r/AskReddit • u/AuthorConfident9386 • 13h ago

Men, what’s one small, seemingly insignificant thing you’ve noticed that can be a telltale sign of the difference between a genuinely good man and a bad one?

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u/HillInTheDistance 11h ago edited 10h ago

Response to criticism.

Like, not criticism on a fuck-up, or quality of their work.

But when they have actually done something kinda shitty to someone.

I had a boss who made a kinda fucked up joke about a coworker once. Asked to talk in person about it, and his reaction was to just calmly listen, acknowlege that it was kinda fucked, and then not do it again.

The fact that he could take that kinda criticism from someone who worked for him, take it with grace, and actually change how he acted, made him the first and only boss I've actually respected as a person.

Hell, he fired me, and I can still only speak well of him.

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u/CastBeginning 10h ago

That's real leadership humility, grace, and growth. Rare in anyone, let alone a boss.

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u/trunksfreak 8h ago

True leadership is leading by example. If you refuse to be at the front lines with those you manage, then all you are is a boss, not a leader. It takes a special kind of person to lead by example and usually those are the ones who are worthy of the position of leader, but don't want to be in that position.

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u/Bosco215 2h ago

When I was in the military I was asked if I wanted to go to the promotion board. I said no I don't think I'm ready. My platoon sgt disagreed and said that's what lets him know I am ready.

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u/footsnax 6h ago

Learning how to properly give, receive, and respond to feedback should be taught in middle school.

It's one of the most important professional qualities you'll need when you're on the workforce. You are ineffective if you can not constructively give feedback or direction, you are ineffective if you can not interpret feedback or direction, you are ineffective if you can not deliver an effective response to said feedback.

You can be as good at your job as you want but if you can't work with anyone, nobody will want to work with you.

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u/bibrexd 4h ago

I actually just relearned this in a different way at work. Because criticism sandwiches suck and aren’t helpful. This new way is about walking through the feedback with the person. Saying what happened, how it affected you/someone else, the impact it had on them/you, and asking them their thoughts on it. Not that I’ve used it yet really but it stuck with me as such a better way to essentially “walk the situation” and explain why something happened.

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u/Bitter-Part-5682 7h ago

Are good bosses that rare?

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u/-Shoebill- 7h ago

Small business owners it's like 50/50. I had two bosses as a youth working a pizza shop who I considered secondary fathers they were such good men.

Corporate? Pure shitbags.

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u/Thegungoesbangbang 5h ago

This has been my experience as well. You, in my experience, want a small successful business about 5 years in for the best results.

Small enough the owner knows your name, large enough they trust their staff and aren't always on the floor. Being willing and able to pitch in is also a plus.

Between helping open a brunch place, a sandwich shop, working in a privately owned Wendy's franchise store, and working at a lounge/sports bar where the owner will let me ask his lawyers/electricians/mechanics questions while they're sitting at the bar. Always tells me "questions are free".

It's always give and take, good and bad though. Sometimes you're understaffed and that's why the owner knows your name. But they pay overtime and don't hassle you over it. I'm a line cook, so a free meal (within reason), a drink after work, and some creative freedom goes a long ways. Hell, two menu items were my creation, only one is my actual recipe, but all the same.

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u/breakerfall 6h ago

For corporate it depends on how high up you are and how high your boss wants to go. I've been very fortunate to essentially remain a slacker and have a boss that is also comfortable in his position.

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u/HillInTheDistance 7h ago

Before my last job, I had one were we got new ones all the time. (Hospital cleaning and stocking) For a lot of them, it was their first management position, and you got the feeling they mostly got it to put it on their resume that they had had a management position.

Not only did they leave as fast as they'd arrived, they either had no ambition to improve anything, or if they did, they did the same shortsighted attempts at efficiency that their predecessors had failed to do, because they did not understand the work we did, didn't read, or didn't even have opportunity to read, their predecessors findings, and often, didn't seem to see us as people.

The closest thing to a good boss I had working there, was one that didn't try to change anything. But we also didn't have any indication that she did much at all.

So I have had poor experiences with managent in an unpleasant job, then, had better experiences in a different one, and one that I could consider good.

Many people have had much better experiences than me, I assume.

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u/SpecialistSalary2682 2h ago

Accountability without defensiveness is so rare that encountering it in a position of power feels almost miraculous.

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u/lkumar_35 7h ago

The follow-through is the tell: he changed the behavior without making the coworker manage his feelings or remind him again.

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u/l-laura_9487 6h ago

The real tell is what happens next: do they change the behavior without making you manage their feelings about being corrected?

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u/j_bell-3656 2h ago

The follow-through is the real tell: anyone can say “fair point” in the moment; what matters is whether the same hurtful behavior stops showing up next week.

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u/mscott-61 1h ago

That last part is the real tell: he changed without making you manage his feelings about being called out.

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u/santos-f5 8h ago

The real tell is what happens after the apology: does he change the behavior when there’s no audience? Anyone can say “my bad” in the moment.

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u/reflect-the-sun 6h ago

You can't leave us hanging.

Can you elaborate on his "joke"?

What did he fire you for?

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u/PopMundane4974 9h ago

I mean if he fired you for that he definitely didn't take it with grace lol.

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u/HillInTheDistance 9h ago

Oh, he fired me like two years later for a good reason after having given me as more help than a boss could be expected to give to solve my problems that resulted in me getting worse at my job. Sadly though, I was a bit too raped to maintain a good emotional equilibrium and a good work tempo at the time, resulting in me reacting with more rage than a man can allow himself in an interpersonal conflict with a coworker.

I'm still working on that. Got some medication and such.

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u/Unculturedbrine 8h ago

A bit too raped...what?

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u/HillInTheDistance 8h ago edited 7h ago

I didn't deal with it properly and my stress and rage over what had happened to me lead to developing a deep depression which in turn, meant I did not do my job properly, and developed conflicts with some of my coworkers. I'm sorry if this sounds like excuses. I know that worse has happened to other people and that I should have been able to handle it with more emotional maturity.

But I didn't , and thus, I lost my job. My boss, however, was a solid guy.

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u/Infamous_Box4426 8h ago

People make mistakes. It doesn’t sound like excuses it sounds like accountability. You sound like a solid guy too

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u/SerbianShitStain 5h ago

Reading comprehension is a lost skill. Your school failed you.