r/The10thDentist • u/GayTwink-69 • 11h ago
Society/Culture There is nothing morally wrong with an 18 year old dating a 30 year old
Society is getting more and more performative making bigger deals out of smaller age gaps.
I saw a reel today stating that a 24 year old should be locked up for finding a 19 year old attractive (it was a joke reel, but still)
So my response to that is to say how 18 and 30 (probably even 35) is not morally wrong at all for dating. For hookups, I do not believe in any "wrong" age gap. Meaning, 18 and 70 is perfectly fine.
Get the pitchforks out.
370
u/runningoutoft1me 11h ago
Have you been around an 18 yo recently? They often still act like kids.. I strongly disagree. There is a huge emotional difference between an 18yo and 30+
105
u/m0rganfailure 11h ago
right... my sister is 18 and I spend a lot of time w her and her bf. They are not fully realized adults ffs, and this isn't about demeaning or taking away anyone's agency I don't know why it's being spun that way by some.
anyone who thinks this is either a little weird, spends no time around 18 year olds or is one themselves
95
u/Low-Temporary-2366 11h ago
Im 18 and I feel like a 30 yr old man is equivalent to my dad lmao
46
u/alexh242 11h ago
As a nearly 30 year old woman, this makes me feel both ancient, and very happy that you feel this way lol
27
u/chasing_geese49 11h ago
Exactly this. I'm 22, last year some high school guys tried hitting on me. They asked how old I was, and when I told them they went "DAMN HOW COME THEY'RE ALWAYS SO FUCKING OLD." They apologised after but it was like, no, I take no offense to that, you should absolutely think I'm old, stay safe
10
4
u/bethepositivity 11h ago
Depends on the 30 year old.
My sister in law is 29, and she still acts like a teenager. She hasn't grown up at all since I met her in high school in my opinion
1
u/Ian15243 9h ago
Unless that 18 year old is my mom who had both parents die and a younger brother to take care of
→ More replies (7)0
u/avery-secret-account 11h ago
Agreed. 30 and 22 would be much better. Not just because they’re closer in age but also maturity
263
u/Sltair-plmnlight 11h ago
if the law wasn't an issue I have to wonder how young you would say it's ok for a 30 year old to date
54
u/whatisakafka 11h ago
The age of consent is 16 in many places, so I wonder why they even settled on 18 as the bottom number if that's their barometer
→ More replies (4)24
u/castleaagh 11h ago
16 is legal age of consent in more states than its 18. If they were forming this opinion purely off the law they’d have likely said 16
8
u/whatisakafka 11h ago
Seems like a lot of people don't realize how low the age of consent is in most of the US
31
u/Rub_Your_Clit-69 11h ago
But isn't that the whole point? Everyone is going to have differing opinions on what would be acceptable, so we as a society have decided to draw the line on 18. The number 18 by itself is completely arbitrary, but you gotta draw a line somewhere, and 18 isn't entirely bad. Any further moral judgement is entirely a personal opinion
12
u/Low-Temporary-2366 11h ago
The age of consent is 16 in my country and so many (predominantly men) go lower. It’s like it’s never enough. Nobody does anything abt it either so you’d have a 13 year old pregnant for a 28 yr old.
→ More replies (4)25
u/SpiralGremlin 11h ago
This. There is a scary number of people who only stop at 16/18because that’s the legal limit in whatever country you’re in. Without those laws I am sure that age would be horrifically low.
1
u/Silbyrn_ 9h ago
the greeks and romans regularly had catamites. from a cursory google search, it seems to have been part of military training until puberty, and there were guidelines and restrictions. slaves had zero legal protections, given that they were considered property.
all things considered, our social norms state that 18 is ok and anything less is not. while i personally don't want to be invovled with anyone under 25, i do agree with op's post from on objective standpoint.
it is interesting that pedophilia - and the translation that i kept seeing was pedastry - has kinda just always happened.
78
u/KeybladeBrett 11h ago
I think it’s too big of an age gap. Someone at 18 is either in their last year of high school or just starting college. 30 is someone who’s likely working full-time and within their major.
You’re at two completely different life stages. I don’t really share this problem with 30 and 42 (the exact same age gap) because you’re at very similar life stages
27
u/awildketchupappeared 11h ago
This is exactly how I feel about age gaps. The biggest issue is the life stage. When I was 30, I couldn't even have imagined dating an 18 year old. It's just a completely different world for 18 and 30, I want someone who's at the same line with me.
→ More replies (3)9
u/KeybladeBrett 11h ago
I have an 8 year difference with my sister. She’s going to be turning 18 soon. I could not imagine dating someone in her age range. The maturity level is also very different.
I take it like dating my girlfriend. I’ve been with her since we were both 17 and I’ve seen both of us very much mature and grow up. We used to get into fights more common when we were younger because she was not very mature and neither was I. It was like at least once or twice a month. Now we barely ever argue, I think we’ve had a single argument or two all year. Could not imagine starting from scratch but where I’m at now.
4
u/hervth 11h ago
Anecdotally, my aunt and uncle have a 10 year age gap in their marriage. Aunt's 50 sum, uncle's just over 40. They met when she was in her early 30s and he was not quite out of college.
Uncle is a turbo alcoholic now, and aunt infantilizes their now 18 year old son to the point that he has no ability to make informed decisions for himself.
I think a lot of these people like the idea of dating old/young/whatever, but in practice there's rarely anything healthy going on there.
1
u/KeybladeBrett 11h ago
I don’t think it’s a healthy age gap. If you want to be friends, sure. Nothing wrong with that. But in a romantic relationship? I dont like that.
3
u/rand0m_task 10h ago
Or they are both working as servers at a restaurant
I feel like most the times these age gap relationships happen are from situations like that.. not some dude with a career prowling college campuses.
I could be wrong though.
1
u/KeybladeBrett 10h ago
Power dynamic issue. People trying to justify being with an 18-year old in a committed romantic relationship do not spend time with 18-year olds in real life.
My sister is nearly 18, and her age demographic is very immature. She is more mature than most her age and tends to hang out with people in their early 20s because that’s more her speed. She comes home from school and complains about how obnoxious kids in her grade are (she’s in her last year of high school)
2
u/Summer_Tea 11h ago
There's that word. Likely. Does your opinion change if it's a guy who played Halo for 12 years and did nothing else, maybe worked part time at Pizza Hut, and then just realized they should get their life together and are entering college, while the girl has been taking dual credit courses since 16 and is already on her way to being a nurse?
1
1
u/Silbyrn_ 9h ago
if you're talking about the 30/42 age gap, i think that it would be up to the individuals in question. there are so many aspects of one's life that really make me believe that you can't make that decision for them.
at the same time, someone's who's 18 may be more mature and emotionally available than someone who's 30, so it would be a bad match for a different reason. there are just too many moving parts from birth to adulthood that it can only be up to the two people whose lives will be affected by it.
1
u/cynicalicoffee 11h ago
Dude should go after someone his age who's having the same realization. I'm older, but I know a lot of women who realized in their 30s that they'd like to settle down. Why wouldn't the guy go for one of them since they're in the literal exact same life stage and have the same goals? Why would he be going after someone just starting and focused on her career instead?
→ More replies (2)2
u/Summer_Tea 11h ago
I've almost never seen a girl in that situation. Advice that forces someone to find a unicorn is thought-terminating. And the situation in life stage is identical. They are both starting their careers and getting focused, and it's new to each of them.
1
u/IJourden 11h ago
This is it. And if you're 30 and still in the mental life stage as a teenager, you need some professional help.
92
u/rjisont 11h ago
How old are you? I’m 27 and I cannot even fathom dating an 18 year old, I work with that age and they are in a completely different headspace, maturity level and there would be a very strange power dynamic as I would have more life experience. They also look like children.
40
u/Uhhyt231 11h ago
This is my thing. At 30 why do you see an 18 year old as a peer?
30
u/qshak86 11h ago
40 year old man here.... any 30 year old man seeking an 18 year old is not looking for a peer.
→ More replies (4)11
8
u/Familiar-Tomorrow-42 11h ago
I agree with the part about not dating them but not seeing them as peers is a result of alienation. People across age groups used to know each other and collaborate outside of work. Today’s 18 year olds would probably be closer in maturity to 27 year olds if they had older friends and peers.
8
u/Uhhyt231 11h ago
I don’t agree. You can know someone and collaborate outside of work and not see them as a peer. I know and hang out with people in their 40s and 50s. We’re not peers
11
u/Civil-Koala-8899 11h ago
I'm 31 and I can't fathom it either, 18 year olds are either still in school or have only just left school and are about to go and and experience the world, they're pretty much still kids in my eyes. Why would I want to be with one unless I want that power dynamic over them? Which is why I majorly side eye people who do
7
2
u/stellavangelist 11h ago
I’m guessing based on the qualifier they added justifying a 35 year old going after an 18 year old that they’re 35-45. Predatory individuals tend to round further down than is appropriate (I had a 50 year old man tell me he was 40, and then he was shocked when 40 was still too old for me, when I was 21).
13
u/m0rganfailure 11h ago edited 11h ago
ay karamba.
I'm 24. My little sister just turned 18. She is by no means immature, in fact grew up way too fast, but her and her bf are kids to me... I'm still young and the idea of dating somebody that age is so icky.
12
u/fashionablypunctual 11h ago
I think it’s more complicated than the “age gap too big” that gets slapped on the issue. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong BUT age gaps are more likely lead to relationships with power imbalances which are unhealthy.
32
u/lil_lychee 11h ago
I’m 32 years old and my 18 year old cousin is literally a child. She just started college and was talking about high school drama on the phone with me last week.
If anyone my age tried to approach her, that would be gross tbh. Gross for her whether she realizes it or not. She still had the maturity of a child and not a kid of life experience surviving own her own.
I think men who think this is fine is the problem. I bet you OP is a guy. If so normalized to oogle people who look way too young.
11
u/3a_4To 11h ago
So your morality is dictated by the law? What if the law said 14 is okay? What if the law said go as young as you want? That would still be morally okay? Completely braindead take and you didn't even provide any reasoning
→ More replies (2)
35
u/cockaskedforamartini 11h ago
Part of this 10th dentist thing is to give your reasoning. I'll give you mine.
30 and 18 is such a big gap that the likelihood of a power imbalance is too great to ignore.
-1
u/Summer_Tea 11h ago
This is close to being a motte and bailey fallacy. If someone says this 30 y/o and 18 y/o are fine to be together, your response cannot be speaking in generalities and tendencies. Answer the question for the distinct individuals involved. If the 30 year old dude is at the same maturity level or worse than the 18 year old girl, and with less life experience to boot, that shatters your argument on an individualized level. But you can then retreat to the generalized argument and state it as an anomalous case.
So then we have to go back to the initial point: Are you saying it's always wrong, or usually wrong and in the case I gave it's fine?
I personally find that a huge amount of guys are far less mature and with less life experience than girls, and are usually a decade or more behind. So I have no issue taking things on a case by case basis, knowing full well that there can and will be no shortage of predatory cases. But realistically, I don't think I can say it's too wrong in the abstract.
-2
u/castleaagh 11h ago
Usually a power imbalance comes from one being another’s boss or parental figure who has authority over the other doesn’t it? What’s causing the power imbalance for two strangers of different ages?
2
u/randomnamewhatevs 8h ago
Power imbalances come in a lot of forms. It could be that one person is substantially more well-off, it could be that one person is the only person with a support system in the area, could be that only one person's name is on the lease, it could be a lot of things.
These are not inherently bad things, but they are things that a bad person could take advantage of to exert undue influence over the other.
An imbalance in experience allows a person to dictate what a relationship 'should' be like. "I've been in relationships, you haven't, you don't know how these things are normal". It allows for "I'm older, just trust me on this". Again, to emphasize, it's not necessary something that'll happen just because the possibility for it exists, but when I look at people with such a large age difference I can only wonder why.
While not codified like being someone's boss, it is a form of authority.
I'm 27. Some 22-23 year olds I can see as adults, but 18-19? No way. Like I can hang out with them amicably if the situation calls for it (e.g. work, mentoring, alumni events), but I could never see them as an equal adult, because that would be ridiculous. Their entire world perception still is built around high school, they haven't experienced life as an adult yet.
24
u/polkguy123 11h ago
What the fuck does a 30 year old even talk about with a 18 year old
14
u/Demerzel69 11h ago
Similar interests. Nerdy things if they're nerds. I get what you're saying and there's truth to it but it's not every person.
9
u/Basicallyacrow7 11h ago
Yeah dating and morality aside, my husband and I are 25/30. We have friends who are 19-21, and friends that are 40+. Our closest buddy right now is my husband’s 50y/o co worker lol. We have a lot of different hobbies (gaming, fishing, etc.) As well as just being very social people, so we’re always at hang outs/events/etc. We’re around people of all different ages constantly.
I will say I disagree with OP’s points, tho I do think the age gap police get a little nuts sometimes lmao. But that’s with everything, always gonna have your extremes.
5
u/mvcourse 10h ago
It’s crazy how age gap discourse just devolves into ageism. A 30 year old and an 18 year old can work at the same job and bond over that. Or be in college classes together. Or go to the same gym.
But people are so porn brained that they think these people could never interact without their being something nefarious going on. It’s gets ridiculous after a point.
10
u/castleaagh 11h ago
Yeah, once I hit 25 all I ever talk about is taxes and local politics or HOA drama. Movies, music, video games, sports… all those things are simply things too childish for my fully developed brain to spend time on
/s (mostly) I kinda get what you’re saying but I have male friends ranging from ~20 up through ~60 and we never struggle for conversation.
7
u/pm_me_fibonaccis 11h ago edited 11h ago
"Hey, what's up man. Did you catch what happened yesterday with our supervisor?"
"Sorry Zach, polyguy123 says it would be weird for us to be talking."
---
"Sup bro, wanna hop on VC and play something?"
"I'm leaving Discord for good because zoomers say it's weird for us to play video games together."
2
u/Silbyrn_ 9h ago
what the fuck does any person talk about with any other person? if you can answer that, then assume that they work together or met at some all-ages function
3
11
u/cynicalicoffee 11h ago
Were you trying to say there's nothing legally wrong with it? Morality is subjective but legality is objective.
17
u/Eco_Blurb 11h ago
Well 24 and 19 is a lot different than 30 and 18 so this thread is clickbait crap.
11
11
u/hideseek108 11h ago edited 11h ago
17 and 30 👮🚨
18 and 30 😀👍
It's kinda funny how that works. I personally think there is a distinction between legality and morality.
I think a person needs to be atleast 20+ for a high age gap relationship to even be acceptable. You need a sort of buffer zone for a teen to completely transition into adulthood. Just becoming 18 doesn't cut it, it just makes it legal
3
u/HewSpam 11h ago
So just to illustrate your new point:
18 and 30 👮🚨
20 and 32 😀👍
4
u/hideseek108 11h ago
except 18 and 30 isn't illegal
The point is that just because it's legal doesn't make it moral
Also I said 20+
-1
u/HewSpam 11h ago
⚫️👈 the point
🙆♂️👈 you
2
u/hideseek108 11h ago
Okay I will explain it one more time
I am not asking for the age of adulthood to be raised. I just mean to say that you shouldn't spawncamp.If I were to use game terms; If you kill a player as soon as the invincibility period wears off, that's spawncamping. If you let the player run around the map for a bit before killing them, that's fair game.
→ More replies (2)
8
u/RobertRossBoss 11h ago
Eh perception of morality varies. But there’s no question it’s a little creepy. An 18 year old hasn’t even fully completed developing their brain, and probably have barely experienced living life outside of their parents house, if at all. A 30 year old has lived over a decade as an adult, probably providing for themselves most of that time. You’re just at completely different levels of maturity and brain development. There’s bound to be a power dynamic, and I don’t see how you could have much in common.
Could there be a case where an exceptionally mature 18 year old who has been providing for their family throughout their teenage years meets an exceptionally immature 30 year old who is just getting their life together? Sure, maybe. But most of the time it’s a scummy old man convincing a teenager to let him provide for her in exchange for sex. Then she’ll get older, he’ll get bored, and leave for someone else.
5
5
u/Remarkable_Table_279 11h ago
18 year old could still be in HS. Under 21 should only date within a couple years of their age. It’s too easy for them to be manipulated and end up in an abusive relationship because of the fact they’re just starting out. and then there’s the power dynamic. And then you have the did they just wait until the younger one was legal and couldn’t be charged I’d certainly side eye anyone over college age who was interested in a 18 year old.
3
4
u/terynce 11h ago
At 18 there's a decent chance they are still in high school. Do you know how much life one can live by 30? Parenthood, military discharge, job changes, divorce, with someone that can't rent a car, buy a beer, and has to ask permission to go to the bathroom. So, yes, morally wrong in typical US society.
6
u/lonecylinder 11h ago
Age gaps aren't black or white. The thing is that with such an age gap there's a pretty big possibility that there's a power imbalance, especially considering the younger one is a teenager. That doesn't mean that the 30 year old in this case is a pedo, or that it could never ever work, but it is something worth paying attention to.
11
u/Consistent-Sport-481 11h ago
As long as there is no coercion or isolation or other BS and evreybone involved is legal and consenting then do what makes your weird heart happy.
People spend way to much time worrying about what others are doing.
3
u/DaddyBoomalati 11h ago
Just remove things like life experience and maturity from the equation, and sure.
3
3
u/Scary-Ad2312 11h ago edited 11h ago
Having passed the age of 30, and remembering being 18. It is indeed morally questionable. I would never date a teenager. Nor anyone younger than late 20s. They are still children with no life experience.
3
u/Batman0127 11h ago
i dont think its inherently wrong but an 18 year old is far more likely to be economically insecure (and thus depend on an older peprson for livelihood), less emotionally mature (susceptible to gaslighting, insecurities, etc), and less sexually knowledgeable (less likely to draw boundaries or express discomfort). so it doesnt automatically make the relationship problematic but it introduces a power imbalance. and lots of ppl would exploit that power imbalance for personal gain. so i think its possible for an 18 year old to have a healthy relationship with an older person, but it definitely raises an eyebrow. especially when....why would you want to date an 18 year old anyway? have you met them? im almost 30 and i couldnt imagine sitting down for dinner with basically a high schooler and having anything interesting or engaging to relate to them on.
3
u/Fun-Pen7592 11h ago
It is in my opinion 18 year old are teenagers (children) no matter what the law says and 30 years old should not date them
3
u/Ancient_Edge2415 11h ago
Dating requires compatibility. I’m about to be thirty if u can’t go to the bar it’s very unlikely there’s any real compatibility outside possible mutual attraction. You haven’t developed into your own person yet, haven’t been able to truly form your own opinions, hold a real job etc.
3
u/littledeaths666 11h ago
An 18yo and a 30yo are in two different phases in life. There’s a power imbalance in every aspect.
8
u/straylight222 11h ago
It's because the younger generations are not going out in the world like they used to, so they're growing up slower. People call themselves old now when they're in their early 20s. So when they see someone in an age-gap relationship, they think it's crazy because they still view people in their late teens and early 20s as "literal children." The idea that your brain isn't "fully developed" until you're 25 is helping this stupid concept too.
It's been the norm throughout human history that by the time you were able to actually work as a kid, you did. People grew up faster, got used to the world faster, and understood people better. Now we have kids growing up in front of screens in 1st world countries who know absolutely nothing about the world, screaming that a 19-year-old with a 25-year-old is being groomed and the 25-year-old is a predator.
It's fucking psychotic.
12
u/Demerzel69 11h ago
The idea that your brain isn't "fully developed" until you're 25
Yeah it's an oversimplified myth, because actual brain maturation and network rewiring continue well into a person's 30s.
2
u/TheBlueEmerald1 10h ago
When a 40 year old dates a 30 year old we must now call it problematic. They're not even fully matured yet!
5
u/axiomaticAnarchy 11h ago
An age gap relationship that starts when one party is 25 and the other is 35 is fine. The 25 year old has been an adult long enough to have their feet under them. An 18 year old simply doesn't unless they have been living alone since 16 and even then, that makes it worse not better
0
u/straylight222 11h ago
Yet it's fine for that 18 year old to sign up for the military, get tattoos, transition their gender, strip, do porn, drive, get a pilot's license, smoke, (drink in most countries besides the US), but choosing who they wanna fuck? Nah.
4
u/barbariccomplexity 11h ago
It’s not about that, it’s that the 30 yr old has all the experience to use and manipulate the 18 yr old that barely has a concept of the world or themselves. I’m in my 20s and there is a night and day difference in maturity and worldliness between someone at 18 and at 20+, especially if they’ve moved away from home, are working, etc.
The guys I know my age that pursue 18 yr olds almost solely do so because they are naive and easier to trick into thinking these dudes aren’t total losers. Women closer to their own age can see right through them.
Now if it was just fucking? No worries, adults are adults, but it’s never just that.
→ More replies (1)4
u/axiomaticAnarchy 11h ago
Military service is a propaganda machine, blaming it for working is brain dead.
Tattoos have cultural roots in plenty of places, many of which are around coming of age, blame the world wars for them going into the pop culture if you want I guess.
Gender transition is medically necessary care overseen by healthcare professionals, it's hardly a single party choice, also bigoted dog whistle, swallow your own teeth.
Entering sex work is not something I would advocate anyone do, but I will fight for the rights of sex workers to be treated as workers instead of objects.
Getting an education to enter gainful employment is exactly what an 18 year old should be doing, and piloting small planes can be done as young as 16, so I don't what point you are even trying to make.
Drinking and smoking are bad for your health but ultimately a personal choice that doesn't affect those around you unless you fall into addiction.
Having sex with a 30 year old when you are 18 can be dangerous because it's impossible for that to not be the 18 year olds first serious relationship where as the 30 year old is more experienced in the world and should know better. Again, I do not judge the 18 year old. It's the 30 year old who needs to apologize.
→ More replies (2)1
u/Patient_Life_9900 10h ago
hey genius I also think that's wrong lmfao
well all of that except the random dumbass transphobia in there lol. but anyways yeah the age of consent should be 21 across the board
1
u/straylight222 10h ago
Okay, so as long as they're 21 they can date whoever they want? And you want to restrict all the other things I mentioned until 21? You want to raise the legal age of adulthood to 21? Voting too?
1
u/andrewtillman 10h ago
I don’t think it should be illegal to date an 18 year old as a 30 year old. But I do think we can look at the older party suspiciously and judge them accordingly.
There is a difference between what is legal and what is socially accountable
1
u/straylight222 10h ago
Yeah, and if you think it's perfectly legal for an 18 year old to join the military, transition genders, get breast implants, plastic surgery, strip, do porn, drive, drink, smoke, then idk how you can think they can't choose who they wanna fuck.
1
u/andrewtillman 10h ago
They can choose who they want. I am not judging the younger party as much as the older party. Again not legally but I would find it hard to be in a relationship with an 18 year old when I was 30. Even ones that were mature for their age were young and seemed it to me.
1
u/straylight222 9h ago
Okay, but that's just your opinion on it "being hard" to date an 18 year old. The argument people mostly make is that the 18 year old is being taken advantage of, groomed, manipulated etc.
But if that's the case, then 18 year olds shouldn't have the right to do many other things that they can do. But people never agree with that. They want them to have agency in the rest of their life, but claim they don't have agency when it comes to age gap relationships.
1
2
4
u/Similar-Eggplant-929 11h ago
dude. im 23 and i wouldnt even date an 18 year old. my thought process, emotions, and life goals and abilities are completely different than when i was 18. if someone is 30 and going after an 18 year old there is a PROBLEM. like that doesnt even pass the half your age plus 7 bs.
5
u/MrFrankingstein 11h ago
my counterargument to this is always that if someone is 30 and they can only be mentally and maturely compatible with an 18 year old then they are pathetic
2
u/shunshuntley 11h ago
I think this misunderstands outrage. Yes, everyone knows the respective age of consent in their country. Yes, everyone knows of relationships with huge age gaps that are otherwise legal. People are trying to draw attention to the fact that even relationships that are legal can be predatory, and age is a common warning sign for this. This is not to say every relationship between someone 18 and 30 is bad news, it just means it's incredibly possible that someone is getting hurt in that situation, possibly without realizing it.
2
u/MiguelIstNeugierig 11h ago
Someone check OP's hardrives if he aint on the 18 yo side of the conversation
This is ridiculous. 18 is a teenager, and compared to a 30 yo, or as you even pushed it, to someone pushing 40, it's a literal child to them. Even when youre in your 20s (Im 22), 18 yos start looking like kids compared to you.
It's a sick slippery slope. You'd have the same exact arguments were the "age of consent" 16.
Something some people miss with this: It has nothing to do with the 18 yo. They can desire whatever they want. It's ALL got to do with the 30 somethings year old, and the fact they find it adequate to date a teenager and why they'd even go for one in the first place.
2
u/HowardWolowitz95 11h ago
There is though, it's someone with power and money (usually) taking advantage of someone younger and more vulnerable
2
u/BextoMooseYT 11h ago
What if they were 17? It makes ir far worse for the 30/35 y/o since that's crossing a line legally which means they really wanted it, but idk as far as things like maturity go, there's not a great deal of difference between a 17 y/o and an 18 y/o. And obviously that'll be true at any age that immediately goes from minor to adult, but what I'm saying is that I feel like up until a point, dating way outside your age range is a bad idea and, frankly, weird lol. Beyond like idk 25 or 30 or whatever it's like yeah ok (hopefully) you know what you're doing at this point, get 'em tiger. Also, I mean, it can be pretty easy to manipulate young adults. They're still pretty new at the whole standing on their own two feet thing. It's not inherent to age gap relationships, but I feel like it's worth mentioning. Idk, anecdotally I've seen my father date my mother when she was idk either 20 or 21 and he was in his mid thirties, which didn't work out because she said she grew up and saw everything that was wrong, and then eventually after that he dated his wife, who was about half his age when she was I think 24 or something and he was 48 or something. I have a half-brother who's the same age as her. And what do u know, they ended up breaking up too. Of course, those are anecdotal and not necessarily indicative of anything, but it has probably helped shape my view on it. Cuz like idk, why would u date someone that young? I feel like it'd be very uncommon for things like your goals and just general thought processes and such to line up. It's gotta almost always just be cuz they're young, right? Not 100% of the time of course, nothing ever is, but like most of the time. I do think that's a bit odd, but that's really subjective. I also just think it's usually a bad idea, in the beginning it doesn't really matter but eventually the slight differences in what they want build and build and just increase the chances of them being incompatible so much. But also like idk who am I to say all this, I've never been in an age gap relationship or anything
2
u/Person8346 11h ago
I think you've just misinterpreted the whole concept.
The moral issue at it's heart is the trends we've recorded within young people dating older people. We see the power dynamics at play and there is often grooming, often manipulation and leverage of your knowledge over another.
Realistically there are relationships between 18 year olds and those 30+ that ARE perfectly healthy. But that's so rarely the case when the two ages are at completely different stages in life.
Those who are less educated in life are obviously easier to exploit - you add sex and love to the equation and you have a very dire dynamic.
2
u/AnxiousTerminator 11h ago
Idk man, advocating for someone who has been an adult for 12 years to date someone potentially still in school is pretty noncey
2
u/Needless-To-Say 11h ago
As long as everybody is on the same page, I dont see too much of a problem.
I do allow for the life experiences of a 30 year old to be quite extensive compared to an 18 yr old and that said 18 year old probably doesn’t have enough experience to protect themselves from being taken advantage of.
I dont think my objection is due to morality, its more about what the participants want to get out of the relationship and the unlikeliness of those things being the same
2
u/pm_me_fibonaccis 11h ago edited 11h ago
The newest generation is extremely sex negative and particularly sensitive about age gaps. They're sensitive about just about everything related to sexuality, so I wouldn't put much stock on people who aren't socialized in the real world.
18 and 30 is a pretty big one though, but importantly age gaps are highly dependent on the couple and their relationship. So who is to say what an 18 year old and 30 year old are like together? Doesn't automatically mean grooming.
IMO, life is too short and too lonely to be concerned about the particulars of age gaps *so long as everyone is a consenting adult*. If you find someone you click with, that's a net positive in the happiness of the world.
Yeah, immature people will say "check this guy's hard drive", but that's the truth of the world today. We decided on 18 for a lot of jurisdictions because any age would be arbitrary but that's the age most people are entering the adult world and are interacting with other adults as equals.
But hey, nuance is a little much for Reddit and anything that isn't an extreme position is just giving Epstein, apparently.
2
u/AcrimoniousPizazz 11h ago
When I was 18 my boyfriend was 32. I strongly disagree with your statement. The power imbalance was staggering, and having raised a teenager myself, I look back and see how immature I was and wonder why an adult would ever find that desirable.
2
u/TheBlueEmerald1 10h ago
If you aren't specifically preying upon younger people and a relationship and love develops naturally that is one thing. There are younger people who are kinda just into older people, and there are a lot of people that do have arbitrary garbage reasons for why it's wrong. I believe there is nothing inherently wring with a large age gap as long as they are both adults. Yes, you can find things to talk about with people older than you. Yes, you can both be mature people who aren't manipulating each other, being an older person doesn't mean you're automatically taking advantage of everything a younger person is, you're just as likely to find someone in your own age group who is just as shitty as we imagine the older people being. None of this is inherently tied to a number.
That being said, if you're specifically going after people as young as possible and begging them to jump into a committed relationship with you, I'm suspicious.
5
u/eyeleenthecro 11h ago
You’re not brave for having this opinion, it’s literally the gross historical norm. We’re moving past that because predatory behavior is more frowned upon. There is no scenario where an age gap that huge is a partnership between equals. I’d be fine with it if it was just hooking up honestly, but for a relationship it feels like one partner trying to mold the other into their own ideal. “Grooming” in other words.
3
2
u/axiomaticAnarchy 11h ago
If you don't understand the gap in maturity there and what the difference is between going to college and having paid rent and bills and worked a nine to five for 10+ years is, that's on you.
Just know it's not the young who are being judged but the old. As an older person without any real connection to that young person you have no business inserting yourself into another life just because you deem youth to be sexy.
3
2
u/Sad-Pattern-1269 11h ago
What on earth do you even talk about with an 18 year old at 30 though? Your lives are so different at that point I don't see how you'd have anything in common.
Not approaching it from a moral standpoint its just something I noticed as I aged.
7
u/Disasterhuman24 11h ago
OP is between 30-35 and finds 18 year olds attractive.
3
u/EconomicsMedium2524 11h ago
Based on the username, I think OP might be a young man into much older men.
1
u/Disasterhuman24 10h ago
It's not the 70s anymore. Gay twinks exist past 30 now and can hold off twink death for a long time.
1
u/EconomicsMedium2524 10h ago
I know, but the chances of OP being into much older seem a tad more likely than him being into younger, even if he is 30+. It seems more like an 18-21 year old rationalizing their attraction to men way older. I used to sound similar when I was 18-19, then at 20 I understood things for what they were.
1
0
u/ibeerianhamhock 11h ago
I mean there's nothing wrong with finding an 18 year old to be attractive even if you're 80, it's just weird to not consider the broader context of balance of power etc and realize that recognizing beauty of far different than acting on it in anyway way.
→ More replies (3)1
u/LofderZotheid 10h ago
Don’t you believe in the freedom for an 18 year old to decide on his or her partner?
If not at what age does it become their choice instead of yours?
1
1
u/gophergun 10h ago
My closest friends aren't people that I have a lot in common with in terms of our lives, but rather people that think the same way about things. We still talk about our lives even though they're different. If I prioritized having similar lives, my closest friends would be my coworkers.
1
3
u/poopybutthole_oowee 11h ago
Nope. GenZ are absolutely unhinged with age gaps. You can get in a relationship with a groomer or abuser at any age. Legal adults are legal adults and make bad decisions like we all do. A bad partner can be one of them.
I met my spouse at 18 and we married when I was 21, he is 12 years older. People that know us laugh at the idea he was a groomer or predator. he's introverted, socially awkward and generally quite reticent - he can't manipulate his way out of a paper bag and that's part of what I love about him. I got exactly what was on the label. he's capable of 0 artifice or drama, isn't very ambitious and happily works a steady trade job. He is thoughtful, sweet natured and reliable af.
On the other hand I'm extroverted, professionally successful, and more of an assertive personality. We've been very happily married for over 16 years. Personality and compatibility are always going to be determinant factors in a relationship's success. I've met my share of naive, groomable people who are over 40, and similarly many 20 year olds who kick ass and take names that wouldn't be susceptible to such tactics. Age really is just a number.
1
1
u/that_alien909 11h ago
the whole reason for the age of consent is that after it you can consent to sex with anyone
18 and anything above is fine to me
1
1
u/ZombieMedical1531 11h ago
They’re both adults so no problem if they’re both interested.
Personally I find 18 year old girls extremely annoying and self centered.
1
u/dreamingririka 11h ago
just disgusting, I swear you people would let grown adults date 13yos if the law allowed it
1
u/EzzyKitten 11h ago
You have to consider the power dynamic on these situations, as well, which makes it not great to engage in. TYPICALLY, it is a much older man with a younger woman. I've been in a sixteen year age gap relationship, and it was disastrous. Also, gotta fully develop the brain before engaging in situations like that.
This post is not only wrong, but dangerously so.
1
u/Capable_Sky_1818 11h ago
Légal age of consent in the US varies from 16 to 18, depending on the State. IMO any and all 18 year olds should be able to date or marry whoever they want, regardless of age gap. Also just because there is a huge age gap people should not assume that the older person is "grooming" or controlling the younger person.
1
u/BellamyDunn 11h ago
If a 30 year old still has enough in common with an 18 year old to want a relationship with them, that 18 year old will probably outgrow their immature ass in a few years. As a thirty year old, one should understand that and not impede a growing person like that.
Also it seems like the age is only 18 because you get in legal trouble if it's earlier, and the law is probably the only thing stopping you from going after even younger kids.
1
u/17oClokk 11h ago
Honestly 18 and 30 is kinda weird. I like the half your age + 7 rule. A 30 year old shouldnt really be dating anyone younger than 22.
51 year old leo really shouldnt be dating anyone younger than 32 at this point.
1
u/pooyasnoo 11h ago
To me, you gotta be at least able to legally drink to even for me to even consider dating. I cannot fathom dating someone that’s almost the same age as my sister. I’m 30 and I genuinely see everyone under 21 as children. Hell even most 21 year olds are not mature enough still.
1
u/Samurai-Pipotchi 11h ago
I'm not sure morality is really the issue with age gap relationships.
Some people obviously think so, but anyone who gives it enough thought tends to be dismissive of it because it's just not a particularly healthy dynamic.
1
u/maxneedstea 11h ago
18 being considered adult is literally a made up concept. iirc its that boys kept lying about their ages to sign up for war. eight Teen makes them a Teenager. have you ever been around a Teenager for more than 5 minutes. an 18 year old could be a senior in high school still.
1
u/ZaharaSararie 11h ago
It's funny. I met my partner when I was 20 and he was 32. Our close friends were very wary but accepted our deep connection and my maturity. We've been together for 11 years now. I'm extremely grateful that I DIDN'T meet him when I was 18 because of the healthy maturity and free will to occur in that time frame. It was important for me to have healthy introductions into adulthood before commiting to someone else who does.
1
1
u/Automatic-Week-1733 11h ago
I do judge when I see 10yr+ age gaps where one partner is under 30 but I really hate how so many people's first argument is "what would you even talk about?"
Don you think that an 18 year old and a 30 year old have so little in common that they can't even have a conversation? I'm in my 30s and my local hobby group has people from 16 to 60, I work with people 20 to 60, I have kids, nieces, and nephews, there's plenty I talk about with all of them. I cannot imagine what kind of an isolated existence would lead to the belief that a 12 year age gap makes it impossible to relate to someone.
There's plenty of reasons you can find the age gap weird, I'm just so tired of seeing this one.
1
u/Bwthhybl1987 11h ago
24 and 19 is fine. 18 and 30 is creepy. I'm 32 and I have a niece who is 19. That's a child
1
u/Witera33it 11h ago
This presupposes morality of your stance is objective.
Then discounts power dynamics of experience.
1
u/NorthBase710 11h ago
They are both adults so its not wrong.
But i still don't think a 30 year old should date an 18 year old.
1
u/IJourden 11h ago
If you're 30 and you give your girlfriend rides to high school you're in the wrong.
I could go on about adolescence and maturity and brain development and power dynamics, But I doubt you haven't heard it before.
1
u/PhotonDeath 11h ago
It’s not intrinsically morally wrong however the reality is the 30 year old is typically taking advantage of the 18 year old and leading them on for the sole purpose of having a sexual relationship with an 18 year old. That’s the issue with it.
If the 30 year old is sincere and open on their intentions, and the 18 year old agrees, then there’s nothing morally wrong with it. It’s ridiculous that we say you can vote, drive, go to war yet still infantalize 18 year olds. Yes there’s a maturity difference but 18 is old enough to be responsible for your actions and have agency.
1
u/NotThatValleyGirl 11h ago
People are living longer, and age and income gaps are greater and have more impact on relationships than ever befoe. It's not illegal, but it should be. And the age of consent should be raised to reflect the changing times. 50 years ago 18 was basically adult-- but that is frequently untrue today.
1
u/rwags2024 11h ago
Why are people ever only concerned with power imbalances when it pertains to age?
1
1
u/arpohatesyou 11h ago
Back in the day people would just tell you point blank that they were pedos. Not this mental gymnastics
1
u/syringescalpel 11h ago
There’s a billion year difference in wisdom between the ages 18-22. I say anything goes if it’s 22 and beyond
22-xx is fine by me
1
1
u/moosemuffin12 10h ago
What about 17? There has to be a line somewhere
1
u/TheBlueEmerald1 10h ago
And in most places that line was drawn at 18. That's what the age of consent is, the line.
1
u/moosemuffin12 10h ago
No shit. I'm asking OP whether 17 would be morally wrong in their eyes, and why.
1
u/TheBlueEmerald1 10h ago
They mentioned 18 multiple times so I'm gonna guess their answer is gonna be 18. And if they're lying then they're lying, they're just gonna say 18.
1
u/Michael-Keaveney 10h ago
Not really doing it that is inherently wrong, moreso why someone might do it.
1
u/Patient_Life_9900 10h ago
you think a 70 year old is morally okay dating someone still in highschool? dawg just shut up
1
1
u/SiccSadGorl 10h ago
Yes there is.
One just got out of high school and can’t even drink yet and the other is old enough to be their parent.
1
u/Violet351 10h ago
Legally there’s nothing wrong with it and there’s a point when the age gap becomes acceptable but a lot of older people dating someone who is barely an adult do it because they feel they are easier to manipulate as they have less experience
1
1
u/mahboilucas 10h ago
The only older men who were interested in me when i was 18 were absolute creeps. And we had nothing in common besides them feeling like I'm an easy target and easy to manipulate.
Imagine hanging out with mutual friends. Highschoolers who just celebrate their friends becoming adults and grown ass men with families, degrees and careers lol
1
u/jfklingon 10h ago
Being attracted to and wanting to make a physical connection are two different things.
I can find younger women physically attractive, but their minds are so undeveloped that it's like a 16 year old getting with a 12 year old.
1
u/Darkfanged 10h ago
Anybody thinking about dating an 18 year old at 30 got some screws loose. For hookups sure i agree, but being in a relationship is too far. Why would you want to date somebody that young who knows nothing about real life? Sounds like you'd be a mentor more than a partner to them. I think it's extremely creepy
1
u/matsu727 10h ago
Well this is a cop out one, put some obviously controversial shit with some implied moral relativism. Print karma. I doubt you actually feel this way if you have any real dating experience.
I guess to participate in the discussion at least - I stopped talking to college aged women in my early 20s after I realized it honestly just felt like talking to children with boobs. They have like nothing going on and are clueless yet highly opinionated. How could you date someone who you basically have to parent?
1
u/allaboutwanderlust 10h ago
While they both are adults, I guess, what does a 30 year old have in common with an 18 year old? Plus they think we’re old
1
u/LofderZotheid 10h ago
It’s about freedom. Altough i can’t imagine being in a relationship with such a gap, I am not say whether or not it is morally wrong or right.
At 18 we consider you old enough to make life changing decisions. You can join the army, which could lead to your death eventually.
Somehow folks don’t have a moral problem with such a choice. But they do when it comes to their choice of partner.
Freedom means freedom. Let the 18 year olds decide for themselves.
1
u/LofderZotheid 10h ago
It’s about freedom. Altough i can’t imagine being in a relationship with such a gap, I am not say whether or not it is morally wrong or right.
At 18 we consider you old enough to make life changing decisions. You can join the army, which could lead to your death eventually.
Somehow folks don’t have a moral problem with such a choice. But they do when it comes to their choice of partner.
Freedom means freedom. Let the 18 year olds decide for themselves.
1
u/Harold_Flower226 10h ago
This is one of those things I don't think is super controversial outside of Reddit. Let's not act like the younger person can't have their own reasons for getting into a relationship with someone significantly older.
1
u/grassfedd43 10h ago
It absolutely is morally wrong. The 30 year old is obviously looking for someone inexperienced in life to exert some power over them.
1
u/jtmonkey 10h ago
When I was 25 I met my now wife at a New Year’s party. She told me she was 19 and we talked a while. She was leaving for school that week and I said nice to meet you and we left it at that.
A week later she reached out to me online and we started talking. She flew home the next week for her sisters birthday and we met up a couple of times. All just hanging out and getting to know each other.
Anyway, we got married 3 months later and it’s been 22 years. 4 kids. It’s been amazing. So while I do think there’s an age gap that’s appropriate at a younger age that age gap becomes less significant in the older years. Like a 70 something year old widower marrying a 50 something woman. Who cares.
1
1
u/SirLoremIpsum 5h ago
There is nothing morally wrong with an 18 year old dating a 30 year old
So picture a 30year old picking up an 18yo in school uniform from high school.
Pretty fucking weird eh.
1
u/Global_Restaurant794 4h ago
I think people need to understand that there isn't some sort of magical maturity switch the flips on your eighteenth birthday. 30 and 18 is as unethical as 30 and 17
1
u/SundewDragons 1h ago
So…are you okay with a 17 year old dating a 29 year old? Just because someone is an adult, does not make the age gap right. They JUST became an adult, and your brain doesn’t even fully develop until 25. I gotta disagree with this
1
u/Mountain_Group8300 32m ago
My father was 29, when he married my mother 19. Had 4 children...stayed married until her death in 1972. Some people mature faster than others in life. A lot of you are not accounting for that. You must be 18 to join the military, where you can die for your country...if that is indeed your calling/destiny. My take, it's none of my damn business. An 18 year old is legal to vote, and considered to be an adult in the eyes of the law. Myself... I date up to people 5 years older or younger than my current age...58.
2
u/Viktoriusiii 11h ago
IT DEPENDS.
As always.
I have been unusually old when I was 18.
And I know 1-2 girls that I think are also very old for their age.
I would say this:
In general? Lets keep eying those relationships closely.
Because there IS a potential for a powerdynamic there.
But it doesnt have to be.
I personally (33) would not want to go there because I do not think there are any 18 y.o. that could be on my level. But I know humans are VERY different.
Again: It depends. Lets not pretend every old guy is a pedo and lets not pretend its fine for 30s to actively go after 18 y.o.
1
u/evileyesneverlie 11h ago edited 11h ago
Morals are subjective. To me it’s absolutely morally wrong. Too much of a life experience gap. If you can’t find someone your age, and need to go younger to be compatible— that is a glaring red flag
Edit: not the creeps downvoting me because I said it is morally wrong and they want to touch kids so damn bad
1
u/squattingslav420 11h ago
you feel so strongly about this you had to post it twice. totally normal not creepy or anything
1
u/BlackDeath3 11h ago
Downvote because agree.
At some point adults need to be free to make their own decisions without the input of the peanut gallery. Draw the line and move on.
1
u/OwlPersonal3052 11h ago
People are still mentally children until they’re in their mid twenties. Yes, there are some responsible young adults but their brains are not fully formed yet and they don’t fully understand what they’re doing.
Why do you feel the need to pursue children? I’m not saying you’re consciously trying to be a predator but genuinely, why is that what you’re attracted to?
1
0
u/Kris82868 11h ago
My mother's parents were 18 and 29 when they started out. Grandma was raising her twin brother and sister since they became orphans when she was almost 16. Never saw a more loving marriage. But this was in 1938.
•
u/qualityvote2 11h ago
Hello u/GayTwink-69! Welcome to r/The10thDentist!
Upvote the POST if you disagree, Downvote the POST if you agree.
REPORT the post if you suspect the post breaks subs rules/is fake.
Normal voting rules for all comments.
does this post fit the subreddit?
If so, upvote this comment!
Otherwise, downvote this comment!
And if it does break the rules, downvote this comment and QualityVote Bot will remove this post!