbed again just me, her and my roomie, same thing. After that we met briefly for abt 5-10 mins the next few days because I accidentally forgot to give her back her accessories cuz she left it in my bag when we climbed and I gifted her a miffy keychain because prior to that she kept on commenting how cute my miffy keychain was and she seem infatuated by it so I did that as a thoughtful gesture to her and I guess possibly signal to her that I might be more than just a neutral friend. She said thank you and took it and she drove back to her place. What I didn’t expect was she posting the miffy on her story, tagging me and putting my name on her story and telling me how sweet I was to do that for everybody to see to which I felt somewhat embarrassed but happy that she went out of way to do that just for a small gift from me.

Following week, I did some reflection and it dawned upon me that she’s mostly just been initiating these outings outside of one instance where I asked if she wanted to climb again and see the movies when we met early on. I felt like I had to at least initiate because I guess as a guy, the last thing I want to be is to be a needy creep and I was cautious with how I initiated and I wanted her to feel comfortable around me. So after a bit of time and courage, I asked her if she wanted to go to a resto with me and she agreed, we went out together just the two of us, spent time walking around, got dinner, sat in a cafe, yapped till late, we’re learning more and more abt each other and in head, I thought this was when we were assessing each other’s long term compatibility, we both wanted to stay in Australia, she doesn’t want kids, I also don’t want kids etc. Anyway, we yapped more on the train
to home, said our goodbyes and parted ways (we live close by each other)

Next week, she invited me to climb again plus with her roomie, again, did the usual. The only thing significant abt this outing was she asked me if I had any pursuers and if I’m currently open to a relationship atm to which I said yes while we were in the car with her roomie (her roomie doesn’t really understand and speak good English for). The following day, me and my roomie wanted to find resto recommendations and I asked Jane Doe for recommendations, she listed and asked if I wanted to explore the area tgt with her because she does not like going out alone. To which I obv said yes.
At this point in I felt really happy that I might have found somewhat that I’m interested in because I have never been in a relationship before and only been in one situationship. I don’t think I was delusional to think that she might have some interest in me or at the very least suspects that I’m interested in her. Since I am human and flawed, I tried my best to not have any confirmation bias when we interacted and looked at only the significant interactions.

My last outing with her which was yesterday, we climbed with her friends, got dinner with me, her and her friend (we’ll call him bob if he needs to be brought up). We were just chatting and it led to sexual orientation, and she asked bob if he was straight and he said yeah, she asked me I said yeah (she already knew this and ig asked it in a joking manner) and I asked Helen if she was straight and she told me’s bi (which I obv don’t mind). I was talking and I said sth like “I know a lot of gay guys and bi women but not too many bi guys or lesbians” and she was like “I can be your lesbian friend”, I responded “wdym you’re half gay” and that’s when she dropped the bomb shell of a news to both me and bob at the resto at dinner that she was dating another woman.
My heart sank, hollowed and emptied when those words came out of her, I was holding back my composure, tears, emotions and everything and pretended to be normal and partake in our dinner and outing. I wanted to go home, I wanted to leave, I wanted to cry. On the same night as we were walking back to car, I asked if her parents knew she was bi and she told me mom knows but is in denial, and her father doesn’t know. Then I she also told me that she preferably would rather be a guy so that she doesn’t have to deal with the fallout and repercussions of being in a same sex relationship. Then I asked her why is she then in a relationship with another woman and that’s also when I found that Jane Doe is currently just in talking stages but not dating.
We drove bob to the station and I’m left with her… again but this time I really wanted to go home but she asked if you wanted to yapped more and I said with hesitation, sure. In my head I really wanted to go home but saying no to her invites just didn’t feel like a very me thing to do. We go desserts, yapped for an hour. I asked her why not bring Jason to dessert to which she said “oh yeah we could have but she doesn’t feel comfortable talking with him abt a lot of things because they are not close” and later learned that I somehow became her closest climbing friend despite being her newest friend to climbing.

And now I’m here in my room, on a cloudy day ruminating, writing this to seek support and opinions. I am anxious, sad, confused, lost and hopeless.
box
**TL;DR; : why did she**.
-Spent her free time with me
-talked continuously without getting bored of one another
-asked me so much abt relationship status
-apologized for not spending enough time with me
-kept on pushing our outings tgt further by having dinner, desserts, yapping when she could have ended it if she wanted to
-posted my gifts with my name for all her friends to see
-asked me abt my long term goals
-told me that she’s currently looking for a serious relationship
-invited to spend one one one time with her looking for restos

Am I being deluded by thinking that she has to at the very least suspect that I am not neutral and possibly interested in her and if she doesn’t feel comfortable with that fact, she could have distanced herself from me but she does the complete opposite. That’s why I am just right now confused, am I missing something?

Thank you for taking your time to read my story

tl;dr - what is the meaning love and why do we love and i’m lowkey mentally ill

so i’m currently in a …situationship or talking stage as we call it now, for the first time in my life. 18M and 20M. and i’ve always thought this to myself, and tried to figure it out, but i’m not sure i ever will. what’s even the point of loving someone? i know it’s a normal human feeling that everyone has, but i just think about relationships later in life and it’s just like.. why? so many people my age all have partners and it makes me sad that i’ve never had one, i want a boyfriend so bad, but ive yet to understand why. i don’t know if ittl make me happy, or if im just trying to turn to that to cope with something? and also people my age literally just have partners to have them. it’s like oh yeah this is my girlfriend.. and then what. you guys hang out with eachother, kiss have sex whatever, and then you just break up? maybe stay together if you’re lucky? the cycle of love is just something i can’t wrap my head around, especially later in life. like i know i wanna have a husband, but then i try to think why and the only reason i have is because i just want male validation. like sure we grow old together and fight and “love” eachother sometimes and live in the same house… but literally WHY? why would i spend my life with someone even if i love them?

also it’s definitely different being gay, there’s so many societal standards and what not that just get to your head. especially seeing everyone around you including all your family members talk about crushes, and boyfriends and whatever, meanwhile you’ve never even been close to someone liking you. ive never had a boyfriend still but i’ve been at the point for like 3 years of that i just don’t even care if he truly loves me or not. he could abuse me and hit me manipulate me it doesn’t matter, just as long as i have something to cling onto, even if it’s awful, i don’t really care i just want it so bad.. even sometimes i wish i would just be.. i don’t wanna say it but i think yall know, just to feel something, no matter how much it hurts me…..

i know this sounds kinda contradictory but im not even sure how to explain exactly how i feel…

me (23F) and my friend(24F) have a pretty open communication relationship. we don’t really bicker very often we keep it pretty open or at least try to. recently we’ve had a few situations where i feel like i keep repeating myself and im trying not to take it to heart because i know everyone’s got things going on you know. so i’ve told her that i REFUSE to be around coke, i had a family member pass away from it , ya know and one time i was super drunk with her at a bar and she had some shots and the bartender offered her a line and she did it right in front of me and then drove me back to her house and it really was a lot , that was the first time i had ever seen or been around that and she knew my issue with that. also don’t want someone coked our driving me around. so we talked about that. and it hasn’t happened since but this was the start to feeling like my boundaries aren’t being listened to. that really changed my perception on her because she knew how badly i still hurt over losing someone to coke. she has apologized but i feel like ignoring things will always force things to be brought to the fore front.

we have been out the country lately and had such a fun time i don’t want to loose her. :( while we were out of town we were sharing our recent therapy and diagnosis and she told me she had bpd, even tried to say i should get tested for it. i don’t have that me and my therapist have already discussed that. then, she wanted to share a water bottle and i said no thank you since i have contamination ocds , then she suggested me to look into medicine even though ive told her that as of right now i won’t be getting on any until talking further with my therapist. i dont need my friend to diagnosis me.even if she speaks about her ex sometimes she’ll compare him to mine and say “ well he didn’t hit me like yours! “ and it just feels like an odd thing to say. we both got abused there’s no comparison. i don’t want to be hyper-analyzed , that’s going to make me feel paranoid around her. i know that she’s a tad bit forgetful which is totally understandable but i am someone who is pretty good about keeping up with my belongings. i wanted to hold the room key, it’s not a huge deal if it gets lost it can get replaced but i am also an anxious person. she insist upon carrying the room key ( this is also a place where people get pit pocketed a lot ) and she lost it. i wasn’t angry, more so just a little sad that i couldn’t keep the key because i knew that i wouldn’t have lost it. i trust her to hold things but like i said i know she’s a little forgetful.

then on vacation i told her not to post our location or any hotel pics because they can be reverse image searched, right before the trip she tags me in a bunch of things that had exact itineraries and locations. i asked her to delete it because i JUST told her not to do that. :( then while on vaca, she asks if she can post hotel pics so i have to explain to her yet again no and that someone could reverse image search and figure out where we are. it’s not safe. i feel like im constantly explaining my boundaries to her and sometimes it gets to be a lot. I feel like I don’t have to do these things with my other friends.

we recently had a small little hiccup and she ended up telling her sister and now there’s weird tension with it. she unfollowed and removed me from all socials and i now will not feel uncomfortable to hang out with my friend at her house with her sisters nose into our business now. she lives with her sister. i understand asking her sister for advice but i am hurt by it now because now things are weird. she’s admitted her sisters been an issue in every friendship & relationship so that’s why
even more sad that she has told her. i am trying to not hold resentment towards her but i do feel disrespected.

TD/LR: My boundaries always feel like a debate with my best friend and I’m fatigued with it currently , but I really love our friendship aside from these hiccups.

TLDR
So, I’m 29 and my girlfriend is 28. We love each other, but the problem is that her parents are quite old—her father is 76 and her mother is 70. They don’t want her to get married because they don’t want her to leave them. On top of that, they are abusive and constantly torture her emotionally.
She has tried to convince them about me, but they don’t agree because of my caste, city, or basically anything else. They keep putting pressure on her, and she is now fed up with trying to convince them.
Now she wants to break up because she says she can’t hurt me. She feels that nothing is in her hands because we come from South Asian Muslim families. She doesn’t want to move forward because she believes it will only hurt both of us, and that I deserve someone better. She also doesn’t want me to keep waiting for a long time when there is no guarantee that things will work out.
I told her to leave her parents, but she says she can’t do that.

Alr so im 15 and my gf is 15 and we're both indian so obv dating at this age is super looked down upon and not supported. we both have super strict parents. now my gf tells me what her mom said abt me and its been on my mind. her mom said to my gf, "I don't hate him, i hate that you made the decision to like him." what the shit does this even mean, its js another way of saying she doesnt approve right? pls help me out here. Idk if im too young to post here, sorry.

TL;DR: gf's mom made backhanded comments about me, dont know how to take it

TL;DR: I’m dating a girl—she’s 20, and I’m 17. I love her very much. We have a lot in common—we’re both into computers. I also help her out financially without asking for anything in return, and I don’t regret it; I just enjoy brightening up her daily routine a little. I even bought and sent her parts to upgrade her computer, since she used to have a weak laptop. As far as I know, she’s constantly helping her mom—running errands, dropping off documents, and so on. We’ve never met in person, though we plan to move in together; she hasn’t given a clear answer on that yet, even though she used to say it would work out. I plan to cover the rent or buy an apartment, since I have the funds to do so.

However, she rarely takes the initiative when it comes to communication. Once, in a moment of sadness, I blocked her just to get her attention, since she rarely messaged or called; it ended badly, and I almost lost the love of my life. I still blame myself and worry about it, even though I apologized and was forgiven. Fortunately, things worked out—everything is good now, and we love each other (she confirmed that she likes me and is ready for a relationship, just as I am)—but the communication situation hasn’t changed. She doesn’t even say she loves me and gets in touch very rarely—maybe 3–5 messages a day, just like before.

It feels like my feelings aren’t being reciprocated—or at least met halfway—because she rarely messages first, and I don’t know how to interpret her behavior.

I (F22) and my boyfriend (M23) have been together for 2.5 years. When we met we were very transparent with each other and clicked together well. Within the first week of knowing me he asked for my body count. I told him it was 1 and that it wasn’t really consensual. I asked him his back and he told me 2. We were long distance for about the first 2 years of our relationship so I was aware of the long distance stigmas of the partner was always cheating and I was heavily cautious about it. I was always a little jealous of him hanging out with other people and not paying attention to me even though we were long distance for that time. I was always worried there was another woman but he always assured me there isn’t. His life and career he was building towards did take up almost all of his time. We visited each other about monthly as well. We were clear we were both dating for marriage since we met and he always saw himself marrying me as time went more and more on. I was aware of him wanting to marry me 6 months into the relationship.

Then about 1.5 years into the relationship I dug through his iPad (not my first or 20th time doing it, he knows I do) and found his texts with his most recent ex, we will call her ex #2. He was with her for technically only a month but they talked for about 3-4 months. Started maybe about August 2023 and broke up November 2023. Him and I got together January 2024. I was always annoyed that her and I were in close proximity of each other but he said he stopped talking to her about a week after they broke up. As my last relationship ended in October 2022. I always felt that maybe he wasn’t completely over her? But that was my own insecurity. He said the relationship wasn’t much and he never even told her that he loved her. So I read his texts with her on his iPad.

They were texting until the day after he met me.

The last thing he said to her was along the lines of “Hey ex #2, I can’t keep talking to you anymore and I hope you have a good life without me. Just know you were the best thing to ever happen to me.” When I read that I was fuming. I scroll up higher and see they texted weekly ever since they broke up saying things like “i love you” and calling her “baby” (he told me he never called any other girl baby and it was only me)

Of course he was in training for his new job so he couldn’t get back to me quickly when I found all of that. When he finally did I confronted him and he said he’s sorry he lied and he didn’t want me to think of the relationship as more than it actually was and that he wasn’t over her. He said he doesn’t remember calling her baby at all. He also said they never met again after they broke up and only texted for a while. I had to ask him all these questions myself. I got close to breaking up with him at that point but realized it’s a bit dumb. He said it was barely any overlap between me and her. The morning after he met me is when he stopped talking to her. He said he only told her “you were the best thing to ever happen to me” to stop her from being insane and keep her happy. I told him after that argument “hide things like that better so I don’t find it myself.” So he can tell me them himself instead.

I learned to move on and forgive him as it wasn’t that bad. He got a good job and we moved in together back in March. He takes care of me and has learned to be a better boyfriend. Us living together has had our relationship grow stronger and get closer and closer to marriage. We feel so strongly for each other and we have a bright future ahead of us with very successful jobs together. Since we were getting closer to marriage I told him about 2 weeks ago over FaceTime (since he travels a lot for work) “Hey, I’m really scared that you could be hiding something major. I don’t want to find out some big secret you’ve been hiding for like 20 years in our future. Like the thing that happened with ex #2 last year.” He told me ok and I saw him the next night. He was treating me well, I cooked dinner for him and he started a bath for me. As he was folding laundry he said he had something serious to tell me but it should wait until after dinner. I jokingly asked him “what did you finger another woman or something?” As that was kinda normal stuff I’m insecure about still.
He stared at me and said “yes” disappointed. I don’t take him seriously at first, I think he has to be joking.

I then ask him my next worst fear, “how many women have you had sex with?”

He looks at me embarrassed and disappointed in himself, “I don’t know if one counts” I look at him with my heart falling apart.

I know body count isn’t an important thing for some people but it’s very important to me and I thought it was very important to him. It was the same reason he asked for mine the first week of knowing me. We both didn’t want someone who’s been with lots of people. We both didn’t like the idea of hookup culture and that’s a big reason we were with each other.

I asked him for the real number no matter if one counts. He said “4. 5 including you” all I could do is feel my heart break apart. I thought sex between us was so intimate and important and felt so special because some of the stuff we had done I thought was the first time we had both done it. But then to find out he has done almost it all.

NSFW LEVEL STUFF HERE. PLS SKIP TO NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW. Even things that I thought would be marriage level like no condom. He lied to me about never using a condom with someone else. He told me I was the first one he had done it raw with a few years ago and had even finished in. He then told me he did all of that with ex #2. None of the special stuff was saved for me and I felt so betrayed. He also told me he met up with ex #2 and had sex with her a week after they broke up.

I had realized he took my biggest insecurity he has know about for the past 2 years and kept it hidden from me and lied to me about it for YEARS. My biggest fear. One of the worst things I could imagine him doing besides cheating. And he knew that. He thought he was going to take his body count to the grave with him but it became so much of a burden on him that me begging him to tell me pushed him. He is so embarrassed of his past that he kept it a secret from everyone. He knew with us getting closer to marriage he can’t keep any secrets from me and has come clean with them all. (He did tell me a couple other things but that I was most upset about)

He claims he’s told me all his lies so that we can move on and keep building our future. He knows this is a step back and lied to me since he met me because he was terrified of losing me. He says I’m the best thing to ever happen in his life and that I give him purpose and make him the happiest he’s ever been in his life.

I didn’t realize until today this is the second time he’s majorly lied to me and I’ve come to terms with him lying about his body count. I don’t mind that as much. But if I found out in the beginning it would’ve been better of course. Not sure if I would’ve been with him, I feel it would’ve been a big 50/50. I feel a bit disgusted of him since he’s had so much more sexual experience than me.. it was a very important thing to me.
I don’t know if I can trust him anymore knowing he lied to me for years. Even when I caught him lying a year ago he lied to me even more about that. Just when he started to gain my trust he broke it all.
He admits that should’ve been the time he told me and even when he met me. He claims he’s a different person now and doesn’t want to lie to me anymore. But I’m so scared that if he was able to lie to me FOR YEARS and over HUNDREDS of times, what else could he possibly be hiding? He says there’s no point in lying to me anymore if he came clean with anything. But I can’t shake the fear that he is hiding something else as in possibly cheating. Then again that has been my fear since the beginning of the relationship.

I don’t know if I should break up with him? I don’t know if I can trust him again. We’re trying to rebuild trust but I have no idea how long it will take. It is still fresh of course so it may take a while. He wants to work extra hard to earn my trust back and be a good husband to me in the future and he said his first step was by coming clean. He was expecting this to cause us to break up but I’m still with him trying to make up my mind. He isn’t pressuring me to make a choice anytime soon. He has been a changed person ever since he met me and admires me for being innocent and wishes he didn’t make those mistakes in his past. I just don’t know what to do at this point. I just want some advice and thoughts about this situation. I haven’t told anyone else about this at all.

TLDR; trying to figure out if I should break up with him after he lied to me for years and hundreds of times about one of my biggest fears

TL;DR: I’m dating a girl: she’s 20 and I’m 18. I love her very much. We have a lot in common—we’re both into computers. I also help her out financially without asking for anything in return, and I don’t regret it; it just makes me happy to brighten up her daily life a little. I even bought and sent her parts to upgrade her computer, since she used to have a weak laptop.

We live 100 km apart. She doesn’t have an education—she dropped out of college—and she doesn’t have a steady job either. She rents an apartment separate from her mother. As far as I know, she helps her mom out constantly: running errands, delivering documents, and so on. We’ve never met in person, though we plan to move in together; she hasn’t given a clear answer on that yet, even though she used to say it would work out. I plan to cover the rent or buy an apartment, since I have the funds for it.

However, she rarely takes the initiative when it comes to communication. Once, in a moment of sadness, I blocked her just to get her attention because she rarely messaged or called; it ended badly, and I almost lost the love of my life. I still blame myself and worry about it, even though I apologized and was forgiven. Fortunately, things worked out—everything is good now, and we love each other (she confirmed that she likes me and is ready for a relationship, just like me)—but the communication situation hasn’t changed. She doesn’t even say she loves me, and she gets in touch very rarely—maybe 3–5 messages a day, just like before.

I feel like my feelings for her aren't being reciprocated—or even met halfway—because she rarely messages first, and I don’t know how to interpret her behavior.

TL;DR: I’m dating a girl: she’s 20 and I’m 18. I love her very much. We have a lot in common—we’re both into computers. I also help her out financially without asking for anything in return, and I don’t regret it; it just makes me happy to brighten up her daily life a little. I even bought and sent her parts to upgrade her computer, since she used to have a weak laptop.

We live 100 km apart. She doesn’t have an education—she dropped out of college—and she doesn’t have a steady job either. She rents an apartment separate from her mother. As far as I know, she helps her mom out constantly: running errands, delivering documents, and so on. We’ve never met in person, though we plan to move in together; she hasn’t given a clear answer on that yet, even though she used to say it would work out. I plan to cover the rent or buy an apartment, since I have the funds for it.

However, she rarely takes the initiative when it comes to communication. Once, in a moment of sadness, I blocked her just to get her attention because she rarely messaged or called; it ended badly, and I almost lost the love of my life. I still blame myself and worry about it, even though I apologized and was forgiven. Fortunately, things worked out—everything is good now, and we love each other (she confirmed that she likes me and is ready for a relationship, just like me)—but the communication situation hasn’t changed. She doesn’t even say she loves me, and she gets in touch very rarely—maybe 3–5 messages a day, just like before.

I feel like my feelings for her aren't being reciprocated—or even met halfway—because she rarely messages first, and I don’t know how to interpret her behavior.

I’m dating a girl: she’s 20 and I’m 17. I love her very much. We have a lot in common—we’re both into computers. I also help her out financially without asking for anything in return, and I don’t regret it; it just makes me happy to brighten up her daily life a little. I even bought and sent her parts to upgrade her computer, since she used to have a weak laptop.

We live 100 km apart. She doesn’t have an education—she dropped out of college—and she doesn’t have a steady job either. She rents an apartment separate from her mother. As far as I know, she helps her mom out constantly: running errands, delivering documents, and so on. We’ve never met in person, though we plan to move in together; she hasn’t given a clear answer on that yet, even though she used to say it would work out. I plan to cover the rent or buy an apartment, since I have the funds for it.

However, she rarely takes the initiative when it comes to communication. Once, in a moment of sadness, I blocked her just to get her attention because she rarely messaged or called; it ended badly, and I almost lost the love of my life. I still blame myself and worry about it, even though I apologized and was forgiven. Fortunately, things worked out—everything is good now, and we love each other (she confirmed that she likes me and is ready for a relationship, just like me)—but the communication situation hasn’t changed. She doesn’t even say she loves me, and she gets in touch very rarely—maybe 3–5 messages a day, just like before. TL;DR: I feel like my feelings for her aren't being reciprocated—or even met halfway—because she rarely messages first, and I don’t know how to interpret her behavior.

My boyfriend (30 M) and I (30 F) have been together for almost 2 years. We’ve honestly created a pretty unhealthy relationship due to difficulties with conflict resolution and letting our insecurities and past trauma affect the way we treat each other. His work has also taken priority and creates issues between us. Still, we love each other so much and he’s literally my best friend. Not to mention the kindest man I know. He feels like home to me in a lot of different ways and he’s one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. Our connection and chemistry is something I’ve never had before. We were both committed to working on our issues to create a healthier dynamic, but I do admit that I hadn’t been seeing any real change on his end yet.

Then I recently found out he had been secretly messaging an old female friend behind my back for about a week. He swears up and down it was strictly platonic, which I do believe but can’t know for sure. He apparently felt extremely lonely because of our recent fights and just needed someone to talk to. He doesn’t have a lot of friends in the area because he recently moved to my city. We’ve never had any issues with loyalty or honesty up until this point, which was part of why I valued our relationship so highly. But with this, he lied to me repeatedly when I kept asking about my suspicions that he was talking to someone and only started to admit it after I found definitive proof. Even after all that, he spent 2 more weeks promising me he told me everything, then admitted one more lie that I already knew but was just waiting for him to admit to. So regardless of his friendship with this woman, it was weeks of ongoing lies, deception, and secrecy.

He wants to work through this more than anything but I’m obviously struggling to get past it. I genuinely believed he was the most loyal man and I’d never have to worry about something like this with him, so it really fucked with my head. I also don’t want to throw the whole relationship away over “one” mistake, even though i know it was repeated decisions to lie and hide things. But he’s otherwise been very honest and loyal to me our whole relationship which I feel is very hard to find these days. Not to mention I’m still so in love with him and can’t imagine my life without him. Even if we stay together tho, we still have all our other issues to work on too to be healthy together, and I hadn’t been seeing a lot of change from him on those either. But that doesn’t mean things wouldn’t change with more time and I know how badly he wants to put the work in.

Ultimately, I’m scared I’ll regret leaving when he’s been otherwise very loyal and honest with me, and because our connection feels once in a lifetime. Especially if I feel like we could still try couples counselling as a last resort. But every time I’m reminded of what he did, it makes staying together feel unbearable, yet leaving him also feels unbearable. We do live together as well. I’m just sick of feeling so stuck and conflicted.

How do people decide when to leave a relationship they still desperately want but there’s something that’s extremely hard to get past?

TL;DR: my (30 F) boyfriend (30 M) of almost 2 years recently messaged an old female friend for a week behind my back. He’s been otherwise extremely honest and loyal our whole relationship but lied to me repeatedly about this. I love him more than anything and feel extremely stuck on whether to end the relationship or keep trying to develop trust again. How to make this decision?

we have been together 1.5 years now, started having sex a few weeks before becoming official and were all over each other for the first few months. for the past 6 months or so i basically lost all my libido and its really putting a strain on my relationship. i am trying to figure out if there are medical reasons for this extreme lack of libido, checking hormones etc but i wanted to ask wether any of you experienced sth similar or have any suggestions as to how to rebuild our intimacy? i do enjoy his presence and love to cuddle and feel very close to him when we do but i almost never think about wanting to have any sexual relation, i sometimes dont even feel like kissing him and when he tries to make a move my body acts all kind of crazy (ive gotten extremely tickle-ish and pull away instantly out of a reflex and like remove myself even from cuddling or other non-sexual closeness). i dont recognize myself, i feel like i am not in touch with myself or my body at all, like when we first had sex together i felt hot and desired and wanted more of those feelings, wore fancy lingerie etc and now sometimes when i walk past him when coming outta the shower and he looks at me just like in the beginning, i feel super uncomfortable and cant fathom anyone seeing me as this attractive, desirable person he appearantly sees and wants?? like i am just a blob. and i did not change physically at all, like nocmajor weight gain or loss or anything similar but the feeling changed and its numbing me. so how can i get back in touch with myself and my body, how can i rebuild the intimacy to my partner, any thoughts??? i am really at my limit

tldr i lost all my libido in the past months and dont know how to reconnect with my partner when feeling totally disconnected to myself

Hi! I have been in a relationship for 2.5 years. I am a 25F and my boyfriend is a 24M. We both care a lot about each other and want to see each other happy.

Recently, I've been feeling that although we're both nice people, we just might not be each other people. I am currently in therapy and working on myself and I tell my boyfriend everything so it's not like he's unaware.

Yesterday we had a big heart to heart and were both very emotional and decided we would go to couples therapy and see. If not we might take a break but we're both aware our relationship could end. Of course that would be sad and heartbreaking and I know I should lose my best friend and potentially the best person I know forever as I know it would be a clean break.

I just feel like he deserves to be with someone who's 150% sure of him because he's brilliant and incredible and a wonderful person and he deserves a shot at love and children and I don't know if that's person is me, even though I would like it to be. He's obsessed with me and I just don't know if I'm that obsessed with him and that makes me feel very uncomfortable. We could live a happy and fulfilled life and I know that but I'm not sure if I want more. I'm a perfectionist, have OCD, ADHD and anxiety, and I'm working on that in therapy on not constantly criticising him but I'm just fearful. I also know I have intimacy issues. I'm pretty sure I love him and that's why I want the best for him. I'm not sure what to do. I just want to make sure I'm not leading him on and I'm also not staying in a relationship that's not perfect for me.

Please be nice, as this is causing us both lots of anxiety.

TLDR: My boyfriend is very into me, and I'm not at the same level. Is it possible to get there?

Like the caption says, I’m really not sure on how to end things with my partner after three years together , and living together for two of them, when we get along we’re great, but I’m not attracted to her anymore and when we’re bad it’s bad , we sleep in separate rooms most of the time, we don’t go on dates anymore, and it’s not from lack of trying on my end, and any communication we have ends with me feeling like the bad guy even when I bring up something that upsets me, my biggest problem is we have two cats together, one I had from before we got together, and one we got earlier this year , and I would hate to split them up , but I can’t keep staying with someone just for the sake of my fur babies , when it’s bringing my mental health down to the floor

TL;DR wanting to separate but we live together and she doesn’t take conversations about things well

Something that should have been a red flag but at the time only turned me. When my ex was picking me up from work and I called him a pendejo, playfully as I was used to using the English translation with friends and what not and I had just learned the word. He told me not to say it and gave me a hard look and I paused and said it again with a devious smile. We were parked and he grabbed me by my hair and aggressively yanked my head back. Immediately I melted submissive and hazy eyed and I NEEDED THAT. After he got out the car I asked if I really offended him and I felt bad and he explained culturally it was an offensive word and whatever else he said. At the time I was incredibly turned on but later on I was like maybe that was abusive 😅 it was only 2 to 3 months into our relationship
Now while I had a kinks, he wasn’t into discussing or setting boundaries. He wanted what he wanted when he wanted and he told me from the beginning and even showed me that when he wanted me, he would have me. Not that he never slowed for a moment but we never stopped. Like I can’t even think of a time I said I didn’t want to have sex and everything stopped or didn’t start at all.

I’m ranting, but I was just thinking after a convo with my sister about red flags I should have paid attention sooner. What are some red flags you didn’t see at first? TL;DR —