Regrets And Perspectives

[u/Timbucktwo1230]

[u/Some-Tear3499]

My late wife, (my third wife and I was her third husband )had some discussions about our 15 yrs together. She was close to or already in hospice care at home. Stage 4 breast cancer. We knew what was coming. We talked about the ‘gifts’ we had given each other. She told me that I gave her freedom. Freedom?

She said when I wanted to build a Faire Garden in the front yard, you said go ahead. When I wanted to go back to school at age 50, you said yes, When I wanted to build The Tea House in the back yard, you said yes. The Faire Garden could be seen from the street, people,from the neighborhood could see it, and the first yr they came and visited it. The Tea House is a 12 x14 feet structure, 16 feet high. She designed it, she built it almost completely by herself. I was grunt labor, for hauling materials, and buying her tools for birthdays and holidays. It took 3 yrs to complete it. She went back to school to get a 2 yr. Technical Degree in Engineering. That enabled her to really advance in her job. Suddenly she was making almost the same money I was making after almost 18 yrs on a now union job. She said I gave her the freedom to pursue her Spiritual expression, with friends and with groups, she became a Pagan. She told me that was the best thing I gave her. The freedom to do what she wanted to do,,what she wanted to pursue. If she wanted to dress up for the Renn Fair, she said I told her to do it! Be want ever you want to be!

She said no one else in her life before me let her do what SHE wanted to do.

She has been gone 22 months now. Forever 55.

[u/Pendo-illsmackabitch → u/Some-Tear3499]

Isn't it crazy and totally weird that grown women have to ask for permission as if they aren't fully capable beings? Grown and mature and responsible enough to carry a fetus, birth a baby, grow/raise a human, but yet, not fully cognizant to just do things without permission.

Of course, things are a little different now. I think about 40% of women can do what they want when they want without permission, but we still have a long way to go.

[u/Frylock_dontDM → u/Pendo-illsmackabitch]

In a relationship you make decisions together.

We plan together and come to decisions together and express how we can/can't support each other in various ways.

We've lived together now for 10yrs with two fulltime jobs, a child, a house, and on a single car for nearly a decade, but the joint decision making is how we make it work.

[u/Some-Tear3499 → u/Frylock_dontDM]

This

[u/painterlyjeans → u/Frylock_dontDM]

Are you really sure it’s joint? Or is she just agreeing and not voicing what she wants?