r/AskReddit • u/AuthorConfident9386 • 13h ago

Men, what’s one small, seemingly insignificant thing you’ve noticed that can be a telltale sign of the difference between a genuinely good man and a bad one?

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u/ColdSmokeMike 12h ago

I struggle with feeling like I'm using the people in my life, since I have a terrible habit of not talking to someone unless I need something from them. I know it goes both ways, they're also not contacting me during those periods, but it still feels like I'm taking advantage of friendships.

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u/MajesticOrange1 11h ago

that’s pretty much what friendship in middle age becomes. unless you live in close proximity, work together, or have opportunities to connect regularly. most people don’t so it becomes more like you describe.
i think the biggest thing is if it feels like you picked up right where you left off, or if it feels like you struggle to connect again when you do make time for each other. it’s usually pretty easy to answer that one

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u/Seige_J 6h ago

I noticed after I graduated high school, I was always texting my buddies to meet up or play Xbox or whatever. One day I thought “what’d happen if I stopped texted them first?”. I’m not a super social person so I had no problem not talking to anyone. Well… I haven’t talked to any of them in a little over ten years. I stopped texting and never heard a word. There is a small part of me wishes I kept the relationships I’ve had but we are well beyond that. But also fuck those guys. My real friends would notice if they hadn’t heard from me and would care enough to reach out. I can’t speak to if they noticed or not, but I know they didn’t make any effort to keep me around.

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u/RollingMeteors 5h ago

I know it goes both ways, they're also not contacting me during those periods, but it still feels like I'm taking advantage of friendships.

Do they never reach out to you for stuff you're expertise is in? Certainly it's a mutual relationship in some capacity.

As someone who is a performing artist and art curator, "not talking to someone unless I need something from them" does not make me feel bad when the thing i need from them is to shine in a capacity and brightness that will illuminate for many.

There is certainly a lacking and a desire for more when you're only really interacting with your friends during showtime and never behind the scenes.

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u/Howling_Stars 4h ago

The way you phrased that tells me it's more like you find it difficult to reach out until you have no choice. That's different from only caring about people when they can do something for you.

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u/BigCelebration13 12h ago

Ok. Ty for letting us know.