When I was younger I loved to read. I would read 2/3 books a week - I was known as a bookworm. My favourite author is Jodi Picoult. Then I got older and life gets in the way, so reading wasn’t something I was able to do as much.
When I was a few months married and a few months pregnant I decided to read the Harry Potter series and settled on the sofa.
The comments from my husband were confusing. Comments I had never really heard before, especially about reading because I was always praised for reading books growing up - “Why are you reading that shit” and “Harry Potter is for children” and “Reading is for idiots. You’re so stupid.”
I never picked up a book again.
Fast forward almost 10 years and two children later. The kids and I have been free for almost 7 years. We have been through some things, trust me, but we are free. About 4 months ago I realised how much I was missing out on, but due to supervised contact with the children happening in my home twice a week I never felt comfortable reading. It made me feel sick, made me upset, and I wouldn’t even be able to pick up a book. But I wanted to.
And then I saw an advert for a Kobo E-reader about 6 months ago. I realised I might actually be able to do this. Could I read again? Using this device meant no one could see what I was reading and I could sit in my house and read ANYTHING I WANTED without prying eyes and comments (yes he still does it).
I took the leap and I bought one. So far I have only read 5 books. This is huge for me. I’ve enjoyed every second of it and I love how hidden reading can be on an e-reader. I’m getting faster at reading (because it was hard to focus to begin with), and I’m finally feeling like I got a piece of myself back.
I’ve had to work through the shame and guilt but there has been a silver lining. My daughter (7) now loves audiobooks - what do I do? Encourage it. I give her a dollar for every book she listens to. I don’t care if it runs me dry - I will give her all of my money if it means that she gets to do something she loves.
I also constantly remind her that she should NEVER let ANYONE tell her that reading is stupid or put her down for reading. And I say it in-front of her dad too.
I just wanted to share because I am proud of myself for getting back into it. I did a big thing :)