r/AskReddit • u/AuthorConfident9386 • 13h ago

Men, what’s one small, seemingly insignificant thing you’ve noticed that can be a telltale sign of the difference between a genuinely good man and a bad one?

3.2k Upvotes
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u/Trans-Europe_Express 13h ago

Their personality or attitude about women doesn't change when there are only other men around.

434

u/Stoictripreset 12h ago

Or their personality or attitude doesn’t change toward other men when a woman enters the room.

-20

u/Militantpoet 12h ago

What?

87

u/DukeRedWulf 12h ago

You've never seen a bunch of idiots suddenly trying to "score points" off each other by talking sh!t at their "friends", just because a conventionally attractive woman has shown up?

13

u/Militantpoet 12h ago

No im not friends with assholes lmao

40

u/KennysWhiteSoxHat 12h ago

I’d be surprised if you’ve navigated life and never seen anybody change how they act for someone they’re interested in even if the person doesn’t like them

-4

u/Militantpoet 11h ago

Maybe when I was a kid? I've long stopped associating with people who arent self aware enough to realize other people can recognize when theyre being disingenuous or patronizing. 

13

u/DukeRedWulf 11h ago

Neither am I, but I've been in social situations with groups of men who are strangers to me, and I've seen this change happen very blatantly..

18

u/Ouch_i_fell_down 11h ago

I'm not friends with assholes either currently, but you're really going to tell me every friend you've made at every single stage/moment of your life was a good choice? Never a single misfire? Never a bad egg?

Seems pretty far-fetched.

0

u/Militantpoet 11h ago

Lol idk dude. I try to surround my life with more positivity than not. If I was friends with anyone like that, it would have been in high school and college. And even now I cant think of anyone I'd call an actual friend that behaved like that. Friends of friends or casual acquaintance. 

Reading some of the other comments helped me understand better what people are referring to, so I get it, ty

4

u/FujiwaraHelio 8h ago

They dont have to be your friends LmAo

1

u/_learned_foot_ 9h ago

I read that inverse, as in they "clean up" when being watched (not just language, but types of jokes, a hidden sexist is still sexist being the implication). Both are applicable ironically.

-18

u/BigCelebration13 12h ago

There's a really dumb attempt to start up gender war content on Reddit making up fake misandry stuff to try and get people mad. That post is just part of that.

12

u/uhhhhhhhhh_okay 12h ago

Yeah this isn't that bud

-14

u/BigCelebration13 12h ago

uhhhhhhhhh okay

13

u/Jaijoles 11h ago

There’s men that talk shit about women when no women are around.

There’s men who put down other men that are there when women are around to make themselves look better.

Both of those are just types of people that exist. That has nothing to do with pushing a gender war. Just two different types of shitty men.

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u/BigCelebration13 11h ago

Haven't really seen that I guess, despite being a man.

3

u/Stoictripreset 8h ago

If you hang around enough people you’ll eventually run into it.

0

u/BigCelebration13 8h ago

I dunno. I hang around a lot of people. Maybe I just don't give off a vibe that that's poke. Also, it's hilarious that I'm being downvoted because I never ran into that kind of jerk, but that's Reddit.

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u/noiro777 6h ago

No it's really not and the only person that seems mad is you ...

99

u/Wait_I_gotta_go_pee 11h ago

It’s a shame that women aren’t around to hear the differences or lack thereof, isn’t it?

91

u/tedivm 10h ago

My now wife moved in with me when I was living in a house with roommates. She was home and one of the other roommates didn't realize it- he and his best friend were saying some of the most vile shit apparently (stuff they never said around me) and were horrified when she walked out and asked them about it.

56

u/lavendermintchip 9h ago

As a trans guy, it was crazy seeing the difference between what other guys were comfortable saying (about women) around me pre and post transition.

15

u/Informal_Ad3244 6h ago

Did you notice any difference in the way women talked around you, or was it just the men?

2

u/lavendermintchip 1h ago

I'm treated/perceived as a gay guy most of the time, so I don't feel like there's been much difference there besides the occasional playful jab (like "oh, so you're silencing a woman" when I jokingly tell a female friend to shut up, for example).

45

u/Adventurous-Dog420 10h ago

Oh, this is a good one.

I had a co-worker that was always nice to everyone but as soon as it was just us it was full blown misogyny and racism.

I might be a shaved head white dude that served in the military a decade ago but I'm 100% opposite of what you think bud.

19

u/Narradisall 7h ago

I had a friend who was like that. When no women were around he was a nice guy to be with. Chill and helpful, genuinely a good bloke.

When women were around, he’d throw other men under the bus to make him look better. Make shit up like attributing things he’d said about women to other guys etc.

It was a night and day difference for the guy.

2

u/SecretAsianMann 2h ago

I knew someone like that and tolerated far too long. Every time I was ready to cut things off, we'd hang out and he'd be so cool I'd give him another chance. I was such a dumbass for being fooled over and over again. I finally learned and I'm good now, but it took me far too long.

45

u/dr__paco 10h ago

This is why I believe a lot of women think they like "kind, decent" men and they end up being cheated or worst...

Yeah, you should heard that kind decent funny guy when there are no women around...

2

u/jerog1 1h ago

I have the opposite experience - I’m a guy and often really toxic men are nice around me and then act really shitty to women. I guess because they care to earn my respect and mask their shittier behaviour.

It used to be shocking when I’d hear horror stories about a dude I assumed was cool. It’s less surprising now

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u/dr__paco 10m ago

Yeah but im sure those men arent succesful with women. Those are a different type of men.

25

u/NEEDZleKARMA 9h ago

It's always so gross to see the mask slip as soon as there aren't any women around to hear the misogynistic shit they say. Don't think I'm like you just because we're both men.

2

u/SuperFLEB 7h ago

"Women. They're somewhere else right now, amirite?"

2

u/sexyshingle 4h ago

This is a big one.

2

u/EldritchGoatGangster 2h ago

BIG one right here. I notice a lot of guys start talking shit about women when none are around, and seem baffled when I don't join in.

4

u/nishinoran 11h ago

Oh good, I stay as misogynistic as ever when women are around.

-1

u/ThewFflegyy 8h ago

why? it is pretty much ubiquitous among both sexes that our behavior is different around the opposite sex. there are objectively unsavory things about how on average, both sexes act. what is wrong with men or women blowing off some steam about that when with their friends? I really don't get this idea that men are supposed to hold nothing but positive views about women. its not like we attempt to hold women to anything near that standard.

9

u/whogivesashirtdotca 4h ago

"Blowing off steam"? You can't go about that in a way that doesn't demean other people?

-4

u/ThewFflegyy 4h ago

its not like we as a society even attempt to hold women to that standard which we are trying to hold men to.

honestly I think the current wave of feminism is genuinely very disrespectful to women. there seems to be this idea that women should be held to much lower standards than men(in a lot more cases than just what we are discussing). I genuinely like and respect women, which is why I am willing to hold them to the same standards I hold men to, and vice versa. that is actual equality. it is also why I do not feel uncomfortable speaking plainly with my friends about the things women do that are annoying or unsavory. gender relations these days seems to be condescending towards women and disrespectful towards men. it is not good.

0

u/Sol_lar_Glitch 9h ago

exactly. consistency when no one's keeping score says more than almost any behavior performed in mixed companies