r/AskReddit • u/RikoRain • 14h ago
What do you think about parents who immediately demand their child pay "rent" at 17/18/graduating (while living at home still)?
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u/40sumthenlady 12h ago
It depends. If all your kid does is smoke weed and play video games, then it’s time to get a job and pay rent.
If your kid is a good responsible adult, going to school and/or working and saving money, then no rent is a nice thing you can do for them to help them get ahead in life.
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u/aenonymosity 12h ago
I was the latter. My family asked me to pay a couple hundred a month for the 2 years.
Then, to my surprise, when I graduated with my 2-year, moving to university 2 hours away, they gave me the money I had given them in rent, as a graduation gift. It felt weird at the time, but it was a good lesson in how to save. I'd always been bad at that.
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u/Nexies 12h ago
My parents lied and said this is what they would do for me in order to get me to agree to paying anything. I was already good at saving and I think that bothered them. then they said they used my money during Covid when my stepdad lost work and I never saw any of it. He had a crap work history due to multiple surgeries (but wasn’t on disability) so he only got a few weeks of UI. They basically stole half my UI every week.
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u/RikoRain 10h ago
See this. And I bet once you tried to go on your own it was a struggle with them taking 50% of your funds. Imagine how well you could have moved off to with 100%
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u/PaintDrinkingPete 12h ago
yes. of course this also assumes the parent(s) aren't in a place where they need the help...layoffs and hard times can happen to anyone.
But otherwise, yes...my parents would have never asked me for rent at that age, but I was going to school and anything I earned working part-time was being saved or spent on necessities and needs that I had.
had I dropped out of school, and didn't want to work and sat around the house all day at partied all night, they would have probably kicked me out as opposed to charging rent, honestly, but either way, I wouldn't have been free-loading very long
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u/Tobar_the_Gypsy 11h ago
Also sometimes parents take that rent and put it into a high yields savings account and then give it back to the kid as a surprise. It would be better to teach kids financial literacy but this is good too.
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u/Trystt27 10h ago
I have to wonder what the parents did to contribute to whether they became a good, responsible adult. Seems like a failure on the parents' part if they couldn't prepare their child for adulthood.
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u/nomadnomor 14h ago
I charged my kids rent, but gave it back to them when they moved out
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u/MaximusManimal 13h ago
This is what we do (shhh, it's a surprise) because it teaches them budgeting and reinforces spending discipline. We deposit the money into an account that we plan to gift to them when they fully move out as a little kick start to life. It will only work as intended if they don't know it's coming back to them though.
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u/Capnleonidas 12h ago
Haha my parents did the opposite. They said they would pay for college tuition if I paid my room and board. When I turned 25 they presented me with a bill of all the money I “owed” to them.
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u/JosephCedar 12h ago
Fuck. Maybe I'm overly petty, but that would make me cut them out of my life permanently. Sorry you had to go through that.
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u/Capnleonidas 11h ago
Haha I did cut off contact for about 6 years for numerous reasons. My wife convinced me to build a bridge with them so our kids can know their grandparents.
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u/dovahkiitten16 12h ago
You can also just teach them to save money on their own for the future?
That’s what my parents did and I willfully deposited 50% of my paycheque to savings for my own college fund. Learning to put money aside when you don’t have to is a much stronger lesson imo. Looking at a paycheque and deciding to prioritize later over now is the more important skill, since honestly putting money towards rent or bills is an extremely basic lesson they’ll pick up on quick once they have real rent.
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u/Striderrs 13h ago
Throw it in a HYSA! Or some other relatively safe investment vehicle
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u/stackjr 12h ago
I completely understand your logic, I just had a laugh at thinking how much they would have to charge their kids to get a solid return. Lol.
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u/duderguy91 12h ago
I think if it’s an index fund type of investment vehicle it could incentivize consistent investment. Say you charge $300 a month in rent/utilties over 3-4 years and put into an S&P tracking fund. The kid would be partially on their way to a home down payment depending on the area and have an established account with 5 figures in it. Seeing that money in there might convince them to keep it going strong.
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u/Karnaugh_Map 11h ago
There was a reddit post with someone telling their story in this situation, and they were quite bitter since the rent they had to pay was large enough that they struggled through university while working and didn't really get to enjoy any of it. Something to consider.
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u/Local-Friendship8166 13h ago
Mine never gave it back to me. But I only had to pay for nine months. Came home one night and dad said “we sold the house. You have 30 days to get out”
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u/RikoRain 13h ago
Yeah this parents aren't doing that. They need "spending money" and demand "payback" for raising the kid
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u/knitwise 12h ago
When people say children are an investment, they don't mean that literally. In reality, they are probably the biggest money pit ever. But if you do your job right as a parent, the non-financial gains are worth every dollar.
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u/WMINWMO 12h ago
They aren't required to give you money back. If you don't like giving your money to them for rent then go give your money to someone else for rent.
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u/thirnimeck9 12h ago
did they know you were giving it back or was it a surprise? because those are two very different lessons lol
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u/RandomRedditor44 11h ago
Why would you charge your kids rent?
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u/seigemode1 10h ago
Assuming they give the money back, it's to teach the kid how to budget accordingly so they aren't shell shocked by sudden expense of moving out.
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u/mrbigglsworth1 13h ago
This is the way. Teaches responsibility and budgeting while also helping them get a head start.
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u/skuidENK 13h ago
From my personal experience, this is a very western thing to do. Eastern cultures, the family unit is a huge part of your life. If my folks could have had my siblings continue to live in the house all together for the rest of our lives they would have loved it. I always know that I can come home and they’ll be there with their arms open to accept me and never charge me rent. I’ve done this none after taking a sabbatical to do some backpacking. I came home and lived there for a year as I planned my next move.
I think it’s strange and weird to charge your kid for rent, especially after they just turn that very young age.
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u/partytillyoupuke90 11h ago
Nailed it. Very American thing. And it’s so idiotic at this point. Not sure why white American parents want to fuck their kids over and make them pay rent.
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u/RikoRain 10h ago
(Of the three I'm currently referencing that initiated this question - two are hispanic and one is black). All single parent homes. Two Hispanic female mommas and the black one is living with her (black) dad and (black) dads girlfriend, but since he's charging her a whopping 800$ a month - he told her "sell your crap on eBay, pay me, and get out". She had to borrow a car to door dash to afford the bus ride to her (white) mom's house in another state who said she would gladly take in her oldest daughter for nothing more than "helping around the house and babysitting siblings while you get back on your feet".
Hardly a "white" thing.
In fact.. there's a white boy.. parents don't charge him rent. They "work together". His older brother before him? The same. Another girl (white) her parents aren't charging her "rent". It's literally the "minority" females.
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u/QuestGiver 12h ago
Agreed. Indian American here and multi generational feels so natural. My kids have grown up with grandparents almost always around. Just like how I grew up too.
Love it.
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u/Local-Tiger-5552 12h ago
Love this. There is so much value in multi generational living situations. Grandparents care for infants, the next generation cares for grandparents.
Instead, we utilize daycares, retirement homes, LTC’s and funnel money into the economy while keeping younger generations chained to debt.
Obviously this is super broad stroke and there’s more context and considerations like distance and relationships. But there is a push for cutting parents off, especially what I see on Reddit, that isn’t so common in other cultures.
Every where I look I see the dismantling of the family unit.
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u/RikoRain 10h ago
See! I'm American and I may be considered the "hermit" of the family but my family lives in cohesive units. My two adult cousins (20) still live with their mom and dad (my aunt and uncle). My brother (37) still lives with my dad and his second kid (now 19). My other uncle left my grandma's home at 18, but returned at 25, and stayed til 30. My older cousins (3 of them) stayed with their mom and dad (who lived with their mom - my great grandma) until they were nearly 30 (pretty much until each one got married or was about to). That was my favorite family group to hang out with. Three generations under one home. I have a other set of cousins (2) who stayed with their mom and dad until about 25. One still stays there at nearly 40 (the mom passed, so she stays with the dad so he's not alone).
And then consider all of these family members lived within 15 mins walking distance on a large farm plot of land.
I just... I don't understand treating your child like a tenant and you're the landlord.
You're family.
You're supposed to work TOGETHER in life...
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u/Cotillionz 13h ago
Guy I know has his 30 year old son still living home. He quit his post-secondary school years ago and hasn't even tried to find a job. He just mooches off his Dad for free and does nothing.
There isn't a blanket answer for this that works for everyone.
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u/Luchalma89 12h ago
This is 100% the answer. I have a couple of adults living at home still. They're....wildly different in terms of contributing to chores and responsibilities. But we can't just some kids pay rent and some not.
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u/Mountain-Donkey98 13h ago
Yup! More than one of my friends are these exact people. Some have jobs though.
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u/jammaslide 13h ago
What I have read is that we have the highest level of adult men 30 and under, who are living with parents, since the great depression. I have also hezrd there are large numbers of those men who are not working and not looking for work. They will have a rude awakening one day.
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u/Drafo7 12h ago
My mom said she'd do this so I moved in with my dad. Years later my mom said she would have put all the money into a college fund for myself and she and my siblings acted like I should've known that from the beginning. I thought she'd be using it on groceries and stuff. Felt really shitty when they told me I should have known and why tf did I move in with dad and all that crap.
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u/Glad_Goose_2890 12h ago
She also could be lying and trying to blame you for her own poor choices
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u/hyyerrspace 11h ago
I think this is the real reason. Cos if she really would have done that why didn’t she communicate that to the kid? They’re 18 that doesn’t make them a mind reader.
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u/r0botdevil 9h ago
I think there's a solid chance she's lying.
Starting a college fund for an 18-year-old is essentially pointless anyway.
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u/SnakeJG 11h ago
Parenting a fresh adult by lying and tricking them was her screw up. She could have just said "I want to make sure you aren't wasting your money and that you are working for something, so I'm going to charge you rent that I'll set aside for when you decide to go to college or buy a house"
She didn't and that's on her, not you.
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u/lemonmerangutan 12h ago
If she did nothing to make you believe there were good intentions back then, that probably means she's full of beans
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u/shifteru 11h ago
At 17/18 you’d already be starting college, how was charging you at that point going to help? I guess later semesters? Yeah I don’t buy it. Sounds like an excuse as others said.
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u/AHailofDrams 12h ago
Your mom is full of shit and only saying that because she knew she wouldn't have done it
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u/Netmantis 12h ago
It depends on the intent, the context, and what will be done. Oddly enough that's the way most things are.
If you have abusive parents that upon age of majority declare you will get out or pay rent, with no intention of assisting? Those people are assholes.
On the other hand if you are not expected to do chores anymore, while concerns may be voiced there is no control over your comings and goings, and it contributes to the household? That's fine.
If the rent is placed in a savings account and not touched, only to be gifted to you when you decide to move to help with moving expenses or help pay down mortgage? Excellent. They are helping you figure out budgeting while also making sure you are taken care of.
It depends on the situation, the people, and what is going on.
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u/42_grains_of_sand 13h ago
My parents sat me down when I graduated high school, and said that I either needed to get a job and start paying rent, or go to college. It was tough at the time but helped me learn some really valuable skills. I have a great relationship with both of them now. Not sure if that helps but that's my perspective. I'll never understand parents who try and "protect" their children from the real world/responsibilities.
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u/dkonigs 12h ago
I wouldn't wait until high school graduation to have that sort of conversation. Most of these life decisions require some advance planning and application processes well in advance of that milestone.
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u/42_grains_of_sand 12h ago
I had two months after graduation over the summer as sort of a 'grace period' where rent wasn't required, when I was looking for jobs and applying to programs. They gave me a deadline, so I didn't feel like it was out-of-nowhere.
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u/TorturedChaos 10h ago
I was given a similar deal.
About 2/3 of the way through my senior year in highschool my parents told me I either needed to be going to school or get a job and pay rent/help with bills. If I was in school and working and wanted to help with groceries it would be greatly appreciated but by no means required. No numbers where set of rent if I wasn't in school, but the impression was very clear it wasn't going to be market rate, more helping with bills and such.
It wasn't presented in a malicious or angry way. More of a gental push out of the nest to start building my own life. I went to college, moved out and started working not long after graduation so it was a moot point.
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u/Empty_Complaint_9437 13h ago
No one chooses poverty.
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u/el_zilcha 9h ago
Yes, but some parents choose it for their children.
My parents' home was paid off and they were comfortable financially, they just didn't want me there so the rent, utilities, etc they charged were well over market price. I managed on my own but it took about 6 years before I had reliable food and housing. I can't imagine how kids could swing it these days.
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u/Blametheorangejuice 13h ago
Our kids are still with us while they go to college. They are taking over their own bills (cell phone, etc.).
My aunt once charged my cousin rent. He was 25, came back from the Army, and spent weeks sitting around and playing video games. She said she would charge him 300 a month, far cheaper than rent around town.
He got a job in a week and moved out after six months.
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u/Bluegobln 9h ago
Nothing says "go away" to your kid more than charging them to stay.
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u/Hkshooter 13h ago
When my son graduated high school he went to the local college and had a part time job. I charged him $500 a month "rent", which included any food. When he got a better job and moved out 3 years later or so I gave him a check for all of his paid rent to help with a down payment on a start house.
I dont care how old he gets he will always be my little boy and I will be there for him.
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u/Knineteen 12h ago
If your kid is making good financial choices, I think it undermines them. The younger someone is, the more important their money is. Why deprive them of it especially when I can easily afford to support them?
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u/Ok-Blackberry4813 13h ago
If they’re an adult and they have a job I think it’s fair. Not a demand so much as a conversation about responsibility and how to start budgeting so they’re more prepared when they leave the house.
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u/Bluegobln 9h ago
I was kicked out of the house, then kicked out of my mother's house. When I was homeless I called someone I knew I had worked with previously, he helped me have a place to live (a shitty trailer) and got me a job working with him. When I started paying rent on the trailer and started saving money and finally had my own thing going, my dad hated the trailer (by then literally rotting) I was living in and felt like it was going to make me ill or was a bad life situation and suddenly he wanted to help.
So he made moving back home available to me. I took the bait and boy did I regret it. I moved in, and he proceeded to raise my rent until I couldn't afford it (I was paying for a shitty trailer before remember, it was REAL cheap). I no longer had savings, and he stole my future right out from under me all over again.
He doesn't understand to this day the role he played in that part of my life. He doesn't understand how when I was literally homeless and desperate, I didn't even THINK of calling him and asking to move back in. He should remember that for the rest of his life.
If they're an adult, let them be an adult. If they want to contribute they can, but charging them rent when they may or may not be able to afford it is NOT the way.
I won't even charge a FRIEND rent who needs help and a place to stay for a little while. I would NEVER charge my child rent. Ever.
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u/DroidSeeker13 13h ago
This. It may not be rent, but having them pitch in steadily is a great way of teaching fiscal responsibility, like having them pay for groceries, or part of a utility bill. When it comes to things that are privileges (like driving the parents' car), contributing your share for fuel insurance, and maintenance is also on the table.
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u/Ok-Blackberry4813 11h ago
Showing them the bills and receipts for all of the expenses really helps them put things in perspective too. I never asked them to contribute to anything they didn’t see first. Driving was so expensive my oldest decided to use public transportation.
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u/NassauJack 13h ago
They are probably broke , I never even thought of collecting rent form any of my kids ,
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u/RikoRain 9h ago
Funding their clubbing/partying and using the funds to afford their other kids in their single parent household and no contraceptive
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u/Boring_Wolverine_413 13h ago
I was told that I could go to college or get a job. If I got a job I’d have to pay rent, but if I went to college I didn’t
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u/KrazyKatMademoiselle 13h ago
No rent here for as long as he is in any type of school. Once he's working if he's still with us I'd charge him a lowish rent but secretly put all of the money into a savings account so when he moved out he'd have a little cushion. I had zero help in my younger life, my kid will always have me.
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u/notsocharmingprince 13h ago
I’ve considered making my kids “pay rent” then saving it for them until they move out and giving it back to them.
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u/dovahkiitten16 12h ago
IMO it’s way better to have a conversation with your kids about their goals for the future and have them actively choose to put money into savings.
I saved for school myself because my parents explained tuition, loans, and their limited means to help me and where I would have to make up the gap. I chose to put 50% of my paycheque into savings. I think having autonomy over my own money and savings was way better. For starters, it motivated me to work better - I was working for my own future, not my parents’ mortgage. It also taught me to choose to prioritize the future over the now without it being forced. Deciding to save money instead of spend it on your own is a much better skill than giving up money you have to and spending the rest.
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u/CandyParkDeathSquad 13h ago
I personally wouldn't do that to my kids. Maybe if I did make them pay "rent," I'd do like others suggested and save the money for them and give it to them when they are ready to move out on their own.
The purpose for them to be at home is to be able to have time to get ahead before going out into the world, and there's nothing wrong with that.
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u/Another_Russian_Spy 13h ago
As long as they were in school, and six months after graduation, they lived at home for free.
At six months after graduation, they paid a minimal rent.
No, I didn't give it back, it went towards bills.
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u/CanOfPenisJuice 10h ago
I think it depends on a lot of circumstances and people in a privileged position often forget that clothing, feeding and generally supporting an adult isn't cheap.
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u/DeadMetalGod 13h ago
I got kicked out of the house less than a month after graduating high school when i was 17 because I didn't have a job. I was homeless on the streets for about a year. As for what I think...FUCK THOSE PEOPLE!
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u/RikoRain 8h ago
Ah see, and study after study shows that if you're broke (but have a home to lay your head at night), then you can survive, but being homeless is a very real and extremely hard thing to come back up out of. I'm glad you made it out of it.
Many don't.
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u/Waffles_R_Delicious 13h ago
My parents rule was always, if you aren't doing some kind of school or training you pay rent.
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u/Mr-Blah 13h ago
Lazy and bad.
Some will tell you it's to teach budgeting or some shit but it's a really bad way of doing it IMO.
There is too much room to screw up the teaching while fucking up their relatioship. Plenty of other ways to teach this without introducing renter/landlord relationship in there.
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u/brisbanereaper 13h ago
I hated it - especially when they went out drinking with my board! Me and my then GF worked out we could buy a place for less than we were both being charged so did that instead. haha.
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u/FreekyDeep 13h ago
I'm Gen X (53M) My mum made me pay ⅔ of my wages from aged 16 (and also insisted I got a job the moment I left school.
I now have 2 children. An 18 and 19 both F. I employ the 18yo. We have NO intention of charging my kids rent
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u/RikoRain 8h ago
I bet you struggled, funding two thirds of your finances towards Mommy's bank account. I'm glad you broke the cycle with your own kids!
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u/FreekyDeep 8h ago
She also made me pay bills!!!! Food and phone bill. Which, I then put into my name as got itemised bills.... To discover ALL calls were made by my mum lol. She still made me pay it. Along with bus fare, I really didn't have anything left at the end of the week. I was earning just under £1 an hour as an apprentice so took on a 2nd job as a silver service waiter.
Tips paid my lifestyle. Now, whenever my wife and I go out, I make sure I tip well. Even if we just go to the local pub. I ALWAYS buy the staff a drink.
Last night, I took my staff out along with 1 of my suppliers. (There was 4 of us and 10 of them) I paid the bill. And then left a 35% tip. I did have a few words with 2 of the directors of my suppliers as they insisted they should pay so I raced them to the bar to pay it. They paid last time. (They paid the restaurant bill, I paid the bar bill before and after)
My mum said she charged me so much to make me learn the value of money. What I learned was, I didn't have to be so tight and make others suffer.
My youngest is paid £3 and hour more than minimum wage. And she's my lowest paid member of staff. We STILL don't charge her rent.
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u/_simone_louise_122 13h ago
My kids live with me rent free - my daughter brought herself a house at 24
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u/ajax81 13h ago edited 12h ago
I love this. It’s not glamorous but it is much faster to build wealth by pooling resources.
There was an Indian family in my neighborhood growing up that started with one house. They always had a second Indian family living with them to save on rent.
Eventually they pooled enough money to buy a second house together. Two families paying down one mortgage.
But they always kept the community thing going, two families per house.
They brought a third and fourth family over, same thing. Four families paying down one mortgage. Buy the house, move two families in.
Then another and another. Six families paying down one mortgage. Then eight families paying off a mortgage.
The was in the 90s so they’re probably up to 40 or 50 homes by now if they kept it going.
Can you imagine the financial power that 100 families have if they’re pooling $2k/month each? You’re practically buying a new house for cash every few months.
Granted this was in Northern California in the 90s so homes weren’t crazy expensive but still, what a great goddamn plan on their part.
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u/RikoRain 10h ago
This! I mean even individuals.. you can do it. My mom's and I struggled when I was in school with her income being the only one. When I got a job... Yeah, it was minimum wage but that extra 900/month sure helped (this was like 2009, so 900 was decent for min wage positions).
Then I worked hard, kept at it, got promoted, and the whole time our funds are pooling together. New kitchen set. New car. New roof. New fence. New washer, dryer, remodeling the home. Stuff she wouldn't be able to afford with me living elsewhere, and I was able to fund towards it. I pay all the misc bills, groceries, gas, etc and she handles the "basic bills" needed.
I don't see why two single people should be seperate, paying twice the rent (or mortgage), and twice of every bill.
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u/RikoRain 10h ago
This is what I'm happy for! You allowed her to save and start off financially stable.
Other parents are bleeding their kids dry, then wondering why they never move out.
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u/Joysticksummoner 8h ago
Imagine looking at your child & getting dollar signs in your eyes. These people have something wrong with them!
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u/steppenfloyd 7h ago
Some people will say you're privileged if your parents let you live at home rent free or charge just a small rent, but I feel like that's normal. Most parents want their children to succeed and young adults absolutely should take advantage of that as long as they're saving and investing. Most people have no idea how easy it is to save for retirement if you start between 18-25 and don't have to pay market rates for rent.
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u/RikoRain 7h ago
That's what gets me! That's all I hear them say! Meanwhile the parents aren't even being parents.
I just can't imagine raising a kid and thinking "man once they turn 18, I'll have this extra income!".
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u/-mud 6h ago
Depends. If the child is being responsible with their money and their life choices - saving for the future, pursuing their education - then yes, parents should probably not be charging rent.
If the kid is blowing all their money on crap then expecting some contribution isn’t inappropriate.
Kids are expensive
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u/Skyflareknight 5h ago
I agree with this take. One thing a parent needs to teach their kid is to be financially responsible. But like ya said, if the kid is responsible then there isn't a need to charge rent. It's a tricky line though
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u/TriStateGirl 7h ago
Before that it's typically abusing the kid because they eat a normal amount and need clothes. Parents who can't provide the bare basics.
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u/BerryTea840 13h ago
While they’re a teenager? I don’t think it’s right. They’re young, they should be allowed to take their money and live a little.
Once they get into their early 20s, if they’re still living at home, that’s when I’d start charging them, but put it all in a trust somewhere so when they move out, they have that much extra money.
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u/Extension_Zombie_713 13h ago
My in laws made them pay rent as soon as they got their first job. Couldn’t graduate because once you got a summer job, they kept adding up the rent you can’t pay while you were in school and not working. A couple weeks and few hundreds dollars of back rent will force you to choose work over school. And they still think they did their kids a favor. Sickening.
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u/ChipFarmsThread 13h ago
It’s a cultural thing. Some cultures let their children live in their house until they get married. To me, my son will always have a home in my house. My house is his house. I believe that instilling the value of responsibility starts from childhood and not just when they graduate from high school. I understand in some situations and it really depends on the parents.
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u/mr_lab_rat 7h ago
It depends on circumstances.
Some parents use it as motivation for kids to go find work instead of just sitting on their asses.
Many put the money away and give it back to the kid when they move away and use it to get the kid used to paying bills rather than making money and having no expenses.
My kids are getting close to that age and I’m considering doing this if they don’t go to college.
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u/TriStateGirl 7h ago
I hate that example. Paying rent means you lose the money forever. Also, most low income parents will not be handing the money back.
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u/Haheyjose 5h ago
Well of theyre low income and the kid is paying rent then theyre likely actually paying for a portion of the living expenses. Which isn't exactly unreasonable considering their other option is likely moving out and paying far more money for their own expenses. Giving the money back is help them establish themselves with some kind of savings. Its not about "teaching them a lesson" its about providing them a safe place to learn budgeting and giving it back to them is supposed to be a little savings. Your perspective on it is really short sighted. Also, paying a mortgage literally IS paying money that you wil likelyl get back some day. So it's more akin to that than rent per se.
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u/DotBeech 13h ago
They are selfish bastards, insensitive to the economic realities of our times and to the flaws in their own parenting. By 18, a kid needs to be fully informed that independence is required. But some get there faster than others. Some need a little more time.
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u/tacobell41 13h ago
I think they should contribute to the expenses, but rent itself makes them tenants rather than family.
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u/herodesfalsk 11h ago
This is evil because it is selfish and does not help their children succeed, it robs them of being able to save money for home, education, a car etc.
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u/Nixeris 13h ago
Sounds like a way of destroying intergenerational housing or the idea of the family unit as anything but transactional.
After I left home I helped my parents out during the 2008 economic crisis because I loved them, I wanted to support them, and they hadn't turned our relationship into a transaction. If they had asked me for rent as soon as I turned 18 under the threat to kick me out, I probably would have told them "That's what the rent I paid was for" and cut ties with them.
If you make it clear the relationship is entirely transactional, I'm less likely to help you out of the kindness of my heart and I'm not going to feel a familial tie to you.
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u/Moose_0327 13h ago
Well those parents are more than aware of their financial situation at that age so the approach is important. Either A you’re teaching budgeting and responsibility which is important, or B you’re screwing your kids to benefit. Just kinda depends
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u/geekpeeps 8h ago
Pay rent/board with what? If they have a job, maybe. If they are saving for further education, I think not. Life is hard. Home doesn’t have to be hard too.
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u/ballchinion8 13h ago
I won't ever charge my children rent. I want them to have the best shot at success
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u/ziggysocki 13h ago
If after HS graduation my kids didn’t have college or some other goal they were actively working toward, they would be required to pay. You only want a part time job in fast food because a full time job takes away too much time for gaming? Pay up sucka. You are going to school or working full time saving for a down payment? You’re welcome to stay but I’m not cooking and cleaning and doing your laundry and you will have a share of other work around the house that is expected to be done as required. So far 4 out of 5 are now on their own, successful while the youngest is working toward a goal and doing her share around the house.
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u/voxnemo 12h ago
My cousin did it right I think. He offered three options:
Full price if they wanted to be treated like an adult, with freedom to come and go and have visitors with roommate like rights. Started ok, went up at age 22, again at 25 to market rate.
Discount price (like 70%) off if they were in school. College, apprenticeship, technical school, anything that offered a job, certification, or degree. Same thing, full "adult" rights and treated more like a roommate could come and go as they chose, visitors were welcome.
No charge if in school and kept the same rules they had in highschool- limited preapproved visitors, in by curfew, and keeping the parents up to date.
They charged late fees, interest on loans, everything. Their kids grumbled. Then three months after they moved out (brother & sister year apart) the gave them all the money back in two piles. What they paid, and what they paid in interest, late fees, etc.
Taught them the cost of borrowing, interest, and late fees. Cousins do really well now, are great a budgeting, spending, and managing money.
This is what I think is the thing to do if you can afford to do it.
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u/Minimum-Comedian-372 13h ago
Never did it, won’t do it. As long as they contribute in some way they can stay here as long as they want.
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u/Content-Fudge489 13h ago
I think that's wrong. The point is to help them get on their feet, not to handicap their start in life. I have 3 and they stay with us pass 25 and never charged anyone anything. If they came back, I won't charge them either.
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u/AdCharacter9282 13h ago
They should not have had kids. I will let my kids live here for free, as long as they want to.
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u/The_Real_Flatmeat 13h ago
My dad said as long as I was in school or uni I lived rent free. Once I left school I'd have to pay rent which meant getting a job etc.
So I moved in with mum 😆
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u/Frosty_Winter3197 11h ago
This is something I experienced. However, I hadn't reached age 18 yet. My parents arbitrarily decided all the kids who still lived at home should contribute to the household expenses. I didn't think it was fair, as I was the youngest and all the other kids were older than 18.
It was surprising to my parents when they sold their house and moved that none of us kids wanted to move with them.
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u/Dunedain503 13h ago
Teaching kids responsibility, budgeting and real world experiences while in a safe place is a good parenting. Life isn't free, life has deadlines and parents shielding kids from this aren't helping them the way they think they are.
You need to teach kids how to manage the real world because as a parent we could die tomorrow. If I haven't thought them how to stand on there own feet I didn't help them at all.
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u/The1Bonesaw 13h ago edited 13h ago
Had to do this with my own daughter years ago. She kept coming to us to fix her problems (usually with money) for the first couple of years after she graduated. Eventually, we sat her down and told her that we wouldn't do it anymore. If she called us for money, regardless of what it was for, the answer was "no". If she needed a kidney or anything for life-saving reasons, then of course we would help, but the biggest disservice we could do to her was allow her to become a 40 year-old woman who didn't know how to take care of herself.
In less than three years, she got a college education (paid for it herself), and started a business, which she has maintained for 20 years... all on her own as she never married and with no financial help from us. Today, she owns her own house, and manages her life completely. She's a success.
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u/TrainRemarkable3815 13h ago edited 13h ago
We do it to teach responsibility and help them understand the things that will be expected of them as and when they go out into the world. My 19 year old daughter pays $100/mo. (This is less than 10% of her income.) Her only other expenses right now are her phone, car insurance, and gas (which amount to less than $200/mo).
She agrees it is helpful to train her in the discipline she will need going forward, and that she is contributing to the household she lives in and benefits from. She also knows she would pay significantly more if she moved out, even if she had several roommates.
As to how our relationship with her has withstood such a policy - well, her taking the entire family (her mother and I, and her two younger teen siblings) out to a steak dinner every few months probably indicates that we're good.
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u/AdNeat6315 13h ago
This is exactly what my parents did with me. Taught me how to budget and keep good credit and I later thanked them for that!
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u/shilgrod 5h ago
Those are the type of parents who wonder why their kids never call or visit
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u/ghanadaur 13h ago
It teaches responsibility. Youth are generally not prepared for the real world anymore and this is one small way a parent can help prepare their child for taking on responsibilities.
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u/dogmeat12358 13h ago
My mother charged us rent from when I started working at 16. When I bought a house she gave me all that money back for a down payment
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u/RikoRain 13h ago
Yeah these parents aren't doing that. It's their "clubbing" fund.
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u/jjschoon 12h ago
I have rwin sons that just turned 25. My wife wants to charge them rent, but I have been talking her out of it for a few years now. They both have full time jobs and each has well over $20k saved to buy a house. The compromise we reached is that they have to pay their own cell phone bills and they each have chores around the house.
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u/Jaci_D 13h ago
I’m pro. I’m planning on doing it. However any and all rent will be throw into an account and give back to them when they go to buy a house.
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u/itssadbutdrew 13h ago
in Y2k at 19 and beginning of the summer my parents gave me 3 months heads up that I was about to pay them rent or move out and pay some one else rent. I was out of the house that fall and never moved back in.
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u/thudtank 13h ago
A freind of mine was asked to pay rent when he graduated by his parents he was 17 at the time and went to college after, adventually he moved out. When he told his parents he was going to start house shopping his dad handed him a check of almost all the rent hes paid. (His parenta used the money to pay for vehicle repairs on his car When ot broke down and he was s.o.l.) his parents used it as an "IOU" fund. They never took a dime out for themselves unless it was truely warrented. (Drunken night he fell through a door). He always though he was paying rent not into a savings account his parents nevr let him know until he told them he was house shopping and they handed him $15,000
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u/DMala 13h ago
We’ll see what happens, my kids are in their teens and will be at that age soon.
I’ve always thought it would be good to charge rent, once they have some sort of income, but stash all of it in a savings or investment account and give them a check for all the rent + earned interest to get started with when they do move out.
Not a hardcore, pay up or get out type deal, but push them a little, give them some experience in real-world adulting, with a little unexpected windfall at the end.
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u/ImaginaryRole2946 13h ago
I paid rent when I began university. I was receiving a student loan with an amount for rent. She was a single mom with younger kids working three jobs. I had no problem contributing.
My kids in their 20s now reimburse us for their car insurance and $250 “rent”. I think having financial responsibilities to the household is important. They have more than enough to save and entertain themselves, but a couple times a month they have bills to pay.
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u/Dewdlebawb 12h ago
I think it’s a great thing and even better if they save majority of the money (secretly) for when they move out.
No one is being helped by letting an adult, which is 18, be a bum at home. The only exception my kids will have is if they’re living at home during college they won’t have rent but they will help around the house and pass their classes
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u/mnwannabenobody 12h ago
Our kids help pay the cellphone and car insurance bills (not on their own, but by sending us their portion) and give us money for groceries sometimes. They buy all their own things and pay for their car maintenance, though my husband does their oil, brakes, and tires so they just buy the parts. They live at home rent free, do their own laundry, help keep the kitchen clean, help with the dogs. They are 23 and 21 years old. Both work full time. Both continue to ask me what's for dinner almost every night 😭🤣 but I am happy with this arrangement even if I hate that damn question LOL
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u/WrongPercentage9134 12h ago
What I've told my kids (who are all teens) is that if they are bettering themselves after high school in some way, such as:
- going to college
- going to trade school
- working to start a business
- volunteering for something like Habitat for Humanity
- saving for a down payment for house/condo/etc
- (other activities I can't think of)
Then they live rent free. Please help with other things around the house like mowing the lawn, vacuuming, chores, etc.
But if they are going to be a lazy lay-a-bout? No. Get out there and do something with your life.
In all cases where they'd pay rent, I'd give it back to them when they move out. I'd tell them once it seems like they are reaching their goal. It would just be a bonus. You know, let's say they lived with me for two years and gave me $12,000 in rent over that time. If they said "Oh, I'm $10,000 off from my goal... so close..." I'd tell them they are getting their rent money back.
They should feel like they have some skin in the game.
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u/yellowspotphoto 10h ago
No. We finished half our basement for our 18 year old. She gets her own large space and bathroom. She goes to school full time and works part time. She pays for car insurance, her phone, and car payment. She also pays for her things, like clothes/fun stuff/etc. She saves most of her paychecks, because she waits tables and makes decent money.
Life is far too expensive these days, and I want her to have a good cushion when she leaves the nest. We are fortunate enough to be able to do that for her.
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u/GoingLurking 10h ago
I lived with my parents for some time into my early 30s. It was mostly out of comfort and convenience. I was paying them rent as soon as I started working. $500/month was my contribution. They didn’t ask for this, but agreed that this amount would be ok. The time finally came to move out on my own. In 2009, you may recall the housing market was at its lowest point. My parents encouraged me to buy a house to get started. My parents had put all my years of rent money in an investment account and returned every dollar I had paid and some extra. I’m forever grateful to them for doing this. Thanks mom and dad!
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u/Mental-Set-8670 10h ago
I think they’re horrible and probably weren’t cut out for parenting in the first place.
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u/jimmywhereareya 10h ago
Not every parent can afford to support their adult children. If the adult child is working then they should pay towards the household expenses
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u/Minflick 10h ago
I think it really varies. My mother did it to me, so I found a roommate and left. We had a horrible relationship in those years, so leaving was the right thing to do. Mom could afford the apartment without any input from me. But I know that not all people CAN afford that, so... I'd say my BIGGEST goal when I became a mother was to have a better relationship with my kids when they were 18 than I'd had with my mother when I was 18.
I've known kids who were warned years ahead of that date, given the skills to move forward - earn a scholarship, go to trade school, whatever - so they knew what was coming, weren't being abandoned, and knew their parents loved them. The parents financial status allowed them the choice to save the money paid to them, and give it back to the kid at a later date. Kids then knew how to save and not blow all their money on stupid stuff.
I've also known adults who have a child still living in their bedroom well into their 30's, and the kid is known as the basement troll, and contributes nothing financially to the home, and as far as I knew, nothing in terms of 'shared labor' either. Some mental issues did run in that family, but were not hidden, and were treated/medicated, so I don't know where the failure was in the other child.
I'm 71. All of our children moved out more than one time. DH bought all their first cars - not fancy new ones, but good old ones that he had mechanically checked out to make sure they ran and wouldn't be a money pit. He also helped with move in costs for their first apartments. The very last time one of them lived with me was 2 years ago, when she was in her 30's. She was divorcing, leaving an area where she couldn't find housing on her budget, and stayed with me for 4 months while finding new housing and a new job. It was a nice interlude for both of us, I think.
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u/photon1701d 6h ago
I lived at home until I was 28. I was working and they never charged me a dollar. My parents were from Italy. When I bought a house and left, my mom would call my to say if she was a bad mother and why I left as she did my cooking and cleaning. My dad knew I wanted a house, so he rather I stay home and save, which I did and paid off house in 10 years. Other friends with euro parents were similar. When my sister had her kids, my parents were always there babysitting. My friends with the wasp parents, a few of them were asked to leave 18 or pay rent. If they had kids, parents never watched them. My sisters kids are now in their 20's and she won't kick them out or make them pay rent, she loves having them around. I don't have kids, I doubt I would be making them pay, it's just the way I was raised.
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u/Beowulf33232 5h ago
From personal experience, it's a good way to make your kid ask for a moving truck for their 18th birthday.
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u/DontBuyTheThing 5h ago
If they prepared them for this day years in advance and allowed them to save up any money from jobs or gifts to help pay rent then yes, ok. As long as the rent isn't a ridiculous amount.
If the kid is in college then I think it's not a good to force them to pay rent.
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u/ClapityTrapity 13h ago
I don't think it benefits the child at all. Parents love to spew that it's teaching responsibility but it isn't. A lot of the parents use the money to pay their own bills, meaning those parents are not in the financial green. Then it becomes a money pit that the kid will struggle to get out of. We all agree rent is expensive. If it's hard for established adults to afford things, why make it harder for your own kid?
Paying for something you want isn't a new concept that only an 18 yr would come across. A 6 yr old knows to pay rent. The other things, security deposit, insurance, fees, etc the things that need to be explained are usually not. And forcing your kid to pay rent to put it into an account for them to get back a lump sum at the end is not teaching them responsibility either. Its just forcing them to handle their money the way you want them to. So they leave and aren't used to setting aside savings themselves because their parents did it for them. And what do you expect your kids to do with this lump sum now? Probably blow it. You tell you kid the pros and cons and different interest bearing accounts and how to budget and let them figure out how they want to do things for themselves. Parents being too involved in the finances of their adult children is usually a recipe for financial dependence.
Then there's the murky water of having your kids pay like a tenant but having them treated like the child still. It's too much imo.
Take it with a grain of salt from me though. I was kicked out at 17 and had to rent rooms because I wasn't old enough to sign a lease right away, no credit, etc. But, I'd rather be in the street than live with my mother. But for my own, I hope they want to live on their own but are comfortable building their little portfolio up at home before launching into the world free of charge.
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u/Historical_Cook3366 13h ago
That's just cruel. Maybe after age 21 or whenever the child has a job and can actually afford it
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u/Individual-War7992 13h ago
In this economy? Cruel. As long as they’re in school or volunteering they can stay, they just can’t be doing nothing
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u/armchair_viking 13h ago
I’ve told mine that this is their home. They will always have food and a warm bed here as long as they’re in school or actively working on building their own life.
If they aren’t putting in the effort, though, I’ll start treating them like a roommate or a renter and demanding they share the burden and put time limits on it. I’m not sure what I’ll do if they develop an addiction aside from seeking professional help. That scares the bajeezus out of me
They’re both in college now working on degrees, so we’ll see how that turns out. I have high hopes. 🤞
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u/Creative-Bobcat-7159 13h ago
Immoral.
Unless the parents are completely broke and the kid is earning a massive amount of money.
Your parenting doesn’t end at midnight of their 18th birthday. Your kids aren’t there for you to make money off of.
Maybe when they are in their 20s they should pay something towards bills, but at 18 they should still be studying in some way and enjoying themselves with what they have.
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u/cbaabc123 13h ago
I think it’s odd to make 17-18 year olds pay rent or kids who are working their way through college or a training program.
Now if your kid is like 30 and living there and contributing nothing and not working or doing anything except playing video games all day that’s a whole other story.
But I also see no issue with someone living at home and saving money while working and then being able to comfortably afford a home of their own. Especially if the family has a good relationship.
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u/caatbox288 12h ago
It’s a way to fuck up their financial independence and slow them down.
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u/Mysterious-Emu-6169 6h ago edited 3h ago
I will be taking rent when my kids start working and earning a good salary but this will literally be to teach them the value of money and how to budget. The money will be saved and given back to them when they buy their own home.
I was kicked out at 17 and lived alone. I had to pay my own bills, clean my own house etc. It was hard and id never want that for my kids. What I do want is for them to be wise to the world and be able to be independent when the time comes. My job is so teach them snd part of that includes learning the value of money snd responsibilities.
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u/RikoRain 13h ago
To clarify, I mean the ones that do so almost greedily. In the "I need money, so you're paying rent for your own bedroom" type of thing.
NOT paying their other bills like cell phone, car, insurance.
SPECIFICALLY the fabriated "rent".
(My opinion is that they are greedy and that's a quick way to alienate your kid from you, since the whole point in living at home still is to save money and allow your child to build to success now that they're not in HS and hopefully have a job, granted it's probably not the best because "freshly graduated HS student" is hardly close to a degree and with ,wro experience).
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u/c-grewal1537 13h ago
That distinction matters: helping with groceries or utilities is sharing household costs; charging a newly graduated kid market rent for a bedroom is different. If the goal is responsibility, agree on a modest contribution or savings target—not a bill designed to push them out.
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u/gmonster12 13h ago
Deadbeats, the kid didn't ask to be born, if you can't afford to look after them shouldn't have had a kid.
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u/Pretty-Collar2843 13h ago
I think it depends on the circumstances. If the child is working and the parents are trying to teach them financial responsibility, contributing to household expenses can be reasonable. But demanding rent immediately at 17/18 just because they graduated, especially if they’re still studying or struggling financially, feels more like a punishment than a life lesson
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u/reincarnateme 12h ago
It’s seems as though many parents spring it on kids on their dang 18th birthday
It should be an early and ongoing conversation about expectations and financial responsibility. Including how to apply for jobs, opening a bank account, how to pay bills, how much to save etc
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u/champs 12h ago
I think of it as the opposite extreme of parents who furnish their child with a brand new car and pay their kids’ way through college.
Either one of these can be the motivation or foundation for that child to get along with their adult life. Alternatively, it could stunt them by giving them a false sense of security/insecurity. Among my high school classmates, I’ve seen all of these outcomes and everything in between.
I’m childless, but I would be inclined to give my kids what I can while being very clear that it is seed capital for their future, i.e. a high-risk investment.
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u/peon2 13h ago
If the kid is going to school or working it's unnecessary imo. If the kid is just chilling at home not doing anything it may be a necessary kick in the pants to start their adulthood