It’s not gonna be fixed by speaking up once to one prick. It’s such an ongoing, systemic issue that it’s gonna require constant effort from many many people. You did your part on that one and it didn’t personally benefit you in that exact situation as far as staying in that gaming group goes. But overall, look at the bigger picture. If you didn’t speak up, you’d be stuck gaming with an asshole. And do you really want to game with asshole enablers, who sit there making excuses for him? So maybe in that situation you did actually benefit in the end? Hopefully you found a better group of cool people that aren’t like that cuz plenty of dnd groups are looking for people like you.
But, if more people keep doing exactly what you did, even if it costs them short term inconvenience, the benefits comes in the form of the greater good for all. Which makes yours and everyone else’s lives better.
It shifts situations like that where the norm was one decent guy at a table full of an asshole and asshole enablers, to the norm being an unspoken “no assholes allowed so don’t even go there”.
What if society reaches a point where so few people dare to be assholes cuz they know the societal blowback isn’t worth the consequences?
It can get there if enough people make their normal everyday behavior the way you handled that dnd game.
Thing is, the other guys at the table aren’t bad people. And they work with him and are junior so there are power imbalances at play. I’m sure they’d have chosen me if I made it an overt him vs me but I didn’t want to put them in that position given the work dynamic. Thankfully he has now been done for DUI (what a prick!) and so he is history anyway.
Well, just want to let you know that I can officially welcome you into the Not All Men side now. I’m authorized, as a woman. You have earned your way into “Safe One” territory, because of this behavior you exhibited in this dnd prick vs table story. I don’t have an official badge, but I could make one?
Haha thank you. Tbh i was converted when I lived in London and saw my housemate just get attention from so many weirdos. They always targeted her. Every night out. I was always on guard basically watching out for her. It was always her. People groping her or trying to drag her away from our group when we were dancing.
Probably because she was small and wore rave outfits (that’s not an excuse to do it but we all know these weirdos have a type and try to pick on easier targets).
Ever since then I don’t take it personally if a woman crosses the road if we are walking towards each other. Or is cold/distant if I talk to them. Because I’ve seen how so many dudes take the smallest bit of kindness or proximity and take it as consent to get weird or handsy and then not take no for an answer. It isn’t personal, they’re just scared and can’t take the risk.
Sad fucking world we live in. Those men ruin it for all of us.
I’ve also been unwantingly groped by a woman on a date once and found it really disturbing and that was without the risk of me being raped, so can only begin to imagine how scary and exhausting it is as a constant factor every day. Thats happened to me once in 35 years as a guy. It was basically every Saturday for my housemate.
It’s to the point I can’t even get upset when women say all men are evil because yes I guess that’s misandrist but it is usually the result of encountering enough bad men that it begins to seem logical. You go through enough trauma from enough dudes and no wonder you give up.
Actually what I respected so much about my old housemate in London was how fucking resilient she was in the face of this barrage of creeps. I asked her once how she did it. And she just told me if she couldn’t deal with it she’d never leave the house and that really stuck with me. Because wow what a horrible thing to deal with and also, I’ve always worried one day she won’t be so resilient and will stop living her life. These things build up. And I couldn’t cope with it like she did. Huge admiration for that woman honestly. And we shared a birthday. What a legend.
You’re truly a real one and I appreciate you so much. I bet that friend appreciated you more than you will know too!
It sucks a woman accosted you too, absolutely unacceptable behavior on her part. I’m glad you were able to take that experience and use it to help empathize for others. You seem like the type of person that tries to find a silver lining in bad situations. Which I kinda think is a gift, nowadays especially.
Thank you for being a good person. We need more people like you!
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u/FloppyDickFingers 3d ago edited 3d ago
Edit: forced to delete this comment because a few people are now harassing me for apparently not doing enough. Honestly Reddit sucks.