Regrets And Perspectives

[u/Timbucktwo1230]

[u/Lumpy-Scratch-8363]

Funny I feel that way and I am a man - a loyal husband of over 35 years. She worked for three years and then after my son was born did whatever the fuck she wanted. Lots of volunteer work that paid zero. My only choice was to slave away for the next 30 years in a job that became dead end and eventually laid me off a few months ago because I got too old. I cannot obtain affordable healthcare because I am considered “overqualified,” but with her law degree she will not even consider getting a job. I love her, but I’m not sure it was worth it. My parents had the mother of all divorces when I was five and I’ve been determined not to repeat that.

I’m stuck halfway between should I work on my health or just let it all go? Does it even matter anymore? I’m not sure I care anymore. I’ve always been a feminist, but never realized there was never any attempt to play fair. And she teaches our daughter about how women deserve to have choices without seeing the irony that I never had a choice.

[u/Far_Future_1982 → u/Lumpy-Scratch-8363]

I'm sorry you love someone not worthy of it.

[u/Lumpy-Scratch-8363 → u/Far_Future_1982]

OK, no judgment right? I thought this post was about regrets. I must’ve misread that.

My regret is not pushing back decades earlier. Well, I did, but it just lead to fights and I had to get back to work. My job was apparently to provide. And since I worked at home, I did a lot with the kids and it was my privilege to do so. But I only had energy either to be a provider or to push back against an unfair arrangement. I begged her to get a job so we could have resilience in case of the worst. This never happened and now it’s too late.

It was a great deal for her. But like the lady in the post above, I’m not sure I would do it again - and not because I don’t love her.

[u/Head_Honey_4501 → u/Lumpy-Scratch-8363]

I see you, I hear you, I feel you. I don't feel like it matters anymore either. She had priorities, an agenda based on what she wanted, and she drove towards that, even when it became obvious that the stress it burdened me with was unbearable for me. It was undeniable, and she paid lip service to changing some things, but by then the die was cast, and any path forward was equally unpalatable. And, of course, she now clings to the fact that she did suggest some changes, as though she's absolved from responsibility for the damage it's caused me. Is this really how you're supposed to act towards the person you ought to care for more than any other person in the world? Arguing the validity of the pain they feel? I can no longer look at her without bitterness at the thought of the many years I've spent unhappy; without searing resentment at her thoughtless, selfish pleasure that came at such a cost to me; and without anger at the profound sense I now have that I'll never know pure joy again as long as I live.