r/SipsTea • u/velorae • Jul 22 '26

SMH Proof that all you need is money

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33.1k Upvotes

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u/RakeChapman13 Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26

Me and my girlfiend finally watched the films and we were both suprised at how tame they were, we expected it to be a lot spicer and edgier than it was. Also I didn’t expect Christian grey to be as likable as he was, I kept waiting for him to do something really fucked up or try to lock her up and keep her From leaving but no he was Mr consent all he way and the whole series he’s protecting her.

87

u/Intelligent_Ad_4837 Jul 22 '26

The books are kinda really stupid

I read them way long ago (via pdf, not worth buying them, not even worth getting paid for reading them)

I could say a lot of stuff to explain why they're so bad. But I'll just leave it at this: The first book was a fanfiction of Twilight

23

u/bubbs72 Jul 22 '26

"Oh my...."

Doesn't she have some stupid phrase like that which she said a lot?

27

u/Kah1eesi Jul 22 '26

Yes. That and "inner goddess"

55

u/SnooGuavas4208 Jul 22 '26

I never got over the part where he massaged her dOwN tHeRe with a soaped-up washcloth 😂

Nothing says kink like a burning urethra.

10

u/IlladelphiaticInsane Jul 22 '26

Christian, giddy with anticipation, then pulled out his most precious toy in all of the Red Room - the Foley catheter.

13

u/Wind-and-Waystones Jul 22 '26

Damn, I was hoping it was his lightning McQueen hot wheels

1

u/BSchafer Jul 23 '26 edited Jul 23 '26

He starts setting up hot wheel tracks, pushing the cars down the track into a loop and making car noises with his mouth while she strapped down in the background watching like… wtf

1

u/SnooGuavas4208 Jul 22 '26

I’m crying 😂😂😂

1

u/dishrag Jul 24 '26

Christian gazed deeply into my eyes, his strong hands moving lower, deliberately, sending a shiver down my spine. I braced myself for the passion, the intensity, the overwhelming sensation… and then he started me like a lawnmower.

7

u/boringestnickname Jul 22 '26

Wait, isn't the author a woman?

Is the point of the "scene" that she enjoys the pain of a soapy urethra, or is she just stupid?

4

u/TheSixthVisitor Jul 22 '26

Welp, I didn't expect this to be the sentence why I didn't do any work today but here we are.

1

u/sharanghayeo Jul 23 '26

I really hated the "inner goddess" references. I think at least once her inner goddess did a backflip too. The writing was sooo bad.