r/AskReddit • u/AuthorConfident9386 • 13h ago

Men, what’s one small, seemingly insignificant thing you’ve noticed that can be a telltale sign of the difference between a genuinely good man and a bad one?

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u/NCR_High-Roller 5h ago

Wallowing in self-hatred doesn't exclude you from being a good man. It just means you have issues.

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u/AmIReallyDoingThis34 2h ago

I disagree.

Constructively addressing the mistake is when you focus on the harm you caused and try to fix it. Wallowing in self-hatred after you admit you made a mistake means you remain completely self-focused, showing zero consideration and zero effort towards the person you harmed. That's a bad person! Whether you're naturally self-obsessed or whether using self-obsession as a deliberate tactic to avoid effort, you're a bad person either way.

It gets one step worse when people wallow in self hatred loudly, in front of the person they have hurt. It's a way to elicit sympathy and reassurance from their victim. Woe is me, I am a horrible person, I don't deserve you, I don't deserve anything good, blah blah blah. Suddenly the victim is being put in a position of having to comfort the aggressor. Again it doesn't matter whether this is unconscious or deliberate, people who do this are bad human beings either way.

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u/blackjebus100 2h ago

You can wallow in self hatred silently without indicating it, and the whole premise of your statement is that that isn’t the case, but it’s entirely possible.

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u/plaxitone 1h ago

There are plenty of men out there wallowing in self hatred who you’d think were great guys because they don’t take it out on you.

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u/SweatyExamination9 4h ago

Being a good man isn't just about being morally good. Just like being a good woman isn't just about being morally good. If it was, nice guys and nice girls wouldn't have their own dedicated subreddits. Part of being a good person is being the best person you can be. That means dealing with your issues. If you wallow in self hatred, you are not a good man/woman. You don't uplift the people around you, you tear them down every time you tear yourself down.

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u/NCR_High-Roller 4h ago

That's a very narrow view of good. People are allowed to have struggles bro.

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u/brednbatter 1h ago

Your reply is proof that you are incorrect. It hasnt lifted anyone up. Therefore, by your definition, its proof you're not a good person, highlighting you cannot tell us what a good person is.

Alternatively, I choose to view your reply as a misunderstanding, which is fine. But a person doesn't have to be so strong they lift those around them to be a good person. Sometimes, trying to lift yourself is the best someone can do. So, please try and be more kind to those around you that are good people and struggling.

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u/plaxitone 1h ago

You are thinking of those who project their feelings towards themselves onto others. I’m positive you’ve known and loved and thought highly of someone who was secretly wallowing in self hatred.

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u/HonestDisguise 2h ago

Nice guys and nice girls have their own subreddits because playing that role is inherently dishonest. They pretend to be what they are not to manipulate others. They aren’t moral.