When I was 13, turning 14, my mom sent me to Nigeria to stay with my aunt in the village because of my behavior. While I was there, there were men in their 40s who would approach me and try to do things with me, and I didn’t want that.

One day, a mechanic came to the shop to fix something with the roof. We were just having a conversation, and I thought he was attractive. Later, I found out that he was 27. One time, when I was lost and trying to get to the shop, an older man kept trying to touch me, and the 27-year-old mechanic helped me.

After that, he asked for my number, and I gave it to him. At first, he would text me, but I mostly ignored him. Eventually, I started texting him too. He played this game where you pick a number and the other person asks you a question. He started asking me if I had ever had sex before and questions like that. I told him no, I hadn’t.

Eventually, my aunt went to the market, and he asked if we could have sex. I’m not going to say that it was completely my choice, but I did say yes. He was standing at the door, and I came to the back. I opened the door because I was at the store pretending that I was throwing things up, and he came inside. I locked the door.

He tried to record a video of us, and I didn’t want to be recorded. Then we started having sex, and it really started hurting. I told him to stop, but he didn’t. He started squeezing my butt. Then I found out that my aunt had come back, and he got scared and hid. Eventually, he left. I asked for a pad afterward.

A while has passed, and I’m now 15. I had a sex toy that my grandma found. It was a vibrator. She asked me how many men I had slept with, and at first I didn’t tell her. Then I told her, and she said she was going to tell my mom. I begged her not to. I kept saying, “Please don’t tell her,” because I was scared.

She told me she had to tell my mom, and we had a conversation. I begged her and told her that I was almost 18 and that I didn’t want them to destroy my life. She told me she was doing what she thought was best for me.
I ended up telling her that I was at the shop when a man came in and basically started asking me questions. I said I didn’t realize what was happening until he closed the door and tried to do things to me, and that he raped me. I didn’t tell her the whole truth about my involvement because I was scared.

I was afraid they would send me back to Nigeria or disown me.
She told my mom, and my mom asked me where I bought the vibrator. I lied and told her that I got it through the computer. My mom took the computer, and since then she hasn’t really spoken to me. Things have been weird, cold, and distant, and I don’t know what to do now.
I’ve decided that I’m going to call my aunt and tell her the truth. I feel like I was wrong for lying, but I was scared and didn’t know what to do. What should I do now?

I am John Doe.

Jane is my mother

My sister

My daughter

You are not alone.

I, 18f, went round my friends(18f) house on Saturday. Ill call her Gem. Our other friend (18m) then joined us. Ill call him Paul.

I got absolutely drunk out of my mind. I can only remember about 10% of the night, if that. I was the most drunk. Gem was tipsy. Paul wasnt drunk at all.

We both planned to sleep round her house. I remember somehow ending up in bed with him fingering me but it hurting. Then it blanks alot. Like mainly blank except from some moments where he was inside me in different positions. And alot of pain. I was recipricating it, but i wasnt aware at all really. I wouldnt have slept with him at her house, in her parents bed, drunk out of my mind, without a condom for half of it if i was sober. I would have slept with him sober in a hotel, but not like that.

I told Gem in the morning as Paul left before she woke up. She was pissed at him and to my surprise not pissed at me at all and just felt bad for me.

I think it was rape, but im having a hard time coming to terms with it. It was definitely not right but rape is such a strong word. It was like i blinked and i somehow went from playing cards against humanity to having painful sex for the first time. I definitely bled a little, i dont think he prepped me and i was as dry as an 80 year old. Ive only told that one friend who is being so supportive. It hurt but i was so out of it that the pain didnt register all that much.

Was I raped?

my ex made it very clear that they would not have sex with a partner if they where under the influence. i was really high one night and i went to see them and they knew i was high but then they made advances on me. i didnt say yes but i didnt say no and i went along with it. i felt like i couldn’t say no because the relationship was failing and i was desperate to stay with the person but every time i think about this incident i just feel gross because its not like i said no in any way. plus i was a tad more sober when we started and i don’t remember all that much about the sex itself but it still just feels icky.

edit: i forgot to mention that this person was not emotionally invested but only kept it going bc they wanted sex. if that adds more context.

Hi everyone, so I am a rape victim. I was raped in college and I kind of just… There was something that happened somewhat recently and I kind of just wanted some outside perspective on it because I don’t know if I’m being dramatic or like overreacting at all, or projecting my trauma onto this, or if there was something fishy about this intimate experience with the guy I had, so let me know.
Okay, so there was like this guy, and everything was like, it was like very respectful and consensual otherwise, but there was like one thing that I felt kind of like weird about. Like I am not saying that this was like a redo of my rape or whatever, I’m definitely not, I’m just like kind of confused with the situation, so let me know like what you guys think.
But anyways so there was this one thing that this guy had asked me about butt stuff one time and I was like, yeah, I’m really not into that. He’s like, okay, so like obviously we didn’t do it that time.
Then the next time, which was like pretty soon after, like a couple days after he had asked me like what I had wanted to do. I had communicated earlier in the night that I kind of just wanted to stick with like smaller stuff and not really do anything crazy.
So I had said, okay, like you can just do whatever you want. And then I remembered, oh, I don’t want him to think that means everything, so I said, oh, except for another thing that like he had brought up several times that I had said I didn’t want to do, but I had forgotten the butt stuff thing.
So then like he had started just touching my butt, which I like was kind of surprised because the other day, like I had said, like this is a no for me, like I really don’t like it. But then I was like, you know what? I told him he could do whatever he wanted today, so like maybe—
Oh, and I want to correct that too, because I actually don’t know if the “do whatever you wanted” was before he started touching my butt or if it was after.
So that’s my—like I think, I definitely said it after, but I don’t know if I said it twice and said it before, like before too, if that makes sense. So I’m actually not even sure if the “do whatever you wanted” was something I even said before.
So I was like that part could have been a miscommunication. So I like truly didn’t think anything of it. Like he genuinely could have interpreted my words like as consent to that, so like I don’t fault him for that at all.
But there was one thing that kind of felt a little weird that he said after that I wanted to ask you guys about, and like let me know if I’m overreacting.
After we finished, I was like, you know what, like I thought that I really didn’t like that butt stuff. But honestly, like I didn’t mind, mind you doing that.
And he was like, oh yeah, like I know you said you didn’t like butt stuff, but I just did it anyway because I thought you wouldn’t mind.
And that was what bothered me because like that kind of shows that like his thought process—that it wasn’t really the miscommunication that I originally thought of. Like he specifically remembered me saying I didn’t like it because he said that, but then decided to do it anyway without asking, like assuming I wouldn’t mind. I guess like that’s just kind of like what bothered me a bit.
But I guess my question is like with—do you think that like the first comment about him, him like doing the thing I didn’t like, do you think that like—that I like—that that was kind of like a boundary crossed or is that something that I’m like being dramatic about?
Because I wouldn’t have thought anything of it if he just—if he had said, you know, oh, you said do whatever you want, so I had assumed that you had changed your mind on this or that was okay.
But that’s not what he said.
He said, I knew you didn’t like this, you said you didn’t want this, but I, I tried it anyway because I figured you wouldn’t mind.
That was what bothered me, and that kind of showed like some intent that like—and not that, not that this was his intention at all—but it made me think he just kind of knew my boundary and didn’t care and just kind of like, whatever.
So like, I don’t know, let me know what you guys think.
I’m keeping this to friends, by the way, because I like don’t want him to see it, so I don’t know, just let me know.
Also, by the way, like I’m not saying that he—that the second guy like SA’d me. That’s not like what I’m trying to ask. I’m more just asking like, am I valid to be like turned off by that and think that that was a boundary violation and a red flag?

The Cornell 7 case is really triggering... people are talking about it all over the internet, and for the past few days, I haven't been able to function because I just keep crying. Do you have any tips for breaking out of this spiral?

I’ve never really talked with anyone about this before but it’s been weighing a lot on me for some reason and I needed to get it off my chest. I’m a 26 year old male now but this happened when I was 13 I think and my sister was probably 19 at the time. The way I remember it is that I accidentally walked in on her and her boyfriend going at it. I was pretty shocked and ran out, I didn’t really know much about sex at the time, just vague stuff from movies and whatever else, so I asked my sister later that day. She said she’d show me. She asked if I had started masturbating yet and started groping me through my pants. I didn’t really know what to do so I just stayed quiet. She told me to be quiet and pulled down my pants and underwear. She turned off the light so I couldn’t see very well. She undressed me and herself. She touched me in many places and at times guided my hands over her body. She straddled me without penetration and sort of grinned against me until I finished. I think I remember trying to push her off because I was really uncomfortable and hadn’t orgasmed before if I remember right. Then she said I had to help her since I spoiled her fun with a boyfriend so she pressured me into licking her vagina. I did it but kept stopping so she finished herself and said it was ungentlemanly of me to cum and not help her cum. Then she left. Nothing really happened after that, I don’t know if she was under the influence of something but I’ve never really been able to process it and what happened. I’ve never been able to vocalize what happened and even writing here it feels unreal. But I know it happened. Things just went back to normal after that. Sorry

Today i kinda found myself really triggered after seeing a post where people were making reference to the rapists from Cornell and they said women would never treat a guy like that if they found her passed out near them. The post had people saying the guy would wake up in a pink room with blankets etc and in my head i thought. That’s a bit much i dont think i could do that. By that i meant the blankets and all that. Then i remembered i did infact do that. And the same asshole i did that for raped me multiple times on different occasions when the roles were reversed.

Like i remember he fell asleep on my bed and i didnt really have anywhere else i was comfortable being other than my room at the time so i just stayed at the edge of the bed and was lowkey hunched over so i wouldnt touch him while he slept and even while my back ached i didnt do anything to wake him or hurt him or anything. And yet on a different occasion when he came to my house, that night he was touching me and whatever and i told him to stop and he asked if we could have sex and i said no, i thought that was the end of it and i fell asleep around him, guess who woke up to his hands under my dress and him opening my legs and penetrating them? Me. Because why not rape your ex girlfriend while she’s asleep right?? /s smh. That was almost a year ago. It’s not the only time but if i kept talking about the shit he did i’d never finish.

Anyway. I just think its real fucking ironic a guy i would never harm would hurt me like that if the roles get reversed. Its genuinely so sad that men treat us like this when majority of women would never.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I was in a relationship with a man I met at school for six years. We had a lot of fights, especially about my clothing (which wasn't revealing by normal standards, like a miniskirt with black stockings), how freely I behaved, and his jealousy of me toward all men. Each time we broke up, we got back together, because he usually seemed to understand his mistake. Each time, I believed he was improving and becoming a better version of himself. But every fight followed the same pattern: he was not content with who I truly am. But I also thought that nobody could love me as he did. I even had short dates with others sometimes, but they were so bad that I thought he was still the one. I know, I had a low man benchmark and was stuck in a toxic love loop.

A few years ago, while we were studying in different European countries, the fights continued. When we started thinking about marriage, he realised that he desperately (?!) needed to have a biological child. I, on the other hand, am an anti-natalist, because of the state of the world, how women's bodies are clinically neglected, the risk of postpartum depression since I'm already diagnosed with depression and anxiety, the possibility that my child could inherit my depression, and other reasons. I had always said that my dream since my teenage years was to adopt, but he thought that was "extra," we could have both adopted and bio, because NORMAL WOMAN STILL WOULD WANT TO BEAR A CHILD by default.

It got to the point where, if one of us didn't compromise, he would break up with me. I was already isolated, with no friends in a foreign country and on antidepressants, so it was hard to accept that he would also leave me over a child who didn't even exist. I thought his love for me would be stronger than that. For a final discussion, maybe our last meeting, we agreed to meet in a non-EU country as a middle point (as non-EU citizens, it was easier to travel there than to get a visa for the UK or EU).

One of his sexual desires was anal sex, which I didn't want. But in those days, I think I was ready to submit to anything in the hope that he wouldn't leave me. In the end, I agreed. But when it became painful, I told him to stop, and he didn't. I said it several times, and he just answered, "A bit more." So I froze and cried silently. When it was over, I was in shock and told him I felt like I had been raped, though I still didn't think of it as rape. He just laughed, said I was overreacting, and suggested we do it again.

After that, I didn't think about it for a long time. We returned home, and he broke up with me because I didn't change my mind about having a child. I went through some very low moments but recovered. Two months after the assault, during a laser hair removal session in that area, I had a flashback and remembered all the details. I didn't do anything about it apart from some therapy. Mentally, I got better. I even stopped taking antidepressants, married a feminist, decent man, and last year moved to the same EU country and city where HE CURRENTLY lives. I was reluctant, but it was the only EU country that accepted me for my studies.

Earlier this year, when there was a sexual assault case similar to the Cornell one, I realised I'm still triggered by the thought of him enjoying his life while I suffer and cry, and while our mutual friends know him as a kind, good guy. With my therapist's support, I decided to write to him and also shared my story in an Instagram story visible only to women (I was afraid men would be jerks and protect him). All the women supported me. He admitted that he did it, saying he hadn't realised it before or hadn't been brave enough to admit it to himself. He even stated that he is not going to therapy (:D), and his therapist insisted that he-the rapist, should meet with his victim-me, as it is a hard topic :D

His apology didn't sound authentic enough, as if written by AI: "I thought a lot about this after your message. And I’ve come to accept it. You are right; I committed an act of violence against you. I apologize to you. I never wanted to make you feel that way or put you through such an experience. It shook me to realize that this is how I remain in your mind and memory. I am deeply sorry for having been the cause of this experience. I am sorry that you had to go through something like this. Thank you for finding the courage to write about this. I probably wouldn't have been able to do it myself. I hope my stance helps you find some measure of peace. Take care of yourself. "

But I thought it was still something, and I felt better.

But after the Cornell incident, all my triggers came back. Now I keep thinking he could be in prison if I had reported him earlier. But how? It happened in a different country, and we lived in different countries.

So what can I do now? Name him publicly on Instagram or Facebook. I could even report him to his current employer, and maybe he might lose his job. Or give an interview in a local newspaper. I don't know. I'm wondering whether any of you did something similar after many years, whether it helped, and what I should do. The only evidence I have is his confession in a WhatsApp chat. We are both in an EU country. At the same time, thoughts like maybe he changed, he is going to therapy, he won't repeat it, etc., go around in my mind.

TL;DR: My ex of six years SAd me, three years ago in a non-EU country. He has since admitted it in a WhatsApp chat, but we're both non-EU citizens now living in the same EU country, so reporting seems meaningless. I'm still triggered seeing his image as the "nice guy." Has anyone publicly named their abuser years later to their friends and on social media, and did it help you heal? Thank you.

I was raped at a Christmas party in December of 2012. He was my first ever boyfriend in the 4th grade. We played spin the bottle and he was my first male kiss. Fast forward to 2012 and I was invited to a Christmas party at his house. We’re all adults now. He flirts with me and talks about having sex with me. I said no and that I would never ever sleep with him. He seemed to date a lot and I just got out of a divorce less than 2 years prior. We all get drunk and feel safe since we’re amongst friends, people we’ve grown up with our entire lives. I say bye at the end of the night and grab my things and he grabs my wrists and won’t let go. I know I said no and stop numerous times. I remember him saying something like “you deserve everything you’re getting and more.” I sat in the shower and cried for hours. I only realized what he meant by that a week or so later when a painful lump showed up down there. He gave me hsv 2. I tried to date him after that and I have no idea why. I didn’t want to. I felt broken, unloveable and almost deserving of the hate he had for me. He put me down for about two weeks and then I said no. I told my best friend and she said that he raped one of her friends and said the same exact thing. I feel like her friend and I aren’t the only ones. I have been carrying this guilt and shame and I can no longer bare it by myself. I never reported it because I’m from a small town with small minds and I would be blamed. His name is … and he’s now married. I don’t know if I’m allowed to say just his first name. I release you and the hold you’ve had on me.

In 2023–2024, I dated a young man, let's call him Arthur, for ten months. I met him when I was 13 and he was 14.

I didn't yet know what love was, so I was a bit naive when, on the very first day of our relationship, he asked me for n*des; he said he had sent one, so I had to do the same. It soon became a habit for him to ask for them every night. Since I was very close to my family, this kind of behavior disgusted me; I began to distance myself from my family,and especially my friends, because I was disgusted with myself. Arthur was known as a total player who hit on everyone and had already dated maybe 150 girls before me (though I only found that out at the end).

I was blinded by a toxic love; I gave my whole self, while he gave almost nothing. He had a way with words, so anyone could have been manipulated by him.

On top of that, Arthur had a very high s*x drive and was already familiar with the world of adult content, whereas I was rather innocent and reserved.

After a month of dating, he convinced me that a relationship only worked if we engaged in s*xual activity. He would ask me to meet him every morning,an hour before classes started,so he could gr*pe me all over. Sometimes he touched me in places I didn't want to be touched, yet every morning I would find myself paralyzed, unable to move.

He wanted photos every night, and as the relationship went on, he kept wanting more. Video calls where I had to appear half-n*ked while he got off, having to make suggestive sounds to please him,I feel disgusted with myself for having agreed to it out of love. Arthur was always talking about s*x; he was dead set on trying it with me:me, being so young and docile. I always found a way to put it off: not ready yet, too young, not allowed to go to his place.

But I knew I couldn't keep stalling forever.

I was invited to his house for lunch one day and brought a cake that sparked some controversy because his family had dirty minds too (I don't remember the joke anymore). I remember how, after we finished eating, his mother told him to take me to his room so he could "enjoy" my company. That day, he unbuttoned my pants, and even though I told him to stop, he r*ped me (not in the traditional sense, perhaps, since there was pen*tration, but still). I cried, telling him it hurt, but he didn't care. When I hit him, he realized his mistake and apologized the whole way to school. I had nightmares about it; I was disgusted with myself and disgusted with life, yet I didn't break up with him.

The breaking point came when his birthday was approaching; he invited me to a sleepover with his best friends (boys and girls) and told me it would be the perfect chance to have real s*x while everyone else was asleep. I broke up with him two days later, exhausted, sickened, and disgusted. I hadn't even been speaking to my mother during the relationship, but that was the day I finally cried in her arms without revealing the real reason for my tears.

It’s been three years since we split up, and we ended up at the same high school because he had really wanted to follow me there during enrollment. He ruined my chance to go on the trip of my life, stepping in for me; he called me a whore and drove away many of my new friends. Even now, he goes through a string of s*xual partners while trying to become my friend again. He even claims to be trans and wants to become a woman because, in his view, women are the primary victims of s*xual abuse.

I still feel disgusted with myself; I’m incapable of forming a relationship that isn’t toxic, and I’ve become a horrible person (in my own eyes). I don’t know what to do: I see him every day, I cry over it, and I’m revolted by myself and by what I allowed to happen in the name of love.

I don’t know how to move on. I told my mother about it, but I didn't say he actually raped me, just that he had tried. Besides, I can't see myself filing a police report because his family is in law enforcement, and to be honest I don't want to, because I often played along with his s*xual games to please him, thinking that was just what everyone did.

If you have any advice...

I believe many of us survivors have recently been feeling upset by the Cornell 7 case. I have been experiencing flashbacks ever since I found out what happened to Jane Doe. My assault wasn't the same as hers, nevertheless, I really feel for her and all college women who went through something similar.

I got raped by my Bumble date when I was an 18 year old freshman, living on campus. He was older than me, 24, white, rich and priveleged as they say. We were studying the same course. It was meant to be just a hook up, Netflix and chill, and he was so very nice and funny, charming even. We had sex (however I don't remember it) and went to sleep. In the middle of the night, he woke up and decided to rape me. I still don't know why it happened. He woke me up, I was feeling drowsy and confused as I was on sleep/psych medication I took before bed. He then proceeded to have violent sex with me - choked me, was forceful, despite me saying no multiple times. I was scared and just let it happen. It was the most terrifying night of my life, I thought I was going to die. After he was done, he just went back to sleep as if nothing happened.

In the morning, we went to get breakfast. I was in shock and did not understand what happened to me. I felt like I was moving through water. After we ate, he said goodbye and I never saw him again.
Back at the dorm, I met my friend, who saw me and knew something was off. I told her about last night, but I did not call it an assault or rape. She immediately told me that I got raped after seeing bruises on my neck and hearing what I said. I told her I was bleeding, but did not know what to do. I called my mum and told her, to which she said that "the boy probably just likes to watch porn, it was just a bit of rough sex, forget about it". I kind of... believed my mum at the time.

My friend took me to the ER, and at the ER, I yet again just called it "rough sex". None of the medical staff asked me if it was rape or assault. I was assigned a male nurse, and then a male doctor, who did a brief check and told me to use a tampon as it was just "a tear", and will heal on its own.

I was seeing a psychiatrist through university regularly as I was struggling wiht depression, and I told her about this at my next appointment, saying I can no longer sleep in my bed where the assault happened. She prescribed me some sleeping meds, told me I am experiencing trauma and reffered me to counselling. The counsellor then told me to report it to the university, but I was a vulnerable 18 year old girl who did not know any better, did not have a support network, so I just said I don't want any trouble and I have tried to move on. I was also an international student, hence an immigrant in that country, which in itself is a vulnerability. I couldn't cope, and ended up getting progressively more depressed, coped with alcohol, smoked weed, my grades have dropped and I ended up trying to unalive myself by the end of the semester, and getting hospitalised. I had to drop out of university by the end of the academic year.

Seeing how brave Jane Doe is made me sad that I was not brave enough to report it. It has been a few years since this happened, but the Cornell case has reignited some kind of rage in me. Despite years of therapy, being in a happy relationship, with a job, having worked through my issues. It hurts seeing this guy graduated from university, while I am the one who had to drop out. He works a really good job (according to LinkedIn), while I had to take a gap year just to get myself together. It feels like he just stole a part of me, and just gets to live an amazing life.

Today I have emailed the university's sexual violence victim service asking them to help me with making a report. I don't know if I stand a chance, but I hope the university retained records from the counselling service, the psychiatrist, and visitor logs from my dorm. I regret not reporting it at the time, but reporting it now just feels like the right thing to do, even if it leads to nothing.

Does anybody have any advice on reporting something years later?

So back when I was like 7-8 years old (f), I was kind of sa'd but it's not that deep because I always get touched by my private part with clothes on so I didn't think much of it. And at a young age, maybe around 6-8 or 7-8, I know a lot of sexual things and way back even I found out about corn, I always touched myself and just would touch myself even in risky times when my parents are literally beside me and stuff. I saw my parents doing IT too like maybe more than 5 times, so maybe it's apart of it too. I really don't know but I'm kinda hypersexual, but I feel like I'm not too because it really kind of scares me when it's happening in real life and I'm conscious.

So moving after 5 years, I'm 12 at that time. My father (50M). I had a lot of wet dreams about him like maybe twice and trust, I don't want anything sexual with him, it's just I dream about a lot of people about wet dreams too so I didn't think much of it. Looking back, I don't know but I'm probably sure that my dad touched me while I'm unconscious and I just didn't know about it. So back to story, 2 days after after wet dreams about my dad which is I got disgusted, I woke up at morning. I woke up to my dad literally fingering me and I woke up thinking my my vagina hurts, don't worry I'mfully clothed like pants with shorts and panty on, he unsuccessfully fingered me and pleasure me because he's not hitting THAT part so it's all good and like it lasted 15 minutes and I acted asleep, I tried to switch position to let him know that I'm uncomfortable if he ever noticed I'm not asleep?? So like I moved like thrice but then he moved and now facing me and then he took off his shorts and made me touched in, I still acted asleep and let my hand fall when he's not guiding me then after 5 minutes, I just "woke" up and whatever,, he dressed up for work and kissed me on my cheeks before leaving which is rare because he only does that daily when I'm at the age of 7-9. And for context, we always fight too and argue for the smallest reason. Skips forward to that moment, 2 days ago of that moment, he's sleeping beside me and he started getting hard and using my knees so rub his jungle or whatever and like after doing that for 3 minutes, he went to the bathroom and came back and I know he's going to take it further, but then I left the room and told on him to my sister, my sister didn't say it to my mom because I told so but 3 days after that or 2, she told my mom. I'm not home when the telling happened, but my mom didn't even do like something big like what I expected. When she's making me explain further, I'm not looking sad or even laughing sometimes because it's how I handle nervous things and stuff. It really hurt the fact that my mom moved on THAT FAST and I legitimately thought they're going to divorce or like talk about it and stuff and it's just really sad till this day.

Btw I'm not traumatized, but since that happened and even like 1 week before that happened at that time, I was like addicted to corn and stuff like that. I don't know if I enjoyed the SA because it turned me on too but I don't want anything to do with my dad because of my mom, I love her and that would be disgusting. I genuinely dont know anymore, it's disgusting thinking my dad would do such things and that I low-key liked it which is worse and so disgusting. I've been always struggling and showing signs of conduct disorder at 11-12 but I wouldn't say it to anyone because I feel like the terrible person ever, and I don't FEEL like a terrible person, but I KNOW I am so like I'm very aware.

Did I really enjoy the SA? I don't know, did I even got traumatized??

I was over at his place, we had hung out all day and I was super tired but we ended up in his bed. Prior to this we had only ‘hooked up’ once, in which there was no vaginal sex. We were kind of grinding on each other and he stuck his tip in and I immediately got off and said that I did not want to have sex tonight. He said okay and we went back to grinding, after a bit he did it again and I got up again and said the same thing I had said before. He didn’t try that again.

The rest of the details are hazy because I was so tired but at some point he was going down on me and I had kind of pushed him away with my legs/hands and told him I was done for the night and asked him to hand me my underwear so I could leave and go to sleep in the spare bedroom. He started to hand them to me and then retracted his hand and asked if he could go again, I asked him to hand them over again bc I was tired and he asked another time so I just said yes.

I remember the second time specifically making me really uncomfortable and I really just wanted to go to sleep. Afterwards, I told him he was pushy but that I would’ve said something if it bothered me but that he should make note of it. I don’t really know if this is anything but I feel sort of like it’s a weird gray area. I also feel like I’m overreacting by being upset/disturbed by this only months later and after telling him I would have said something.

I briefly dated a friend from work. We had a pretty active sex lige/chemistry while we dated. After we broke up we remained friends and a few times that line got blurred and we hooked up.

Part of the reason we broke up is because he is an alcoholic and he started drinking again and being really shitty. I wanted to be supportive of his sobriety so we remained friends.

One evening he is really drunk and comes over. It's late. I get water and I tell him to sleep it off so we go to bed. He starts talking about how badly he wants to fuck me and I tell him I don't want to. I'm tired, it's late, I have work in the morning, etc. At this point he is on top of me. He keeps trying to but I keep telling him no. He says ok and gets off of me. But then he forgets and tries to do it again. This happened multiple times. A few of the times he was successful in entering me. Multiple times I had to physically shove him off of me. I was scared. Eventually he passes out. I didn't sleep the whole night.

The next day we talk and I ask him if he remembers what happened. I explained everything. He felt really bad and he was really sorry. He hasn't drank since. We're still friends but I don't know how to feel about it. I know he would never do something like that sober. I have never had any reason to distrust him. But it still happened and it was awful. It's still rape. I cried about it for awhile. It was also triggering for me because I have been sexually assaulted before and I dont know how to process it. This was about a month ago. With everything coming up with the Cornell 7 and the "i am Jane doe" stuff, I can't stop replaying it. Idk what to do.

I was SAd 5 years ago in my sleep but a former coworker and “friend.” The whole thing with the Cornell 7 reminded me and I’m seriously thinking about exposing him. He has since gotten married and I thought about telling his wife but I’m thinking it’s better to tell his mother. she’s always posting religious and holier than though on social media. It seems she spends more time preaching to others instead of teaching her son to be a decent person. One of her latest posts says: “Truth. Even though many mask our true identity, Your heart will eventually expose the truth.“
LUKE 12:2-3: "For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in inner rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops."

I want so badly to message her saying something along the lines of “does this apply to your son? Have you heard of the Cornell 7? Well, I know of at least one person that your son SAd in her sleep. I wonder how many others he did that to? I’m only following the scripture you just posted by exposing the truth.”

I want to send it from a fake account obviously lol

I [M23] share a room with my uni roommate [M?]. How the room is designed is that it's a singular room with a wall divider, splitting the room in two with a small space between the dividing wall and the door, allowing for free passage between the two sides of the room, which are mine and my roommate sides.

He brings his girlfriend over to have sex and doesn't tell me about it before hand, so I always get caught off-guard whenever they begin. I've told him about this and he said he'll do better next time, but fails to do so, time & time again.

This time something happened which made me really uncomfortable and concerned. So I'm in my room trying to take a midday nap before I meet up with my friends for football and they got at again. Midway through I could hear him whisper to his girlfriend to keep quiet. A few moments later I heard the girl shriek, repeating "no, no, no" then a moment of quietness then she got louder saying "no, no, no baby, you promised...", they continued and then she once more projected "no, no, but you promised" then she started to apologize in a sad manner, like she's repeating sorry to the dude after periods of muffled quietness. As he continued, there's like kissing noises and muffled moans and her voice sounds real muffled so I can't tell what's going on.

He begging her in a low tone ( I can't tell whay exactly) and she's repeated "no baby" later again. Her voices sounds shaky but can tell cause they're speaking really softly.

I'm really concerned, like I'm really not sure what the fuck to do, because to me it sounds really off, like really off. Really I don't know what to do. I never been in this position before. I've never been intimate with someone before, so I'm not sure if there if there is a possible explanation for this that is not what I'm thinking it is (some form of abuse). Honestly I'm getting fucking scared.

I'm going to ask my female friends as well on what to do because I'm really concerned and try to contact the right people on campus cause the campus security is really scummy and shitty.

I tried asking for advice on r/sex but the post keeps getting removed by the mods, so I really dont know what to do.

Hi, my name's Daisy and I am a victim of rape. I told my mom about it and she said i was joking, and my rapist was my own dad and he called it "puberty" It happened when I was asleep or drugged, and i woke up flat on my back and my arms and legs were straight like Im standing still but sleeping. My pants were low too and I never sleep on my back and never at the edge of the bed. Please I need help and not single one of my relatives believes me. I cry every night to this and im crying as I type this.

I 20F was raped when I was in 6th grade after school in a wooded area with a knife to my back. I have slowly been processing this trauma sence I was 18 as it took that long for me to tell anyone. This post is less about the rape but more about the after effects. I have an amazing love and caring bf that I truly finally feel safe with we have been living together for 2 years now. It is truly. A blessing to find someone I can trust after so long of pushing through this all alone, but I have become too dependent on him. If he is not home I can't sleep because I don't feel safe, and that's not fair to him. It's currently 2am and I have to be up for work in 4 hours to make it to work by 7am. It's the sort of job where being tired means I could mess up the till counts which is super important. I really need sleep but because he is no home I just can't because the anxiety takes over. I have gotten maybe 2 hours of sleep tonight max. I don't want to tell him this because I don't want it to restrict him. We are still young and party cause it's the weekend but I don't know how to feel safe otherwise. Any advice

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, I’m sure you’ve heard about the Cornell 7 case that has resurfaced from 2024 with a new lawsuit by the case’s Jane Doe.

I feel like a broken record ever since I first read about it. It’s everywhere on socials, and I can’t stop. I find myself going through the comments to argue with assholes invalidating the whole situation. I feel mentally and physically exhausted. I can’t help myself though. But, it’s been bringing back memories of my rape when I was 15 (20 now). I never got justice and never will. It hurts. I’m just so so sad and angry at the reaction. Resources? Help? Anything to get me out of this funk?

Hello,

I’m sure many of you are familiar with the rapists of Cornell. I feel as if every time I open my phone, I am being reminded of what that poor woman went thru and it genuinely made me puke when I heard the details. I know I should probably just turn off the news/tiktok/etc, but I feel even more anxious without knowing what’s going on in the world, in general.

Some context: when I was 16 my older brother’s friend raped me pretty violently, I had passed out because at some point he started to choke me. I didn’t tell anyone until I was about 20, and my brother was his friend up until that point, so I would see that man pretty much every day. And it sucks a lot because I can’t remember a time I didn’t know him, I met him when I was like 4?! Our families know each other and are close, we grew up pretty much together, and my brother was probably his best friend.

Relationships, even platonic, are hard for me. I think about it daily and am a bit of a kill-joy. Not on purpose and not like I bring it up, but I’m not the most positive I’ve been told. The friends I manage accept that about me. Therapy helps, but the pain won’t stop. Not unless I die. And I know that, and no I’m not actively suicidal. But I feel like I’ve tried so much and have just been broken for so long. And I’m an adult now, 26, and I really do enjoy my day-2-day life. But I often times feel extremely anxious and stressed because I am masking a ton. The news made it harder to mask. I have always known how vile men are, but this case brought me to tears, especially now people are trying to dox her?!

My entire town shunned me to the point I moved across the country after the months I finally disclosed. Not a lot of people believed me over him. He said it was consensual even tho he was 22 and I was 16. People still, to this day, believe him. I have gotten messages on Facebook/ig telling me nasty things here and there so I disabled my DM feature. It feels so sick to see parallels of what I went thru happen on such a large scale, so publicly, and 7 hours?! I couldn’t imagine. They all deserve the Bobbit treatment.

I am sick to my stomach, disgusted with the patriarchy (as always), and don’t know what to do. Maybe I am manic, but my therapist has not been quite helpful with this. In fact, I leave feeling more triggered. My heart hurts and I can’t fucking forget. I was fortunate enough to be able to take last week off, but I have to go back to work on Monday and I haven’t even been able to get up and out of bed for the most part. I feel like I’m regressing and I see it and I can’t stop it. Delivery trash is stacked to the brim in my room.

for context i (23f) have had several serious relationships, all with older men. in both of them i had to have sex with them. it’s hard to explain. idk how i feel about calling it rape, i kind of just think of it as sexual abuse bc it was so often but idk. i have always felt anxious and shy about sex, and i feel weirdly inexperienced and clueless, given that i have had serious relationships.

the first one told me that this is how relationships work and would literally just tell me when he wanted sex and i had to just let him do it. he would get cold or angry otherwise. “did you forget you have a boyfriend?” substances might have been pushed very early on, but that’s for another time. the thing rly on my mind right now is that when i asked if i can initiate instead, so that he doesn’t have to feel rejected and i can feel more comfortable, he laughed and said “if i waited for you to initiate, we could never have sex.”

that makes me feel like that is just how sex works in relationships. men make me have sex with them when they want it, and that is just how it has to be. the amount confuses me also and idk what’s normal. in both relationships they wanted it 3+ times a day, which was so hard for me. i want to date again in the future but i’m scared that i can just never date again bc i can’t handle that.

the second one told me it was physically painful for us to not do it, and he couldn’t be around me without wanting it like every two seconds. he would also just start touching me/restrain me and pick me up and carry me to bed, and ofc i would just end up giving in. sometimes he would say “you have maybe 20mins before i want you again.” generally most of this was painful.

on rare occasion when i have talked to ppl abt this they act shocked like it is so horrible. i would love an example of something else. even men i have went out with only a few times will act coercive in some way. it feels like romantic relationships are all about sex. like sex every two seconds. and they always say it will slow over time but that hasn’t been my experience. they also say it’s pretty much the most important thing for them, like it’s just this one thing. it should be not a big deal for me then but idk. i’ve been trying to imagine was healthier relationships look like, but it doesn’t make sense to me. i can’t imagine a man not making me do that. my first bf when i brought this up said smth like “any man dating you is going to try to get sex from you.” he also scolded me hardcore for there being one day we went without sex when i was rly tired and gone most the day.

i feel like no man will ever wait for me or be careful. at this point sex is severely painful for me bc of how bad the tension is. i’ve always had to anyways :( ty for reading, im sorry