r/technology • u/WorldTravelerBoss • Jul 15 '26

Artificial Intelligence The terrifying rise of schoolboys making AI girlfriends. Boys as young as 12 are now in romantic ‘relationships’ with chatbots, and it’s affecting how they treat girls in the real world.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2026/05/25/schoolboys-ai-girlfriends/
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641

u/MrHazard1 Jul 15 '26

My cousin is struggling with this with his daughter. Any advice?

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u/Faintfury Jul 15 '26

Spent time with her. Like really a lot.

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u/burudoragon Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

Take away thier device. Black list any ai apps. Make them touch grass. Parent them

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u/EngineeringOk8097 Jul 15 '26

I seriously think this is the answer. Within a few weeks I think even the kids will wonder wtf they were doing.

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u/T0kenAussie Jul 15 '26

I’ve been having this fight with my kids since Covid lockdowns and it’s taken me 6 years to deprogram the algorithms out of my oldest and second oldest. Luckily my third and fourth weren’t in their formative years for the zoom classrooms so they weren’t hit as hard

But man it’s insidious watching kids parrot engagement bait grifter talking points and being so non chalant about it all. Like the concepts of words and thoughts and emotions don’t matter as long as someone responds to them

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u/bythenumbers10 Jul 15 '26

Like the concepts of words and thoughts and emotions don’t matter as long as someone responds to them

Sounds like they learned a little too perfectly what the social media era of the Internet is about.

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u/MrTortilla Jul 15 '26

And what is incredibly sad, is that you are being an exceptionally good parent here, most won't do shit either because they're in the same loop, or because they just don't care

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u/n0nsequit0rish Jul 15 '26

Even if they did care, it can be vey challenging to keep engaged if you feel like nothing you’re doing is working, or working fast enough. It’s really hard to make long lasting changes that are “undesired”.

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u/Supertilt Jul 15 '26

So many parents treat their children as and inconvenience they have to navigate. They're more than happy to give them a screen all day to keep them occupied because it's easy

It's choking our future in the cradle

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u/Logical_Mix_4627 Jul 15 '26

Seeing how hard it is to parent well, I’m starting to realize that most parents are lazy and terrible and that’s why most of the world is messed up.

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u/akaval Jul 15 '26

I mean the 15 year old boy in the article said he misses his companion after his parents took it away from him and that he plans on creating a new companion when he can make his own money.

Not sure how long after that happened he was interviewed though.

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u/doilysocks Jul 15 '26

I think so much of this can be tied back to losing third spaces. Kids are desperate for connection and they keep losing places they can connect with people their age outside of school.

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u/21Rollie Jul 15 '26

Living in a walkable neighborhood growing up was basically richness and I didn’t realize it back then lol. Could just walk outside and find kids ready to play anything

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

Will never understand this talking point. When I was a teenager, we literally just roamed the neighbourhood. We biked around aimlessly. Or went to someone house. And we had sports teams. And my buddies and me would spend Friday night, when it was warm enough, just getting stoned in a park. All that obviously still exists.

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u/accioqueso Jul 15 '26

I agree with you, but also a boomer neighbor called the cops on a group of 10 year olds who rang their doorbell looking for their other friend. And the friend was in that house!

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

At ten, I’ll understand a kid scared of talking to a cop even when they’re not breaking the law. At 17 we were dealing with cops coming to kick us out of parks for smoking weed while we were also on mushrooms. I refuse to believe teens today have gotten just that much more petrified, especially when the obvious answer is that they’re just online and gaming.

Are we also going to pretend that adults spend less time reading books because they’re scared of something and not because they’re on their phones?

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u/Haunting_Swimming160 Jul 15 '26

Even that stuff is getting harder though, more people go after parents for not hovering over their kids 24/7.

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

Their 15+ year old kids? I’m a parent. I don’t see people expecting hovering over 15 year olds.

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u/joman584 Jul 15 '26

I can tell you from hearing my neighbors talk about unsupervised teenagers, calling them unpatented children, that people do indeed think this way about teenagers trying to be independent

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

Then we live in wildly different places. Nearly every parent I know with teens, which is most people I know, complains about them only ever being inside and not going out to do anything.

But if everyone here is right and the answer is that if a 16 year old gets on a bike a cop might come by and say “hey, I saw you’re riding a bike, which is perfectly legal, of course”, then teenagers have changed more radically than I thought. Because it seems obvious the answer is that the major difference between kids in the 90s and kids today is the internet and gaming. But maybe you’re all right and it’s that they live in mortal terror of seeing a cop while doing something entirely legal.

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u/LoveMeSomeBerserk Jul 15 '26

Getting downvoted by non parents who think they know more I’m sure.

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

Teens biking and walking down the street aren’t getting arrested en masse. You people sound insane.

We had plenty of run ins with cops when we were breaking actual laws.

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Careless-Weather8877 Jul 15 '26

I walked my dog the other evening… kids roaming around the park on those E bikes. One kid skateboarding down the hill then chilled on the benches for a rest. A group of girls sprinting through the park on their way homes. Some teenagers brought a net to play volleyball and were playing their 90s music mix.

Totally normal summer day in the city.

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

Yeah, I do. You guys just don’t want to admit that what actually changed was how much there is for kids to do online.

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u/Perfect_Plan_8256 Jul 15 '26

I use to get pulled over walking to the store to get chips

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u/Thanos_Stomps Jul 15 '26

Sports are played in third places. You’re just agreeing with who you responded to while saying you don’t understand that talking point.

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u/naughty Jul 15 '26

But outside is all pedos so the kids must stay inside.

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u/Key-Demand-2569 Jul 15 '26

Social media really, really, fucked us.

It’s like all the comments I’ve seen on Reddit of a random video clip where a middle aged person goes up to a child who seems lost or just fine and alone in public walking around.

All these top comments like, “I’m glad that person helped but that could’ve gone so badly for the child and a strange adult, they were really lucky.”

Like, good fucking lord.

Yes you should teach all children stranger danger and some basic stuff like that, it’s very valuable.

But the **VAST** majority of human beings are not pedophiles who want to kidnap or assault a child in public.

Sure it’s technically good the adult didn’t attack the child, it’s a weird thing to point out. 9999 times out of 10000 or more, an adult seeing a stranger child that might need help is going to want to help them, or at worst ignore them.

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u/naughty Jul 15 '26

This started happening in the late 90s and early 2000s and has just got and worse worse. In the UK there was a famous satirical show called Brass Eye and they did an episode about it called Paedogeddon basically pointing out how over the top it was at the time (2001 I think). The reaction to it was unhinged and vitriolic. There was even comments in Parliament about it.

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u/Careless-Weather8877 Jul 15 '26

I was at a hockey game and there was a kid maybe five or six walking by himself crying. I was definitely alarmed and looked at my friend asking her if we could find a staff member. Turns out his mom’s just a piece of shit and was walking 30 feet ahead of him and looking back as he cried.

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u/WestCoastBestCoast01 Jul 15 '26

You bring up a hilarious point that the pedos are online too, the children are probably safer in the streets (well, away from traffic because pedestrian deaths are up due to huge trucks)

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u/coldkiller Jul 15 '26

When I was a teenager, we literally just roamed the neighbourhood. We biked around aimlessly.

And now you get the cops called on you for doing this

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

No one gets the cops called on them for riding a bike. I see young people riding bikes every day all the time. No one calls the cops on 17 year olds walking down the sidewalk. Again, I see it every day.

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u/coldkiller Jul 15 '26

It happens all the time lmao

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

So a cop came up to you for walking down a sidewalk in a city and said “hey! One more step and I’m arresting you for…being outside”? That happens all the time? I’m a lawyer. Hook me up with all the people this is happening to and I’ll get my buddies in crim defense and civil rights organizations to make the easiest money they ever made.

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u/Young_KingKush Jul 15 '26

Can you like, not imagine a person having different circumstances than you or what

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

That they live somewhere bikes don’t exist? Or walking outside is illegal? Or no one they know lives in an apartment or home they can hang out? Or their city or town has no parks or fields at all?

Yes, I can imagine that. It’s obviously not real, but I can imagine it. My point would still be that I grew up only ever going to “third places” that still exist.

And I still don’t understand why so many people are pretending not to know the actual major difference between the 90s and today, which is gaming/internet/streaming/phones, all of which make it extremely easy for teens (or anyone) to feel fully indulged alone in their home. Reddit 100% acknowledges that today’s youth grew up exposed to constant brainrot and iPads and got sucked into unhealthy media dependencies, but when we talk about why teenagers don’t have outdoor lives anymore, Reddit prefers to pretend it’s because there are no malls that young people already stopped hanging out in by 1992.

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u/ricochetblue Jul 15 '26

Sports are increasingly expensive commitments. A combo of private equity moving in and everything being treated as basically a pre-professional training ground (so you’re unlikely to make a team unless you do travel year-round).

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u/snackelmypackel Jul 15 '26

Not everyone wants to do that stuff also if its hot as fuck most of that sucks

Not all places are great to roam, or are into sports. You also just named a bunch of stuff that you do when you already have friends.

I played a bunch of nerdy shit on Friday nights and all the stores that hosted tournaments and stuff are gone. You were into that stuff but others prefer to go to 3rd spaces and hang around to meet people or socialize.

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

Yeah dude. When you’re a broke teenager, your options are limited, and so you make fun out of what’s around you. It was healthy and great and we figured out how to not be bored on our own.

Both my hometown and where I live now still have gaming stores with MTG night and so on as well. Don’t know why that died where you live unless local kids just stopped being into it.

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u/Vesorias Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

we figured out how to not be bored on our own

I think videogames and tv have figured that out for most people, without even leaving the comfort of their home. Phones that don't interrupt your internet and aren't giant bricks probably also have some part in it. Used to be you went and talked to someone because it was more fun than sitting around just talking to them without seeing them. Now you can have a chat with your favorite person while you're watching tv, playing a game, whatever, and there's very little incentive to leave your house unless you want to engage in a specific hobby.

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

Yeah that’s the real point. Kids today don’t want to go out. They’re content in their homes.

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u/LoveMeSomeBerserk Jul 15 '26

My town has like a dozen of card and games stores that host free tournaments. Your town does too id bet.

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u/Penguinmanereikel Jul 15 '26

Nowadays, kids would get called the police on them, run over by some drunk or angry person, or outright shot by random people, and the only thing people will say about it is, "why were they outside? Why weren't they home or in school?" And that's not even getting into creeps trying to take advantage of them.

And you can't go to any sporting event without spending a crapload of concessions.

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

Buddy, we had the cops called on us. Look up crime stats - things have gotten safer now, not more dangerous.

When I said we did sports I meant we played them. Both organized and someone just dragging a soccer ball out to a field or playing road hockey.

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u/Careless-Weather8877 Jul 15 '26

I remember once being at Walmart using the shopping carts as goals and busting out some disc golf stuff from my 98 Honda civic. Cops got called on us but for a good 20 mins we had fun

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

[deleted]

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

Yeah! Little less fun when you had psychedelics in the system than just being stoned. But yes.

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u/RJean83 Jul 15 '26

In theory yes, they still exist. However teens in parks are more likely today to have the cops called on them because they are loitering. For almost anything a teen is doing now, it requires money, approval from an adult, or the involvement of another organization. Online is one of the few spaces that is free if those restrictions.

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

Again, we very much had the cops come by when we hung out in parks at night smoking weed.

There is no place we were hanging out as teens that doesn’t exist anymore. Not one. What did change, massively, is the amount of socialization and entertainment teens can get while alone at home. It’s not exactly hard to identify the main difference between 1998 and 2026.

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u/OsmerusMordax Jul 15 '26

Yeah, and when it was hot we’d hang out at the mall or the movies

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u/Thanos_Stomps Jul 15 '26

Those are literally third spaces

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u/MineralDragon Jul 15 '26

Busy body Millennials call the cops on kids and teenagers that are out and about. There have even been state laws passed for criminally charge parents for child neglect for allowing this now a days. Frankly it’s ridiculous and infantilizing, and it is indeed destroying developing socialization skills.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2024/11/27/georgia-mom-arrested-after-her-10-year-old-went-on-a-walk-alone/76619161007/

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u/Shenari Jul 15 '26

That person was barely a millennial, literally a year or 2 into that demographic and oldest you could be as one.

It's a lot more gen x or boomers who are the ones doing this shit.

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u/therealvanmorrison Jul 15 '26

We got the cops called on us plenty.

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u/LoveMeSomeBerserk Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

This is such a non answer. There are countless free or cheap places teens can still congregate. It’s just easier to scroll on your phone home alone than put in the effort to make human connections. Kids didn’t have that option 20 years ago.

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u/WhoAreWeEven Jul 15 '26

I think to be honest, him saying he would get new bot when hes older is just one of those naive things children say whe their young.

Like their gonna run away if mom tells them to put on clothes etc Which is gonna be forgotten when their actually older in this case.

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u/TalkingClay Jul 15 '26

Yeah just like how kids grow out of using the wrong there/their/they're.

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u/SadSeiko Jul 15 '26

Reddit in one breath will tell you banning things doesn’t work for drugs in society and in another tell you to simply ban your child from doing things. Children have a lot of autonomy and resent you when you take it away. It’s a lot harder to parent than simply saying no 

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u/EldritchCouragement Jul 15 '26

Criminalizing drug-use and disallowing children to access things they aren't mentally, physically, or emotionally developed enough to safely use are not equivalent concepts.

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u/SadSeiko Jul 15 '26

Yes but in this articles it’s a 15 year old. How much can you really control them without taking away basically all their autonomy. 

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u/EldritchCouragement Jul 15 '26

the same way you restrict any type of device or media use. You place boundaries on it's use, which means not granting them unbridled access, and you use whatever tools are at your disposal to limit what they access.

Like any learned behavioral problem, its gonna be harder the fix the older they are.

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u/legend_of_the_skies Jul 15 '26

Correct. A chat bot girlfriend of boyfriend is none of those things.

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u/floppydo Jul 15 '26

The government is not meant to be our parent. It's a fundamentally different relationship. Yes kids must have autonomy but also parents have a responsibility to put limits on it when the kids are not ready. 

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u/SadSeiko Jul 15 '26

agreed, the problem is it's harder to be a good parent than most people realise

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u/Lighthades Jul 15 '26

No AI nor social networks till 16. Use fcking parenting settings to lock shit out.

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u/echoingElephant Jul 15 '26

I don’t think it makes sense. With me having been a child myself, they will likely find ways around blacklists and stuff, and if you can’t take their devices away completely, they will find a way to find a chat bot to talk to.

But then it wont be ChatGPT, but some shadier thing someone vibe coded trying to make a quick buck.
And while I don’t say that OpenAI are trustworthy and using ChatGPT as an AI partner isn’t problematic, I would wager that the alternatives might be even more dangerous.

Take away their devices, sure, but talk to them and explain the risks. That’s maybe better long term than taking the devices and then hoping that the problem will sort itself out.

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u/pittaxx Jul 15 '26

Within a few weeks they will hate your guts and likely start getting alienated by their peers for being less available online then their peers. And that's of they aren't addicted, at which point they will find a way to get online anyway, often by doing something really dumb, like stealing.

This kind of approach rarely work in general, and it's even worse in this case, as lacking someone they can trust and talk with is why kids are turning to AIs to begin with.

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u/sohblob Jul 15 '26

Or they’ll feel lonely.

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

Parent them

This is the important part. You can't just take their devices away.

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u/Deathbringer193082 Jul 15 '26

children below 16 shouldnt even have their own smart devices

before you start calling me out, know that I am 19

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u/FrostyD7 Jul 15 '26

If they do need one for a specific purpose, it should be locked down to the max degree. When I was a kid, parental controls were a thing but not intuitive. There's no excuses today, it's easy.

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u/Wit-wat-4 Jul 15 '26

I mean, I don’t disagree that it’s important, but it’s also not really a direction or advice. The rest of that comment has more. They’re asking for parenting advice already. It’s like someone wants to lose weight and you say “lose weight!” instead of at LEAST saying “eat less”/“take away devices”.

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u/fancytables Jul 15 '26

Yes, exactly! Taking it away isn't the parenting part, discussing and analyzing why your kid is looking for companionship and validation from something that they understand isn't a real person is the parenting part. Figuring out how to fill the needs that are causing the overattachment is the parenting part. And giving them the things that they need, that they were trying to do themselves with the AI, is the parenting part.

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u/Rainman_Johnson Jul 15 '26

Make them really focus on their spelling and grammar too, hopefully.

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u/6ed02cc79d Jul 15 '26

What our you trying to say?

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u/Sad-Purchase1257 Jul 15 '26

Make grass, then touch it. Spluh!

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u/breaducate Jul 15 '26

Their saying grandma is impotent.

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u/AnAncientMonk Jul 15 '26

Nah fuck that.

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u/putdownthekitten Jul 15 '26

Or, you know, try talking to them to understand what they think they’re getting from it and why they think they need it and work together toward a healthier way of getting their needs met. Just taking it away ‘because I said so’ is only going to make them want it more.

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u/BugbearBro Jul 15 '26

Yeah, especially if the LLM is their friend. Every time my dad was angry at me there was no dialogue and he took away access to the computer. That just made me resent him. 

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u/Janezey Jul 15 '26

The LLM isn't their friend, period. If an adult "friend" of your child was sending them erotic material and hurting them emotionally, would you hesitate to cut off their access to that "friend?" Of course not. 

It's important to have a conversation with them about it. But it's also important to put your foot down.

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u/NarcolepticSeal Jul 15 '26

I think it's fairly different having computer access at specific times of day in specific intervals than buying kids smartphones. I don't have kids and don't plan on it, but I will never understand people getting their kids smartphones and not having full parental controls on it. Tbh I'd get my kid a flip phone until they were in high school.

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u/Own-Gas1871 Jul 15 '26

We're struggling this with two teens though, and while they're nowhere close to making AI girlfriends, no amount of days out, guitar lessons, bike rides, walks, shopping, chores, helping neighbours for pocket money, help with homework, time with friends/socialising, or simply talking to them about it can break the hold. They're obsessed and if they could they would instantly spend whole days barely moving from their rooms.

Maybe we just have to hold fast for even longer, but I do wonder whether it's fundamentally done something to them. Like when drug addicts have been exposed to such levels of dopamine that normal life doesn't elicit joy.

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u/RGB755 Jul 15 '26

A friend of my girlfriend’s is a grown, 48 year old woman and says good night to “her” chatbot, because then it performs better. 

We just anthropomorphize things, and the sycophantic nature of AI makes it safe and addictive to talk to. 

Why risk real exchange when a computer I convince myself is real will tell me how great I am? It’s about instilling the inherent value of reality. 

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u/BugbearBro Jul 15 '26

There's subreddits like r/chatbotaddiction and a few others that are beginning to document this phenomenon, but there is definitely an addiction component 

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u/legend_of_the_skies Jul 15 '26

Did it fundamentally DO something to you when you were a child playing video games or watching TV or engaging your favorite non-productive activity?

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u/darkchocolateonly Jul 15 '26

Then they don’t get access ever again. Period.

That’s very simple. If they cannot maintain a normal, healthy life with x thing in their life, they don’t get to have it.

You need a whole new lifestyle for your family.

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u/legend_of_the_skies Jul 15 '26

What world are you living in where you think you have access and ability to literally control the world your child lives in ?

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u/Own-Gas1871 Jul 15 '26

I'm not sure that's fair. I would liken it to adults being over weight in record numbers. Many adults clearly can't make responsible decisions around their own health, and pick the easy option. The children are just doing the same because this is the entertainment version of junk food, it's easy and has a quick return, plus their brains aren't able to defer gratification in the same way adults can, even at the best of times.

I'm not sure banning is the answer, whereas persistently trying to model moderation, a varied entertainment diet (much like a nutritional diet) and helping instil strict limits/self control might help develop a healthy relationship. Because this stuff isn't going anywhere and they will eventually have unlimited access, so I think I'd rather try and help them actively manage it rather than flat out remove it.

We are making slow but steady progress, but who knows, maybe I'll come round to your way of thinking.

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u/curious_carson Jul 15 '26

I mean, you yourself describe it as very similar to addiction. I am an alcoholic who has been sober for a decade . ‘Banning’ alcohol from my life is the only way I could have achieved my sobriety. I had to change my lifestyle completely, let go of people in my life who weren’t conducive to my sobriety, the whole thing. I was able to find happiness again but it took a complete change in my lifestyle to make it better.

Also, I was a teenager when it started and my parents were pretty passive about it. They drank and other adults drank and they just decided that I was learning to be an adult too. I so resent that they decided that their relationship with alcohol and their relationship with me was worth preserving more than my health, safety, and future.

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u/darkchocolateonly Jul 15 '26

Junk food is a great analogy, because if you had obese children you’d also need to completely cut off the junk food. Adults have problems with junk food because their parents weren’t very good at parenting and their family home culture wasnt healthy.

Some people can do moderation. If you can’t, you have to recognize that and accept that and build a life around that. Also, normalcy is living without the thing, whether it is junk food or tablets. Not having them is the norm, that is the culture that should be built first. Once you have a good healthy baseline, THEN you can start adding in things that are potentially culture ruiners. But you don’t start out with the things that ruin people and try to “model moderation”, as if you know how to do that and can accomplish that, which I just don’t believe the majority of the population can do anyway.

You need to build a healthy, sustainable home culture for your family, and if you have to refuse technology entirely to do that, you do that. You don’t build a culture where your kids are at risk daily of falling into bad habits, that’s a recipe for failure.

The fact that many adults make bad decisions is a really, really poor justification for allowing your kids to make bad decisions too.

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u/Own-Gas1871 Jul 15 '26

I do agree with you in regards to a lot of this, so I'm definitely not defending digitally obese kids! In my specific case though I'm playing the boyfriend/ step-father role, so I'm late to the game and don't have full control over what goes on. Just trying to do what I can with what their mum permits. And what their dad lets slide is a whole other thing, but anyway...

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u/ZajeliMiNazweDranie Jul 15 '26

Sure, explaining is important, but you can remove AI from their lives and explain. Hoping that kids (or people in general tbh) will make correct choices by themselves only because you explained it to them is naive at best.

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u/asdxdlolxd Jul 15 '26

You can't reason with kids the same way you would do with an adult.

You have to look at this like if it was cigarettes or alcohol

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u/legend_of_the_skies Jul 15 '26

So... say it's not allowed and then they find it anyway by sneaking around at 16 and abuse it into their 20s?

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u/d-cent Jul 15 '26

Both are needed, but only one of those two options is actually going to stop them.

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u/Icarium__ Jul 15 '26

If you've been giving your kid unlimited access to a personal device then yeah, you fucked up big time and taking that away will be hard, but it needs to be done somehow. A shared device in a common area with a daily time limit and strict monitoring of what your kid uses it for is the way to go in my opinion.

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u/coxy32 Jul 15 '26

Aka parent them.

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u/SubmissiveGuy556 Jul 15 '26

Thats the "Parenting" part he mentioned that you glossed over.

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u/sohblob Jul 15 '26

Literally pay attention to them. Have an interest in what they think.

Humans are attachment machines seeking affection and validation. Raise them to be more attached to you than cold metal.

Read about the wire mother cloth mother experiment.

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u/BoukeeNL Jul 15 '26

Their* device

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u/Physical_Apricot_974 Jul 15 '26

Their they’re there who gives a fuck if someone doesn’t use the write (lol) one on a public forum.. at least you know and can make that distinction you big brain. Sorry I’m drunk

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u/ambisinister_gecko Jul 15 '26

For me, when a word like that is spelled wrong I have to do a double take and adjust it again in my head. It does feel kinda annoying. Only mildly.

My boss has dyslexia and it's genuinely a challenge trying to figure out what he's saying a few times a day.

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u/Physical_Apricot_974 Jul 15 '26

That’s understandable, I typically use the right spelling when appropriate, but it’s never bothered me when others don’t.. Context is often a dead giveaway..

Haha that’s reminds me of a boss I had that refused to use auto-correct and there’d be several of us together trying to decipher the same message.

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u/hurryupppp Jul 15 '26

This is the answer. PARENT YOUR CHILDREN. Ffs

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u/constructioncranes Jul 15 '26

My kids are 5 and 9 and will not have devices while under my care. This post has just further cemented my resolve. One loves to read, the other loves to draw and dance. They both wish screen time was longer than the few hours they get a week, on the family TV or the family desktop. (Both heavily fenced off from sm, short form video, etc.)

They may rebel and swing hard in the other direction when they're not longer under my care, but they'll be older then and hopefully thier brains will be capable of better handling all this insanity. 

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u/dob_bobbs Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

My 13-year-old son doesn't have a smartphone, he's the only kid in his school probably, he isn't happy about it but I can also see what a huge advantage this gives him as compared to the other kids. Some of them I swear just can't function in the real world, never mind the vile algorithmic influences they are coming under.

I wish we'd done the same with our eldest but it's too late (even though he was last in his school to get a phone too). He spends SO much time online, the only comfort is that he's really not on the socials all that much, he has these geeky interests that suck him in, like writing Wikipedia articles, which still isn't touching grass but is better than Andrew Tate and endlessly scrolling TikTok.

But I swear smartphones are a cancer, and society is going to pay the price in the future - and I don't think that's just scaremongering. I can REALLY recommend SOMEHOW keeping kids off phones till at least 16.

2

u/Real_Sam_Bridges Jul 15 '26

I do not understand why we stopped actually parenting kids. Disciplining your child is not abusive it's a necessary part of parenting. And no distracting them with something else is not parenting because they haven't actually learned any lessons.

2

u/Dilltulip Jul 15 '26

lol it’s crazy that this needs to be explained to people. But no one will do it “that’s too hard, what else can we do?”, spend time with your kids “but then I won’t be able to be on MY device?”

2

u/soundsfromoutside Jul 15 '26

Yes! Thank you! Jesus Christ people you are literally their parents, you can and should take away their devices! Give them dumphones if they actually need a phone to call and text. You have that power as the parent!

2

u/ShadyNoShadow Jul 15 '26

Prohibition isn't parenting. 

2

u/Dushenka Jul 15 '26

Black list any ai apps.

Bad advice, the are tons of these and they'll end up chasing apps all day.

Go for a whitelist instead, nothing gets installed without prior confirmation by a parent.

3

u/xxyxxyyyx Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

Absolut stupid advice, no idea how people upvote it. As if taking something away and punishing the child was ever productive. Fucking sad advice. Teens now hang even more to their phone, the only to help them is to give them emotional support, find the reason why they feel like they need this AI friend and support them to find a real partner or real friends. Talking and supporting is the only solution. If you take it away they will start again as soon as they get hold to a device so mostly you only put a break on the problem while you destroy your relationship and trust to each other.

1

u/Grimmies Jul 15 '26

Interesting take. You're saying we shouldn't parent our kids because..... Because you're upset that you got your video games taken away as a punishment.

Lol okay, thanks for the advice but no.

2

u/xxyxxyyyx Jul 15 '26

I made one personal example. But your parenting is not parenting. This is also not my take but pretty much the standard knowledge in social studies. Your logic with punishment is as stupid as people that hit their children. Fear and punishment that seems unreasonable for the child will never help, it will just force the child to hide from you. If you cannot provide the child with a reason why it's bad to chat with the ai, you will always seem irrational and cruel.

But yeah you don't seem like you actually want to learn something, your way right? I hope you don't have kids.

1

u/Grimmies Jul 15 '26

Hahahaha. Taking away electronics as punishment is the same as beating your kids? Hahahahaha. Jesus christ, that's an insane level of disconnected from reality and of entitlement, we are so fucked.

Please i beg you, go outside, take a walk and touch grass.

1

u/xxyxxyyyx Jul 15 '26

I said the logic is the same. Not that's it is the same. Maybe you are not an native speaker but I didn't say that. The logic is the same. It is punishment through control and fear.

And still you didn't really deliver a good argument. Do you think you are smarter then people that study these topics? There are multiple experiments and studies that show that this kind of punishment does not work, but you know it better?

1

u/TheBlindWatchmaker Jul 15 '26

But parenting is hard! I wanna play video games!!!

5

u/UnconvincingCGIDino Jul 15 '26

Not sure if people don't get the sarcasm or you just triggered some neglectful parents.

3

u/N0Ability Jul 15 '26

Parents whose whole parenting style was dumping a tablet on their kid s lap since they were 3 got realy ofended by his comment.

2

u/Outside_Sun_4654 Jul 15 '26

Must be grand up there on your high horse. Parenting isnt easy nor is it straight-forward.

Take away their device. That is a nuclear action, and god knows what the reaction is. It might very well destroy other parts of the relation that is vital for continued follow-up.

These off-handish, hand-wavy suggestions are incendiary.

Why not just ban all AI apps for everyone? That fixes the problem and it has a bonus where adults are cured of their addictions too. Hell, let's just ban all smartphones.

2

u/prima_maqueeria Jul 15 '26

It's age inappropriate, parents have a responsibility to manage that for their children

1

u/Outside_Sun_4654 Jul 15 '26

Expecting parents to front the line to ween teens off of smartphones is ludicrous.

1

u/runthepoint1 Jul 15 '26

They’re their there, to two too

1

u/silverionmox Jul 15 '26

Make then touch grass.

Literally and figuratively.

1

u/Zado191 Jul 15 '26

Would you say the same to alcoholic? 

2

u/burudoragon Jul 15 '26

Yes?

Take away there alcohol, black list them from bars, make them touch grass, and give them therapy and support?

Seems like a good solution for an alcoholic to me

1

u/ChecksKicks Jul 15 '26

Genuinely a lot of this behavior is caused by parents allowing their kids to be isolated and “weird”. Not making them do sports or something that builds their social confidence. Some level of conformity is necessary for kids to have proper socialization in this world, sadly.

1

u/frisbeesloth Jul 15 '26

I did this to my now adult (20 & 21) children. Restricted internet at the router as well. They thought I was so mean as kids, but the youngest actually thanked me for doing it recently. 0 regrets

1

u/yolo-yoshi Jul 15 '26

It’s a start. There’s way more to it than that , the bare minimum be a parent and parent.

1

u/supbruhbruhLOL Jul 15 '26

This is how I de-MAGA my parents lol. Deleted all FOX News apps on their phones. Canceled that shit on their DVR and would suggest board games during their favorite FOX News hours instead. Within a couple of weeks their views started to change and now they don't even understand how they fell for it in the first place.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

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2

u/burudoragon Jul 15 '26

I always liked benders advice from futurama. "Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them"

1

u/throwaway586054 Jul 15 '26

And fuck whatsapp/meta to include their fucking chatbot in it

My default cellphone number doesn't have the chatbot and when my daughter was telling me she was using meta ai , I was like ...err how? We haven't installed that on your cellphone???

I overblocked but let whatsapp cause...School requires it, fuck it, fuck it and fuck it.

76

u/BugbearBro Jul 15 '26

It's complicated because it is often like an addiction for people. Human connection and involvement in activities will probably help 

13

u/Drxero1xero Jul 15 '26

Human connection

In 2026... good luck

102

u/TheBlindWatchmaker Jul 15 '26

Take the fucking phones and tablets away from kids - easy

59

u/hatemakingnames1 Jul 15 '26

You don't have to take away phones, you just have to enable the parental controls that were built into every single electronic device for the last decade or two

19

u/bgthigfist Jul 15 '26

Yeah I remember when my kids were starting middle school during the Obama years, some of their friends had iPhone and such. I got them cheap phones with keyboards so they could text and call but that was all. All computers in the house were desktops in the living room. That seemed to work pretty well.

I only found out years later that one of my sons friends was going on 4Chan through his Playstation and my son wad exposed to 2girls 1cup in 6th grade. So you can lock your kids down, but then you pretty much have to keep them away from everyone else, and that causes other problems with their development.

Honestly the best thing you can do is give kids guidance and try to encourage good behavior and help them to make good decisions themselves.

10

u/Diablo_Incarnate Jul 15 '26

I just took my 12 year old nephew on a trip and we got him a burner device in case he got lost. I set the child safety locks down to 4 year old and disabled safari and app store entirely. And still, almost every night when i took the phone back, he had found a new source of incredibly adult material.

Apple Music was the absolute worst, but he kept finding porn. "Youtube kids", app ads, and even just other kids' willing to text him the stuff I was trying to block elsewhere.

Child safety locks are garbage apparently and there's a significant amount of monitoring you need to do to make sure kids aren't stumbling across this stuff anyway. I can see how it can be hard to maintain with full time jobs, chores, and other responsibilities.

4

u/wehrmann_tx Jul 15 '26

You’ve never seen how shitty they design the parent controls. The big companies want your kids views so they do halfassed attempts to say they have controls. You can’t blacklist channels on YouTube, you can only filter by age rating on apps. Half the stuff I’d want to block would still get through.

The only true draconic way is to have every download require a parent intervention. Giving them no agency at all just makes them unable to make the right choices later. It’s the same thing you see with church kids the second they get freedom. They go off the deep end the other way.

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u/chanjitsu Jul 15 '26

"easy"

It's not that easy really. Raising a kid isn't easy in general.

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u/Cosmodious Jul 15 '26

In theory, sure. But if the problem is that predatory companies are using tech to (literally) seduce children then removing access to the platforms is a solution.

3

u/reroll-life Jul 15 '26

eh then don't have kids. So tired of this lazy parenting driving our world. It's already an immense privilege to reproduce, own it, prepare for it - then it's easy.

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u/Typical_Research_877 Jul 15 '26

come back when you have some kids lad

9

u/reroll-life Jul 15 '26

I did, fully grown too. Was kinda easy ngl.

0

u/8bitmullet Jul 15 '26

Oh, shut up

-4

u/Typical_Research_877 Jul 15 '26

So your parenting advice is irrelevant if you brought your kids up before the digital age

13

u/reroll-life Jul 15 '26

Just be present man, people are really smart and adaptable - that's like, the whole thing of our species.

4

u/eh-guy Jul 15 '26

Kids arent any different today than they were 20, 30, 40+ years ago, parents are what changed

4

u/Typical_Research_877 Jul 15 '26

Kids are moulded by their environments so of course kids are different.

5

u/eh-guy Jul 15 '26

No, kids can survive today without screens and unrestricted internet access. Parents who are unable or otherwise unwilling to raise them that way are the problem.

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u/Secret_Gatekeeper Jul 15 '26

Raising multiple children was “easy ngl” to you?

Serious question - why do you think it’s hard for everyone else? The medical scares, financial strain, lack of sleep, the literal tons of shit we’ve cleaned up over the years, all while working jobs… I’m proud of the fact it’s hard.

Did you just not do any of those things? Are you a masochist? Genuinely curious.

6

u/reroll-life Jul 15 '26

I think we're talking about different interpretations of hard.
These are all solved challenges that just take effort and commitment. Especially if you prepare and plan - all of that is easy in terms of complexity and skill required though obviously it still takes actual work and elbow grease.

I genuinely don't understand whiny parents. You chose this. You chose to take this challenge which is already solved - all you have to do is commit and follow through. Of course many idiots get accidental kids but they have nothing but themselves to blame unless it's something cruel like rape in which case of course no one ought to judge them.

1

u/TunaBlub Jul 15 '26

Taking it away won't learn them anything, let's start at that.

It's like parents of a friend of mine 20 years ago, they took away his cigarettes (he was smoking at 16) and he got access to his bank card and account the day he was 18.

He didn't even become 20 and he had to move back to his parents, while he went back to smoking and had a TON of debt, because parents never learned him anything, "schools and government should" his parents always said...

Yeah schools and government didn't decide for you to get a child, the parent did.

I had all the freedom in the world from my mom, but she learned me a lot about life as much she could (single parent).

Never got addicted, never had any debt. My mom did what every parent should do, but especially now are too lazy to do.

Be a goddamn parent, and not dump a tablet in the hands of a 4 year old to make that kid go quiet.

Also... everyone where I live also complains about phones, government do, schools do.

Meanwhile gov pushes apps on people and anybody above 16, many schools went full digital, digital books, rooster apps, login systems that use 2fa that REQUIRE A PHONE. 

The irony

1

u/MrHazard1 Jul 15 '26

They try, but she keeps snatching their phones and gets access to her friends phones at school

27

u/Cute_Boot_E Jul 15 '26

>gets access to her friends phones at school

Accept you can't control that and mitigate elsewhere.

>but she keeps snatching their phones

They're utterly failing at being parents, no child can 'snatch' things repeatedly off of an adult if there are proper consequences for it that are actively met out by the parents.

10

u/hatemakingnames1 Jul 15 '26

she keeps snatching their phones

If she's stealing, she should be grounded. Stick her in her room with no phone, no tablet, no video games, no tv. Additionally, change the password on the phone so she can't access it even if she does steal it

gets access to her friends phones at school

Contact the school about this

1

u/AnAncientMonk Jul 15 '26

This doesnt neccessarly solve the problem and it has the added possibility of them resenting you for life.

1

u/gerusz Jul 15 '26

Right, because taking away their primary means of communicating with their meatbag friends when not at school is definitely going to fix this issue.

Better idea: learn how to use the parental control options. Every modern smart device comes with those, and kids these days are far less adept at evading those.

18

u/dasgoodshitinnit Jul 15 '26

Give them an exclusive personal electronic device which can connect to the whole ass-internet with no restrictions whatsoever.

2

u/sparklinglies Jul 15 '26

He needs to be more present and engaged. He needs to actively parent, not just passively exist in the periphery of her life. Kids do this because they feel like they don't have anyone else to talk to. Can't spend time talking to AI slop bf if she's out doing things with the family.

Also take away the smart phone/ipad, and no more unrestricted unsupervised internet access. Parental controls are trash, he should just buy her a brick phone that can't have apps on it. Professional appointments with a child psychologist may be required as well depending on how addicted and maladaptive this situation is for her.

3

u/legend_of_the_skies Jul 15 '26

At no point in my life have I considered family interaction to be a fair substitute for romantic interactions or wanting a boy/girlfriend. It's also nothing a psychologist would take seriously just because the parent doesn't like it. That isn't proof of harmful addiction.

4

u/OmeuPai Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

make your cousin watch Toy Story 5 but don't explain what is about before, llet them figure it out on their own.

The plot of the movie is really really relevant to this issue. The kids are no longer playing with toys and going outside to interact with each other, now they are using tablets with an A.I assitants that are making their lives digital even with friends.

The movie shows how that can turn them kind of zombie-like, just glued to the screen but not happier, they just end up more anxious. I think they nailed the problem with this generation and try to make kids realize it by showing how they actually look from the outside.

2

u/Choice_Potato_6279 Jul 15 '26

Nothing wrong with that, don't be boomers guys

1

u/MrHazard1 Jul 15 '26

Nothing wrong with that

With what exactly?

1

u/AbadeersGhost Jul 15 '26

The kids don't need a computer

1

u/BirdlessLongdeal Jul 15 '26

never have given them screens at 1 years old in the first place. this has worked out so well in my house that i didnt have a couple of kids running around screaming sixseven and juggling invisible nutsacks and not constantly bro or bruhing me.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

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u/MrHazard1 Jul 15 '26

Well, she's a teenager and struggles a little with her social contact skills. I know her dad is a bit "old school" and has trouble, that girls that age start to be interested in boys and the daughter loses herself in some sort of virtual triangle romance, where 2 guys fight over her.

It does sound rather concerning and like some sort of coping mechanism to me. Therapy is apparently hard to get and they're on some sort of waiting list

1

u/legend_of_the_skies Jul 15 '26

What about that sounds concerning? Why would that require therapy? What you're describing is literally normal child girl behavior whether it's a "coping mechanism" or not.

You could say the same about sons listening to music about banging women (which usually involves getting them wasted first). You could say the same about any game that involves the man saving the distressed pathetic woman character. But for some reason THIS requires therapy intervention?

1

u/Altruistic-Star-3862 Jul 15 '26

Other than blocking, I've seen some people see that side by side of multiple AI chat bots giving essentially the same stuff as responses. Taking the unique element out of it can kill the charm for some people, but you'd have to know if that sort of thing would work on the person you're showing.

1

u/sweats-aficionado Jul 15 '26

Lots of advice here. "Taking screens away" is much easier said than done. In fact, my kids don't even have phones yet.

This stuff is so accessible to them. Killing the internet within my home has been the most effective. We also have a lock box for devices, but if they're at a friend's/school/grandma's the only thing you can do is make them aware that these issues can happen.

3

u/MrHazard1 Jul 15 '26

And at that point i believe "killing internet at home" is rather counterproductive. At home you have more control over it to steer it into a stable manner. And having restricted access at home takes some of the edge away, so they don't binge-consume as soon as they leave the door (in an uncontroled environment)

1

u/sweats-aficionado Jul 15 '26

Well, we have time windows when they're allowed. Internet is just killed when we can't be there to monitor their every move on a device.

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u/MrHazard1 Jul 15 '26

Sounds fair

1

u/Mirabeauououou Jul 15 '26

Look at getting her inpatient therapy, insurance might cover it if diagnosed as they've started covering video game and internet addiction.

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