r/AskReddit • u/AuthorConfident9386 • 13h ago

Men, what’s one small, seemingly insignificant thing you’ve noticed that can be a telltale sign of the difference between a genuinely good man and a bad one?

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171

u/bussysniffer3000 13h ago

Whenever a guy has to say he's a gentleman or a nice guy or bragging about the nice things they've done, even being a white knight

36

u/houseonpost 11h ago

This one is partially true. But it also could be he experienced trauma as a child from his parents. If he is doing it to always prove his worth and is insecure, it doesn't mean he's a bad guy.

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u/chilla124 10h ago

Yeah, I can see this being two sides. Though I do notice that the bragging or over mention of these things come from those who are white knighting. Someone who has that trauma doesn't tend to speak up and rather just brings themselves out in the attempt to make others happy.

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u/tyen0 3h ago

That's insightful; opened my eyes a bit. Thank you

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u/MatchaBauble 10h ago

If he is that insecure, he won't be a good partner anyway. For that, someone doesn't have to be an actively bad person. 

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u/houseonpost 9h ago

First, you don't know what you are talking about. Just because someone experienced trauma doesn't make them insecure or not a good partner.

Secondly, OPs question was what makes a man a bad man. Experiencing trauma doesn't make a person 'bad.'

2

u/averagecounselor 8h ago

This is why I always tell people Im an asshole.

Said people went out of their way to introduce me to their parents and family members during our graduate school reception.

No i dont know why they told their loved ones they loved hanging out with me in our 2 years of graduate school.

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u/tyen0 3h ago

This is similar to the guys that preface things with phrases like, "I'm going to be honest with you". I never trust people like that because honest people wouldn't think to tell you or point out that they are being honest and so far it has always borne out later. Most recently a guy that often said that at my company was let go and I was not surprised that he was finally caught/recognized for what he was.

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u/TallEnoughJones 6h ago

"I'm not a bad person. I'm a good person who's done bad things." - Dennis Rader. One of the examples he gave to show that he was a good person was that he got a woman a glass of water before he strangled her to death.

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u/UltimaGabe 52m ago

This is why I've never, ever felt the need to make a "not all men" objection. We all know it's not all men, and since I know I'm not one of those men, I don't feel the need to defend myself.

Like when the "man vs. bear" meme was popular, I was just nodding along like "Yeah, I get it"