r/AskReddit • u/AuthorConfident9386 • 13h ago

Men, what’s one small, seemingly insignificant thing you’ve noticed that can be a telltale sign of the difference between a genuinely good man and a bad one?

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u/Tri4ceunited 13h ago

Their stance on men showing emotion.

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u/Ok_Suggestion5523 11h ago

Nah, most morale person I've met is literally a stoic and believes there should be more of it. Guy is brilliant and kind, just you wont see it externally most of the time unless it is with kids.

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u/Tri4ceunited 11h ago

You’ve made my point without understanding it. Their stance on emotion, not whether or not they show it. One can be a gentle giant, a neutral benefactor.

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u/bamisdead 10h ago

Right. Someone being stoic or having that kind of personality and approach? No big deal at all. They should be who they're most comfortable being.

The issue is men who shame other men for showing more emotion than they do.

It starts early, too. Guys start attacking one another for it at a young age. "Sissy" and "weak" and "gay" and a long list of slurs, they're all aimed at boys who show too much emotion (or the "wrong" kind of emotion), and we continue to reinforce those attitudes as an adults, too.

There's nothing wrong with preferring to keep your emotional state to yourself. If that's your way, it's your way.

The issue is when we demean other men and claim they're not masculine because that's how how they handle things.

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u/Tri4ceunited 10h ago

Correct. Some men make it out alive, calloused and emotionless. Some turn angry and violent because of the anger and violence shown to them for acting ‘different’.

Some don’t make it out at all.

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u/GrumpyRutabaga 11h ago

The stance on men showing emotions is nuanced and more a reflection of how burned they have been. You can absolutely find horrible assholes in both camps, and genuinely good people in both camps as well.

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u/SuperSpecialAwesome- 6h ago

I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, as the saying goes. I see no reason why guys should have to hide their emotions, just to appear "masculine" or "macho". I've had a male coworker insult me for being overly emotional around women, but it's just how I am. I'm more of an emotional thinker, than a logical one, so I think that really helps when building connections with others. Doesn't always work out, and I've had one relationship end over the emotional imbalance between her and me, with her being especially closed-off, while I was more open. But... I hate having barriers up and being a shell of myself, like I had been at previous workplaces.

But yeah, woman or guy, I see no issue with displaying emotion. You can't be expected to be permanently stable or alright. People need to vent or have safe spaces to release their pent-up stress. I could never be open with other guys until earlier this year. But it helps having someone you can have a one-on-one with, especially at work, and just talk. Now, obviously I favor talking to women more than guys, but it's work-in-progress.

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u/NCR_High-Roller 5h ago

Yeah no. Guys don't show emotions because it has consequences, not because they're sociopathic in nature. (many are, especially as they age)