My wife once complained I only kiss/touch her when I want sex. I was dumbfounded thats how she felt, I then asked if she noticed all the times I initiated touch or kiss or just be flirty and she shot it down. That tue reason she felt that way might be because she only really allowed me to do those things if she was already wanting sex
Thank you. I’ve went through similar situations with my girlfriend, and when I asked what kinds of things turn her on, it’s just stuff that she would only let me do if she was already in the mood, which was rare at the time.
It’s evident from the comments that a lot of people haven’t been in a relationship with someone who is truly low libido, and doesn’t really have a “real” turn on, and only has sex when they happen to feel like it
The frustration of trying to ID what I could do to help her with it. Getting noncomittal responses for what turned her on/off, what she would like to try, and what factors played into her decisions to say yay or nay for sex
Yep, it’s far more difficult than most people seem to realize. Most women I’ve read from comments on this issue seem to only consider what works for them, what turns them on, and what they need for sex to be desirable. Most people don’t realize that some people simply dont want/ need sex and there isn’t much you can do to change it, and it’s really hard to navigate/ try to fix those issues, manage your own frustration while also trying to be gentle to your partner
“Most women only consider what works for them” is basically the entire premise of the thread tbh.
Plenty of studies suggest that men are primarily the ones making compromises on their libido when in long term relationships. An awful lot of commenters in this thread love bringing up women’s hormones as a defence as if men aren’t also responding to their own hormonal pressures.
Actually when discussing this with my wife I said it would have been better if each partner tracked their sex, and what they thought the reason for why or why not sex happened that particular day and then at the end each week go over it with a counselor and discuss their data's similarities and differences. I know my wife has a bad habit of saying "later" but then later ends up being a week or 2 later
This entire thread is basically defending one side’s expectations while demonising the others. It’s about as pure a distillation of Reddit as it gets 🤣
Yeah, makes sense to me though, everyone is going to apply their lived experience and that bias will shape this very incomplete conversation from one piece of evidence
I had that a lot too. And we then had issues because I started feeling it is completely backwards that I'm the one who has to initiate because I have the penus, but she says no 99% of the time. It just seems like such an obvious solution that she initiates so I don't have to eat rejection constantly, but that wasn't sexy.
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u/icedadx44 24d ago
My wife once complained I only kiss/touch her when I want sex. I was dumbfounded thats how she felt, I then asked if she noticed all the times I initiated touch or kiss or just be flirty and she shot it down. That tue reason she felt that way might be because she only really allowed me to do those things if she was already wanting sex