r/AskReddit • u/AuthorConfident9386 • 13h ago

Men, what’s one small, seemingly insignificant thing you’ve noticed that can be a telltale sign of the difference between a genuinely good man and a bad one?

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149

u/CosmiTourist 11h ago

watch how he reacts when a server messes up his order, when he gets stuck behind a slow driver, or when a mild plan falls through. a guy who is genuinely solid stays grounded and treats people with baseline respect regardless of the frustration, whereas a guy with a bad core lets that quick flash of entitlement, arrogance, or sudden anger leak out the second things stop going his way

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u/FancyKetchupIsnt 9h ago

I agree with almost all of this but the things I say behind the wheel do NOT count

27

u/whosline07 7h ago

It is entirely rational to be angry at people on the road, especially if they're putting themselves or others in danger.

0

u/Sei_Mal_Ehrlich 2h ago

Driving slowly in the middle or left lanes is dangerous.

1

u/BeatUpFarmTruck 1h ago

To add: I will never understand how people think it is acceptable to merge onto the highway at 28mph. I see it like once a week.

13

u/TheGoldenMonkey 5h ago

Being in a giant metal box that can kill people and not following traffic laws is 110% a valid reason to be upset/frustrated at/with someone. I'll never be rude to anyone who hasn't already been rude to me but if we're in a car it's a completely different story.

3

u/2cunty4you 6h ago

Some people shouldn't be allowed to drive with how many times they have tried to kill me. A blinker doesn't give you the right to merge into my vehicle...

1

u/TheSpiffySpaceman 1h ago

Your chance to communicate with me was with your fucking blinker before you cut me off, so don't complain about me swearing at you!

15

u/mungd 8h ago

I think the driving example is not like the others.

If people are completely unaware in a grocery store, down a corridor, on the freeway, in a right turn lane and parked right in the fucking middle so nobody gets to turn right until they move…

I’m considerate. When others aren’t, I’m going to be frustrated.

If someone makes a mistake and it impacts me, I’m going to show them grace. I know when I make mistakes, I’m going to be my biggest critic.

The guy who blows up at a restaurant server is the same inconsiderate person in all of the scenarios above.

34

u/LARPerator 11h ago

Yup. Really it's just emotional regulation. Does he have it?

If he describes himself as "passionate" as a way to explain his outbursts, that's a red flag. It's not passion. It's poor emotional regulation.

2

u/Orzahn 10h ago

I'm passionate, it just means I tend to go on a long rambling rant about whatever has caught my attention at the moment. It doesn't mean I go off on another human being for making a mistake.

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u/LARPerator 10h ago

Yeah that's what I mean. Passion isn't outbursts, it's interest. You're very interested in something and maybe would even talk about it until you fall asleep if someone let you. But it doesn't mean you'll start yelling at someone if they say it's too much and they need some quiet for a bit

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u/asbestosmilk 11h ago

If it happens once, then maybe not. We all have bad days and let our feelings get the better of us.

But if it’s a regular occurrence, yeah, that’s a huge red flag.

9

u/CosmiTourist 11h ago

100% it's not about one-time thing

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u/uk123456789101112 8h ago

If it happens once at a pivotal moment and the guy cant have controlled himself in that moment, whats he gonna be like when it really matters? Red flag.b

-2

u/BLT_Trade_r 10h ago

The problem is they are going to say that, and you are going to believe it every time. What are the chances their bad day was on your first date huh? Use rational thinking to consider the actual probability of something.

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u/Draw-on-the-walls 10h ago

I’m in a long term relationship and my gf crumbles at every and any inconvenience. I worry I should leave her but can’t quite ever do

1

u/TheGoldenMonkey 5h ago

Sometimes unresolved trauma regarding uncertainty can manifest as control issues like that. If they could only depend on themself or had unreliable guardians growing up and they had to make decisions for themself and/or their siblings all the time they may be more prone to being unable to regulate their emotions when they're not 100% in control of a situation.

I don't know your gf so I don't know if that applies but I just thought I'd share.

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u/rigatony222 9h ago

lol I guess I’m 2/3 there lol though I will defend myself and say that my level of frustration with your slow driving varies.

At speed limit: slightly annoyed but can’t fault you.

Just below: “this freakin guy, come on.” No need to freak out.

10 or more below?! “The fuck are you doing… pull over!” (unless your a clearly overloaded vehicle of some kind or a public service vehicle)

4

u/HonestDisguise 9h ago

I think there’s still nuance to be had. Is the response complaining loudly about the idiot or does it go to road raging, tailgating, and actual aggression?

Being frustrated is a natural part of being human.

0

u/rigatony222 7h ago

Eh can’t say I’ve ever thought of escalating. I prefer my profanity laced, ever more creative tirades about where the idiocy began in their life

Then I’m over it 5 min later 😂

5

u/BiNumber3 8h ago

The ones that get into a faster lane and continue to go slow. Or people using turn/exit lanes to cut back into the main lane.

Granted, how angry the person gets is important too. Like, curse em a bit and move on is quite a different road rage from chase em down or tail gate em for a mile, or worse.

1

u/rigatony222 7h ago

I prefer to just call them an idiot in every profanity laced way I can and AT MOST give a little side eye when I can finally pass.

Honestly considering I forget about it at most 10 min later it just ain’t worth getting too crazy about it.

1

u/BiNumber3 7h ago

Exactly, I value my own car and life far more than i do "getting em back"

1

u/LtKavaleriya 1h ago

Also depends on where I’m going

Heading to work in the morning without much time to spare? FUCK that car going 10 under

Weekend leisure ride with the windows down? Hell yeah bro, let’s slow down and enjoy the scenery

1

u/1337isntREAL_7357 9h ago edited 9h ago

I don't know where you live but slow in the way people def. trigger me. I might be a bad person but jesus fucking christ just get out of the way.

As for a plan, that depends. I refuse to make plans for enjoyment things because my work requires a plan and contingencies while making sure to hit all goals and line up timelines to sync at a perfect time. So, if we can hit marks I get a drive to hit the plan and its the worst feeling in the world for enjoyment things. If its will go to the beach and then maybe eat on the way home, fine. If you start saying will go the beach at noon and then get a thing at 2pm and then and then. You've just engaged a plan and succeed in me that I can't easily turn off (or I don't get enjoyment because someone is lolly gagging and probably say, "I wish we would have had time to do x"... WTF we had all the fucking time to do that.)

I've been told I'm "intense" so I don't like plans if their is zero benefit for a plan.

1

u/Jiveturtle 8h ago

Stuck behind a slow driver is different from the other two. At least drive the speed limit. The rest of us in society have budgeted our limited time to get where we need to be when we need to be there.

1

u/That_Phony_King 6h ago

I disagree with slow drivers, but only if they are in the left lane. That lane is meant for passing slower vehicles, why are you cruising there? Go to the right lane.

1

u/Charming-Standard-84 5h ago

Lol, I've seen more women than men do this as a former bartender. They'll come screaming about an "order" they didn't place, let alone pay for. They would also usually come in pairs.

Guys are usually friendly and just inquire about an order. I bartended for over a decade and had maybe 2 blokes who went a bit overboard but every single shift I would have at least 1 or 2 women screeching drunkly at me about an order they didn't place.

1

u/Michael_Goodwin 3h ago

stuck behind a slow driver

I was raised to be as nice as I can be to those I meet, unless they do me wrong

But shit I am not holding my tongue when I'm alone in the car lmao