Once upon a time, in a distant land where the wetlands of the north, the arid deserts of the south, the blue oceans of the west, and the snow-capped mountains of the east all met, there lived an Uzbek girl.
One fateful day, the only prince of the Heavenly Kingdom approached her and asked:
“Would you fancy being my girlfriend?”
The girl smiled and replied:
“Yes, I would like to be your girlfriend.”
The moment the words left her mouth, a griffin appeared out of thin air.
It swooped down, snatched her off the ground, tore her cleanly in two, ate her, and then proceeded to take a truly ginormous shit in the King’s 9/11 toilet.
No one knew why.
No one dared to ask.
And so, from that day onward, Uzbek girls, terrified that the griffin might return, began answering the prince’s question with considerably more caution:
“Friend, yes. Girlfriend, no.”