r/AskReddit • u/AuthorConfident9386 • 13h ago

Men, what’s one small, seemingly insignificant thing you’ve noticed that can be a telltale sign of the difference between a genuinely good man and a bad one?

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81

u/Neriya 11h ago

One general concept; how comfortable they are with things that would 'stereotypically' make men uncomfortable.

It encompasses lots of things. Are they mortally afraid of the color pink? Can they handle feelings- both their own, and from others? Can they socialize with attractive women as if they are people and not a target? Can they handle being wrong, or embarrassed, or looking silly? Can they be 'fatherly' in public, or even with other people's kids?

In my eyes, the more comfortable a man is in those situations, and about a thousand more like them, then the more even keel they're going to be overall and a better man as a result.

Not to toot my own horn too hard, but I once attended a party at a neighbor's house full of attractive neighbor women, and took the time to play with a set of little girls who decided they wanted to 'do my makeup'. So by the time I ate dinner, my short guy hair was in tiny pony-tails, I was wearing bright pink and blue blush and eyeshadow, all my nails were terribly pink, and I was even fashioned with some clip-on earrings. And that's how I sat down at the dinner table. The girls were delighted, my son thought it was hilarious (the earrings were his doing), and my wife thought I looked like an idiot. And I was a happy man.

16

u/FlusteredCustard13 10h ago

It always floors me as a teacher because our middle school dances usually have a face painting station and the kids will ask to paint teacher faces too. I am consistantly floored that I am the only guy willing to let them paint a little cat or skull on me. There is no rule against this and it is even encouraged.

An additional point here is dealing with children. No man has to like children or want children. However, a good man always at least tries to be kind to children. Even if lack of experience makes them not the best at dealing with kids, you can tell the difference between someone making an effort (even if it falls flat) and someone who is a dick to kids.

12

u/Haunting-Orchid-4628 10h ago

I think being humble is also attractive

2

u/Neriya 9h ago

I think it is as well. And it comes hand in hand with being comfortable NOT being the center of attention.

1

u/MutedWorldliness777 5h ago

couldn’t agree more!

7

u/Four_beastlings 9h ago

I keep telling my husband that he's the manliest man I know because he doesn't feel the need to perform masculinity. All his clothes got wet? He uploads a picture to social media wearing a frilly pijama bragging that his legs look better than mine. All the guys doing traditional shots of plain vodka? Fuck that, that's disgusting, give him the good fruit stuff instead. He is a proud dad and now that his are older he squees over babies and toddlers. He just has nothing to prove, and that confidence is irresistible.

1

u/Neriya 5h ago

Your dude sounds like my kind of dude!

4

u/Top_Introduction4701 7h ago

The big one for me is viewing others as people. It’s not that you can’t say that someone else is attractive or hot - but is that all you point out? It’s the single focus on hot women. Never ‘those kids are doing something unsupervised’, ‘those guys are bbq at the park looks fun’ it’s always ‘that (18?-22 year old) woman is hot!)’ not even ‘wow that middle age woman is good looking’ (because in their mind, they are too old even if the guy is middle age)

3

u/whan_a_nibba 8h ago

Real. I honestly think one of the best ways to tell if a guy is secure about their masculinity is whether they start bitching or over-react to “white girl music”. Don’t get me wrong, if it doesn’t match the vibe then sure, skip it. But if some Rihanna or Katy Perry pops up in the rotation or radio and a bloke immediately starts taking about it being gay or something. Bro. Nobody thinks you’ve got a small dick because we’re listening to Beyoncé.

2

u/ScamperingSnail 8h ago

Ryan Gosling performing "I'm Just Ken" at the Oscars embodies a sizeable portion of what you described!

1

u/TroySandersBeard 7h ago

For your point about making an attractive woman a target, I find it just as telling if they act the opposite, like she "totally gave me a dirty look like I was beneath her."  Like they're a victim of her existence when she's just minding her own business and not smiling, but not being rude.

Worked with a guy in customer service like this.  It was hilarious and bewildering to behold.  Fucker was in his 40's.

-7

u/Fitzlfc 9h ago

You sound like a fucking psychopath. Like to answer the OP, this guy, anyone who talks like this person is fucking terrifying to me.

6

u/Patient-Present4191 9h ago

What makes them sound like a psychopath to you?

-4

u/Fitzlfc 9h ago

The way they speak. The first 3 sentences of the 3rd paragraph sounds like a fucking manifesto. Like I cant be the only one thinking I'm reading Dahmers diary apologise, 4th paragraph

6

u/uk123456789101112 9h ago

I am missing something here, what are you talking about?

-5

u/Fitzlfc 9h ago

Nah I'm not going to be gaslighted here, anyone who refers to something as a "set of little girls" genuinely needs to be investigated. Dude is 100% a creep.

6

u/Patient-Present4191 8h ago

I think you are reading way too much into his phrasing. Yeah, he was bloviating a bit, but kind of weird to jump to psycho pedo based on that.

7

u/uk123456789101112 8h ago

Wheres the issue, the use of the word 'set'? I think you reading more into it is a bit of a red flag in itself, there is nothing OP wrote that is alarming, i think some projecting here is really fucking weird from you.

2

u/Neriya 5h ago

LOL. I definitely just used the word 'set' as a synonym for group. I suppose I could have used 'group' or 'several' or whatever, but I typed what I typed.

-6

u/Fitzlfc 8h ago

Yeah sure buddy. You and them can have a great time together, leave me out of it

5

u/TroySandersBeard 6h ago

Well, when you're a hammer everything looks like a nail. 😂

5

u/uk123456789101112 6h ago

Yeah classic projection, really creepy.

5

u/TroySandersBeard 6h ago

Nobody here has any idea what the hell you're babbling about, you sound pretty unhinged yourself. 😂

I guess you're projecting your insanity.

-3

u/Fitzlfc 9h ago

Makes my skin crawl. Fucking creepy

-2

u/Grand-Moose-9287 9h ago

Not a psychopath, but the first three paragraphs are a preamble

5

u/cam94509 7h ago

Get actual psychological help.

2

u/dfrcoms 5h ago

I’m picking up on the same thing as you but I think ‘awkward, not self-aware dude’ is a basic type of man not a psychopath

-1

u/dfrcoms 5h ago

Just remember that a guy being comfortable with femininity (for comedy or otherwise) is not necessarily a green flag, ‘misogynistic dude with painted nails’ is almost a trope.

What’s jumping out to me about your story is that you were at a dinner party but spent time playing with the children, that you find your neighbours attractive and comment on that even while being married, and that your wife’s only feature in the plot of this tale is thinking you look like an idiot. How did she feel about you sitting at the table like that? Why are your neighbours being attractive to you relevant to the story and why do you classify people as attractive or unattractive? Was this an appropriate time or place to spend a lot of time with the children, were other adults doing that too?  What is up with the term ‘neighbour women’ anyway?

3

u/Neriya 5h ago

Just remember that a guy being comfortable with femininity (for comedy or otherwise) is not necessarily a green flag, ‘misogynistic dude with painted nails’ is almost a trope.

What’s jumping out to me about your story is that you were at a dinner party but spent time playing with the children, that you find your neighbours attractive and comment on that even while being married, and that your wife’s only feature in the plot of this tale is thinking you look like an idiot. How did she feel about you sitting at the table like that? Why are your neighbours being attractive to you relevant to the story and why do you classify people as attractive or unattractive? Was this an appropriate time or place to spend a lot of time with the children, were other adults doing that too? What is up with the term ‘neighbour women’ anyway?

Something about your reply sounds like AI wrote it, /u/dfrcoms

Most of the beats in my story line up directly with my initial response to the AskReddit prompt. The fact you couldn't figure that out reinforces the thought you're an AI bot, or at least that you let AI write your reply.

2

u/dfrcoms 4h ago

Nope I hate ai. I just write like that. Ask me a Turing test question.  And sorry but ‘this person criticising me must be ai’ is like an understandable thing in 2026 because everything is so cursed now but it’s also a pretty blatant defense mechanism 

2

u/Neriya 4h ago

Defense of what? I have no need to defend anything. AI or not, your reply is weird. “Was this an appropriate time or place to spend a lot of time with the children” - what the heck kind of a question is that? My wife thought I was a lovable idiot, which is good because I occupy the slot in her life a lot. It was just a neighborhood party, other parents were tossing the kids on the trampoline or helping roast smores. 

2

u/dfrcoms 3h ago

Those extra details make it a lot better!

1

u/Neriya 2h ago

I'm legitimately curious; did you not make the correlations between my prompt answer and my personal story?

Are they mortally afraid of the color pink?

Lines up with

little girls who decided they wanted to 'do my makeup'...I was wearing bright pink and blue blush and eyeshadow, all my nails were terribly pink

And then

Can they socialize with attractive women as if they are people and not a target

Lines up with

attended a party at a neighbor's house full of attractive neighbor women

Followed by:

Can they handle being wrong, or embarrassed, or looking silly? Can they be 'fatherly' in public, or even with other people's kids?

This is addressed by basically the whole story

by the time I ate dinner...wife thought I looked like an idiot. And I was a happy man.

I thought the whole post was almost too much a paint-by-numbers exercise and that it might come across as self-glorification, when it was really just intended as a funny anecdote to try and show I practice what I preach. I never in a million years thought someone would take it the way you seem to have.