Regrets And Perspectives

[u/Timbucktwo1230]

[u/TacosAreLife007]

Maybe she didn't intent it as an attack, but it sure is one. An attack on trust. What she said is no different than telling her kids that she regrets starting a family with their father and having them. That her husband and them (the kids) are the reason why she couldn't fulfill her career goals.

I believe most people will consider this to be an attack. An attack on the trust they build and their view on the relationship.

You can guide your kids with advice without throwing your partner under the bus. I've received much advice from my parents. Not once did they claim the other is the catalyst for things they did not reach in life.

[u/complexdevoid → u/TacosAreLife007]

The problem is is that you can't remove Dad from the equation. It is not an attack when you hear something uncomfortable. That is your reaction. She stated facts as she sees them. Her daughter is about to make what she feels is the same mistake. She has every right and in my opinion obligation to protect her child from any harm that she can prevent

[u/TacosAreLife007 → u/complexdevoid]

Did you even read the post? They were arguing, which means the way she brought it forth was an attack and she is making him the catalyst of why she did not become a nurse.

"Never give up your future for another man like I did with your father".

If I was the husband having heard that, I would also see this as my wife regretting being with me and regretting the life we shared. That she would rather actually not be with me or have started a family with me. That's truly a disgusting thing to say to your partner. And if you can't see this, then I wish you best of luck in life.

You can protect your children from your regrets, but nuking your marriage in the process is something else entirely.

[u/complexdevoid → u/TacosAreLife007]

I disagree. They weren't arguing by the description. They were having a discussion and disagreement. In fact this seems carefully written to avoid that word . The fact that people have feelings about something that we discuss doesn't have to be an argument. Plus two pet have to be in it to win in. He has checked out long before this post. If fact he isn't asking for help he wants validation which is what you are giving him. Permission to not work on his relationship with his wife.
She doesn't want her daughter to make a bad decision. The fact that makes everyone uncomfortable should be irrelevant which is what I said to someone else but upon more examination I think it makes it more relevant. Don't want to feel this way well you could avoid that is a totally acceptable way to express yourself. The fact that dad is the subject matter is unfortunate but it is a fact. You people just want women to be silent

[u/TacosAreLife007 → u/complexdevoid]

And I disagree with your premise.

I'm sorry, but I cannot take you seriously when you conveniently dismiss the very first line she said. Which is incredibly hurtful and demeaning towards her husband, especially in front of their children.

You are bringing in new contexts and scenarios in your desperate attempt to erase her responsibility and accountability for nuking her marriage at this point.

Like I said before, you can teach your children to make different decisions in life, but not at the cost of your spouse. She basically threw her spouse AND her children under the bus. She blamed not only the husband, but also having children for the reason she didn't become the nurse. And she is doing it with a lot of resentment that comes across as hurtful, abusive and demeaning.

If you don't see the problem in how she presented her regrets, then there is nothing further to discuss.

Based on what we can see, this woman is resentful, non-communicative (only when it boils up) and very demeaning. Such words are not meant to just 'protect the kids'. They are capable of destroying whole relationships and family systems.

"You people just want women to be silent"

Ah, and that reveals the real story. You're not sticking up for her because of what's right or wrong. You're sticking up to her because she is a woman and assuming everyone is against her for misogynistic reasons.

Others have tried to point out the obvious to you, as well. I'm not going to waste more time on you.

[u/complexdevoid → u/TacosAreLife007]

The spouse is part of the experience. Can't remove him. He is daddy and said spouse. You don't take me seriously because you don't see the wife as a human with lived experience. We don't know how she feels about her children. if she does feel burdened by them. if she does and? She feels burdened by them. She doesn't want her daughter to make the same mistakes. This is not a Disney situation and everyone does not get to live happily ever after. This woman is not happy with her situation she stated clearly and unequivocally. She is giving necessary information on lived experience so her daughter can make a choice to avoid.. not everything can be sugar coated when it comes to life

[u/TacosAreLife007 → u/complexdevoid]

I'm not reading any of what you wrote. Like I said, I'm done wasting my time on you. Especially since you assumed I have misogynistic tendencies.

This will be my last reply to you.

[u/complexdevoid → u/TacosAreLife007]

I know. You can't explain logically how to perpetuate this nonsense without actually admitting that the wife is a human person while saying she is an adult and act accordingly, while saying she should not speak about something that is adult, because it all makes daddy upset and we can't let women speak or protect their own daughters. Thanks