Regrets And Perspectives

[u/Timbucktwo1230]

[u/Wolfegarde]

This is what resentment turns into. She sacrificed all those things in order to give her husband everything he wanted. The resentment forms when the sacrifice isn’t acknowledged. He sees it as mutual. She didn’t. They didn’t properly communicate, for any number of reasons.

[u/lck0219 → u/[deleted]]

I think the point is that she made the initial sacrifice, and momentum carried them along the rest of the way. She knew it, he was oblivious.

Sometimes you can continue on the path you’re on because it makes sense, but know that it’s not the original path you planned and that can be a little upsetting- even if you’re content enough where you are.

[u/MardocAgain → u/lck0219]

All of that is fair, but finally speaking up 18 years later to shit on your husband to your daughter speaks volumes about the quality of communication in this marriage.

I dont think anyone is the good guy here. Marriage takes work and that work is often ugly fights and unpleasant nights as both partners need to stand up for themselves while also being understanding of the others needs.

[u/Chuckfinley_88 → u/lck0219]

momentum carried them along the rest of the way. She knew it, he was oblivious.

a) momentum didn't carry it. at any point she could have tried to get off that ride. piling more kids on really fucked that up, which if everything I am being told is true, it "takes two to tango" but it is the woman's decision on whether or not to have an abortion and nothing a man can do can change that.

b) If she knew it, and didn't say anything, she is complicit as well. Dumping on her kids that their father robbed her of choice, is a really, really shitty way to parent and a super great way of making your partner feel like a complete piece of shit and make your kids resent their father. Great job!

I would imagine anyone doing this is 100% an emotionally manipulating asshole. Just like my mom!

[u/JustAnotherLurkAcct → u/lck0219]

It's inappropriate to be essentially blaming these choices in her husband and the children in front of them though.
Now they both probably feel like crap due to her bitterness.

[u/Remote_Ad_7058 → u/lck0219]

She has her own agency/freewill and she should have communicated her wants/needs like an adult. Perhaps they should divorce if the resentment is too large to get past? Then she can finally go to nursing school! No one to blame anymore! I hate learned helplessness.

[u/bannana → u/lck0219]

I think the point is that she made the initial sacrifice

did he ask her to do that, did they even talk about having a baby in the first place? the whole scenario could have been avoided if they hadn't gotten pregnant so soon.

[u/Aware-Awareness-9616 → u/lck0219]

It still reads as helplessness and entitlement. She is actively blaming marrying him and having kids on why she couldn’t do nursing school. As if so many of us don’t do school while we are parents. Planning takes bth parties, if she didn’t communicate that she wanted to figure out nursing school, and now she is resentful, she would likely benefit from therapy to help her take some ownership over her life and work on her communication. But making her husband feel guilty and throwing random snarky comments berating her daughter’s father because of her being born, is just immature and unnecessary

[u/lck0219 → u/Aware-Awareness-9616]

I don’t read it as helplessness. I read it as regret over what could have been, despite a life well lived. Emotions are nuanced and complex