Late last year I reconnected with a friend from high school that I hadn't spoken to in about 10 years. After talking and playing MTG together for a while, he would start ranting to me about his wife. Nearly all if it was stuff he made up in his head, about her being crazy because she's a woman, about her being a prude, about her being stupid because she's a woman. It started small, just a comment here or there. I pushed back whenever I felt like I had the context to do so, or whenever it was blatantly bigoted. At one point he tried to gaslight me thinking it would work because he gaslit her until she stopped pushing the issue.
I only went over there to hangout two more times after that, and he started talking about the content he consumes, mostly police dashcam/bodycam footage being commentated over. He made exactly the kind of comments you're imagining he did, depending on the profile of the person in the videos. Totally odd behavior, I told him on more than one occasion that he sounded racist, and homophobic, and sexist.
One time I was there, he was in the shower and his wife sat to eat lunch and find something to watch. She chose a video by a gay plant YouTuber I can't remember the name of, with a big ass cat. Anyway, the whole time she kept apologizing to me for how gay this must be and how she can really turn it off and watch something else. I felt bad for her, and I hope she can find a way out, because she deserves better.
I cut him out of my life entirely again. The renewed friendship probably only lasted 6 months.
I hope the wife of your former friend will wake up to the fact that her husband is a POS and leave. She doesn’t deserve to be ground down and apologetic for liking what she likes or being who she is.
She makes considerably more money than him, and their house is also solely in her name. I hope she finds it in herself to get up and go(or get up and kick him out), because she would genuinely be so much better off without him. They've been together since we were teenagers, so she didn't have much dating experience before him. I don't know how awake she is to it.
At least she goes on trips with friends to national parks and stuff, without him.
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u/FloppyDickFingers 3d ago edited 3d ago
Edit: forced to delete this comment because a few people are now harassing me for apparently not doing enough. Honestly Reddit sucks.