Regrets And Perspectives

[u/Timbucktwo1230]

[u/kon---]

She's shifted the responsibility and accountibility of her choices to her partner and even her own children.

She's bitter and blaming everyone but herself.

[u/Sir-Lady-Cat → u/kon---]

Agreed. Um birth control is a thing. It failed? ok, abortion is possible. You don’t believe in having an abortion? or you found out you were pregnant too far along? (please have some general sense of your period timing)

Choices were made. You can always make a choice. Why have another kid after the first then? why not go back to nursing school then?

choices were made. Growing up means we have to make the best of them

[u/CombinationRough8699 → u/Sir-Lady-Cat]

Adoption is also an option.

[u/Secret-Put-4525 → u/Sir-Lady-Cat]

She sounds like one of those women who wishes she had the abortion.

[u/Onemoretime536 → u/kon---]

Also bad communication she never said anything about it until this chat, of course this story is probably fake.

[u/CEBarnes → u/kon---]

She chose to wait 19 years to reveal her feelings in a manner that is clear and concise. Hiding herself was the choice she made. And, maybe the magnitude of the choice seemed small at first. Everyone makes small choices that grow over time. Some are good and some are regrets.

[u/GarlicPickle109 → u/kon---]

It's hard to comment without knowing all the details, but in a situation like this, "blame" should not be right approach. You can certainly regret some of the outcomes of joint choices, for sure. Makes me wonder how the rest of their relationship is going if she's "blaming" other people.

[u/Timbucktwo1230 → u/kon---]

https://giphy.com/gifs/H1wAvldyXaNhGpRDAk

[u/Master-Shrimp → u/Timbucktwo1230]

Empathy is a street that goes both ways

[u/Realistic-Duty-3874 → u/Timbucktwo1230]

The wife should have some for her husband.

[u/hotpajamas → u/Timbucktwo1230]

it also gets weaker the more it's met with contempt!

[u/kon--- → u/Timbucktwo1230]

I read that from the husband and my heart went out to him and his children.

I don't know if you're implying I lack empathy but assure you, I am loaded up on the stuff.

[u/Dddddd92 → u/kon---]

I think you should unload some empathy on to the mom too. I don't agree the way she trauma dumped on her child and her husband but cannot blame the woman for trying to tell her daughter to make better choices. May be she thinks that's how you avoid regret in the future. She should have formulated it better

[u/Hungry-Broccoli-7193 → u/Dddddd92]

I have too many people in my life who would step on legos all day and be in pain, then 20 years later be like “why didn’t you ever ask if I was stepping on legos all day?!? Why didn’t you do anything about it?!?”

If the husband in the above scenario was a good guy, which I have no reason to doubt, then if she had said “nursing school is important to me let’s make it happen”, then he’d say okay let’s do it we’re a team, it’ll be hard but that’s why we’re married, to get through the hard stuff together.

I’m going through a mini version of this with my girlfriend. She’s not telling me what she needs or enabling me to help her in any way. Honestly, I think it’s going to kill our relationship because I believe she would turn into the wife in the OP, and that’s not the life I would want for myself or my kids.

[u/ozymandiasjuice → u/Hungry-Broccoli-7193]

This. Also, there is childcare. And i get all the ways its not ideal, i get all the ways the schedule makes it difficult. Having a family
In american society today is not easy…we don’t offer a lot of supports for families, structurally, especially if you don’t live near other family who can absorb some of the burden. But it CAN be overcome…my wife and i talk about this all the time. Sahm is not ideal, we could move closer to family, or even start after-school care. Or, i could switch to part-time work and take care of them in the afternoons. It wouldn’t be ideal…we would have less money, but we could do it. But you can’t silently resent someone and claim ‘i was telling you in small ways.’ That’s not
how life works. I don’t get to hint to my boss that i need a raise by broadly complaining about details of my job, then get mad when he doesn’t magically read my mind. Maybe there is some reason this mom didn’t say anything to her husband…just say hey, i want to go back to school…how could we make that happen? Maybe he’s a horrible monster and would have shut her down. But from the description here, it’s just…you have to communicate your needs, often directly. It’s a lesson every relationship needs to learn.

[u/Dddddd92 → u/Hungry-Broccoli-7193]

Mind you, you have no doubts the guy is the good one in this potentially made up scenario, written in the man's perspective lol. That tells you how biased you are

[u/Hungry-Broccoli-7193 → u/Dddddd92]

So you believe that two partners in an adult relationship have no responsibility to communicate with their partners? That silent resentment for 20 years with ‘hints’ along the way is acceptable?

[u/Dddddd92 → u/Hungry-Broccoli-7193]

Where the hell did you gather that from?

[u/Hungry-Broccoli-7193 → u/Dddddd92]

Where did you get your comment from? You’re assuming a whole bunch of nonsense about me, just because I don’t share your biases.

[u/Dddddd92 → u/Hungry-Broccoli-7193]

Do you know what bias means?

[u/Miserable-Miser → u/Dddddd92]

Maybe she should have formulated it better 20 years ago when she shared in the choice.

Instead of carrying around the bitterness until it blew up on the whole family.

[u/Dddddd92 → u/Miserable-Miser]

Again, she is bitter. She has regrets. Who doesn't?

[u/Miserable-Miser → u/Dddddd92]

They made the choices together. But somehow it’s his fault.

[u/Dddddd92 → u/Miserable-Miser]

They did not. She didn't have much of a choice from what i read.

[u/Miserable-Miser → u/Dddddd92]

You read her angry take on it.