Okay y’all, I need some advice because I know I’m leaving my job, but I’m having SO much guilt about how I’m doing it.
I work for a really small business. It’s literally just me and my boss in the office. My title is Client Coordinator, but he constantly calls me his assistant and has me doing all kinds of assistant/administrative stuff. I’m also always put in the middle of things with the service team, like having to tell people they can’t take certain days off even if it’s already on the calendar. Basically I end up being the middleman for a lot of stuff that I don’t even feel like should be my responsibility.
My hours are 8:30-6:30, so 10-hour days with a “break” lol. And even the break is constantly changing depending on what he has going on. Sometimes he’ll call and be like “I don’t think I’m going to be able to get away from this meeting, are you okay with not taking a break?” 🙃 and it’s not even just work stuff but if he has personal stuff going on with his family or even if he needs a haircut.. he will be like can you just take a shorter break….
He is also a HUGE micromanager. He calls me multiple times a day - everyday unless physically cannot because he’s in a meeting or networking event or something. I know that sounds nice in theory, but at this point I literally dread seeing his name pop up on my phone. If he’s busy and we barely talk all day, I’m HAPPY lol.
He constantly scrutinizes my work and can be extremely condescending. If I make a mistake, it’s basically the end of the world, but when he makes mistakes it’s “it is what it is.” He has also told me that I’m basically no more valuable than a previous VA he had in the Philippines who didn’t speak English and who he paid $5. At the time, I tried not to take it personally but my fiancé said it was extremely rude and demeaning especially since I constantly work overtime for the company and am flexible to the company needs more often than not.
Meanwhile other days he’s telling me how valuable I am and how much he appreciates me. It’s such a weird love/hate dynamic.
I’m also a Black and gay female which Im obviously open about as he knows I have fiancé that’s another woman.. and I’ve overheard some really gross shit from him. I literally heard him ask another white employee if he knew any white people looking for work because “he’s had a bad experience hiring Black people.” He’s also made homophobic comments about an industry colleagues trans kid that applied to work for his company..
And honestly, it’s not even just the racist/homophobic stuff. I’ve heard how he talks about other employees and people he has connections with in the industry and it is DISGUSTING. It makes me think all the time, “I’m sure he talks shit about me too.” 😂
The thing is, he can also be really personal with me. He tells me about his life, his family, personal stuff, etc. So I feel weirdly guilty about leaving because I feel like I actually know him as a person, not just my boss. I know he’s going to be caught off guard and I feel bad about basically sending an email saying “hey, I’m leaving.”
BUT.
I got another job. And this job is $25k more, salary instead of hourly, benefits, insurance, PTO, better culture, good company, the whole nine yards. Like… this is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for.
And here’s the timing that makes me feel even worse: he is hiring another VA and the guy starts tomorrow. I am supposed to train him.
I’m planning on working through Wednesday and then telling my boss at the end of the day that Wednesday is my last day.
So I’m not even walking out tomorrow, but I know it’s going to feel like it came out of nowhere because I’ve basically just kept my head down this whole time and done my job.
Part of me feels like I should give two weeks because I know I’m the only office person and it’ll put him in a bind.
But another part of me is like… I’m already anxious ALL weekend about going back to work. I dread Mondays. I dread his phone calls. I’m miserable. And I honestly feel like if I gave him two weeks, there’s a decent chance he’d just decide he doesn’t want to pay someone who’s leaving anyway and let me go early.
So why do I feel so guilty??
I’m an empath and I always feel responsible for how my decisions affect other people. I know he’s going to be stressed and I know I’m going to leave him scrambling. But I also feel like I’ve spent so much time worrying about making things easier for him while I’m making myself miserable.
Would y’all give two weeks in this situation?
Or work through Wednesday, resign professionally, and move on to the job that pays $25k more and actually has benefits and a healthy work environment?
And HOW do you stop feeling guilty for choosing yourself when you know you’re leaving someone in a difficult position? 😭