r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/bg370 • Aug 19 '26
Restricted to Gals and Pals Hadley Vlahos on divorce in Mississippi
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u/Proper-Emu1558 ✨chick✨ Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Mississippi and South Dakota don’t allow for no-fault unilateral divorces (where one spouse doesn’t agree). So then you have to prove fault.
Increasingly, conservatives want to get rid of no-fault divorce so you have to prove wrongdoing. And we can see that it’s not easy to do that, especially if you’re poor or in an abusive marriage. We also see when no-fault divorce is available, women end their lives 20% less often. https://www.nber.org/digest/mar04/divorce-laws-and-family-violence?page=1&perPage=50
No one gets married hoping they’ll get divorced. But we need it as an option so people, especially women, can have that lifeline.
Edit: Six states restrict divorce during pregnancy, too (Arkansas, Arizona, Missouri, Texas, Florida, and Tennessee). Missouri is changing their laws, which is good news, but the process can still be slow at a judge’s discretion. https://www.modernfamilylaw.com/resources/what-states-allow-divorce-while-pregnant/
Edit 2: oh and effectively California https://socalfamilylawyer.com/blog/can-you-get-a-divorce-while-pregnant-in-california-everything-you-need-to-know/
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u/Kratos5300 Aug 19 '26
Restricting divorce during pregnancy when the leading cause of deaths for pregnant women is DOMESTIC HOMICIDE !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
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u/presentlywell Aug 19 '26
Thiiiiiiiis!!!! Basically "fuck you, just die"
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u/iamjohnbender Aug 19 '26
Hey, you summed up maternal healthcare in America too!
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u/barrinmw Aug 19 '26
It also means if something happens to you where you are unable to make decisions with doctors, your husband gets to have all say over what happens to you in the hospital.
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u/AdventureyTime Aug 20 '26
As an outsider looking in... America seems to quite blatantly hate Women. Women's Rights are fundamental !
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u/Ghoulie_Marie Aug 19 '26
This just shows how ignorant I am. I thought no fault divorce had been a nationwide right for decades
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u/Proper-Emu1558 ✨chick✨ Aug 19 '26
There’s a lot to know and it varies quite a bit by state! A number of them require separation for a certain amount of time, or a “cooling off period,” of up to a year (in the case of NC). It’s really eye-opening.
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u/onesoulmanybodies Aug 19 '26
That year is torture for some families. The year my step father was legally separated from my bio mom, was one of the most traumatic of my life. He fought for custody of me to spite her and won. Before their divorce and all during that year, I was yo yo’d back and forth between the two of them. The police had to be called multiple times. I loathe the year waiting period in NC.
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u/cocoabeach Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Edit: I read some of your other comments about your family, and I am even more confused by his actions, and feel so horrible that you had to endure your family. You rarely can tell from the outside what is going on in a family, and I hope and pray that is not something that was going on in the family I used as an example here.
I hate to pry, but how in the world did your step father win custody of you over your actual mother? Did you feel safer in his custody, and support his action?
I can understand if that was what you wanted. We had a guy in our church that adopted his step daughter when her mother left the two of them. He got remarried, and his new wife raised the young girl as her own.
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u/onesoulmanybodies Aug 19 '26
Genuinely ok to ask. I’m 49 and have been in therapy for a long time, so talking about my childhood isn’t as difficult as it might sound. He fought for custody of me to hurt her. And he won because he had more support and she was struggling with alcoholism. He was a Marine and had a solid support system, while she had no one. One of the things he used to tell me when I was a kid, was that he saved me from being raised by her because if she had won custody of me she would have led me to a life of selling myself on the streets. Such a wild thing to tell a ten year old kid. Whether he was right or not I’ll never know, but to put it politely being raised by him did not mean my life was better or easy. There is a plethora of stories of abuse, neglect, and manipulation this man put me through. I believe he won because he could afford a lawyer and had people from his work vouch for him. It was a very rare thing to happen back in the late 80’s for a man to get custody of a girl child that wasn’t his biological daughter. I was in his custody, but technically I was a ward of the state.
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u/onesoulmanybodies Aug 19 '26
I definitely did not want to stay with him. The judge asked me and I told him I wanted to go with her. In a small way I’m kinda glad I didn’t. I was able to be there for my baby brother and I basically became his mom. He’s 5 years younger than me her than me so he was 3 when they divorced. I would take care of him each morning getting him ready to go to the babysitter while I was in school and each night and weekend. I can still vividly remember reading him bed time stories and I would rub his eyebrows until he fell asleep. I wasn’t able to protect him from all of the abuse we experienced, but I was at least a loving caring person in his life. I’ll never know if being with her would have been worse, but being with my step father was not great. There’s a scale in therapy called ACE’s. It’s 10 different adverse childhood experiences, depending on how many a child experiences it will affect the level of their PTSD. I experienced all 10 in his care. I have what’s called Complex PTSD and the majority of it is because of him.
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u/cocoabeach Aug 20 '26
Just about every time I start thinking my sister and I had a really bad childhood, I hear or read what an awful childhood actually is. My mom was not abusive, but she should never have had children, a fact she was the first to admit. One night when I was 14 or 15, she simply gave up and shipped my little sister and me on a slow bus 1,200 miles away to Grandma's house. I never saw her for more than a few weeks after that. Really though, she did me a favor; I was raised much better up there.
Even so, I know my story could have been much worse. Because I did not learn what love looked like from my parents, it took one divorce and another near-divorce for me to figure out how to truly love someone. I never fooled around on either of my wives, and was not abusive to them, but until I learned how to make my wife feel loved, that was not enough.
Now, I am 71. My wife and I are deeply in love, have been together for 36 years, and together we have four really great kids who love us. I don't blame my mom; she just wasn't the motherly type and felt trapped. Looking back now, I am doing really well.
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u/Few_Swan_3672 Aug 19 '26
VT requires that you live separate for 6 months. They have updated it that you can be in the same house, but maintaining separate lives and bedrooms.
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u/OogieBooge-Dragon Aug 19 '26
Not sure if it still stands but in Utah if you have children under 18 you are required to go through therapy in order to become a single parent.
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u/momomomorgatron Aug 19 '26
Jesus christ, that's even worse!!! She'd be better homeless and safe in her car than with a dangerous man!
The leading cause of death for pregnant women is homicide, usually from the baby daddy.
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u/Proper-Emu1558 ✨chick✨ Aug 19 '26
The common reasoning is that it’s to establish paternity and child support. But the end result is that women are told they don’t know what’s best for themselves or their children.
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u/Illustrious-Owl2428 Aug 19 '26
It’s not like we live in the age of DNA testing or anything 🙄
And yet my family friends in Texas keep asking why I don’t want to move back there
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u/CitizenHuman Aug 19 '26
In some states, like Tennessee, it's illegal to live in your car. Sometimes people really can't win.
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u/CDS11411 Aug 19 '26
SC does not allow no fault divorces at all, and if your husband can "prove" you cheated you loose out on alimony. I mean he can cheat as the day is long but if you "cheat" you loose alimony.
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u/kid_at_heart_77 Aug 19 '26
What? If a woman cheats and loses alimony but does the man have any consequences for cheating? I can’t believe there are states where you have to go through so much just to get divorced. It’s horrible
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u/RunningOutOfEsteem Aug 19 '26
The man can also lose alimony, if he would have otherwise received it.
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u/_switters_ Aug 19 '26
If the man cheats, it's not a no fault divorce... There would be fault.
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u/_switters_ Aug 19 '26
SC allows no fault divorces. You have to do a 12 month separation first. Source: live in SC, and know people (including my parents) that have gotten no fault divorces.
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u/RunningOutOfEsteem Aug 19 '26
The husband would also lose alimony that he would have otherwise been awarded if it's proven he was alduterous. Spousal support is not just a one-way street.
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Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ArsenicArts Aug 19 '26
Making it harder on anyone to separate make no sense to me.
Because the people making these laws view women as property.
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u/vanillabeanlover Aug 19 '26
Laws based on biblical principles created thousands of years ago (by men) tend to do that:/.
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u/travelwithmedear Aug 19 '26
I got divorced in Texas. I had to certify that I wasn't pregnant. My ex had been yelling at me that I hadn't gotten pregnant. I thought I would feel relief when I signed that section. It just made me feel like a failure and I was incredibly angry.
Now, I'm very thankful.
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u/TheSpanxxx Aug 19 '26
Had a friend go through this in TX as the husband. Was married and had fraternal twins (b+g). Wife was a piece of work, was out cheating, got pregnant even, and the court would not let him divorce her until after she had the baby. He had to wait a very agonizingly long time while managing a family with 2 children old enough to understand mom is pregnant and you're going to have a baby bro/sis, but not telling them "oh we're about to break up our whole family". It was absolute misery on him and his mental health. Luckily he got out, has predominate custody of the twins, found another person and is happy, got remarried and just had a new child with his new wife.
These laws can hurt so many lives. They are about control usually and I have seen them be wielded as weapons against either gender. Often, it is the woman who is more in danger and affected because of them, but human cruelty knows no gender I have found.
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u/ChopsticksImmortal easily🤯amazed Aug 19 '26
Sorry youve gotten rude replies, this is a legitimate example of how these laws hurt everyone.
You aren't dismissing the problem by saying "oh men suffer this too, what about men?" Which is usually what happens. You're exanding the problem and giving examples of severity and consequences.
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u/Left_Adeptness7386 Aug 19 '26
Exactly. The response to "it happens to men as well" should be "damn, so even more people are suffering, let's change it"
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u/ChopsticksImmortal easily🤯amazed Aug 19 '26
Yeah, theyre not saying "well this specific thing happened to me, therefore i dont think this affects woman as a majority issue, or needs to be focused on (through funding or discussion)" or "this thing happened to me in opposition of what usually happens, so i think women are actually more violent than men". Which are statements i usually see.
What i see from them is "this happened to my friend and i stand in solidarity of an issue that affects all of us. This should be changed."
It does happen that someone will give an example of something happening to men instead of women in a way to dismiss women's concerns (well it happens to men too, so women are making it out to be a bigger deal than it is). But this is not that case. Its not dismissive.
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u/seweso Aug 19 '26
> Mississippi and South Dakota don’t allow for no-fault unilateral divorces (where one spouse doesn’t agree). So then you have to prove fault.
Wait...what year is this?
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u/Tortitudally Aug 19 '26
I’ve followed her on IG for awhile. She’s a hospice nurse who talks a lot about the dying process and how we should normalize conversations about death. She seems like a lovely person and I’m sorry she’s going through this.
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u/Few_Swan_3672 Aug 19 '26
Total side note, but have you heard of Death Cafes? It is where a random group of people gets together for coffee, usually organized by a hospice nurse or similar, and has a no agenda conversation all about dying. They are actually a really awesome concept.
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u/lilacsforcharlie Aug 19 '26
Wow! People meet up in real life or online? I’d really really love to check it out. I lost my husband a few years back and kind of love when people want to talk about death just in general even lol.
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u/Few_Swan_3672 Aug 20 '26
In real life. This is the OG https://deathcafe.com/what/ but they are often done totally informally. Your local hospice should have some resources, or at least heard of it.
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u/kwhitit Aug 19 '26
it's also wild that it has to be "habitual". if someone hits me one time, am not staying married.
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u/who_am_i_to_say_so Aug 19 '26
Yep! One and out.
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u/IndigoRanger Aug 19 '26
Right?! This lady has TWO giant binders!!! Two!!! With tabs!
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u/crippled_bastard Aug 19 '26
If I was a wife beater, and I had to use laws to force my wife to stay with me, I would be scared.
There's a lot of country songs about women killing thier abusive spouse.
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u/Beebeemp Aug 20 '26
Mhmm. Good bye, Earl.
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u/OogieBooge-Dragon Aug 20 '26
Nah, Earl.went fishing. Alone. Me and home girl were at the coffee shop. Not our fault he up and left.
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u/CDS11411 Aug 19 '26
Hot take, if someone is refusing to agree to a divorce, and I don't mean assets and child care, but flat out says no to the idea of divorce, that is abuse.
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u/tsunadesb0ngw8r Aug 19 '26
yeah that’s why republicans want this to be the norm in every state
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u/CDS11411 Aug 19 '26
Yup!
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u/Inevitable_Butthole Aug 19 '26
Meanwhile women still vote for trump
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u/SweetPrism Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Those are the kind of women who are scared to DEATH of autonomy. They will put up with ANYTHING if it means they are kept. They do not want independence, they do not want to work, they're scared to be alone, and they do not want to interact with anyone outside their immediate circle. They don't want to be "worldly." (Also, the woman in this video looks exactly like actress Megan Fahy).
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u/Bows_and_bows Aug 19 '26
When did you meet my mother?
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u/Adezar Aug 19 '26
We have the same mother, OMG! We should get lunch some time, long lost sibling!
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u/cahagnes Aug 19 '26
There's also the attitude that a lot of people have where they think it could never happen to them, they are good law abiding citizens. If it does happen to them, then it's because their circumstances were special. "I had to get a divorce, other people are immoral," "I had no choice but get an abortion, others do it because they are sluts," "My ancestors had to immigrate for a better life, others do it to mooch/destroy civilisation." etc.
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u/ChopsticksImmortal easily🤯amazed Aug 19 '26
Women always work, its just unpaid. These women dont realize it.
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u/SweetPrism Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Oh, I know. I should specify that they do not want to seek employment outside the duties of the home. I do not want to diminish the huge amount of work women do, I'm just saying that some of them are terrified of the outside world and its expectations, and domestic/economic progressive men and women are seen as a threat to their chosen bubble-esque lifestyle.
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u/GregTheMad Aug 19 '26
Because so few men have been murdered since then, that people have forgotten why one sided divorce needs to be a thing.
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u/tsunadesb0ngw8r Aug 19 '26
yea they forget the catholic church even changed their book to avoid this from happening too. the catholic church.
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u/poodaliddle Aug 19 '26
Yep, they tried to repeal no fault divorce in Oklahoma last year. I'm not even joking.
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u/tehpoorcollegegal Aug 19 '26
100%. An ex once said to me, "well we better figure this out because I'm Catholic and we don't believe in divorce, once that ring is on it's not coming back off."
.... I ran for the fucking hills. Fuck that. At this point I'd rather never get married.
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u/theatermouse Aug 19 '26
Agreed! And just imagine - if someone went through all that, and was NOT granted the divorce, and had to go back home being married to their abuser....
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u/CDS11411 Aug 19 '26
So tech she wouldn't have to go home, but she would be screwed financially. He could track up debt that she would have to pay for and if she wanted her own place or to have finical independence she would be f-ed because they would want his information.
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u/SheJigOnMySawTilIPuz Aug 19 '26
Omg this happened to my mom. My dad refused to divorce for YEARS after she left him. Then he decided to stop paying property taxes, their house got foreclosed on and it completely fucked my moms financials and credit. We were already destitute before that point, it was like a nail in the coffin... And yes my dad had more than enough money to pay for the house lol.
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u/CDS11411 Aug 19 '26
Yea it's abuse and control and that's why no fault divorce without petition should be a federal law, buttttttt here we are.
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u/theatermouse Aug 19 '26
Fair enough - I was thinking of any backlash abuse from trying to leave, but financial abuse and constraints would be bad enough...
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u/JupiterInTheSky Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Exactly. Regardless of anything, forcing someone into a relationship with you in any way is inherently abuse.
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u/listenyall Aug 19 '26
My ex was in extreme denial about descending into some kind of mental illness that ultimately led to serious breaks with reality and several bouts of psychosis when we were getting a divorce, we did a no-fault divorce and I think if I had been forced to try and prove any of that in court he would have absolutely freaked out on me. The only reason I got out clean is because I didn't have to give a reason.
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u/0vinq0 Aug 19 '26
Sending you all the love, because exactly the same here. By the time i left, he was in a permanent state of psychosis. I often think of how much worse things would have gotten if I hadn't been able to do a DIY no- fault divorce online. (Thank you state of New York) Friends and family wanted me to go hard on division of assets, because he had so much more than me, but I knew the priority was getting out alive. The psychosis on top of the regular abusive gaslighting does something brutal to your brain as the victim. I think if I had to defend myself to a judge while his lawyer called me a liar I might have become psychotic myself. With the lying, abuse, and sleep deprivation, I really don't think my limited sanity in that moment could have held. He was also getting worse every week. Shortly after the divorce was finalized, he started trying to hunt me down while threatening murder. Time fucking matters, and every delay forced by the legal system puts victims' lives at risk.
Laws like this one are astoundingly cruel.
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u/ApocalypseCheerBear Aug 19 '26
Jesus.
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u/Lara-El Aug 19 '26
Your comment plus your name has me laughing my ass off.
Jesus clearly left the building and I find it so funny as my first tattoo was of the Cheer care bear lol
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u/weightyconsequences Aug 19 '26
I am really glad you’re out. I hope people read this and take the idea of women trapped in marriage seriously. Sadly I think the majority will still vote for trump for an illegal next term
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u/disasterous_fjord Aug 20 '26
I’m in the middle of something similar right now and it’s fucking horrifying. There’s no diagnosis and my laywer said the evidence we have against him (threatining comms with many people and on SM) doesn’t present like legal incompetence despite how crazy it all looks, so we were able to get papers signed so that I should be clear and finalized at the 90-day mark, which is rapidly approaching.
I am BEYOND grateful I can afford to lose what he’s stolen from me and still be able to afford the lawyers, living on my own, etc., and I am also beyond heartbroken for anyone legally kept from or just fucking priced out of accessing the freedom and safety they need.
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u/FillMySoupDumpling Aug 19 '26
I got divorced in NV. 6 weeks for residency. Then I can file. Cheaper, far more humane. Now… obviously moving states isn’t my advice at all. That’s not feasible for 99% of divorces. But for the 1% which still could be many many women, and with TX moving to end no fault as well, if you can get out and far far away from your abuser, this is an option.
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u/Flahdagal Aug 19 '26
Are we actually going to bring back the time-honored tradition of the Reno Divorce? FFS, why are we letting these conservative men drag us backwards??!!
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u/KenzParkin Aug 19 '26
I think we’re going back to the time-honored tradition of sudden unexplained husbandly deaths after a home-cooked meal.
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u/Flahdagal Aug 19 '26
Mrs. Smith, why did you wait so long to call for an ambulance? I don't know -- it was the shock, I guess?
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u/adestructionofcats Aug 19 '26
Hey now let's not ignore the conservative women also dragging us backwards. There's enough shaming to go around.
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u/Londundundun Aug 19 '26
Yep, I think of how during the Rwandan genocide women would hold down other women to be raped by the men. Same principle here. Women can be accomplice to victimization and oppression without batting an eye
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u/justlurkingnjudging Aug 19 '26
My dad was mostly emotionally abusive. When my parents divorced, he dragged it out until he got most of what he wanted because he had the funds and was well known in town. When I pointed out to her that the TX conservatives she votes for are trying to end no-fault divorce, she shrugged it off and said she probably could’ve proved abuse if she’d had to🤦🏻♀️
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u/OkieFoxe Aug 19 '26
I vaguely remember watching another video of hers where she mentioned she couldn't travel to another state and establish residency because it would risk her losing custody over her children.
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u/FillMySoupDumpling Aug 19 '26
Yeah that makes complete sense, hence why it wouldn’t for 99% of situations. Kids, jobs, financial means all are things that don’t allow us to move around with ease.
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u/poeticdisaster Aug 19 '26
In TX you already have to wait 2 months if it's uncontested, specifically in the hopes that the couple will reconcile. The only time it is waived is if there is an active protection order.
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u/skeetpea Aug 19 '26
I moved to Texas from North Carolina to file because 6 months residency + 2 months waiting period was still better than the 1 year waiting period in NC.
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u/legosgrrl Aug 19 '26
Gilead galore
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u/Halo_cT Aug 19 '26
Texas Republicans are trying to get rid of No-fault divorce RIGHT NOW.
They are desperate for more of this level of control.
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u/quattroformaggixfour Aug 19 '26
If you have the stomach for it/want to become further educated or active in resistance, head over to r/welcometogilead
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u/B0rgul0n Aug 19 '26
Man this country is pathetic. Marriage doesn't work with only one person, wtf? That's a slave. 1920s ass laws.
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u/castlite Aug 19 '26
That’s the point.
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u/B0rgul0n Aug 19 '26
Hence why I referenced a time period when women were seen more as property. But thank you for the confirmation.
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u/MyCultIsTheMostFun Aug 19 '26
And Texas is trying to have a divorce update with an end to no fault Divorces.
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u/thedude198644 Aug 19 '26
I was going to say this. Texas making move to end no fault divorce is gross and horrible.
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u/Cherry_Hammer ✨ soul👯♀️sisters ✨ Aug 19 '26
I know it’s not the point of her post, but the fact that he could just walk his white ass up to a police officer and attack him without getting shot …
Must be nice.
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u/SabbyFox Aug 19 '26
I was literally just thinking the same thing. WTAF! Also, I just signed the petition.
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u/Vorpal_Bunny19 Aug 19 '26
I’m not saying the cop should have shot him, but I am saying that if he were a bit less pale she wouldn’t have needed a divorce (because she’d have been a widow).
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u/Adezar Aug 19 '26
I still remember riding the tram in Atlanta and we watched as a police officer pulled a guy over, the guy got out and ran towards the police officer and the police officer asked him to calm down, obviously the trouble maker was a white guy.
I just looked over at my black co-worker and he just said "yep, I wouldn't have made it out the door."
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u/turkishdeli Aug 19 '26
There is literally a video of a cop arresting a 14 year black kid for just standing outside his own house:
https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/1vsnwen/police_handcuff_black_14_year_old_boy_for/
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u/ZealousidealGroup559 Aug 19 '26
Ive been following her full divorce story on IG and its WILD.
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u/bg370 Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Here she is on IG. Her book on being a hospice nurse is called The In Between
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u/Rosaly8 Aug 19 '26
So share the petition
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u/Snowed_Up6512 Aug 19 '26
The bot took down my comment with the link. You can access it from her link tree: https://linktr.ee/hadleyfairley
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u/lululululululululuu Aug 19 '26
Do you know if I can sign the petition if I‘m not from the U.S.?
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u/Sad_Background_8367 Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
I tried sharing the petition when I found it but the bot removed it…. This is crazy the times women are living in right now.. I swear I’m in the wrong timeline
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u/Suitable-Option833 Aug 19 '26
Project 2025 wages a war on women. The gop wants to make our lives even in harder and eliminate no fault divorce completely. The heritage foundation has been shaping gop policy for years. They won’t stop. Get involved. Read up on it and discuss with your community. Have a plan to vote. Take action ladies!
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u/Detonius Aug 19 '26
And he did that to a cop. Imagine a woman behind closed doors.
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u/Federal_Scarcity_84 Aug 19 '26
My gf just found out a friend of her's from law school got divorced and had been hitting his wife. She was totally dumbfounded, never in a million years thought he was capable of that. We are all separate universes, maybe not totally unknowable but certainly not totally knowable.
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u/poeticdisaster Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
It makes unfortunate sense. Abusers tend to hide their actions from those outside of the abusive relationship. We always see media where the abuser is just openly & flagrantly hurting people but it's hidden so much better than that in the majority of cases.
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u/BlockedbyJake420 Aug 19 '26
Unless (the general) you have dealt with an abusive person firsthand, you cannot conceptualize just how evil these people are. And how good they are at hiding it.
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u/adestructionofcats Aug 19 '26
My ex-husband was incredibly charming and well loved by one and all. He was also physically and verbally abusive. No one would have guessed. No one should have to go through what this woman did to get divorced. Because I don't want to be married to this person anymore should be enough.
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u/Federal_Scarcity_84 Aug 19 '26
Anything but no fault divorce is crazy and outmoded as hell /And I say that as a divorced guy who def didn't want to get divorced when it happened anyway
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u/Dasylupe Aug 19 '26
Abusers can be very charismatic. Many people watched my dad beat my mom and still made excuses for him because they liked him.
My parents’ friends had to pull him off of her once because he was strangling her. But my house continued to be full of parties with the whole neighborhood having a great time.
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u/Lower_Group_1171 Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
I’m a dude, and I had no idea this kind of shit even existed. No fault divorce should be federal law. I’m so sorry to the people that had to experience this, Jesus fucking Christ
Edit: added a word
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u/isdelightful Aug 19 '26
I assume you mean no-fault divorce, based on the rest of your comment?
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u/bluemooncommenter Aug 19 '26
Also in Mississippi, I have a guy friend...he and his wife were separated. She got pregnant by another man. She made no secret about who the father was and wanted to be with the new man. They still couldn't get divorced until after the pregnancy because pregnant women can't get divorced in Mississippi, even if it's not his baby.
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u/f_ckR3ddit Aug 19 '26
If you cannot leave even for your own safety unless a court says otherwise, you are a slave. Fuck that shit. We need a new government entirely. Hard reset.
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u/scarlette_delacroix Aug 19 '26
Signed the petition! This is insane, I had no idea not all states in the US have a “no contest” divorce, that’s just terrifying. It should take ONE person to leave, they need to change this law 🙏
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u/PumbaKahula Aug 19 '26
My husband punched me in the thyroid the year his father was dying. I kept my mouth shut and had to have a thyroidectomy the following year after thyroiditis. 3 years later he hit me in the chest once while stopped in traffic. I kept my mouth shut because I had just stopped working as an RN due to Cipro toxicity. 6 years after that he beat me for 30 minutes straight and tried to suffocate me when I found out he was cheating on me. I kept my mouth shut and didn’t press charges because he made me think that I was psychotic and mentally ill. It took me another 2 years to get brave enough to leave and be honest with my family about it. I’m 1 month into my separation now and I’m terrified. He is a paralegal and works with the majority of my city in the legal system. I’m currently living 5 hours away from him just to feel safe. Therapy is helping but leaving is the scariest part for a woman who has learned to live in fear of him.
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u/Accurate_Escape_5570 Aug 19 '26
I am so incredibly proud of you for leaving. I know it wasn't easy leaving and I know it's not easy once you get out either, it's a whole new kind of fight for a bit.
please please be gentle with yourself. We have a habit of shrugging off what happens to us esp when we lived in it for so long. You went through something very serious. Let your nervous system rest and learn what safety feels like again
im sending you so many gentle caring vibes, I too protected my abuser for years and now we've been seperated for 2 years but have to co parent, it's hell. I still haven't fully recovered and I struggle so much with my physical bodu being able to handle a full day. I still can't hold a job other than Uber because I can work when I feel strong enough physically.
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u/nursehadley Aug 19 '26
I’m not a “redditor” but my little brother is. He was very excited to see me on the main page! Hi everyone! Thanks for listening to my story!
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u/MealieAI Aug 19 '26
"He wouldn't hurt a fly" is one of thebmost nonsensical things anyone can say about any man. Too many men.
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u/sra19 Aug 19 '26
So I admit that I don’t know who she is, but I really respect that she’s trying to change things for others. I know too many people who have the attitude that ‘it was hard for me, so it should be equally hard for everyone,’ which is a messed up way of viewing things.
Also, I don’t know what the standard is to prove abuse in a divorce case, but just the idea of trying to force someone to stay in a marriage and forcing them to go through an 11 day trial to divorce you, seems in and of itself abusive. At minimum it’s controlling behavior.
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u/bluemooncommenter Aug 19 '26
She's a hospice nurse with a channel about death and dealing with the dying....and a best selling author.
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u/VotingIsKewl Aug 19 '26
Why do the mods feel the need to retroactively defend men with the pinned comment? Defending men was bought up before defending the woman in the post.
Actually curious.
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u/Charming-Ad-2381 Aug 19 '26
And men and conservative media wonder why more women aren't interested in marriage these days. Its almost as if there's not much to benefit from one and a ton to lose.
I got divorced in Florida almost a decade ago and was only able to do it because I was poor enough to have the fees waivered and my ex husband had already moved on to the next partner, so I was one of the "lucky" ones.
Edit: actually still had to pay $2000 because he wracked up credit card debt and his mum tried to blame me for it and I wasn't about to go to court with her over her son's poor financial decisions/unemployment. His mum works in legal so I said fuck it and just coughed that money up to get them to leave me alone. $2000 was honestly worth it for the peace in the end.
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u/heidiernst Aug 19 '26
And in Texas a priority in the next legislative session is to get rid of no fault divorce. I wouldn't have been able to leave an abusive marriage without that law, and now Texas is rushing to keep pace with Mississippi. 🙄
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u/TheNordiclights Aug 19 '26
Thank god, it doesn’t cost anything to get divorced in Norway . Also it doesn’t matter if the other person disagrees, only one person needs to file.
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u/Liquidmetal7 Aug 19 '26
If someone wants a divorce and the other does not "allow" it. ITS ALREADY ABUSE. What proof do you need? This person is forcing that other person to stay against its will!
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u/Informal_Process2238 Aug 19 '26
How can I help change these anti women laws as a citizen of a different state ? Can there be a federal law enacted that makes it clear that this is a civil right not up for local regulation
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u/bg370 Aug 19 '26
There’s a petition here in the comments, that’s all I’ve got right now
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u/_AmericasSweetheart_ Aug 19 '26
Wild that these types of divorce proceedings still exist and I am glad that she's using her experience to make it better for other people.
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u/DorpvanMartijn Aug 19 '26
The US is just some hillbilly bible thumping cocoo town in a western idyllic trenchcoat
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u/real6igma Aug 19 '26
It's wild that in a state where both parties have to agree divorce, and one member doesn't agree and forces the other to stay in the marriage, that that isn't a clear sign of abuse....
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u/locksymania Aug 19 '26
YOU WILL STAY MARRIED TO ME UNTIL I SAY SO.
Nope, no galloping red flags there, no sir.
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u/Mithryn Aug 19 '26
7 years. I'm male and in Utah, but my story and hers line up so closely that I'm shaking.
No one should have to go through this. Regardless of gender.
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u/SweetGrassGeranium Aug 19 '26
4B is the solution = No dating. No sex. No marriage. No childbirth.
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u/overseer76 Aug 19 '26
I want to know what the statistics are regarding domestic violence in those states compared to states with no-fault divorces. Because violence unchecked tends to escalate, and if 'til death do you part' is the only way out, I'm willing to bet that more than a few people have opted for the 'extreme' divorce option. Or at least made more trips to the hospital.
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u/bg370 Aug 19 '26
This is from the ACLU South Dakota Oct 2023
“States that passed no-fault divorce laws saw total female suicide decline by around 20% in the long run. The research also found a large decline in domestic violence for both men and women following adoption of no-fault divorce. Finally, the evidence suggests that no-fault divorce led to a decline in women murdered by their partners, while the data reveal no discernible effects for homicide against men.”
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u/bettinafairchild Aug 19 '26
This is the future conservatives want. Literally. They want to eliminate no-fault divorce
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u/Level-Repair6104 Aug 19 '26
I was married 8 years and experienced domestic violence. Took me a while to know I was bringing physically abused, because he didn’t hit me and didn’t leave marks. He’d grab my upper arms and shake me like a rag doll. He also like to grab me and pull/drag me or push me, smack my ass as hard as he could (he thought it was funny), and pinch my sides (he thought that was funny too).
There was this woman who was a friend of mine at the time, both of us regulars at this local bar. I went in one night and my ex was there. She was talking to him. This d told her about him, but never shown her a picture. When I told her that was my ex, she had suddenly changed her opinion of him, claiming he didn’t seem like he was a bad person. He was great a charming people, hiding who he was. I stopped associating with her immediately.
That incident made me feel helpless and frustrated. It made me realize my ex just made me look like a crazy person. It messed me up.
I ran into him a second time at the bar and he came up and spoke to me for a couple of minutes. I was polite and listened. Not because I wanted to, but because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep my alimony if I didn’t. I desperately needed it at the time. I was also so afraid to not be polite.
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u/elizabethunseelie Aug 19 '26
This is why many women in history became adept at administering poison.
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u/IceManMAT-E-J Aug 19 '26
I thought this whole time that this was a joke because the mugshot of the guy looked exactly like Jimmy Simpson. Glad she finally got a divorce. What a stupid law.
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u/IndividualChart4193 Aug 19 '26
Damn. Fk the U.S. n fk Mississippi…so sick of the misogyny n patriarchy!!
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u/trivo8888 Aug 19 '26
As someone who lives in Mississippi, this is a sad reality. I know a couple of really wonderful women who have been unable to get divorced for over a decade. Its disgraceful that this state forces people to do this.
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u/unscriptedhorror Aug 20 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/PcKLpZMiYeU5DfKFVj
What EXACTLY does psychological abuse look like??! That is typically before the domestic starts, and more effective long term. I have also been told I didn’t “look like” it happened to me 😤
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u/minx_the_tiger Aug 20 '26
It's freakin 2026. No-fault divorces should just be a given now. That women have to PROVE that they're being abused is absolutely disgusting. Abusers don't abuse everyone. They look normal most of the time. Act normal most of the time. That was my experience with abuse. That is the experience that millions, if not billions, of abuse victims have daily. Their husband/boyfriend/father/wife/mother/sibling/etc is abusive as hell at home but sweet as pie to the rest of the world. Many of them are super concerned with their status and appearance in the eyes of others.
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u/SuckerForNoirRobots Aug 19 '26
I spent my childhood watching my mother get the shit beat out of her on the regular and even had a small stint in foster care because of it. Shit like this is absolutely infuriating to me.
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u/Opus_723 Aug 19 '26
The absolute insanity of forcing people to stay married against their will if the spouse says no. Fucking Gilead shit.
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u/mxriverlynn Aug 19 '26
as a survivor who was married in Texas, it took me well over a year to get my divorce after i left my ex. and cost about $75K before it was done. i feel this pain and frustration so much. we desperately need to improve the laws and enforcement of them, for anyone experiencing any form of abuse 💔😢
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u/Jesus_of_Redditeth Aug 19 '26
The requirement to prove fault in divorce is itself a form of abuse by the state. No one should be legally required to that.
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u/its_yer_dad Aug 19 '26
Why would you even want to remain married to someone that wanted a divorce from you?
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u/bluemooncommenter Aug 19 '26
Also in Mississippi, I have a guy friend...he and his wife were separated. She got pregnant by another man. She made no secret about who the father was and wanted to be with the new man. They still couldn't get divorced until after the pregnancy because pregnant women can't get divorced in Mississippi, even if it's not his baby.
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u/donnabreve1 Aug 20 '26
Btw, the Republican Party is working with Project 2025 to take away the rights of women, including the ability to divorce. The devastating loss of abortion rights are just the tip of the iceberg.
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u/Griever-Rinn Aug 19 '26
Oh yeah. Worse when you’re in the military married to another member. Same base overseas, only one jag. First to get the jag, the system will work
for you and only for you and then, well, it’s tough luck to the other person.
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u/gibberishmischief Aug 20 '26
There are so many terrible divorce laws. Jen Hamilton is also a nurse with a huge online presence who is a NYT bestseller and going through a divorce - in North Carolina. It’s required in NC for the couple to be separated for a year before they can get a divorce. She is also working to get laws changed and raising money for national nonprofits that help women get out of abusive situations.
Such amazing women. They shouldn’t have to be taking up this fight but I am glad they are.
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u/1pt20oneggigawatts Aug 20 '26
Health care: 50th
Economy: 49th
Infrastructure: 47th
Fiscal stability: 47th
Child health: 50th
Child economic well-being: 49th
Family and community conditions: 49th
8th-grade reading: 41st
8th-grade math: 35th
Overall state ranking: 48th
GTFO of Mississippi.
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u/Imwhatswrongwithyou Official Gal Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
This post is not an invitation for:
Whataboutisms, hate directed toward all men in general, attacking this woman or questioning her experience in any way.
If you have a personal story to speak about that’s welcome. If you have support or wisdom to share with other gals here, that’s welcome.
We will perma ban comments ignoring this pinned comment. If you are here to argue against someone’s comment, don’t. This sub is for celebrating women. We celebrate this woman for her strength and for fighting for all women. Petitions are usually not allowed to be posted here but we are allowing it on this particular post.