r/SipsTea • u/MRtokeALOT420 • 7h ago
WTF HILINAIKAILIMAKUALOPALI KEENO has been arrested and indicted on murder charges
215
u/tastylemming 6h ago
Hee-lee-nah-ee-kah-ee-lee-mah-koo-ah-loh-pah-lee KEE-noh
(For those of us who can't even try, like myself, I googled this)
179
u/Ottereyes524 6h ago
The trial is gonna take forever
29
64
u/ShouldersBBoulders 6h ago
Judge: Will the defendant state their name?
Also Judge: Well take a recess for lunch.
→ More replies (1)12
u/ucklibzandspezfay 6h ago
For the purposes of this trial and for simplicity, the aforementioned will be referred to as the defendant.
3
u/AddlePatedBadger 4h ago
The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part.
15
u/ReputationApart5983 6h ago
Lol I saw her in court to hear the charges, they only said like half her name. They arent going to keep saying the full thing.
5
u/Indoballz 6h ago
With a name like that you have to be a genius or become a killer too much pressure
3
u/jacquesrabbit 3h ago
the defence waives the right for her name to be spoken in full but reserve all other rights
14
u/Puzzleheaded-Tax6168 6h ago
The poor lady who has to type on that weird typewriter
16
7
u/tibearius1123 5h ago
Think about that poor gal learning to spell her name in kindergarten and on every school paper afterward.
5
3
u/drAsparagus 6h ago
Should we go ahead and start a gofundme for the court reporter who has to constantly type this name out?
→ More replies (1)2
34
18
u/Potential-Draft-3932 6h ago edited 6h ago
Hee lee na’ee ka’ee lee makua lopalee- I grew up on Maui and this is about the length of some of my friends full names. They usually go by a much shorter nick name btw. Graduations are super entertaining though
Edit there should be okinas to break it up so I fixed the pronunciation looking back at what I think if they were there. The okina ‘ is like a quick pause
10
18
u/Zulmoka531 6h ago
Why do I feel like I’d shoot off an energy beam trying to pronounce that
https://giphy.com/gifs/EbRIxoUny8GJKkRZ8S→ More replies (1)9
7
4
5
6
u/Gonzostewie 6h ago
Stenographer: Fuck typing all that. We're gonna call her Hailey and find/replace that shit in the post trial proofread.
2
→ More replies (11)2
167
u/Slow_Bowler8285 6h ago
The way it just rolls off the reporter's tongue
59
u/MRtokeALOT420 6h ago
flawlessly
14
u/one-punch-knockout 4h ago
Every YouTube comment is a compliment to the reporter nothing to do with the crime committed by Hffyhjillougcsefvvbhhbjjjkkjjbbvccvvvbcddftthhjmkoo
18
u/minammikukin 6h ago
How many hours did she practice this?
84
12
10
u/BaMiao 4h ago
The Hawaiian language has a really simple phonetic system, which is why you end up with words and names getting really long like this. It’s kinda like how words in Spanish tend to have more syllables than in other languages- but even more extreme. But for someone familiar with how the language works, it’s not that hard to roll off long names due to how few distinct sounds you need to draw from.
2
3
u/PlusDHotchy 1h ago
It should be a crime on a parent for a child to have every letter of the alphabet for a name.
39
14
u/NecessaryOk6815 6h ago
You know you from Hawaii when you can pronounce this name on the first try.
→ More replies (1)5
3
163
u/Many-Inflation5544 6h ago
I can't fix her
32
39
19
3
3
5
68
56
u/Raaxis 5h ago
Long Hawaiian names are just secretly smaller ones mashed together. And since Hawaiian only has the five base vowel sounds it’s pretty easy once you figure it out.
Hilina (hill-EE-nah) Ikali (ee-KAHL-ee) Makua (mah-KOO-ah) Lopali (low-PAH-lee)
7
u/probably-the-problem 3h ago edited 2h ago
Hawaiian has
138 consonants and her name uses all of them but W.3
→ More replies (3)2
u/N8dork2020 3h ago
They also are just sentences like, “he who walks on the ocean waves” and shit like that
27
21
u/Similar_Library803 6h ago
imagine having to write that name on those bubble scantrons for tests every time
16
→ More replies (4)4
13
22
u/Effective-Window-922 6h ago
Hilinaikaikimakaulopali is the thing to say, On a bright Hawaiian Christmas day, That's the island greeting that we send to you, From the land where palm trees sway
→ More replies (4)
6
u/Always_Complainin 6h ago
Hilinaikailimakualopali is Hawaii’s way, to say Merry Christmas, to youuuuu
11
u/DE4DM4NSH4ND 4h ago
Wow what a smoke show, how many people are going to post "i can fix her"?
3
u/CapablePlatypus1377 3h ago
Can’t fix her but happy to guard her
https://giphy.com/gifs/wrBURfbZmqqXu2
2
9
u/jrwdisc 6h ago
I used to work at a call center with an auto dealer that would pop the name up on the screen and just connect the call...we did collections for municipal tickets for the state of Hawaii...and oh boy the amount of times a name would come up on the screen just as the person would answer and I would just say hello, uh......and then hang up...lol
6
5
5
5
8
5
u/asdf_lord 6h ago
Hilina for short
7
u/Sea_Tonight_9632 6h ago
My name is HILINAIKAILIMAKUALOPALI, but you can call me HILINAIKAILMA for short :)
5
4
u/ReputationApart5983 6h ago
So she shot and killed a guy she was in an argument with at a Target store's parking lot.
3
4
u/GobbetsOfAnus 6h ago
Mele Kalikimaka is the thing we say… on a bright, Hawaiian Christmas Day. That’s the island greeting that we send to you…..
4
u/captcraigaroo 5h ago
...is the thing to say On a bright Hawaiian Christmas day That's the island greeting that we send to you From the land where palm trees sway
4
4
3
u/tevolosteve 3h ago
After spending three years in Tonga for peace corps you would be surprised at how quickly you can get used to the Polynesian names as they follow very simple rules. Though I world think there are some apostrophes missing but maybe that’s a difference in Hawaiian
12
7
u/kkeennmm 6h ago
and over the police radio as "henry ida lincoln ida nora adam ida king adam ida lncoln ida mike adam king union adam lincoln ocean paul adam lincoln ida"
4
u/nascent_aviator 6h ago
Or the even longer NATO version "hotel india lima india november alpha india kilo alpha india lima india mike alpha kilo uniform alpha lima oscar papa alpha lima india."
3
5
6
u/ortcutt 6h ago
Can she be convicted if no one can pronounce her name? Maybe that's a legal loophole.
→ More replies (1)
6
6
u/cyclingthroughlife 6h ago
Her defense strategy:
Your Honor: I plead not guilty. This is a case of mistaken identity and you have the wrong person. The perp and I have similar names. However, she has five L's in her name, and I have only 4. It is an easy mistake to make and people make it all the time.
3
3
u/AppointmentSalty5679 6h ago
Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for the murders of Moe Szyslak and Apu Nahas... nahasapee... nagasa... Well, just Moe. Just Moe.
3
3
3
u/nolongerbanned99 6h ago
If she gets married and uses a hyphenated last name she might be Hilinailimakualopali Keeno Kalanikauleleiawi
→ More replies (2)
3
3
3
u/DeltaOmegaTheta 6h ago
Imagine her wanting to hear you moan her name during sex
→ More replies (1)
3
3
3
u/RemotestOfSpheres 5h ago
I lived in Hawaii for years and I found that most people have pretty common names, a few have “showy” Hawaiian names….and then there are the ones who are heavily overcompensating.
And it’s hilariously common that those people are like half white or some other non-Hawaiian
3
3
3
3
3
u/No-Day-706 1h ago
“May I have your name please?”
“Hilinaikailimakualopali Keeno.”
“Can you spell that for me?”
“Certainly! That’s Hilinaikailimakualopali Keeno.
H as in Hilinaikailimakualopali Keeno.
I as in I’m Hilinaikailimakualopali Keeno.
L as in Look over there, it’s Hilinaikailimakualopali Keeno.
I as in I’m Hilinaikailimakualopali Keeno.
N as in No way, it’s Hilinaikailimakualopali Keeno.”
A as in All of us know Hilinaikailimakualopali Keeno.”
→ More replies (1)
3
u/formerNPC 1h ago
“The jury finds the defendant not guilty because she’s suffered enough with that name”
7
6
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/CheckYourKindling 5h ago edited 5h ago
At some point one of the parents gotta step in and be like "Okay, that's enough!"
2
2
2
2
u/Previous-Ad-1453 5h ago
If they mess up that spelling on any court documents she’s free as a bird.
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/No_Challenge_5448 4h ago
I wonder if she’s able to spell her own name. I mean every now and then I flu trying to remember my own cell #
2
2
2
2
2
u/Sad_Promise_1604 3h ago
Yeah with a name like that you gotta have some type of repressed anger that goes back millennia
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/J9sNbrhd 2h ago
I imagine her in first grade learning to spell it…and how long must her mailbox be?!
→ More replies (1)
2
2
•
u/AutoModerator 7h ago
Hey /u/MRtokeALOT420, thank you for posting to r/SipsTea! Make sure to follow all the subreddit rules.
Make sure to join our brand new Discord Server to chat with friends!
We have recently changed how posts work. Unless you are a VIP poster, your post will be queued for approval.. To become a VIP, post great engaging content. If we like it, you will be added! More information available here!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.