Look, this was fun and all, but for me it was just a fling on a cruise that I wasn't really expecting to go anywhere once we reached New York, so..... I'ma need you to hop off this door and go on your way now. But thanks for the car sex. And saving my life about a dozen times over the last two hours.
I've never fucked someone and then watched them die days later in one of the most famous tragedies of all time. But I feel like I would also remember even if it was meh.
Pinky size? I think you're being generous. Water that cold would shrivel up the most well endowed man. That shit was looking like a slightly overgrown pimple in that water.
The difference between a low and high libido partner is pretty wild. My ex preferred sex once every month or two months. I prefer sex twice a week. My wife prefers sex every day.
My ex-fiancé only wanted to do the deed once a week at the very most, and that was pushing it. I’m a woman and he is a man. I had no idea at the time that men’s libidos could be lower than women’s, cuz social conditioning, so I was flabbergasted the entire relationship. Turns out it happens a lot. I called off the wedding for entirely different reasons, but it genuinely shocked me that he didn’t want sex when I did. Very eye-opening experience for sure and made me aware that men also have a wide range of desires (plz don’t judge too harshly, I was 24 at the time and had only been in one other relationship where my bf constantly hounded me for sex)
I get it. I would have sex every day if I could, my ex once every two weeks, if he felt like it. I had to ask him beforehand and he would let me know by evening.
Near the end of the relationship, my libido actually lowered to his level. We broke up for different things, but now I'm with a man who can't get enough of me and my happiness and confidence are on a whole different planet. However, no one warns you how much time it takes and how tiring it is to have sex near every day.
I have literally never dated a guy that wanted sex as often as I do. And it wasn’t even every day for me, like I’d take a couple times a week. Ended up going to like once a month for each guy. wtf.
Why? Some of us are completely happy having sex a couple times a month. Especially those of us with little kids and full time work. Ain’t enough time or energy for daily sex. lol
And if that's what works for you and yours then I absolutely support that! I should clarify that I'm not talking about people whose drives match. Whether it's once a year or once a day, if you're both on the same page and are happy then that's the important part.
I'm mainly talking about the folks whose drives don't match. I know someone going through that and it's just a downer seeing someone in that much despair over it.
It never ceases to amaze me how sex in a marriage can be so important that you are not allowed to have it with anyone except your wife, but then at the same time be so non-important that they never want to have it either. Like, is it important or not?
This is why sexual compatibility is important. People marry partners who don't want to have sex. Like in the early stages of a relationship yes the sex is hot and frequent but that is the honeymoon phase in the relationship.
You need to live together for a bit, before marrying, before you see what their actual sex drive is.
not necessarily. if it's a long-term thing, yes, but it can also be about how people handle stress and long days. husband and I just got out first mortgage and have our first baby on the way so tensions are high in both of us, but my favorite way to relax is to be intimate with him and his is to have some beer and watch TV. he can't even think about sex if it's been a long day and his mind's racing, so we've dropped from 13-17 times in a month to 5-9, which may seem like a lot to others but for me it's absolutely killed my sense of desirability.
Yea but communication and toys help a lot in this instance a simple Lovesense where all he’s doing his moving his fingers to create different patterns helps alot.
Each person is different but I’ve found for me and my partner and our long distance relationship we’ve gotten to a nice routine with different innovations
But the one who doesn’t care for it usually sells a false bill of goods by pretending they enjoy sex often, until they get that wedding ring. That’s how it usually goes.
Exactly, and honestly true of most things in life. It is like the old saying, when your health is fine you have a dozen problems, when your health is not fine you have one problem.
You are the love of my life and we should be monogomous together for eternity! Also, i have decided that you are now celebate and if you cheat on me then you are the one whose in the wrong
Pretty much the mentality it seems like. And "I don't care if you need it. I love you, but not enough to look for a compromise or seek a solution. Just go without, you won't die."
And there's so many possible compromises. You can simply do each other favours, because you recognise the needs of your partner. For example I wouldn't mind going down to please her even if I'm not in the mood for more. And so on. So many possibilities, if only you care about your partner.
it’s tough too because it’s about trust, and people communicate and figure out solutions in a variety of ways, whether that includes bringing other people in or not at all. the puritanism people have going on and the general way people view monogamy really does not help get the ball rolling on these convos. there’s so many solutions and so many of them are automatically dismissed as shameful.
Super important, agreed. Unfortunately, there's an awful lot of men who marry you and try to turn you into their mom as far as the household is concerned and it is REALLY difficult to be sexually attracted to someone you're mothering.
If she hasn't communicated that feeling that's on her, but that's a big reason a lot of women lose interest in sex.
Yeah, some dudes are like I want a woman who works 40+ hours, takes care of the kids, cleans the house, cooks my meals, manages all my appointments and also spreads her legs on demand. Wait, why’s she so tired and doesn’t want to bang me? I’m so confused! And now I’m resentful, but I hide it so well! And now I’m angry and she’s so dumb she can’t tell.
Some women also just have a lower sex drive and suppress that fact a bit while dating, then it starts manifest in marriage and of course usually (though not always) increases after pregnancy (for understandable reasons but if the sex doesn’t bounce back by a year or so it’s inevitable that it will lower to some resentment).
And then you get the stories of people who never communicated that they kind of felt like post kids sex didn’t reaaally need to be a major part of their lives beyond some raunchy masturbation here or there, but did not act in that way nor communicate it while dating, yet still feel fully entitled to both a “monogamous” and permanently emotionally and financially linked relationship.
There are very legit and understandable reasons why this can happen, such as getting on SSRI’s or having traumatic pregnancy or just large hormonal changes that diminish the level of pleasure and testosterone (and thus lust). All of that makes sense. The bigger problem honestly isn’t that people sometimes want less sex, even dramatically less sex, as life progresses, even while still wanting all the other things they enjoyed from the relationship. The problem is how many people (both women and men) don’t view this kind of thing as a problem to try to be ameliorated, as something that actually is in a fundamental way an unfair expectation on the partner. I do think it tends to become more confrontational and toxic when it’s the more common way around (the husband is the hornier one), because we have reached a sort of deeply sex negative and suspicious time in our culture (even more than normal for our puritan descended culture), and there wre large segments of society that, whether through osmosis or otherwise, kind of absorbed the Dworkinian idea that male sex with females is inherently at minimum suspicious, if not predatory (I will also say that I am sympathetic to the idea that porn is not helping disabuse this segment of society of this notion), and therefore when a husband is hornier then his wife there is almost a perverse social pressure on the wife not to try to come to a mutual solution, as well as explicit pressure on the husband to suffer in silence. Whereas that cultural reaction is generally not the case when it is the wife that is the hornier party.
Anyway, it’s really a shitty state of affairs. Hopefully we can try to find some sort of different n equilibrium
Scrolled way too far for this comment! A lot of chat about “my wife changed and no longer blah blah”. How many of these guys also changed and no longer show any romance or non sexual affection until they roll over and think “hey wanna play around”? A lot forget that for women foreplay starts in the mind.
Not all actually. That’s just a convenient narrative
> In two longitudinal studies (one spanning one year and one spanning four years), the researchers found that, on average, women’s levels of sexual desire were not only lower than men’s at the beginning of their marriages, but much more variable than men’s. Men’s levels of sexual desire stayed higher and more constant than women’s throughout the duration of both studies.
>Furthermore, declines in women’s sexual desire predicted declining marital satisfaction for both members of the couple. Interestingly, although women’s sexual desire declined over time, couples’ sexual frequency did not, suggesting that women were likely to engage in sex even when they did not desire it.
>Because these data were collected over time, the authors were also able to assess the reverse possibility—that declining marital satisfaction was predictive of less sexual desire. However, this was not supported by the data.
> For those couples who became new parents during the course of the study, wives’ sexual desire declined even more steeply, yet men’s sexual desire still tended to remain stable. However, the authors stress that because couples without children also showed declines, parenthood is not the only challenge for women’s sexual desire and couples’ marital satisfaction.
> The authors suggest that women’s sexual desire may function not only to facilitate reproduction, but also to enable pair bonding. They speculate that once couples marry, women may not feel as strong a need for sex to secure their bond with their husbands.
"They speculate that once couples marry, women may not feel as strong a need for sex to secure their bond with their husbands."
I wonder if that gives "people who wait until marriage to have sex" more desire during marriage?
If people don't see sex as a tool for locking down a partner and instead see it as an act of affection, would they be more intent on doing it during marriage?
Honestly I don’t know if most women can put a finger on that exact feeling after or even as it starts, especially if they being mom to the husband and actual kids, it just becomes routine after a bit and once that happens it just feels like burnout more than anything
About 20% of women (and about 10% of men) never really had it. They're excited about the new relationship and the sex that goes with it, but then it's right back to "baseline" within a few months. Partners get rightfully frustrated.
Perhaps ironically, low libido types tend to have higher body counts over their lifetime for exactly that reason.
I've been grappling with this. My wife is experiencing "the change" and it has destroyed her libido. Hormone replacement has helped but hasn't solved it. The worst is that the things I used to do like patting her behind or squeezing her boobs are now not welcome affection.
Actually the worst is not knowing day to day what is welcome affection. Something that was good yesterday might be the worst thing ever today. I hate being a kind of sexual predator.
I struggle with should I stay but if I go was I really just in it for the sex? So I dunno.
Overall I would say I'm dissatisfied with this phase of life and would like a refund.
That's rough. My earlier comment hinted at that same change. It's tough. The tough talks helped me and mine. I hope things work out for you and yours. Hormones suck ass. No human should have to go through a massive chemical change like that. It's not cool. Stupid biology.
Maybe see if you could do couples therapy to figure out other ways to make connections so she has more desire to be intimate. I used to have a huge sex drive but after “the change” I have 0 desire. Not to mention some of the physical changes that all of a sudden made sex extremely painful. I wasn’t prepared for that at all. My husband was also very pushy, demeaning, and put all the blame on me. I didn’t ask this to happen to me. I’m also a victim here of my body going completely wonky. That made me resentful. While my hormones were shifting it was insane. I could feel fine one moment and be in a rage the next. Things have evened out a bit but it took about 2 years of craziness. I also have to add that if you truly love your wife, try to hang on and work on it because everyone has their baggage and issues. It’s not always greener on the other side of the fence.
You're right on all points. It is really the "walking on eggshells" thing that is hard. She's also not particularly observant of my feelings and will say quite hurtful things at times without realizing that they're hurtful.
I've never dated as an adult, and based on my friends relationships I feel like it's better to stay. As you say the grass is probably not greener...
I'm tired of pretending that sex isn't a core pillar of a relationship. No, you weren't in it just for the sex. You don't marry just because of sex, otherwise you would be marrying your local hooker. But at the same time, if it is absent, then it rips at the foundations of the relationship.
Think about it like this: you enter a relationship with someone who is financially stable, or even excelling. 10 years later, they are unemployed and are actively draining finances. Even if everything else remained the same (housecare, emotionally etc.) I don't think people would say that you left the relationship because you were "in it for the money". It's cus a core pillar of the relationship has been toppled.
And, “if you expend all options trying to reconcile sexual incompatibility and decide to go your separate ways so you each can find a truly compatible partner to live in harmony with rather than hurt feelings and struggle, you're a giant asshole.”
As if the one part central to monogamy breaking down isn’t justification to split up.
And the crazy part is, it’s usually not just sex that couples are going without. It’s usually any form of intimacy. No kissing, no cuddling, no saying “I love you” and meaning it, nothing.
Of course, if the rest of these things are going on, odds are the lack of sex is something medical (i.e. it hurt to get physically intimate). But then those people usually aren’t the ones griping about having a dead bedroom.
This is why I got divorced. I realized I was living in, what felt like, forced monogamous celibacy. Can't make the sex with other people, but also can't make the sex with my husband. Not for me.
This is one of the most disingenuous things about marriage. I agree with your sentiment. Every time I listen to people preaching about how sex isn’t important (generally to justify why they aren’t fucking their partner) I always ask them why they don’t like their partner fucking some else… It’s ever silence or mental gymnastics.
One partner has to go without the one thing that their partner has a monopoly over in the relationship, one of the things they love most in life but can't get anywhere else. The other gets annoyed because they keep having to say no. The whole thing is so lopsided.
I am with you. I stopped asking for it this year, and just stopped caring. Then somehow it became my fault. When I tried to explain the amount of anxiety it’s caused me for a decade or more she just got mad and jt went back to how that made her feel.
I just said it’s fine, you don’t need to concern yourself with it anymore, I’m not. Can’t say it’s fixed anything but I’m way more emotionally stable. Started working out a lot more and got back in shape.
But I track the good stuff and don’t track the times she actively turned me down though.
For a lot of people, it's easy to track because the "yes" answers are in single-digit form only and the "no's" are the default answer, which means they have a dead bedroom/sexual incompatibility they're not acknowledging.
I've been in a relationship like that...It's better to end it.
And she very well may still find him attractive and love the shit out of him, but some women just completely lose their sex drive and have no desire to be with you or anyone else for that matter sexually. If their partner doesn't want to deal with that: it's time to leave and find someone more compatible with your needs.
Comments like that makes the trend of more single than married adults in the US make a lot of sense. It's been a thing since 2014. If every guy getting married had to read posts from the dead bedroom subreddit the marriage rate would plummet.
I absolutely love my wife however if having a robust, fun, and fulfilling sex life means I can never get married again, I think I'd be perfectly fine being unmarried (or even just perpetually single) the rest of my life.
Source - married man who's currently "working on" his sex life with his wife. It's definitely been better the past year or so however anything's generally "better" than single-digits annually for several years followed by a 10-month streak of nothing right before our focus on fixing things (and take a wild guess how that happened: She magically wanted to make our sex life better again or me having a sit-down with her explaining I wasn't going to live the rest of our lives like "co-parenting roommates" who don't desire each other?).
Yeah. It's scary to a young man with a high sex drive to fall for a woman and then realize that no matter what, he's taking a gamble on whether he'll end up with an actual wife or just a roommate who he'll be lucky to have emotionless pity sex with once or twice a year, if that.
As I get older, the frequency is dropping. We are at about 1-2 times per month now. We still cuddle and are physically affectionate though. We check in and we are both happy about the frequency.
This is where I’m at. It varies too. Sometimes it’s weekly or more, sometimes we go 3 months without it. But we’re good.
Life gets in the way sometimes and we both understand that. Sometimes it’s been a while and one of us is like “sex?” and the other is like “too much takeout food and that new show we started?” and it’s just as fulfilling.
Only because that mountain top sage lost his house, money and kids in the divorce. Sleeping outdoors alone on top of the mountain is all he can afford.
That was mine and it ended in a divorce. Over the lack of sex? No, but it was a massive contribution to resentment that filtered to other things. A great sex life can make other stuff sometimes seem less of a big deal but when sex plummets, it's easy to start getting more resentful to other aspects of a relationship.
I never cheated but that conversation definitely came up. "I don't have a desire to cheat but I'm also not going to live the rest of my life having sex 1-2 times a year."
I think it's more about bonding and loving each other, the connection, about feeling like your partner desires, loves and cares for you and they are also putting effort into the relationship too.
Being rejected regularly by your wife, or have them be angry at you for even asking just hurts man. You feel unattractive, unloved, like your partner has any care for you or make any effort to you.
For me I've gone through periods where we've not been intimate for a long time. I think the difference is my wife has other issues and she always communicates that she still loves and cares about me etc.
And she got breast cancer a few years ago and for around a year we didn't have sex, which is understandable since all the treatment she went through.
After that her meds make sex drive basically zero, and there's more challenge. But damn even having problems now, it just messes you up. Like I helped her with everything, during surgery, took her to all her chemotherapy and radiation sessions. I cover her expenses so she can work part time while on meds, at great financial stress.
After all that man it feels so disrespectful and upsetting, like when you would do anything for her, but she doesn't want to put the least bit of effort to help your needs, it freaking stings man.
Anyway sorry I guess I needed to rant about this and get it off my chest... thanks.
Dang, I’m sorry to hear about the hard time you’ve both been going through. My mom had breast cancer and my dad worked incredibly hard to support and provide for her, and I saw how he got zero sympathy from some people because he wasn’t the one who was sick. My maternal grandmother never forgave him for commenting about being tired one day after work. I think that’s so wrong, and I hope your own needs get met.
Same boat dude, with the BC to the treatment to the meds. What happens is the treatment makes them post-menopausal, which makes a big impact on libido. Especially if the BC is triple positive and they use hormone therapy. It's like she's been through so much that my needs sometimes pale in comparison. My wife pre BC had a strong libido, we used to do it all the time. Now, not so much. So now I try to help her with all the treatment effects and hope we can get back to something closer to what it was. It's a tough, tough thing man, and I don't wish it on anybody. But it's better than the cancer taking her by far, so in this case perspective helps at least.
I think your comment compared to all others feels the most in tune with what I'm going through, I guess because you're in the same situation, thanks.
Ultimately I'm committing to work through it slowly and take the time no matter that it's super hard and difficult. I didn't freaking intent to write all that anyway I guess mentally I just needed to vent.
And yeah she's on zoladex and tamoxifen, which reduces estrogen to even less than a post menopausal woman because it block both ovary and adrenal production basically zero.
Yeah and you're right this is far better than the alternative, our 100% priority is to do everything that we can do stop recurrence
I think it's like when you're going though the active treatment and even after that needing time to rest after, it's after all that when you're trying to find normality that's when it becomes so hard.
I can only imagine for you much harder, my wife's libido was lower anyway before but going from high to 0 much be even more jarring!
I've heard reading around when estrogen is low the desire isn't there the enjoyment comes as you get into it and it's slower and you have to be gentler and take time but you can still manage to have a good sex life.
Luckily we also had some good doctors who were proactive about bringing up the subject. the vaginal dryness is a huge issue too, you have to use high quality lube and lots of it as well as vaginal moisturisers.
I think it's just something we need more time to work our way through and find a good balance but yeah man everything about this is just fucking tough man, it's life.
Yeah, I remember tamoxifen. Ugh. We also have the added complexity of kids, which doesnt leave much time or space for intimacy. Best approach I've found is to be patient and open about it, and take baby steps. Like some toys she enjoys that she can use on her own when she's comfortable. That can help rebuild the libido and provide openings to participate sometimes. I try not to pressure her too much while reminding her I'm still interested. It's easy to just turn away from it out of frustration, and that can make things worse. But little reminders for her that I'm still attracted to her and ready whenever she is seems to be the way. Maybe once the kids move out we'll get crazy, lol. But keep your head up, it gets better, it just takes time and patience. Makes me wish though they had a female version of Viagra, but it is what it is.
This rang true to me but I am a HIGH LIBIDO WOMAN who has a ton of spontaneous desire and when my husband and I are more frequently intimate I feel way more connected and at ease about other aspects of life that are sometimes a struggle. His libido is lower now and sometimes sexual functioning (he's 10 years older) is up and down and it's a struggle. Coping with sexual functioning one thing. Coping with lower libido and a defensive husband who told me to just basically deal with it now? Another. I hate all of these women honestly responding here that are coming from a place of lower libido. It is not easy being the higher desire spouse and I don't initiate because a. I'll be rejected possibly and b. I don't want to put pressure on him as he already feels he's failing me as a husband but yet is not doing much to change things
Men tell their wives who have cancer that, too. Doctors even have that conversation with women when they give them the diagnosis. They ask if they have other people in their lives who can help and support them besides their husbands. Even doctors know the husbands are likely to leave.
People seems to try and justify why it’s not just the sex, but it’s also ok to just be about the sex. We widely ignore the effects of testosterone and dismiss that men’s bodies naturally urge us to be more sexually motivated.
Right? He's asking every single night and getting a success rate of ~9%. And he's complaining about this. This isn't romantic intimacy as much as "brute force stochastics".
Dude needs to give his wife a break and get better with his hands.
They actually say that kids who live with a single dad have the same outcome as most 2 parent homes. And usually the single dad doesnt use child support as a leverage point to get what they want.
People really arent aware that parents can just, consciously or subconsciously, teach their children anything at all, no matter how wrong it really is. To the point that its very very hard to unlearn.
To be fair it did make sense for me for most of my life, until I started to question some things about my parents, and started asking questions and started talking about it to other people
Sometimes no example, or an example of how two people can end a relationship in a respectful and healthy way, is better than growing up in household where an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage is normalized.
The point isn't just to teach them what a healthy relationship looks like. It's to avoid teaching them that an unhealthy one should be accepted and tolerated.
They could still have loved him just as much having a divorce, you don't need to hate your ex and try to make their life miserable you know, can act like a civilized human being and be there for your child.
You have no idea how bad things might have been had they divorced. Mine did, and my mom had to go back to work full time. They sold our home on a culdesac we loved and we had to move into an apartment with mom in another city. We became latchkey kids and then mom started dating this guy we hated and made my sister and I seriously uncomfortable. He would sleep over, take a disgusting crap in our one bathroom, and laugh about how we had to get ready for school in there. Dad remarried within a year to a woman who wanted “her own kids” and so our younger half siblings got to live with dad full time in the house with their own bedrooms, and my sister and I got shuttled back and forth between the crappy apartment and the house and had to share a room that was also the guest room. I, also, never saw a healthy relationship and a divorce doesn’t mean the parents both move on to great new marriages. Usually, if they couldn’t make it work the first time, they won’t be able to the second. Yes, Dad is now divorced from his second wife and married to the third. Her adult son lives with them, doesn’t work, rarely showers, and my kids don’t feel comfortable visiting grandpa anymore! Divorce sucks.
Yeah but divorce with kids can often mean financial ruin for all. You making enough to afford a house with kids rooms and then some? Could be your parents did the right thing, mine didn't and we were poor AF. Like no undies poor
Marriage is a long fucking ride. Just like relationships you've had for decades there are ups and downs in the relationship and marital issues are exacerbated by living together. The solution to every problem in a marriage isn't "just get a divorce". When you're married with kids and you're entering your 40's sex becomes such a trivial part of every day life that throwing away the long term life you built over short term lack of sex is really foolish. My wife and I went through a period of 2 years where we barely had sex. The last 2 years we're having sex as often as when we were dating. Different life stressors affect each partner differently. Part of a marriage is figuring that out and working on it together.
Its so painfully obvious who in the comments doesnt have life experience. Or kids. Or a mortgage. Or assets. Or just…a long term relationship. JUsT gEt A dIVoRcE. Building a life together is hard. Thats what makes it special.
Should marriage be built on the frequency of sex? No, not by itself, but it is usually an important part, and if people have differences on this it will ruin marriages.
Navigating expectations and communicating needs are invaluable skills in all areas of life.
It's impressive how many people set themselves up for failure by giving in to their fear of emotion. Fear of "confrontation". Allow themselves to instead develop and nourish feelings of resentment.
It's also impressive how many people avoid understanding their own emotions and how they express them. Deny responsibility of their thoughts, feelings and actions. Look at outside things to blame, including their partner. Incredibly common to see and always depressing and disappointing.
If sex is important to someone, then yes. If it’s not, then I’d say no. Just my opinion. Some people get married for love and companionship. Some people get married for legal rights and citizenship. Some get married because they were forced to. Some get married because they fuck like rabbits. Some get married because they get duped. Everyone is different and there is no one answer. But why you choose to get married is something you and your partner should absolutely discuss before hand
Lol most us in the same boat brother. Constant rejection from the one we provide for and take care of. It stings the worst when they are stay at home spouses with little to no responsibilities
Foreplay starts outside the bedroom. I’ve had trouble with a man before, barely wanting to know about my day, not really wanting to talk about anything unless it was computers and coding, and sex. It’s not the most successful strategy
Try to increase touching, being sensual without it leading to anything, give her reasons to perk up. Be interested in her. Make her feel sexy. Just little things. Not suggesting anything too taxing here. Get her thinking about it before you suddenly ask out of the blue after nothing/dryness/limited connection .
It has been shown in studies that women do carry a larger mental load for functioning a family than the husband. While men are catching up on that stat, they’re not there yet. So if her mind is filled with work, laundry, kids appointments, planning holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, dinner, groceries…. There’s less mental load for sex.
I’m not saying you’re like that. This is more of a suggestion, an insight. You just gotta get her thinking about sex, make her think it’s her idea, leave her wanting more, pick up some mental load, detach the kids from her for a few hours - kids drain mental energy, give her some mental space in her brain too - for thinking of sex.
I’m not saying you don’t do this. Some women have no drive, some have hormone imbalances (because women have to deal with that biological shit more than men too). Maybe your marriage is near the end. I’m not saying it’s all you. But if there’s something in here that might give you an idea on how you could help things, then that’s all I’m putting this out there for. Take it or leave it
My ex would only touch me when he wanted to get laid. As a result, I clammed up and really resented his advances. If I stood my ground, he'd pout about it and give me the cold shoulder for days. If I gave in, it felt non-consentual. Plus yeah, a general lack of interest in my feelings or well-being. He accused me of having no libido. No, I just lost my libido for him.
This. My ex husband wasn’t interested in interacting with me or being affectionate outside of expecting me to turn into a blow up doll at midnight. He rejected any cuddles/kisses or my attempts at initiating but would reach over and grab a boob when I was falling asleep after a day of being rejected in every way. If I didn’t open my legs for his 3 minutes of missionary, he wouldn’t speak to me for a week.
I was sexually frustrated. I have a very high libido. But constant rejection was a massive turn off and his pitiful excuse for intimacy wasn’t a consolation prize.
We still averaged about once a week, but he claimed it was once every 6 months. Because of my experience, I cast doubt on a lot of the male commenters here unfortunately.
Everything you said here is 100% good info and advice that I agree with. I myself have had talks like this with an ex that was very insightful. That said, it does slightly bother me that one side has to put 100% of the effort in to encourage the other to be intimate in a situation like that. Both sides should desire intimacy on some level.
This of course isn't a purely men's or women's problem, regardless of the idea that men generally have a higher sex drive. I'm not trying to blame anyone. I can only speak from my experience as a straight dude though.
I know you are probably joking but when I was facing a dead bedroom situation, I just had an open conversation. She makes more of an effort and I identified more of the blockers. Just talk to your wife.
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u/DroidArbiter 24d ago
There's three yes's in there within a month. Lucky Devil, If I uploaded mine you would need to use the search function.