r/LiveFromNewYork • u/jewbrees90 • 16h ago
Cold Open Am i supposed to know who Dakota Johnson dates?
I barely know who she is... she's a nepo baby and I think she did 50 shades of Grey, her dad might be the rock. Thats all I know, as she smugly makes jokes about the famous musicians she is supposedly known for dating.. what are we coming to yaull?
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u/MsCardeno 16h ago
And I’m supposed to be attracted to this?
What’s going on here? What are we doing?
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u/_miles_teg_ 16h ago
That’s the goal
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u/Sam-Lowry27B-6 15h ago
But how.....and why....and who....
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u/ry4lleps 15h ago
Hey music industry, give me 20 minutes alone with your men, and I’ll show them a thing or two.
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u/Stromair 15h ago
We don’t get to have a beautiful life anymore. We all have to be like Dakota’s exes at some point. Miserable and ready to leave.
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u/GuyFawkes99 14h ago edited 13h ago
What's going on is we're ripping off an impression. What we are doing is Nick Mullins' Tucker Carlson impression.
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u/A_N_T 15h ago
Get you someone who loves you as much as a r/LiveFromNewYork user loves microanalyzing every single joke on every single episode of SNL
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u/DanVonCarr 15h ago
Waiiiiit! Che and Colin looked at each other very suspiciously and Che chuckled after a WU joke! Notice how they emphasized this word! This means they're leaving at the end of the season. - Someone on this sub, always, close to the current season ending.
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u/suck-it-elon 16h ago
Guys, understand the nepo truce is still in effect before hurling insults
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u/marktriedreddit watched the Martin monologue live with my mom 15h ago
Marshall is the only survivor of the trio. Maybe it's actually a nepo curse.
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u/Ethan_the_Revanchist 15h ago
Good god this sub is insufferable
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u/satur98n 14h ago
This sub has been exasperating this month. I’ve never seen so many people who take pop culture this deadly serious on a personal level
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u/highheat3117 15h ago
“I’m overmatched by watching a TV show“ is quite the admission but a lot of people around here sure like to do it.
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u/Sarahndipity44 15h ago edited 15h ago
I just watched a clip. I don't know who she dated. It's not necessary for the bit. How was that smug?
Ok an edit: if she said who she dated, she would have been called mean she catty
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u/sexandliquor 15h ago
Because “Dakota Johnson sucks and nepo baby bad and also why was Taylor Swift there”
–this subreddit since last night
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u/jewbrees90 15h ago
I guess if you belive everything you read is true and if you wanna make everything about taylor swift... i ignored her, she gave nothing and made the other girl look like she was trying.
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u/StormOlly 15h ago
I would say it's necessary because she said "I went through two very public ... breakups," as though a majority of the audience would know this. She is not someone like -- let's say -- Taylor Swift, who a majority of the audience would know went through very public breakups, because she actually did! I have no idea who Dakota dated, let alone broke up with -- and I keep up with that kind of stuff.
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u/Sarahndipity44 15h ago
But isn't the bit the SNL musician with the flower? Nothing to do with the who of her exes. And just because some people including me can't name them, doesn't mean they weren't very public
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u/StormOlly 15h ago
My argument isn't that the exes should have been named, it's that her "very public breakups" shouldn't have been part of the monologue, period.
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u/Sarahndipity44 15h ago
I only watched a short clip but I thought that was actually humorously self aware actually
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u/idgafpersonally 15h ago
I mean that's just how SNL operates sometimes? Like last week's episode was all about niche New York shit despite the fact that the vast majority of people on Earth don't live there and don't give a fuck about Jalen Brunson but that's just how it goes with the show sometimes.
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u/jason9045 15h ago
Yes this is crucial knowledge, and on a side note I have never seen someone botch the spelling of "y'all" quite like that
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u/jewbrees90 15h ago
People keep saying that online , but im from new orleans so idk yaull trippin.
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u/nonhiphipster 15h ago
I can’t believe people in New Orleans spell that word that way
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u/ClovedSage 15h ago
They don’t, source me
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u/jewbrees90 14h ago
Source ya I barely know ya. Also said every transplant after living here for half a year lol.
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u/ClovedSage 14h ago
I actually lived in Louisiana from birth till halfway point of my life and then now I live in Texas, I visit yearly still, so call me a transplant all you want you just can’t spell
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u/jewbrees90 13h ago
So you not a transplant, your a texan. Cool story bro, I'll see you at the family reunion. Funny thing is i dont have a spelling problem. Its just how I choose to spell the word since I was young... louisiana huh guess you dont know anything bout the city you claimed 2 comments ago.
"Tiana made gumbo yaull!" - your knowledge of new orleans.4
u/FunDmental 13h ago
You're acting as if people in Louisiana spell it "yaull" whilst confessing that's just how you've always chosen to spell the word.
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u/jewbrees90 13h ago
Again I didn't act like nothing. New Orleans not louisiana... idk if they do or not I just said where im from. While people want to pick apart what I do... yes I always assumed it was a local thing, I could be wrong. But I should have people from Texas telling me about myself.
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u/FunDmental 13h ago
You're acting as if people in New Orleans spell it "yaull" whilst confessing that's just how you've always chosen to spell the word.*
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u/ClovedSage 10h ago
My whole family either lives in Metairie or New Orleans and I constantly talk to them. You’re just grasping at straws and you’re pathetic. I’m a Texan sadly by circumstance, but can you blame someone when their father moves the whole family while they’re still a kid?
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u/Temporary-Daikon2411 15h ago
I just found out about the very existence of Role Model from Chicken Shop Dates (Amelia Dimoldenberg was a flat host of SNL UK but her series is quite charming and funny)...so I do know (from Wikipedia) that Dakota Johnson dated him. And she is well known for dating Chris Martin... are there more?
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u/sherlip 15h ago
I only know Role Model because he was a musical guest last season and it was terrible.
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u/jewbrees90 15h ago
Is he the guy, who picks a girl to be the girl? Lol.
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u/sherlip 15h ago
I don't know his music at all so if you're referencing him, maybe? If not, no idea.
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u/jewbrees90 15h ago
Just the performance..I remember some artist last year picking charlie xcx to be the "maggie" or something in a song.
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u/SebastianPomeroy 15h ago
If her dad is the Rock, then she’d be Dakota Rock.
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u/Starboard44 14h ago
I can't talk if this is an attempt at a joke, but his name is Dwayne Johnson.
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u/Ched_Flermsky 14h ago
Really rude of them to cast someone without asking if you know about them.
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u/jewbrees90 14h ago
Not at all what I said. She just made a big deal out of her famous musician relationships all over the TV screens... seems like she thinks she is a bigger deal than she is. I thought Chris Martin was married to Penny lane shit. But cute of you to try to dunk on me.
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u/Ched_Flermsky 14h ago
I don't watch sports. Therefore Jalen Brunsin shouldn't have made all those sports references.
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u/jewbrees90 14h ago
Her career is not her relationships. Again you are trying to turn my words into something they are not. Stop making everything about your issues!
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u/JalapenoBenedict 14h ago
I’m with you on this. I don’t know a lot about her but her talking about her personal life is different than if she talked about all the successful movies she’s been in. Oh, wait..
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u/Logical-Mobile-7643 13h ago
I agree, seems like even if it was well known, they would say "as you may know I'm dating Machine Gun Kelly" so the rest of the jokes would land for everyone
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u/cornteened_caper 14h ago
Role Model and Chris Martin (Coldplay).
I didn’t know either and had to look it up, so I’m saving others the trouble. But JFC, the snark on this sub is unreal.
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u/hendrix2120 14h ago
i'm really sorry your own personal lack of interest in a celebrity offends you
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u/Zeusifer 13h ago
I'm in my 50s and I don't know who half the guests on the show are, let alone who they date. But I don't feel the need to make posts on reddit complaining about it.
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u/AnywhereMajestic2377 13h ago
SNL is all about pop culture. The references aren’t always going to hit for everyone, nor will they leave a cultural mark. It’s just entertainment.
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u/StormOlly 15h ago
Same! I mean, I've known who she is for a while, but she's not so relevant that her relationships and/or breakups have made the "front pages" of anywhere. Such a weird opening and a flat delivery, besides.
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u/Disastrous-Window597 15h ago
This sub sucks and so does OP.
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u/Impressive_Exchange8 12h ago
yeah where are the mods lmao. every week people come on here and complain that they don’t know the host, they don’t understand their jokes, etc etc like here me out, sometimes… just sometimes, there is pop culture that is no curated specifically to YOU! or your knowledge of pop culture. i love SNL i cannot tell you have many hosts and musical guests have been so far off my radar, but i love this show and i know each week that happens there are people tuning in who haven’t before, or are just because they enjoy this one person or this musical guests and that’s great!
just because i love this show doesn’t mean i expect every single week to be curate to my taste and humor. lots of people in this sub would perhaps benefit from considering that before posting 87 times after the show about how they don’t even know the host or what the host was talking about so its actually the show was shit and sucks and not funny. lighten up the world doesn’t revolve around what you like.
individualism will end us all.
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u/Cozum 15h ago
It was so bad, I actually turned it off after the monologue. She had negative charisma. SNL off to a rough start this season because I thought last week was a train wreck
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u/Quirky-Industry6037 15h ago
You turned off after about 10 minutes? Thanks for showing patience. Lol
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u/Cozum 6h ago
I know, I just thought the cold open was very meh (and I’m getting tired of the looney Trump take every week that is almost overly kind to how terrible he is) and the monologue was just bad and low energy. Like was I supposed to know which musicians she’s dated??
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u/Quirky-Industry6037 6h ago
Yeah but there's the whole 80% of the rest of the show to come.
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u/Prudent_Honeydew_ 15h ago
Yeah usually I'll watch the whole show and get a few laughs at least, even last week. Last night I went to bed halfway through, zero laughs to that point.
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u/WarmHugs- 15h ago
I wish I did too. I stayed up and lost sleep and it wasn’t worth it. Tired for my shift today. Should’ve watched the reruns on YouTube 😭
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u/Steadyandquick 14h ago
Does no one read People or The Enquirer any more?
Machine Gun Kelly is who she met at Taylor Swift’s wedding and they “hit it off”.
I do not know why you are not keeping up with high society periodicals. They are even at the library.
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u/jewbrees90 14h ago
I dont even see these magazines at the check out line anymore. Wooooww mgk thats so funny she must make great decisions.
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u/jewbrees90 15h ago
She seems like she just gets the jobs emily blunt turns down.
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u/TraditionalAd8581 15h ago
Her dad is Don Johnson, not Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
Her mom is Goldie Hawn.
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u/sherlip 15h ago
Lmao. (I know it's a joke, but Goldie Hawn is Kate Hudson's mom. Dakota's mom is Melanie Griffith.)
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u/Jen12Jerry 15h ago
No, her mom is Meg Ryan. The AI Google search results forced upon me says so, so it must be true.. ; -)
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u/TraditionalAd8581 14h ago
Thank you for getting it. I gotta remember not to be too close to the airport when I make jokes like that
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u/Own-Roof-1200 15h ago
Her mother is Melanie Griffith (who is the daughter of Tippi Hedren from Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds”)
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u/ProjectConfident8584 15h ago
Snl monologues are usually celebrity circle jerks followed by an hour of mild to unfunny sketches
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u/isitallovermyface 16h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/AVun92P6O8q2Y
The Rock